Luna is gone. Big Mac had been happily married to Luna for several years before tragedy caused Luna to revert back to Nightmare Moon. His delicate mare has become brash and aggressive, and he must learn to love her for who she is now.
Sequel: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/547792/nightmare-moon-visits-her-in-laws
Page generated in 0.042 seconds
Total duration
1,020 users online
1,487,430 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Sweet
That was sad, but very nice at the same time.
I like that Luna has a very good reason to be Nightmare Moon as well. Maybe in time she'll want to be Luna again.
Nice, i love seeing this ship. this was a great read,
Splendid work.
11776034
Thank you
11776000
I'm glad you enjoyed it
I think this is a nice little story with a good premise. Because of that, I feel I should offer it some constructive criticism.
First off, I think this does a good job setting the atmosphere. That said, it slips into present tense - the chill descends rather than descended - which is somewhat jarring given that the rest of the fic uses past tense. I also noted that Big Mac is mispelled in a couple instances, though that should be a quick fix.
Again, the sentiment here is good, but I feel the execution is a bit flawed. A couple of typing errors aside, commas should be put at the end of quotations before dialogue tags and any punctuation should be put inside the quotation marks rather than outside. Something like this:
It's a pretty minor thing, but I think it goes a long way towards making the fic read better.
I'd also suggest taking some time in the later part of the fic to explore Big Mac's feelings in more depth, since they're the crux of the story. You do a pretty good job of it early on, but couple of paragraphs towards the end describing what's going through his head (and how that changes) would do wonders for the pacing and really elevate this to another level.
is that art from one of the comics?
11776119
I really appreciate the help, I'll be reading this a few times to memorize the suggestions to improve my grammar.
11776354
Yes, super old issue lol
Maybe I'm seeing things where there aren't any, but I like the idea that, upon seeing her sister's body, Luna realizes that lines were crossed, bridges were burned, and to avoid conflicts, posibly war, that endanger her subjects, she decides to put on a mask of a mare you wouldn't want to mess with; If you didn't want to deal with the Nice mare, now you will have to deal with the Nightmare. But to sell this idea, she has to go 'The night will last forever!!' But in order not to throw her kingdom into a new civil war as in the past, she shows sufficient mental stability, making audible comments that this is all thanks to her husband, and if something were to happen to him, she would drop the moon on the world.
And now I want to see how this all flies with the rest of the cast. Would Cadence and the rest of the Elements of Harmony agree with Nightmare Moon bringing eternal night and ruling Equestria as an apparent iron-hoofed tyrant? IF Big Mac, as her husband, was not in the gist, I doubt the others were.
Love me some lunamac
11776511
I do like this concept of expanding this universe and seeing how other ponies would react. I'll have to think about maybe doing a sequel.
11776435
ah do you know what one I'm just curious
11776977
Issue 9
Better love story than canon.
11776511
I've decided to make this into a series, so you'll find out :)
11778136
I'm glad to hear that! And good luck with it!
How soon until we get a story elaborating on this? Will we ever get a story like that at all?
11779431
Maybe, I just posted the sequel
This was a weirdly beautiful paragraph. Aside from some grammar issues, this was a wonderful story.
11788750
I'm glad you liked it. I just touched up the paragraph in question too :)