• Member Since 31st Aug, 2021
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Celestia, Princess of the Sun and Princess of Equestria, has led a long life. She's made a lot of decisions, for good and for ill, and she's decided it's time to quit. Twilight Sparkle, her faithful student and fellow Princess, will assume the crown and rule Equestria in a month's time with the help of her friends. But before that can happen, Celestia has to host one last Grand Galloping Gala. She decided it would go out with a bang.

That was last night.

Today, the Princess awakens with a ring on her horn and a strange earth pony in her bathroom. She's hungover, and the pounding in her skull triggers some memories of events she pushed far out of her mind for many years. Because Princess Celestia wasn't always a Princess or even Celestia.

And her new husband won't stop running his mouth.

(Cover art by cadillac_dynamite.)

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 99 )

This is sooo good! Usually when you read a backstory it's well...backstory...but! This made me want to read more, go Huitzilopochtli!

The intrusion of the present at the end in bold was a nice touch - gives the past a chance to leak into the present.

Wow baron has been very convincing hasn't he

I'm going to choke the life out of Baron.

Okay, now this has my attention.

Jungle Trek is a Prince, not a Baron, silly.

I'm gonn take a wild guess and say that they do have a third sister from the unicorns and that it's the original amora

God, even if it seems unlikely in Canon, I love tribal Celestia stories. A little bit of a darker past makes her present seem all the brighter.

Well this story looks promising, it sort of reminds me of the prince bake bean story, but focused on Celestia instead, and I think it sounds more interesting that way because it come off as slightly less fanservice(no offence to the other author it was a fun read itself), and develop more Celestia and go more toward exploring her past and history and see how being married complicates things for her. Jungle Trek sounds well meaning, knowledgeable and curious so far but also seems to have ADHD, especially when he is nervous; I wonder how his knowledge of history and anthropology contrasts to Celestia's live in era experience, comparing the the heat of the moment and nightlight of what else was going down back then. I wonder how difference the Heartwarming parabola and the actual history of the events went, from the sound of it, it was very bloody and the hearth ponies were just recently freed from slavery and servitude thanks in part Celestia at the time by the unicorns. From the sound of it this is going to be more of an adventure leaning story then a romance and I am looking forward to see what happened next. Keep it up.

Hey, another one of your stories to follow! It's off to a great start, and I can't wait for more.To be honest though I don't care which of your stories updates all three are very good.

Celestia makes a wonderful bride, that's for sure
Very intriguing :twilightsmile:

I'm already hooked and looking to see how things will go for Celestia and Jungle Trek.

I’m surprise we don’t see stories with this concept. I’ve always thought there would be cool stories to tell with the idea of drunk Celestia waking up married and chaos adventures.

Interesting husband OC!

Oh so those two are Celestia and Luna when they were young… though I don’t think I understand if they were alicorns or not?

Man, I want more chapters please!

Huitzy is an Earth Pony.
Coya is a Pegasus.
They had different mothers, but the same father.

Clicks story... sees avatar sword...

I got a feeling like this will end with everyone being perfectly fine XD

This is truly one of the most fanfics of all time, 10/10 will recommend

Positively jealous about the writing here, very epic feel from the prose :twilightsmile:

Sweet two new chapters! It's so cool to see Celestia's past showing she wasn't the kind of mare she was now in the present. Being a goddess of war with no mercy, makes me wonder how she sees other creatures, does she see ponies being the top of everyone else in the world?

Also, I noticed she had a past husband it seems like... I wonder if a few of the noble ponies are related to her and Luna?

“I will not be known as the Flank that Launched a Thousand Ships,” Queen Helia snorted. She slammed her spear into the ground with a wing, shaking the remaining green ichor off the spearhead. The iron point was well-used, and well-dented. “King Prance was a foal.”


Celestia's never had a proper husband. At least, not before last night.
Doesn't mean she was celibate. Blueblood came from somewhere...maybe.
Since she seems aware he's a jerk, not like she'd tell him anyways.

Blueblood is likely Luna’s descendent. I guess those past relationships didn’t last long is what you are saying. I like how Jungle makes Celestia remember the past randomly

Nice to see an update, I love Celestia's desecration of the tapestry and show that she has a completely different relation with these historical artifacts having been around when most of them were crated and for her they are just common item object. I wonder when she is watching historical play played out if she gets lost in her memories and relive those events in her mind in the middle of it and the mask slips out. I can't wait to see what will be the main plot of the story that will lead Jungle and Celestia to work together.

I had a very similar idea too, that it is Luna who was actually the diligent/serious/caring one, and Celestia didn't tempered herself until things weren't taken too far. Love the execution :twilightsmile:

Shows what a good job celestia did in the past that the death of a chicken is considered going to far for modern ponies, she truly forged a better world

Ya. Not terribly suprised a mare built on battle and freeing her people and testing strength has a problem with any responsibility. Though, you could argue the opposite either way. It still makes me cringe in a way because I really wouldn't want to meet her. Not really a fan of any ruler having (presumably) madated orgies? (Normal orgies are fine...but...that lack of responsibilty. You can have orgy's and be responable...) Though, I am sure I am reading into it. Luna seem's cool, though.

I would also think that it's more interesting then her just...being responsable. Cold-stop.

Reading this kind of gave the vibes of a shit show mixed with a horror story. I mean all those dead chicken's and the lack respect. It just kind of hurt's like that's your sister! Bitch! Not as funny as I thought it would be...takes me to some somber places oddly enough.

