• Member Since 9th Oct, 2019
  • offline last seen 45 minutes ago

WurkyWilk358 0w0

Just your average Brony here to read and write stories about the show the rest of us bronies and pegasisters have come to admire and still enjoy watching from time to time.


So here I am, minding my own business, wanting to see what this realm has to offer, and I almost get eviscerated by a pissed off alicorn for no reason. Well, I guess I can think of one: I’m a demon from Tartarus. But why am I hated if she doesn’t even know me?

6/14/21: Full disclosure, I did not expect this to get featured. Thanks guys!


Chapters (1)
Comments ( 51 )

I think I'm the first reader, and know I'm the first commentator, but this was a rather amusing chapter, and a great intro, although honestly both seem a bit douchy to me, but eh, it's how people/ponies get when they're angry.

Nah, i'm pretty much the first person to read, I wanted to comment just that I couldn't cuz I wasn't logged in. So I bested you!:ajsmug:
I love to see more chapters on this cuz it seems interesting... Prob my first time favorite-ing a E story!

Wait a minute- this is not a E story...

I started reading it 30 seconds after publication so... :moustache:

A short, amusing read. Pretty good! :moustache:

ironic this way he caused more damage then if he attacked her, she be feeling guilty for months

People… I mean… ponies who judge others right away based on what they look like are hypocrites. Twilight got what she deserved. Hopefully she… wait the stories over? Oh… I thought it would be longer. Too bad…

Sir, might I make a suggestion? Maybe for either a continuation of this story, or a spin-off of it, you could write it in a fashion similar to the anime "So I'm a Spider, So what?".

If you want, I can pm a link to a site where you can watch it to get a better understanding of what I'm talking about. Not to mention that it's just a really good show (in my opinion, anyways).

Honestly, some demons are misunderstood in lore. Not saying all of them want to be your friend, though...

You are Badguy. But that doesn't mean you are bad GUY!

“Prepare yourself, demon! For I, Princess Twilight Sparkle, will send you back from whence you came!”

Twilight need to learn how to be a Princess - not how to be Rainbow Dash. For a subjugation mission, she need to come with a troop instead of carelessly solo it like this. What's the point of having Royal Guards anyway?

I can see why this is in the recommended section, it's pretty good.

Caught in 4k!

As someone with character bound to 4 demons i approve and understand this also would defo hangout lol

Makes ya think.


I smell a sequel.

Smell like stupid in here...

I'm looking at you Twilight.

I figured he was trying to get her to give him carte blanche to go where he liked and do what he pleased unrestricted by whatever 1000-year-old binding.

Eh... but then itd be a series of silly comedic stories instead of a single one!

what would the royal guards do?
meat shield ?
since most of them just know how to run and scream when they encounter a problem
and when they don't just stand still like statues.

What's wrong with being a meat shield? The purpose of Royal Guards is to protect your leader with your life, isn't it? If you cannot be a sword, then you should be shield.

This demon character would be excellent in an actual serious story

Keep in mind that the royal guard is a guard, not a military. Even the weakest princess would fair better in a fight with a demon then a compony of the guard. If they were a military, they'd be like the Imperium of Man's army in Warhammer40k. Being sent in mass amounts on suicide missions, hoping that their sheer numbers will win the fight.

I can't even begin to describe how adorably funny this all is! The whole way through, it's beyond being just a treat with all the reactions and dialogue! It's friggin' awesome! I hope ya didn't mind, but I simply had to make a reading of this super demonic fanfic of yours!

Audio Linkyloo!: https://youtu.be/3lixQG4wK6E

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

short, to the point... but still enjoyed it.

Well, this ended up as a don't judge a book by it's cover, reminding me of jahy-sama wa kujikenai (demons get stuck in human realm after a magical girl effectively destroyed their realm).
on a side note...
sounds like Liliana Vess (MTG Planeswalker).

