Zephyred
Rainbow Dash wasn’t in the best of moods today, which made every little annoyance grate just a little more. She looked down at the lone object tucked underneath her wing and sighed. All this waiting just to get one lousy bottle of this stuff? But it was the only store in Cloudsdale that sold it, and if Rainbow Dash had been better about not doing everything at the last minute, she wouldn’t be here during peak hours, and yes, she was already annoyed at herself enough for that. But still, should it be taking so long?
For the thousandth time that minute, she craned her neck to confirm that, indeed, the queue of ponies doing their weekly shop looked just like it had the last time she checked a few seconds ago. She sighed again. There was little that was worse to a mare that liked to go at her own pace than being stuck in a line that she couldn’t hurry.
Well, that wasn’t quite true.
“Rainbows!”
Some part of her felt relieved, in an odd way. It was as if she had been waiting for the day to find a way to get even worse somehow, and here came that very way, flying towards her with a bright grin plastered on his smug, stupid face.
“Fancy seeing you here! If I wasn’t running late with my errand, we never even would have run into each other like this! Ha, it’s like destiny, isn’t it?”
Rainbow couldn’t help but notice that Zephyr wasn’t carrying a shopping basket or anything else in his hooves or wings. With anypony else, she wouldn’t have rolled her eyes, but she rolled her eyes.
“And just what ‘errand’ are you on, Zephyr?”
“Why, to purchase some lovely flowers for a special somepony I’m having dinner with tonight, of course!”
Without missing a beat, he flew over to the flower stand that was sitting a little bit away from the checkout line, plucked out a bouquet of dark-yellow marigolds from its offerings, and tossed a bit to the flower pony in a smooth gesture that he must have thought seemed really cool. Returning to Rainbow, he presented the flowers to her, practically shoving them into her face.
“It’s just so meaningful when they match the color of the special somepony’s eyes, don’t you think?”
Rainbow felt her jaw tense up. She ground out her words. “My eyes are magenta, not yellow.”
She shoved the flowers away with a hoof. Zephyr looked at them curiously.
“Huh, I think I would call these ‘amber’, not ‘yellow’.”
“Whatever. Look, Zephyr. I don’t have time for your nonsense today. I’m running late for something, too.”
“Oh, yeah, you have plans, right?” With his other hoof, Zephyr grabbed the bottle that Rainbow was holding and pulled it toward him. “Elderberry wine! Did you know that this is the only shop in Cloudsdale that sells that stuff? It’s my favorite!”
“It’s not for you.” Rainbow yanked the bottle back from him, which wasn’t too hard. “I’m going to my parents’ place to have dinner with them, and they asked me to get this. They have some big news for me or something. So I’m not going to be able to go to dinner with you tonight. But you know, just to be clear, I also don’t want to go to dinner with you tonight, or any other night, because I am not into you, Zephyr Breeze. I never have been, and I never will be.”
It was far from the first time she had said those exact words to Zephyr, but it was the first time he actually reacted to them, instead of just moving on to whatever other smarmy line he had in the wings as if Rainbow had said nothing at all. “Oh,” he said, before looking down at the bouquet of marigolds in his hoof with a wide-eyed look of realization.
“Oh, Rainbows, I wasn’t asking you out!” He waved the bouquet. “These are actually for the stallion I’ve been seeing!”
“I…” Rainbow started, before gears in her mind ground against each other to a halt. “What?”
“Yeah, I don’t know how to break it to you Rainbows, but I’m not really looking to date anypony else right now. I’m afraid that my heart is taken by the stallion of my dreams!” He inhaled deeply from the bouquet before flopping over until his face was upside down, a serene smile plastered on it. “Why, are you surprised?”
“Yeah, I kinda assumed you were het!”
Rainbow smacked her mouth with a hoof as she realized what she had just blurted out.
Zephyr raised an eyebrow.
“Really, Rainbows? What makes you say that?”
“Oh, you know, like, the way you kept hitting on me even though I made it clear I’m not interested, and that we weren’t even friends?“ She winced. “I mean, I know that’s an awful stereotype, and most het stallions aren’t like that at all!”
