1. Are You Talking To Me?
Spike yawned as he lounged lackadaisically on Twilight’s throne.
He casually flipped through the latest issue of Power Ponies, barely interested in whatever was on the page. Of course, technically, he shouldn’t have been reading comics when on court business. Generally, Spike would take his position as Royal Advisor very seriously in Twilight’s absence.
But today, Canterlot Castle was utterly serene.
An incredibly odd thing to note, as the nerve centre of the Equestrian government usually constituted an unending hive of activity. No noisy courtiers or hard-pressed aides could be found darting back and forth delivering government business. Instead, it was deathly quiet.
Not that he minded too much, hence the casual comic reading. Spike shrugged to himself. It was just going to be one of those days.
That was what he initially thought, at least.
He found himself rudely disturbed by the doors to the throne room being thrown up with a thunderous ‘thud’. Spike’s comic book flew into the air as he attempted to regain some royal composure. In sprinted the familiar faces of his Ponyville friends speeding towards the throne, vivid concern etched upon their faces.
Spike gulped; this could only be bad. Starlight was the first to approach him, a panicked expression on her face.
“Spike!” Starlight cried. “Somehow, Grogar has returned!” All of her friends nodded solemnly. Spike’s eyes went wide, and he started to shake physically.
“What?” exclaimed Spike, standing up from his seat on the smaller throne. “How is even possible? Grogar was banished to the void by Gusty the Great.”
“Dark magics, evil essence transfer rituals,” Sunburst pipped in from behind Starlight, currently flicking throughout some old-looking tome. “Secrets only a dark lord would be aware of.” Spike cocked an eyebrow.
“We are being that vague about this, huh?”
“Spike!” snapped Starlight. “This isn’t the time.”
“It just had to be a vile necromancer, didn’t it? Can’t we ever fight a villain that is hygienic?” Rarity whined.
“Spike, where is Twilight?” Applejack asked, motioning with her hoof towards the throne. “We need the Elements right now.”
They all had gathered around Spike expectantly, awaiting his explanation for Twilight’s absence. He fiddled with his claws and shuffled a sole foot back and forth. He clicked his tongue as if trying to find the proper way to phrase his response. Several of the group began to throw questioning looks in his direction as his silence continued.
“Ummm,” he started. “S-she’s not available at the moment.” A stunned silence followed Spike’s statement as several oh friends gawked at him. Applejack, in particular, looked particularly unimpressed.
“Not available?” she questioned. Rainbow snorted angrily, pushing her way past everyone else until she stood directly in front of Spike.
“Spike cut the bull. Where’s Twilight?” Rainbow demanded. Spike glanced nervously between the looming Rainbow and everypony else. He laughed to himself and felt sweat dripping down his face.
“S-she’s…asleep,” he answered quietly.
“What?” Rainbow tilted her head to the side in confusion.
“Spike, enough jokes. Where is Twilight? For real this time?” Starlight said insistently.
“I told you she is asleep,” Spike repeated, this time with more emphasis.
“Oh, I’ll go wake her up!” Pinkie declared happily as she hopped away. Spike launched himself toward her grabbing her tail and holding her in place.
“No, Pinkie, don’t!” he urged. “You can’t wake Twilight up!”
“Spike, darling. While we all appreciate your concern for Twilight’s sleep schedule,” soothed Rarity, gently patting Spike’s back before grabbing him roughly with her magic, bringing him close to her face. “I don’t know if you are aware, but the actual Grogar is on his way, and it would be quite necessary for Twilight’s presence!”
“I would feel terrible waking Twilight up, but umm, it does seem pretty serious,” Fluttershy interjected. Spike wriggled himself out of Rarity’s magical grip, falling with a thud to the floor.
“Look, girls, I get it,” Spike said as he dusted himself off the floor and looked pleadingly at the group. “But it would be a terrible idea to get Twilight up. Trust me on this.” Spike turned to Starlight. “Can’t the Pillars or the students from the school do it? I mean, just for once, why are we always the ones cleaning up the villains? It feels like we deal with whatever pops out of history’s trashcan every weekend.”
