• Member Since 3rd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Taloon85


T

Luna does her best to catch up on the events of the past thousand years and ends up reading even more than Twilight.

One day, an ancient tome slips into her pile of reading material and she reads it eagerly. What she finds there may very well be the discovery of the millennium: The location of the last refuge of the humans.

With the help of Twilight and her friends, the Lunar Princess sets out on an archaeological expedition to find the very last human on the planet of Equus.

And they found one, but why is he forged in a full body armor and claims to not being a human... Well he's not one anymore.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 388 )

By Celestia I'm nervous.
My first story here. I have written storys before but not in english.
Yeah I'm from germany. My english is more or less good. But I expect to hear some "Get a proofreader!".
So yeah, some criticism would be nice.

Oh and don't ask me where I got the cover image. I don't remember. Also I have it altred as much as I remember. And no it's not a Spacemarine.

Spoiler
And don't worry I wouldn't tag Spike if he wouldn't show up again.

Yeah like you said, a proofreader would be nice.

While a lot of us appreciate the difficulties of non-native English speakers you are really in need of a proof reader (and potentially an editor as well). Oddly your problems seem to mostly stem from the determinate, which is weird because I thought Germans used determinates as well. Then again English's grammatical rules are...insane to put it mildly.

Tense issues as well.

If you don't find anyone hit me up. I'm only working on two other projects currently and while my second language isn't German, I'd be more than happy to help you grammatically.

Now THAT is some fucking armor! I wants me some of them!

A billion years old? Huh. Cool.

Is that scrambled English I'm reading? Because it looks like gibberish, but for some reason I keep thinking I can understand what it says...

And OH MY GOD HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO *censored*!!!

...

Psych! In seriousness, that was an interesting path you took.

Besides the fast pacing and occasional wrong grammar, I'm looking forward to more.

more please this looks like it will be super cool:rainbowdetermined2:

Character death on the first chapter?!

Well... I guess its okay. There are a ton of misspellings and grammar mistakes that need
fixing, though.

1568169

I've got some time on my hooves. Want me to proofread this chapter for you? I'll send you the edited version once I'm done.

By the way... good story. I like it. :twilightsmile:

I MUST SAY... THAT IMAGE LOOKS VERY FAMILIAR..

1571973
don't know anymore where I got the body, but I edit the edited head from another image called "axe mech" into it.

So, if I am understanding the concept correctly, this is either Earth or we colonised other planets, and ponies evolved
after we all but disappeared?

Very interesting indeed. Will be keeping an eye on this one.

nooooooo not spike :raritycry:

1571740 1572008
don't worry I have a good reason why I did this to *censored*. It will all be okay

1571911
already at chapter 2. give me some time... also keep in mind: time zone GMT +1

1571984
I don't want to reveal to much, but earth is correct. but not like we are used to.

1568169
I will gladly be your proof-reader :twilightsmile:.
1571740
German.

cool ya got featured

1572038
cool I got faved times 39 up to now :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

that amazing. the story is only half a day online and I got 6 new watcher, 40 faved, almost 200 viewed and 28 like/2dislikes. the like/dislike ratio shockes me the most. I had foreseen it worse for a not proofread first chapter of an non-native english speaking writter.

Thanks a lot to you guys. :pinkiehappy:

spike must be revived or mustaches will ROLL!!!!(well its up to Taloon85 anyway....)

I like dis, you get plus one like and favorite

1572124
as I said, I wouldn't tag him if he wouldn't show up again somehow.

1572133
damn a little more and I have a level up for my ego

In a strange way, my dyslexia helped me understand what you wrote, but I was still able to see the flaws in your sentence structure, even though my mind supplied most of the words.

Its needs work, plus a little bit of pacing, but otherwise, you have a good story on your hands.

How you managed to get Featured is beyond me though....:rainbowhuh:

1572159
featured? you know... i have my contacts. :trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

not really. :rainbowlaugh:
I have no idea how this happend. I tought the mods wouldn't approve at all and telling me to get a corrector.
I'm really suprised by all this.