“And some straight stallions are, like me.” He sniffed the bouquet in his hoof before looking back at Rainbow Dash, who was staring at him in shock again. “But I’m glad you brought it up though, Rainbows. Before I met my beau, I’d never been in a relationship before! I had no idea about so many things. But it’s as if now I can finally see how awful I've been to you, and I wanted to say that I am truly sorry.“
Zephyr bowed his head down theatrically. A few moments passed as Rainbow processed that.
“I mean, y’know, it really wasn’t… Okay, it was pretty bad! But still, uh, apology accepted, Zephyr!” she said, the last few words feeling so strange tumbling out of her mouth.
“Oh, thank you Rainbows! You really didn’t have to!”
Zephyr flashed Rainbow that smug smile again, which truly was as smug as it ever was, but did not seem so lecherous now as it usually did. Did he actually look any different, or was she just seeing him in a new light? She felt her jaw untense and she… smiled? At Zephyr Breeze? Genuinely?
“I gotta admit, this isn’t the way I expected this conversation to go at all!” she said to break the awkward silence. “I, uh, didn’t really expect you to change so much since the last time I saw you.”
“Ah, yes, I have changed quite a bit, haven’t I?” He gave a self-satisfied smile. “It’s all thanks to my beau! He’s the older type, you know? Wiser. He’s been so good for me.”
“Yeah, it really seems that way!” Rainbow agreed. “So, uh, tell me about your beau! What’s he like?”
“Ah, he’s a mountain of a stallion! All barrel chest and gruff voice, with that warm, confident energy about him that just puts me at ease, you know? Reminded me of you in a lot of ways, actually!" Zephyr laughed in the way that actors do in plays. "But it’s the funniest thing, Rainbows. The first thing I noticed about him was the Wonderbolts jersey that he filled out very well. Not to mention the Wonderbolts cap on his head and the Wonderbolts watch on his pastern!”
“Ha, a Wonderbolts fan, huh?”
“Yes, and boy is he ever, Rainbows! Talked my ear off about all of them. Spitflier! High Wings! Thunderline! And I had no idea who any of them were, of course, but to be a good conversation partner, one must listen.”
Zephyr said that with such conviction that Rainbow did not have the heart to correct him. Then, dramatically, he fixed her with his purplish eyes.
“But do you know who his absolute favorite was? The one whose name and cutie mark were on his jersey? The mare that, according to him, could outfly any of the others any day of the week, and twice on Sun’s Day?”
Rainbow smirked. “From the way you’re looking at me, I’m guessing, me?”
“Yes, that’s right! And then we started talking, haha! Because I could proudly tell him that not only did I know Rainbow Dash personally, but I was such a close friend that I had a nickname for her. Ah, Rainbows, you should have seen it! He just brightened up so much with excitement!”
“Yeah, I’d bet. Ha! So you’re dating a fan of mine.” She shook her head and smiled at just how unexpected everything about this conversation was. “Maybe I even met him once during one of our fan meet-and-greets. I mean, I don’t remember everycreature I meet during those things, but maybe his name will ring a bell!”
Zephyr looked at her with lidded eyes and a smug smile. “Oh, you want to know my beau’s name?”
Rainbow nodded.
“Oh, he has the most perfect name, Rainbows!" Zephyr swooned. "Short and snappy like a hoofpunch! And just so fitting for him in every way. Including some very personal ones.
Zephyr said that last bit so lasciviously that Rainbow suddenly didn’t want to know. Just as well, as she was momentarily distracted by checking out her one grocery, paying her bit to the mare at the register who was giving Zephyr a look of annoyance.
Rainbow turned to Zephyr as they exited the store.
“Huh, you know, I swore that line was going to feel like it was taking forever, but it really breezed by! And, uh, it’s actually been kinda nice talking to you?” Rainbow surprised even herself with those words. “Like, we’ve known each other for years but this feels like the first actual conversation we’ve ever had.”
“I know, it’s so wonderful, isn’t it!” Zephyr beamed. “And to think, we have so many more to look forward to, so soon!”
Rainbow scratched her head at that. “Uh, yeah, I guess? I mean, I’ll probably see you around more when I’m in town with Fluttershy.”
“Oh, wait!” Zephyr blurted, clearly not continuing Rainbow’s train of thought. “I almost forgot! Could you do me a favor and wait here for a moment?”
“Uh, yeah, sure,” Rainbow Dash said as Zephyr hurried into the store and back out at a speed that Rainbow actually found a bit impressive.