“The Pillars are spread across all of Equestria,” Starlight answered, most unimpressed. “It will take days for them to arrive, and besides, this isn’t the time to delegate to a bunch of high school students. This is the Dark Lord, Spike. Just get Twilight up.”
“I-I can’t,” Spike murmured; his eyes immediately fell towards the floor, away from the disapproving gazes of his friends.
“Can’t or won’t,” Rainbow snapped.
“Can it be both?” he asked sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
The thunderous bang of the doors swinging open again gave Spike a brief respite. In entered the former Princesses of Equestria, Celestia and Luna in their full majesty, golden light haloing their entrance and grim determination on their faces. But their appearance did little to calm Spike’s growing anxiety. If the former princesses were present, then this Grogar was pretty serious business.
“We came as soon as we could,” Luna said breathlessly.
“Is there word on Grogar’s location?” Celestia asked, not even bothering with the usual pleasantries. It indicated how serious she was taking the Ram King’s return.
“No. But we know he’s headed this way,” Starlight said as she turned to them. “Rumour has it he wants to challenge Twilight directly. That can only mean that he’s coming to Canterlot.” Celestia shared a grimace with Luna, who nodded sternly. Their resolve was steeled; they knew what was coming.
“Then we will need the Elements ready,” Celestia said commandingly. Celestia’s iron stare scanned the mares before her, who all returned it with a committed nod. Celestia faltered, though, when she noticed that somepony was absent. She scanned the room back and forth. “Where is Twilight?”
“She’s asleep apparently,” Applejack scoffed. Luna blinked several times. Celestia cocked her head to the side. An awkward silence followed for several moments.
“What?” Celestia pushed forward to be in front of Spike. “Spike, now is not the time for a sleep-in. We require Twilight immediately.” Spike looked practically pale before the solar monarch. He twiddled his claws nervously several times.
“I know!” he cried frustratingly. “Look, I get it.” He extended the flat of his palms out to the assembled crowd. “But this is Twilight’s first day off in six months. She’s been working non-stop for days on end after the latest diplomatic summit.” Spike sighed as he attempted to calm himself down. “She made it crystal clear she’s not to be disturbed.” Spike crossed his arms and huffed. “It’s a royal order.”
“Is this form of a modern joke I am not aware of? It’s not particularly funny,” Luna stated. Celestia gawked at Spike in dismay.
“Spike, the fate of the world is at stake!”
“Have you seen Twilight when her nap is interrupted?” Spike countered.
“While I’m sure Twilight Sparkle is not the best character when awoken from her slumber, this is hardly the time to ponder upon her general state,” Luna snorted. “Grogar means to destroy life upon this earth itself!”
“No girl’s this is different,” Spike declared. “Look, I don’t want to wake Twilight unless at the greatest need.”
“Seriously?” Rainbow shouted. “And this isn’t that?” Spike shook his head.
“Spike!” Starlight snapped.
The group descended in a flurry of shouts as each pony jostled to be heard. All the while, Spike stood in the centre, desperately pleading his case before the irritated group. Not that they had much time to argue further when the doors to the throne room exploded in a storm of splinters. Celestia threw up a golden shield encompassing the group to deflect the projectiles. A great shadow loomed over the throne room when the dust settled from the sudden intrusion.
He was greater than Celestia by at least a foot. His curved horns sat like a wicked crown upon his narrow face. His red and gold eyes gleamed dangerously in the dim before a cruel, twisted smile danced upon his lips.
“Good evening, little ponies,” he hissed; the low baritone of his voice echoed throughout the room. The tiles beneath the floor shattered beneath his mammoth hoof.
“I, Grogar the Unholy, have returned!” he roared. The crack of thunder sounded outside.
