• Member Since 18th May, 2016
  • offline last seen March 6th

Comrade Bagel Muffin


I'm the reason when you search Quibble you'll find Scootaloo too. PM me if you want to talk about anything one on one. Well I finally set up a patreon...Hazaa???

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Teapot, a small pegasus orphan, lives on the streets of Manehattan. Every year ponies celebrate Hearths Warming. But Teapot has no Hearth to warm. This is the story of their coldest and darkest winter night.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 20 )

Ohhh nooo, as soon as I read the description I was like, this is gonna be the Little Matchstick Girl isn't it?! And when it wasn't I thought, oh phew! Perhaps we get a happy ending for the sad little orphan!

NO! NO HAPPY ENDING! ONLY TEARS HERE!! :raritycry::raritycry::raritycry::raritycry:

Overall, excellent work, you really broke my heart! Teapot is an adorable OC (I could picture her very well in my mind!), and you just upset me very much by that sad, twist ending. I really liked the description being through a child's eyes; 'statue park' leaves us unprepared for the gut-punch of realization that she's in a graveyard. How dare you! I loved it. Great work!

You, sir, are a heartless monster for making me feel this way. And not even in 1100 words either.

11017824
Glad it tugs at the heart strings.
11017825
in my defense it is marked as sad.

I don't understand the purpose of stories like these. I didn't with The Little Match Girl, and I don't here.

11018301
Because crying is a powerful stress relief, and a cathartic cry is useful for you mental health. Not that you should always be sad but sometime you have to be. It's a way to let all the pain, fear, and/or negativity out.

11018326
There's not enough here to make one cry since we don't really know your character long enough to become attached, in my opinion. Yes, crying can be healthy and many of us read 'feels' stories to get that sort of fix if you will, but I feel like here it doesn't work.

11018334
Not everyone will be effected by it, but I was. I've been homless, and I lived in my car for three and a half years. I know things could have gone much worse for me, and I was lucky; The homless vet in my town that froze to death last winter was not.

Overall well written Bagel, and you did make me cry. So your story is the first in a long while to be added to my two sad fic folders.

Edit: I read this wrapped up in a blanket, to keep warm.

Very well done and definitely had "Little Match Girl" vibes. You had me there for a second when it said she was going to see her parents. Suitablly tragic and sad ending. Excellent work!






HOWEVER, I hope you don't mind me adding a little alternate ending based on a certain Terry Pratchett book:

A small ragged blanket floated through the air and landed in the face of a grumpy pony dressed as an elf.

"Here she is, Master."

A tall figure of an alicorn skeleton wearing a Santa suit marched ober to find the body of the frozen filly. Death's job never stopped, even when filling in for someone else. Still, the odds that Death would have to play dress up nd substitute for another world's seasonal gift giver twice in one eternity boggled the mind.

"I SEE THAT THE UNFAIRNESS IN THE SEASON WHERE THINGS ARE SUPPOSED TO BE JOLLY AND OTHER THINGS THAT END IN 'OLLY' EXISTS EVEN IN THIS WORLD"

"It's the same here as back home, Master." Albert the observed."A poor little girl-er filly dying in the snow on Hogswat-uh I mean Hearth's Warming Eve is all in the spirit of the season."

Death pulled out Teapot's hourglass, and with a touch of his bony hoof, the sands began to refill. Teapot began to softly snore and shiver in the freezing night air. Death wrapped the filly in her beloved blanky as he picked her up and held her against the cold as life returned to her.

Hearth's Warming Eve was in full swing at the Rarity For You boutique. Coco Pommel and Plaid Stripes were sharing a warm cider with their co-workers when the door suddenly burst open. A skeletal alicorn dressed as Santa Hooves marched in, carrying a young filly.

"Oh my gosh!" Coco cried as she ran up and took the foal from Death. " Are you all right, dear?"

"SHE HAS NO HOME, NO FAMILY, AND NEARLY FROZE TO DEATH OUT THERE. KEEP HER WARM AND SEE THAT SHE LIVES TO SEE ANOTHER HEARTH'S WARMING. AND I MAY WELL BE CHECKING UP LATER."

Death vanished out the door in a swirl of snow as. Teapot slowly woke up.

"M-m-mommy?" She shivered.

"No, dear, my name is Coco, and you'll be spending Hearth's Warming Eve with us."

Death watched through the window as the Mars inside doted on the filly and began making sure this was the best Hearth's Warming ever. Albert came galloping up, after throwing snowballs at the Angel Breezies who had come to collect the foal.

"Master, you're not allowed to do that!" Albert protested.

"SANTA HOOVES CAN." Death replied indicating to his red coat and fake beard. "SANTA HOOVES GIVES PRESENTS. THERE'S NO BETTER PRESENT THAN A FUTURE."

11018540
Um, that's horrible. :twilightoops: And sorry to hear that... was this in the US?

But that doesn't nullify my criticism. :twilightsheepish:

11018540
Oh man, I'm so sorry you went through that.

11018707
Sorry, replying first thing in the morning doesn't lead to well throught out responses. Yes that did happen in the US, and it was a trying time, which is behind me now. Though, the point I was trying to make is that maybe it won't make eveyone cry, but there is enough to make some people cry, myself included, because of how close to home it hits.

11018736
But if a story's plot hits close to home then it only affects those specific people; it's, however, irrelevant to the overall way the average reader will respond, or how well written it is.

Definitely went a little heavy on the sad there, but it went by a little quickly. Not much to really connect to the main character in such a short story.

Wow, they say "Brevity is the soul of wit". In about a third of what I consider (for my own writing) to be a long enough chapter, you manage to bring this many feels. Bravo

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