Swords, hammers, knives, pikes, spikes; even rolling pins. Princess Celestia collects them, and stashes them within her private collection for few to see.
Anon notices that a few of them have very… choice labels.
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Burt
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You can never trust orphans. Like, where are your parents?? Suspicious.
Are those weapons? Or Goregrind Albums?
lmao, that's fucked
They have a use by date. If you wait too long to use the Kraft singles, the use by date will pass, which means you can’t use them anymore, and they disappear.
However, if the use by date hasn’t passed by the time they are disappearing, you may want to check your walls for unwanted guests.
Me to Celestia:
"I don't know if I should be horrified or amazed by this. Do you have any scythes that you won't miss? If yes, are you single?"
Is this supposed to be a red flag? I see no problems here
I suppose her favorite play is pony centipede?
And now "Friendship is Manly" and "Equestria Men" are replaying in my head... and I'm fine with this.
Pegasus pulverizer.
Unicorn unmaker
Earth pony eradicator
Thestrial Thrasher
Minotaur murderer
Dragon disembowler.
That's all I've got for the moment.
Burt is my father btw.
Preach it. As a collector myself of course. Not of weapons. But models, I can appreciate some of Celestia's views here.
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Long lost, I’m afraid. Now tell your mother she will not see a single fifth of a quarter of a cent of any alimony payment from me.
But I did leave the milk I promised on the table, sorry it took so long… it might be a little chunky on account of the fact it’s been sitting out in the sun for several years. Time just flies by when you’re grinding crickets down to sniff the dust. Gives you the kind of high that makes you rub your legs together, y’know? Anyways, I’m off to huff asbestos. That one’s crazy train I can’t wait to ride. Catch you never son!
And here I was hoping that it was a collection she kept of the weapons used in her attempted assassinations and the funny stories behind each one.
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Alas, I can only feed the hamster inside my brain wheel so much before he gets lethargic. Poor guy can’t withstand good ideas - it'll cause immolation. Not good for the body, no sir. I’m sure you understand.
Never before have i been so disappointed in a fanfic, as i did not see a single reference to The Throngler.
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Personally, I find it funnier as it is with human Anon (to the extent that the "character" is ever human) and a feral Celestia who legitimately doesn't understand what's so funny about what she said.
And yet when Cozy Glow finally showed up, she just got imprisoned and petrified. Such a waste.
You're looking for "faint". A "feint" is a type of attack (which, in fairness, arguably makes sense in the context of the story, but is grammatically incorrect here. Unless, y'know, random ponies are just having a go at Celestia after seeing too many weapons).
Unfathomably based Celestia.
Have you tried asking the hand that feeds you?
Just be happy she didn't whip out her sheath where she keeps The Throngler.
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She forgot to talk the best ones. One is long, and thick. Like more a slab of iron then a sword. It is called the dragon slayer. And when she whips it out and has her enemies on their backs, squealing for release, thats when she gives them the d.
And of course her less powerful minotaurian flail, though it too is beyond the ken of mortal though only one ball dangles attached to its rigid shaft. Its named the Armstrong
Honestly, I am left speechless...
Gotta be a crackfic! Gotta be a crackfic! Why else is there so many examples of a double entendre?
Know what? I just figured it out: a trollfic by Trollestia! Still fun to read, if silly...
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Hey, Shakes! I see you now have an Applejack. Ain't that sweet...
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Was Cozy an orphan, though? It wouldn't do to try the Orphan Masher on a non-orphan.
Don't check your bread drawer, I may have needed it for a PB&J
lol
This is why i have starcutter
Does what it says on it!
It CUTS STARS!
Since sliced cheese sucks, have you considered using block cheese?
Cozy Glow. (And suddenly all the weapons are justified!)
Does that imply that she has a rack of dicks in her basement?
I’m trying to think of villains that were orphans. The only one I can think of for some reason is Voldemort/Tom riddle. Who else is there?
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Mostly it's villains who personally murdered their parents. Sometimes this is used as a throwaway joke.