“Grogar!” Celestia shouted. “You shall not pass.” The darkness retreated as gleaming yellow light radiated from the former solar monarch. Soon Celestia’s light was joined by a paler light, less lustrous than her sisters but equally hardy.
The Elements were quick to form up behind the former princess, their faces determined in the face of the great threat before them. Yet, even though they knew they were without Twilight, none of them wavered in the face of danger.
Grogar let forth a dreadful laugh. He let his gaze linger across his opponents one by one. His smile grew wider with each passing moment.
“Fools! Do you really believe that this motley band of insects can stand before me?” Another laugh rang out through the halls. Grogar gathered the shadows around himself, forming a mass of dreadful appendages. “Let your defiant words be as meaningless as your deaths.”
Far above the action of the throne room, Grogar’s words shook the foundation of the castle. Stone chips fell from the ceiling as ponies rushed about in a panic-stricken state.
In the tallest tower of the castle lay the royal apartments. Within the spacious room, the curtains were drawn to prevent any intrusive light from entering. At the centre lay a large bed that could fit several ponies, layers of blankets piled high over a resting figure. The room was cool and, most importantly, utterly silent except for the occasional snore of the pony that occupied the bed.
A place where the noise, chaos and stress of everyday life lay far, far away.
It was Perfection.
That was until the roof shook, destroying the peaceful environment. The figure in the bed rolled furtively in their sleep, trying desperately to ignore the noise. Then, the roof practically jumped when another vibration wave rocked the castle. The crack of magical energy reverbed as loud as any multitude of fireworks.
The figure under the covers groaned as she grabbed a nearby pillow and placed it over her ears. Then, desperate to push out the intrusion into their little slice of nirvana.
Another booming laugh shook the room, taking small pieces of the ceiling crashing against the room’s floor. The cushions could not smother the sound. The pony groaned and tossed and turned furiously. When the castle shuddered especially violently, there could be no more ignoring the matter.
The resting figure’s bloodshot eyes shot open.
Celestia recoiled as the weight of Grogar’s shadow tendril slammed against her shield. Luna’s horn let forth an arching wave of magical energy in response. The tendril dissipated only for it to be instantly reformed.
“Starlight, take the remaining elements and get Twilight,” Celestia said through gritted teeth. “We will hold him as long as we can.”
“We ain’t leaving!” Applejack declared.
“No way!” Rainbow added. The rest of the group nodded in collective determination, unwilling to leave the two princesses to fight the dark lord alone.
“Friends, this foe is beyond you! It is best to fight another day!” Luna bellowed as she let forth a wave of crystal bolts. Grogar casually smashed them away; several tendrils launched towards Luna. Celestia intercepted them, a great burst from her horn dispersing them briefly. Grogar snorted in amusement.
“Delay me! Listen to your worthless prattle. Do you not see death when it approaches?” He triumphantly grinned, ready to renew his attack once more, but his attack died just before he unleashed it. Grogar had stopped the build-up to the spell and sniffed the air. “Something wicked comes this way.”
The back doors to the throne room swung open. Everypony turned to the noise, and the new entrant, Grogar, squinted in that direction. Within the shadow of the door stood a slackened but recognisable figure.
It was Twilight.
But not as everypony knew her.
Twilight looked terrible.
Her coat was matted and clearly unbrushed. Her hair was a tangled, unkempt mess, not brushed from whatever bed she had emerged from. Most noticeably, her eyes; were wide open and bloodshot, and rings of dark circles sat beneath her eyes. Had it not been clear that she had just been sleeping, she may have looked frightening. But, instead, she ponderously moved into the throne room, barely taking notice of the great battle before her. She didn’t even throw a wayward glance at her assembled friends.
“Spike,” drawled Twilight as she approached a thoroughly abashed Spike. He wasn’t sure but had she gotten taller? She practically looked over him. “What’s going on? I thought I told you to keep it down.” Grogar snarled angrily as he spoke.