“Ah, yes, it’s great that you’re here!” Zephyr held a bouquet of fuschias out near Rainbow Dash’s face, the marigolds still tucked under his other foreleg.
“What, you’re getting me flowers, too?”
“Oh, these aren’t for you either, Rainbows! They’re actually for my marefriend.”
“Your… what?” Rainbow blinked. “You’re seeing two ponies?”
“Yes, husband and wife! She’s a great, big fan of yours, too, y’know! And luckily for me, she has the exact same color eyes as you do.”
He smiled at her, somehow, more smugly than Rainbow had ever seen him before, with a mischievous glint in his eye. Rainbow stared at the two bouquets in Zephyr’s hooves, and her jaw dropped as the pieces finally clicked together in her head.
“But that’s not too surprising, considering that you got them from her!”
Catatonic and as still as a statue, Rainbow did not move a muscle to resist as Zephyr patted her on the head.
“Ah, I guess I spoiled the big news that your parents had for you tonight! Here.” He reached out with a hoof to tuck the bottle of his favorite wine a bit more securely underneath Rainbow’s frozen foreleg. “Make sure not to drop that thing. I’ll see you at their place, Rainbows!”
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Yes
Extremely zephyr, very breeze
And a wonderful night was had by all
Sweet mother of Celestia!
This, fillies and gentlecolts, is what is called a power move.
I laughed.
Since Rainbow mentioned her parents wanting to tell her something, and putting the constant use of “beau” (bow) into context, I’m gonna predict that Zephyr is bucking Rainbow’s dad “Beau” Hothoof.
END OF STORY EDIT: The hints were great. I couldn’t stop grinning.
My reaction at reveal:
Motherf****r! O_O
11287869
yes that is exactly what he is :) father, too :)
11287802
hehehe the "beau"/"Bow" thing was such a perfect coïncidence! and i am so glad you enjoyed the story :)
11287791
im glad :)
11287785
yeah Zephyr is very #winning right now, and you know, good for him! :)
11287376
that is one of the reactions i'm going for yes :)
11287320
and i will write about that night! it will be very wonderful i hope :)
...Rainbow's going to dash out of there...
And this is how Rainbow's life crashes and burns.
The idea of zephyr hearding with dash parents is hilarious would that make zephyr, rainbow stepdad
11288189
"Well, Rainbows, if it makes you feel better, you could always call me... Daddy."
And that's when Fluttershy bucked him in the nuts.
....AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Almost misread this as 'instantly'. To be fair, though...
Oh god the ending lmao
Howdy, hi~!
Loved this during the speed write and love it here. Absolutely brill, loved the hints sprinkled throughout and hijinks that ensued. Thank you for the read~!
Oh no.
Oh no.
OH NO.
Yeah, by the time the fuchsias came out, there was no doubt. Hilariously horrifying. Thank you for it.
NOOOOOO YOU CANNOT JUST LEAVE THIS WITHOUT A SEQUEL IT IS TOO GOOD HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU WRITE THIS AND NOT MAKE A HILARIOUS SEQUEL
THAT REVEAL THO
i mean i figured out who it was but stilllllll
what about getting rainbows in on it?
we need a sequel to this pretty please
HAHA. Typical Zephyr. You can’t get the girl of your dreams? Literally date her father AND mother. Absolute chad. Power move if I may.
11288055
hehehe well it will take her a bit to recover but once she does she will have to dash off to her parents' house for dinner!
11288177
one might think that but i actually believe this is what motivates her to ask out Fluttershy! in my original idea there was supposed to be a bonding moment between her and Zephyr about it but that got cut. i may write a version of it anyway, though
11288189
very horrifying!
11288305
yes i am quite serious this is literally my headcanon now :)
11288402
hehehe
11289126
well, yes, both words are applicable!
11290493
thank you so much! i am so glad you enjoyed it :)
11293627
thank you for sharing your journey of increasing realization and horror, this is exactly what i as a writer crave
11311398
11311533
you are both in luck because the awesome guy known as applejackofalltrades has drawn an
official sequel!
11315659
so true bestie
11339212
BRUHHHH THAT WAS KINDA FAST THOUGH? FOR SUCH A RECENT STORY?
oh, you motherbucker (literally)