Right at the end I imagined Snake from metal gear solid...
"Snake? Snake? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE?"

1572187
that was intentional.
but to be honest, I never played the metal gear games.

Title inspired by this, perhaps?

1568169well its gonna be a good time reding this.
how i excpect what was there:
black mesa metro cops:nwuibnewauibf
citizens:SHIT IZDA BLACK MESA!

1572285
if this video would be allowed in my country... :facehoof: stupid pointless censorship
I just had the idea out of the blue.

To be honest that was not sad at all I found it cliche in the spike dying before he gets to finish I love you. This fic is great so far I do say continue. Have this [youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=wledWvJzGIM]

Boo yah featured :yay:
Nice story... I shall be following closely... :trixieshiftright:

it was hard for me to figure out what was going on all the words seem to be jumbled around

My friend, You have just earned a favorite. Can't wait untill the next chapter:raritywink:

i liky this. human plasma defense system ftw

1572429
who said plasma? a partikel beam with high velocity can burn equaly hot.

1572445 true true but plasma is uassly the assumption at a disc like object that fires super hot. it makes you thing plasma ball thats traveling so fast it bends into the disc shape. anyway your story. could be anything as far as i know

1572454
wait for chapter 2 ^^

1572009
It is rare to find anoter Central European here

It's adequate, nothing special.

Also Mr. Proffreader will hopefully fix.....everything. I could write a list of things that are wrong or missing but you aren't english so I will let that slip.
Also why is the only remaining race usually germans? If you are gonna write in german put a small google translate somewhere, because then everyone would have to load a new page, search for google translator, set it right and copy paste the words in german. And knowing google, the result will be half assed.
So really, you have to fix that. Please.
And maybe some other survived European cultures.
Not america though.

First, because this are your cases and this are mine.

*these, *these

1568169 I'm gonna WRECK IT! Fix it, Felix Jr.!
I can fix it!

By Celestia I'm nervous.
My first story here. I have written stories before, but not in english.
Yeah, I'm from germany. My english is good, more or less. But I expect to hear some "Get a proofreader!".
So yeah, some criticism would be nice.
Oh, don't ask me where I got the cover image. I don't remember. I have altered it much, which I do remember. Finally, no it's not a Spacemarine.

Spoiler
And don't worry I wouldn't tag Spike, unless he shows up again.

Yeah, a proofreader would be beneficial.

1572592
I just used german because it should be not understandable, but translatable... a bit.
I could also had written: "ajhtr ajrtgkj. öökjezretznydsf dasjfgnsertzj sdlgkjsnetzjnh" but this would be even more frusting

1572665
Those lines COULD have worked.
If you wanted to believe that the announcer thing-o-mabajing was destroyed.

please guys
I have already three proofreader/editor/corrector. The first chapter will be worked over. and every following chapter will be released if they are acceptable. so don't worry, your eyes are not going to bleed again... hopefull...

Nicht schlecht!
Pretty interesting, only real negatives were spelling and incorrect tense/word related.
Haben sie einen guten tag!
(Hopefully that wasn't too mangled:twilightblush:)

I love this :rainbowlaugh:
killing spike off already shame on you

1568169

Yeah you need t get someone to help in translating this completely, but i could tell that it was translated so it didn't bother me so much.
Overall your doing great, the pacing is a little fast but that's understandable.
Keep up the good work. :twilightsmile:

I see some promise in this fic, but not a lot. Your English, for being out of the country, is surprisingly good, better than most people here anyway. The only re-occurring grammatical mistake I see is the I, when it should be "I'll". A very nice story, but I would consider putting more details.

lol even this translated writing is better than most new fics here. I'll follow this and see where it goes.

Edit: Too many proof-readers already, I'm bowing out.

“I tough you had forgotten!
Should be "thought"
:twilightsmile:

...and yeah... you do need a proofreader. The grammar was noticeable even to me and at times took me out of the story. Not all the time mind you, just at certain points. It also seemed to get more noticeable as the story went along. I don't know if that's because I was just getting more used to your writing style or if there were more errors per line than there had been.

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