“Princess, I demand-”
“Quiet,” Twilight interrupted him quite evenly. “I was not speaking to you.” She kept her unsteady gaze on Spike. She casually rubbed her eyes with a hoof. “Spike.”
“Well, Twi, I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen,” he mumbled. “I really did. Don’t be mad.” Twilight sighed deeply.
“Me? Mad? No.” Twilight yawned again. “Annoyed would be more accurate. What did I tell you about parties in the throne room?” Before Spike could answer, Grogar slammed his hoof down against the floor, cracking several tiles.
“Princess Twilight!” he roared. “Behold, your ruin has arrived. I will subjugate you to horrors you and your friends can only imagine! Only when your mind is at its greatest breaking point. When your despair reaches its crescendo, I will only gift you the sweet release of the end.” Grogar smiled devilishly, practically leering in Twilight’s direction. The small mare had finally turned to face the great ram; a large frown adorned her features.
“Are you quite finished?” Twilight asked with a snort. Grogar’s mouth hung open in bewilderment.
“What?” he boomed, shaking the very walls.
“Do you have to shout?” Twilight grumbled angrily, practically a snarl. “Every. Single. Word.” She caressed the top of her head with a free hoof. “Do you have no consideration for others? Or are you just that stupid?”
Dead silence followed. Her friends stood still in shock. Had Twilight just lost her mind? No one knew what they should do; a few glanced at the terrifying dark lord, who seemed to shake in visible anger at being reprimanded by a pony of all creatures!
Grogar drew himself up; the shadows coalesced around him until the very sun itself dimmed. His words were like the rumble of a volcano, and the aura of his fury warped the exact space he occupied.
“You dare speak to me like that. Do you know who I am? I am the widow’s wail, the black death, the blood-soaked tyrant!”
“I know who you are,” Twilight huffed, then quickly yawned again. She slowly drew herself towards him. “I just don’t care. I get one day off every six months.” She furiously jabbed her hoof against his leg. “And today is that day.” She stabbed her hoof more insistently this time. “So, I will ask you once to leave right now.” Twilight fixed Grogar with an utterly deadpan stare as if she were a parent staring at a disapproving foal. “Or are we going to have a problem?” She then cracked her head to the side and repeated the action on the other side; her eyes never left Grogar.
“You fool!” Grogar roared. “Do you not perceive your own end? I am the end. I am the gathering darkness. The shadow of the abyss born from the darkness of the void, and now I have come for-ughh.”
Before Grogar could speak any further, he was lifted into the air and promptly dropped against the floor, roughly creating a small crater. Then, before he could gain his bearings, he was slammed to the floor again.
And again.
And again.
The group’s initial shock at Twilight’s action gave way to uncomfortable silence as she physically dominated the most powerful dark being in history. All the while, Twilight sported an expression that was a mix of exhaustion and indifference.
Then as he was lifted into the air a final time and before he could say anymore, he was gone.
The only indication of where the dark lord had gone was an ominous hole in the roof of the throne room, the crumbled stone falling to the floor where he had just stood. Twilight’s friends stared open-mouthed at the ceiling, though Luna could not take her eyes off the ram-shaped impression on the stone floor.
“W-where did he go?” Starlight whispered.
“Away,” Twilight answered, turning around to the throne.
“But where?” Rarity queried with a breathless gasp.
“To someplace he won’t be noisy,” Twilight retorted tersely as she climbed the steps to take her place upon its comfortable surface.
“Will he be back?” Applejack asked, awe still in her voice.
“Maybe, I don’t think so,” Twilight yawned. “Atmosphere is quite high. Hmmm, not sure if he can fly, don’t care.” Twilight yawned thrice before she curled up into a ball. “Spike be good now, no more friends over, ‘kay?” she slurred. “I’m just gonna rest my eyes for a moment.”
