• Member Since 28th Jul, 2020
  • offline last seen August 30th


Howdy, I’m Burt.


Anon is low on cash.

Well actually, he’s not low on cash but rather bits. He’s also recently been turned into a unicorn mare, but that’s not important. What is important is that Anon decided to rob a pony bank, for pony currency, and that it also ended rather poorly.

Artwork found here.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 41 )
Burt #1 · Nov 16th, 2020 · · ·

If you see this, straighten your back you Banana-shaped freak. Also, drink water and exercise, this is a threat.

Remember people, self-care is sexy.

My cutie mark is a 404. Where's my fucking money, Celestia?

Get better, Cheems ~

Thank you for the reminder to straighten my posture. I actually have back problems and am supposed to be working on that. The water and exercise I already do but but I’m sure other people could use the reminder. Also I don’t look like a banana I look like the letter S.

Tell cheems I send my thoughts, prayers, and 241 kangaroo kidneys.

Shoulda sucked dick

I would like a sequal with dd and anon doing friend things like making waffles

🙏 🙏 🙏 praying for Cheems 🙏 🙏 🙏

Prays for Cheems. 🙏

"bruh, you okay?" could be applied to everyone involved here.

Wow, Equestrian deities suck. Looks like Anon needs to Fight the pony gods.

Gods do tend to be douchebags when they are part of a pantheon.

And when they are not part of a pantheon.

Really, gods are just pricks in general. Remember when Yawhey told Abraham to kill his own son, and then when he actually tried Yawhey was like "it was just a prank test bro."?

Bitch. Does she look like a therapist?

If there's space in the middle then maybe?
(minute of highly intellectual humor is finished)

Her cutie mark was a question mark, which seemed to—of course—only raise questions to what she could actually do.

Actually understandable.

She grabbed the door with her magic.

Well, at least she has magic in this story.
In most Filly-Anon stories that's not the case.

Well, Celestia—much like every other divine being, it seems—has a sick sense of humour. Because she sentenced Anon to six months as a volunteer ‘friendship therapist.’
Bitch. Does she look like a therapist?

If anything, it looks like she is the one requiring a therapist in the first place.

Good story!
I enjoyed reading it.

Fair. Pantheons tend to stand out more as the gods can be dicks to each other and mortals alike. Mostly I just find myself thinking of the sheer volume of infidelity on the part of Zeus or the weird demand of Hel about literally everything needing to cry for one god.

I can't even begin to describe how perfect this whole story is! It's just so randomly funny and everything about it is just spectacular to read! I hope ya didn't mind, but I made a reading of this story!

Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/0kCzGpjxKWw

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)


Huh, interesting... that must be the first story I ever placed a story in both 'Fun,' and 'Depressing' bookshelves :unsuresweetie:

aquarium gravel just hit different :ajsleepy:

You have too many 'v's in Ponyville.

So in the end they never tried to turn him back? Then there isn't much reason to play along with them if they're like that.

I didn’t even notice, thanks 🙏


Right in the feels man, not cool.

I'm a sucker for existential crises... And that hit deep.

Great story. I always enjoy these filly anon stories because uou really never know what the hell is gonna happen.

Also, there is a typo in the last sentence.
It says "It was gonna be a like six months."
I assume 'like' is supposed to be 'long'

Well, at least Anon did better on his first back robbery than this guy:

Or Meg:

“I have seen the world through the looking glass. Watched it crack and warble due to the conflicting world views I’ve learned and been taught. I’ve been told what to love and what to hate. I’m told that in the end my deeds will have morality and weight. But who will weigh those deeds? The cosmos has no need for morality. And the very same ponies who judged my worth on the way I conducted myself will have been reduced to dust long before the stars bleed out. Every part of myself that people judge my worth on: Money. Looks. Intelligence. Power... Those parts of myself which I’m told to focus on the most... In the end, they will matter the least. In the end, all those years of trying to appease the collective whole I’ve been surrounded by will have led me to nothing. ”

pony hp Lovecraft

No problem. It's a great story, but it may be triggering for those of us with depression.

No worries, though.

Anon's plan would have worked flawlessly if she had chosen a better hostage. Just saying.

What are the consequences of robbing a sperm bank though? :trixieshiftright: Do they have to in gulf all that sperm and be very fertile to take it all?

Fuck dude, I was expecting a bank robbery skit, not an entire fucking existential crisis.
I guess Imma go and cry in the corner as I mourn over my pathetic life

I eat Nerds because I secretly hunger for aquarium gravel and the Nerds help take the edge off. 😔

Um, okay.

I suffer from chronic depression, and I don't mind jokes about it at all. It bothers me more when people speak about mental health out of ignorance, and say things that are simply not true (don't worry, I'm not implying anything about you here, you're good). This story was funny, and I enjoyed it; after all what is life if you can't laugh at your own situation a little every once in a while?

Aren't you afraid of the consequences after robbing a bank? Is it a wise decision? smash karts

Don’t let the man hold you down. They put the colorful aquarium pebbles in bags to stop our right to eat them from the get go.
Their taste is heavenly, like thousands of tiny captain crunch’s serrating the inside of your mouth in a glorious cacophony of blood, pain, and crunchy, crunchy aquarium rocks
One day it will be recognized by all, as a society- nay, a utopia! That aquarium rocks are the pop rocks of the sea. The leggo to my eggo, the whip to my nae nae, and the piss to my balls.
Do not go gently into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

so that's the result of when you rob a bank eh? i might copy this and get a friend right after LOL but ngl this was absolutely funny because the only one who wishes for death is a fucking poet!!XDDDDDDD

I want to see more adventures of Anon The Mare Who Tried To Steal From A Fundraiser and Debbie Downer.

This is an order.

Yet, what are the repercussions of committing theft at a sperm bank? trixieshiftright backrooms: Do they need to be really fertile and able to ingest all of that sperm in order to take it?

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