Twilight the dragon has never really felt at home in the Dragon Lands. Unlike most dragons, she values intelligence, and is seen as a pariah for it. But things change when she comes across a purple pony named Spike, who has come to the dragon lands on a "Friendship Mission."
But he must be in the wrong place. After all, dragons don't do friendship.
Written for the Choices Species Change Contest, November 2022
(OMG, This story was featured! I'm so honoured and humbled!)
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This chapter really seems in purpose like a prolog, reminding us of the events of the episode, and having Spike and Twilight meet, but really nothing more happening.
I think it's got decent characterization, but the pacing is slow (lots of time spent on little things in conversations or meandering around the point) and everything seems too predictable and low-energy in how it goes; it could've done with a bit of a trim and to make what remains maybe more funny or less in line with how the episode went.
To get into specific scenes... Twi meeting Spike is just...awkward. I think it would've worked better if it started with a misunderstanding where Twi shoots fire and such, but then just asks why he's here once she's captured him. Torch's speech is too much like the episode, and probably could've done with Twilight being brought up close to Torch after revealing she's wise, and then that could've involved peril/comedy with Spike due to being so close to an oblivious Torch. The scene at the end I think works pretty well, but still could've benefitted from some comedy.
Well that wasn't bad, and this chapter was a bit better than the first, but this certainly seemed overall like an extremely straightforward take on changing the episode, so I'd say it's only "decent". I think a few little turns in what happens at given moments deviating from the episode, and some good jokes (you've got a T rating for seemingly just a bit of strangling, so might as well have characters say something violent or dirty the show couldn't, or have some unlucky dragon be unceremoniously taken out by the deadly obstacles) would've made it good.
By the way, you're missing blue (genre) tags. I recommend slice of life and adventure.
I want this to be a full series now.
11437274
sequel sequel
11437274
Yes please
Can we at least get a small sequal where twilight finds out about books and goes little crazy trying to hoard them
Well, at least you aren't dragon out the story too much. Though I imagine you might if you got paid and worked for scale. I'll stop now.
11437274
11437388
11437421
This is an intimidating prospect, and I'll have to admit, a series based on this concept is not very likely.
That said, I did think of a few things that would be different because of the changed roles, which I never got to explore or explain in this story because it didn't fit.
I'm not saying expect a sequel but... maybe some time in the future? Depends if I can think of enough hooks to work with.
weird how they instinctively know theyve been swapped. it's like. existence dysphoria
11437779
A new Book Wyrm is born, and she will nerd out
really nice story
11437920
BOOK WYRM
I love it. <3
Twilight's greed growth inncident with be book related.
Admittedly, I have to agree with 11437168 in that this is a concept that's oozing with potential, but is ultimately held back by it being so true to canon Gauntlet of Fire it doesn't fully utilize its cast of characters or fully explore all the ramifications this tale would have by being an AU like this.
For instance, Spike is spun as if a relatively key character here, but in reality, because he's just filling in Twilight and Rarity's role in the canon episode, he's just along for the ride and ultimately feels more just the third wheel, particularly as he doesn't really contribute much of anything significant to the scenario except at the climax of the story and to first put the idea of friendship into Twilight's head--neither of which the story really needed Spike specifically to do. Additionally, Ember's also done a disservice as the changes to the set-up means she's downgraded to just a side character, feeling like she's following her own separate story that just happens to overlap with Twilight's for a bit. Twilight, meanwhile, works well enough as is, but I can't help but wonder if her story would have even more impact if she didn't have to share the spotlight quite as much throughout.
Personally, if it had been me writing it, I probably would've excluded Spike entirely and just focused solely on Twilight and Ember, and make it about them forging the friendship, as I think Twilight would have plenty of motive to pursue the paths she does during the Gauntlet on her own, without being prompted to by another character. Another alternative would be to exclude Ember and just focus on Twilight and Spike instead, even if that means Twilight has to become dragon lord instead of Ember (since, like it was for canon Ember, there's no reason Twilight couldn't still be friends with Spike without also following him back to Equestria). Or have Spike pop in as a sort of prologue at the start of the story long enough to plant the idea of friendship in Twilight's head, but ultimately doesn't play a role or even be present for most of the rest of the story that follows.
There's a couple of different ways this could be done, actually.
Point is, the story here isn't bad. In fact, I'd go as far as say it's pretty darn good still.
But I do feel like it missed a few good opportunities that could've helped it really knock it out of the park had it been brave enough to deviate from the canon Gauntlet of Fire story a bit more.
You know, that's actually raises a fair point--so many of us expect these days for every villain to have some rhyme or reason explaining or attempting to justify their villainous actions, and in fairness, some do. But not all. And honestly? Sometimes villains are just villains for the sake of being a villain and little else.
Fun short-story. I enjoyed it.
Now I want more
Nice I enjoyed this very much wish there was a sequel
I love this story so cool nicely done
If you don’t want a series. Then just do one shots for now. Like around your birthday you could do a one shot about twilight finding out about pony parties. Don’t stress it.
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oh come on, you know Pinkie is going to throw a "Welcome to Ponyville Party" the moment Twilight sets foot in town
But yeah, cute idea
11443135
Or just do one with her figuring out holidays in general
WHAT THE FUCK
THIS IDEA DOES
DOES NOT COMPUTE
I'm enjoying this! I really hope Twilight gets to Ponyville and learns about Friendship.
And BOOKS! MY CELESTIA!
You made me cry! How dare you!
But seriously, this one moved me. I would absolutely read more of this. Kudos!
I have a feeling there's going to be a dragon running a library in this worlds future.
11437917
Well, here's hoping, because this was so good and left me wanting more!