Then, after a few more moments, the soft noise of her snores echoed throughout the thoroughly ruined throne room as more plaster fell against the floor. Twilight smiled as sleep claimed her. The castle’s blissful silence had returned, with it her much-needed rest.
“I did try to warn you,” Spike sighed, surveying the mess.
“What the buck just happened?” Rainbow Dash cried.
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Twilight just put you all in your places. Be glad it was a villain who had to be made an example of.
Twilight in restless mode happened.
But I must confess this was epic.
She just simply didn't care.
Made me chuckle, have a like.
And we can all blame Celestia for this
Puny Grogar.
I love a good OP twilight story
i am on twilights side with this.
i have threatened bodily harm on people over waking me up.
and those not the target made sure to not wake me up again.
Wait. Did she just smash Grogar with her bare hooves instead of levitating him? That's cool.
he is not wrong about that.
in that case let him wake her up.
now you've done it
That was a really good story.
I can sympathise with Twilight so very much
11294900
Nothing much Rainbow Dash just that Twilight unconsciously tapped into the full power of her element because she was too damn tired to realize she was not using any restraint.
uhhhhhh what. What have you people been doing with those magical artifacts exactly???
Anyone else see this and remember how the Charmed ones defeated the Titans? Like, all that build up, all that power and devastation they were responsible for just by waking up...and then they annoyed one of the ladies and she just tore open the earth and dropped them into it. If it were framed to be funny like this, that would have been fine, but it was framed as a serious moment there. Here? It works wonders, and I hope you enjoys the rest of her day off. Oh, and he's a Necromancer Twilight, he'll be back as long as you don't destroy his phylactery.
Dear Spike,
Today I learnt never to disturb Twilight on her day off,
Yours Truly, Princess Celestia.
You should never wake Twily up.
The thing would-be conquerors always forget is that if you strike while your enemy is not prepared to defend themselves, you're almost certainly going to strike while they *are* prepared to get extremely, phenomenally pissed.
Reminds me of a Robot Chicken bit with She-Ra.... Taking care of things.... A lot of villains died and one was in agony...
11295436
What are you referring too?
11295436
Wouldn't a phylactery belong to a Lich, though? Pretty sure he wasn't killed off originally... merely banished to the void.
Sooooo... unless he had a few followers on standby, he MIGHT be able to be resurrected. That said, though, there's a very high chance he did the "Generic Evil Villain Thing", and absorbed the souls of his followers before approaching the castle, since he was quite sure he'd win, and "their service was no longer required".
All and all, if he dies from this encounter, I highly doubt he'll be coming back anytime soon, while in the off-chance he survives, he might not live long enough for it to really matter, anyways.
And to this day, Grogar's ghost is still asking himself what Rainbow asked at the end: What the buck just happened?
11295965
Oh, sorry, frame of reference. It's a thing from 'Charmed' an old series on CW my family used to watch. Not my thing, as like all CW series of its era(Buffy, Charmed, Angle, etc), it never did final fights well. Anyway, in one episode, the Titans, the greek ones, are unsealed, and them just waking up causes all kinds of climactic events, like natural disasters and such, and they just WALK through some of the other forces in the universe, and even he Charmed Ones, the trio of ladies who were stars, even after they're powered up with Greek God Power.
Then the final confrontation, one of the Charmed Ones, annoyed with her boyfriend, rips open the earth beneath them, drops them into it, and slams it shut, so the rest of the episode can focus on her relationship problems. It was...anti-climactic.
11296019
That is true, I forget that his representation as a master necromancer is a fandom creation, not something from the show itself. Though it is fairly common, from For the Hives series, Great Alicorn Hunt, and a few others.
11294933 Doesn't MOST of what plagues Equestria tie back to tia someWAY, someHOW??!
11295774 Still laugh at that one, mainly because I'm not around that neighborhood
11296157
Oh i am more on about how Little sleep Twilight is getting, But you are right as well like how is there so many Big evils there has never be fix, oh wait i know She love to lock up Evil not end it, Sure i can understand it when it came to Luna but the rest of them just why, But her way of dealing with everything else is [Eh i will get someone else to fix this]
11296113
Pretty much. He was really just a Dark Sorcerer, but as far as we’ve seen, only Discord was able to use Necromancy.