I do think Celestia put it best and some excellent writing by the author...

“Do you care for nothing but that hunk of magic wood?” Lune snorted.

“I’ve had it longer than I’ve known you,” Solene snapped up at her. Her ears wilted immediately at the sudden look of pain on her sister’s muzzle. Lune’s shadows swirled around her and she retreated from the edge of the battlements.

Eloquent work of the author notwithstanding, it is the designated most mysterious and ancient character of the setting, and as one of my characters put it—those who wield power, are all a bit shapeshifters :twilightsmile:
It is something that holds true in real life, too. If it is of any merit, I can totally see canon ancient Celestia, as an eternal ruler of a prosperous antiquated kingdom with an overabundance of resources, trying out mandated orgies. My guess, though, is that she would be bored of it pretty quickly if there weren't some dragons involved.

I do love the idea that Luna was really the one to setup the nation while Celestia was to busy facing battles, stallions in beds, raising sun, parties, and mostly loving being worshipped by the little ponies while her sister worked hard to actually build a nation for ponies to live peacefully and safe which isn’t easy.

Nothing wrong for Celestia to go to war since if you want peace there has to be war against those who don’t want you to have peace. But, she shouldn’t have let her sister do the work… I guess she is kind of like her father back in the day.

Really like that you post two chapters each time. I wonder if we will ever get to the table to eat breakfast 🥞 :rainbowlaugh: which I guess that’s the ending… the slow long hallway to understanding if Jungle will work out while remembering her past with Luna which I wonder if by the time she gets to the table maybe there’s something Celestia should had done a long time ago for Luna?

Can’t wait for more!

Powerful :twilightsmile:
I am pretty sure though that you're talented enough to write without direct references to different media. It makes up for strong visuals, but weakens overall experience imo. Of course, that's how you roll, and you're upfront about it, but still sort of distracting

I do have other, non-derivative, non-horsewords writing which you will never find and I will disavow all knowledge of if you happen to find it floating around. Yeah, this chapter is a 300 reference with a splash of mythology, but even that's subverted because of how hollow Soleste's victory is. People tend to forget that the Persians sacked Athens anyway and dealt some pretty heavy blows to the Greek city-states.

And that amulet is very important.

Still interesting so far, and the flashbacks are interesting, but when Celestia when through four and she is still nursing the same hangover it's starting to feel like it's stalling the actual story sense and hour barely seem to have passed in 17k words into the story. It might be best to distribute them more further apart in their own chapter or make much shorter snippets, if the main plot is leads to somewhere. By the way I love the poltrymancer idea, and the subjugation of the minotaur, they really showed how much Celestia changed in different eras and that she had to get hard learned lessons for her after almost losing her kingdom. Trek seems to be adjusting fast to king prince title already, he is pretty fun so far.

>> Thou mockery

'Thy'. Thou is subject, thy is possessive, thee is object.

The flashbacks would be better spaced in a proper story about Celestia dealing with the fallout of her drunken binge and getting to know Jungle Trek better...but that's not where this one is going. It expanded beyond the 10,000 word one-shot it started as, and the stretch marks show. There is one more flashback, then three chapters in the present.

I didn't really want to write the traditional Celestia ends up in an accidental marriage story.

I have become undone. (Lune's failure to adhere to proper grammar is a symptom of the Nightmare!)

Yeah... I don't mind them, and they're pretty well written, but I'm here like "When's the story gonna start?"
It's like I came for one thing and got something else. Something I don't mind, but... not what I am here for

Loving the story so far. Though I do see what others are saying that they thought the story would be more about “Celestia accidentally married” tale when the title of the story seems a little different from what’s being read here. I don’t mind it but I do understand what they mean.

I’ve been seeing this story beginning with her waking up from Bed and trying to get to the kitchen to the ending like know what… vacation sounds good. :rainbowlaugh:

I see what you want to do and that’s fine. You are doing a great job doing a different take.

Cadillac-dynamite/egil_art made the cover art, though I don't see it posted anywhere. It was made for a joke so I don't expect the full image to be posted anywhere soon.

It was posted on equestria at war Discord server in teasers channel on april 1st.

It's still there as far as I'm aware.

This whole fic exists mostly becouse of that joke.

Aye, I didn't want to overcomplicate it for someone who's not familiar with EAW

This is an interesting start to what promises to be an interesting story. I love the Noses series of stories, and I’m sure I’ll enjoy this too.

Interesting story so far, definitely enjoying it, but I’m getting worried that they’ll never actually leave this hallway. I have no issues seeing this alternate take on Celestia through the ages, but I worry that this story will go nowhere if the story consists of her reminiscing every few feet.

She made the amulet into her peytral, didn’t she?

Another good chapter! It’s funny how ponies shutdown when Celestia saids bad word or does something strange. She is going to use that a lot :rainbowlaugh:

Perhaps our little cartographer has some jungle stories of his own, perhaps he's done a trek through Wraeclast or something.

Hung-over world-weary Celestia is best Celestia

Hungover Celestia is awesome. Still considering what we've seen so far I didn’t think that last line would startle me so much.

this is a great story so far author, very well written. kudos

I like how Celestia's name is turning into the name we know slowly over the centuries. But I wonder of it was her that was changing it, if only subconsciously, or if ponies just began pronouncing it differently over the years as language evolved and she just went with it.

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