Everyone: "Stories with an OP main character are never fun to read."
Me:
11296480
i think that comes down to how Serious the story is, in Comedy Op Characters can be A Lot of fun, But when it comes to the other Types of stories, it becomes hard to make it work well, with many losing the ability to to care do to how op the main Character So they start feeling no fear for the Character or others around them when they are there
11296480 Ahem. I have no idea what you could possibly mean by that. I'd never write an overpowered character. Twilight's normal throttle setting is frightening enough when she is deprived of coffee.
"Shh!" hissed Spike, flattening up against a wall and freezing in place. "She's up. Nobody move."
"Finally." Grogar let out a low chuckle and turned to face the direction Spike was looking. "At last, I'll see..."
It had become quiet in the room. Far too quiet. Graves made more noise than this. The necromancer looked around at the ponies who had been doing their best to kill him a few moments ago, only to see each and every one of them flattened up against the wall, making no more movement than a statue. A cold chill swept up his hooves at the low shuffling noise coming down the stairs, erratic and stumbling as if the pony were barely awake but still seeking the source of the noise which had disturbed her rest.
"Run," whispered Spike as he caught Grogar's eye.
But it was too late.
Could have been worse.
Twily could have been hung over.
this was gold!
11296701
Flurry Vs. Grogar
This was a very good one-shot. It was very funny the way that Twilight took out Grogar just like the Undertaker would do it.
LOL.
As Grogar floated in space he was surprised that he was not dead yet, then again it may be he mused due to his very nature of being a lich like being. If he was honest with himself (and he was) he couldnt be too mad at his defeat and sudden banishment. He had been soundly beaten and with such a casual display of power! No fancy spells, no subtlefuge or tricks, just casual pure power! He had to laugh in spite of himself as he made a mental note to if he ever got back planet side to challenge Twilight again but this time make sure she was not napping at the time just in case next time she was not feeling so mercyful. It was not long after he finally landed on the moon and by chance near some writing in the ground reading "Nightmre Moon was here" Shurgging a bit Grogar added "And Gorgar was too!" before sitting down to wait for his eventual escape surely it wouldnt take too long?
Haha sorry this just popped into my head
This reminds me of that one scene from superman vs the elite
“Where did he freaking go?”
“Orbit. He went into orbit at Mach 7.”
“If you had super hearing, in a second you’d hear the pop”
This was really good! Congrats on the feature :)
Some guys just can NOT catch a break. He had to go and pick the ONE DAY she was trying to get some sleep.
Big dumb bastard. I almost feel sorry for him.
...almost...
Love it
Recorded for the audio version!
11299834
Thank you so much!!
You should have thought of that before you dropped the entire administrative functions of a country and nanny state on a single mare.
Oops.
All I can say is that Equestria sure is lucky that nearly all of their enemies are overconfident, lazy, dopes, else they might have a real problem on their hooves.
I know Twilight's pain... working ungodly schedules of experiments in the genetics lab... sometimes staying over THREE DAYS STRAIGHT... then you get home at last for a day off... and the telemarketers and robocalls JUST WON'T FUGGING STOP!!! .... So you hunt them down and find out they were in UKRAINE! Took care of that, didn't I?
11310351
Now that explains everything!
11334228 Alondro is an expert at horrifying revenge. He learned from Dan.
66.media.tumblr.com/3007043a3fcd24617c02f65907eb6465/tumblr_pctg1hk3Js1tjxn1m_1280.png
Never wake up a super tired mare when she needs her sleep.
Good thing it was an evil villain who woke Twilight up and not her friends, Spike, and the former princesses. 
Great story! I needed to read that. Excellent work.