Hmm Twilight is pretty OOC.
Thing is… in canon it’s never said that demons exist, are evil, come from Tartarus.

well she did do something without thinking first

The problem is that it’s missing data. As Demon go we ONLY have Sunset Shimmer Demon form. And that IS evil. Obviously it’s bad to generalize from that, but Twilight is not prone to that. If she has evidence that Demons are evil (like for example in D&D 2nd Ed) well she is behaving properly. If Demons are NOT necessarily evil she is not going to approach in that way. If the majority of the Demons are evil then the “hostile” approach is justified, and it’s on the “good demon” side that rests the onus of justification. Being offended by having been grouped with the rest of the specie is NOT strange.
Fundamentally this is QUITE anvilicious in expounding it’s moral… Twilight is flattened into a crusader that spouts challenge first and does not ask questions… So the perfect setup for the riposte of the “Good Demon” and that makes little sense outside monologuing villains.
If the demon is Evil you just blast it straight away, posturing is stupid.

I can't say I enjoyed this. Sure, it's a fun start. Easy misunderstanding, misplaced aggression and such. But nothing is done with it. It's just "see how I destroy this pony with logic, now I'm gonna go home and make her feel bad".

Lots of potential went unused here.

:twilightoops: Dear Princess Celestia

Today I learned that I'm a very biased alicorn who could not let a simple demon that was in a vacation enjoy himself, not only I was put down by his words, but he was innocent from everything and decided to show me that I was being the bad one in the situation and a specist with my actions

Your Princess Twilight Sparkle


What do you mean? Well of course I know he's not bad! But LORD PREMIER XI HAS COMMANDED ME TO EXTERMINATE ALL DEMONS!! And I must obey my Pooh Bear! You will accept this or I shall order the 50 billion Chinese Twitter bots to cancel you!


I mean, it was short, so it had that going for it. I'm just not sure what was supposed to be funny. The swearing was distracting. Little to no actual description, just dialog.

Congrats on being Featured, I guess!

true but clearly she just heard that a demon was loose in equestria, not that a demon was attacking. twilight has a bad habit of acting on first instinct when threatens

As I said.
Here there is a BIG lack of background. And Twilight is made to be completely IGNORANT of the argument.
Either demons do NOT take vacation as a matter of course and are routinely evil and so the presence of one IS cause of concern (more or less severe depending on the typical power level) and so the SINGLE good(ish) demon should make sure to not be mistaken with the others of his kind, or it is known that Demons come in all kind and shape, and so Twilight would not come out guns blazing.
Additionally he is an illegal immigrant at least… ;p
And depending on WHEN this takes place Twilight is the RULER of Equestria and has FINAL say on who can and who cannot vacation there…

This story is basically saying “ok, and?” With extra steps. Not that I’m complaining, great story!

she is another character bound to 4 demons (who was trying to regain some loss power due to a certain event that happened in the game's lore that made planeswalkers not overpowered. she was from the time before that event and wanted that power back and made pacts with 4 demons to get it).

Did not know that ive had red since i made him at 16

Well Cerberus is technically from Tartarus since he's the literal guard dog and Fluttershy is fine being with it so the demon does make a good point. Twilight did jump the gun there.


The problem is that it’s missing data.

Ah, and here we have the différance between Modern movies books and older. Modern stories tie everything up into a nice clean bundle. Everything is answered, every angle considered. This is both bad and ridiculous. Life doesn't work that way. Every day, as you go through your life, you enter and leave other peoples stories. You show up somewhere in the middle and play a small part in the story of that day. You will never know what happened before, and you will not know what happened after you left. The story simply continues without you, as you seamlessly continue yours. The best stories are the ones that end open-ended. The gun goes off. The end. Did it hit, did it miss? You don't know. You're supposed to come to that conclusion yourself. Like the parable of the lady and the tiger. It's not supposed to tell you the end. That's your job.

The Author doesn't have to give you a backstory on demons, what they are like, their social structures, what shoes they prefer.

I'm a very firm believer in this. If it's not necessary to the plot of the story, don't write it. Does how the human got to Equestria matter to the plot of the story? No, Then don't write it.

This is a short story about prejudice and a smart ass "Nick Wilde" like character. It's not about demons or their family structure. The plot is the "Back and forth" the interplay between the two characters. It's like a story where a dusty truck driver walks into a small diner and stars up a conversation with the guy drinking coffee. The story is the conversation between the two. You don't need to know where he came from or what truck he was driving.

Besides, perhaps this interest you have could be folded into your writing a story looking into Equestrian demons. Take up the mantel and create your own world and flush it out on your own. I'm sure you could come up with an interesting world.

“…the perverted tickler of buff men in hairy underwear, left the realm of sleep to join those who had decided to start a productive and early day” -Hotel_Chicken

No... the author does not need to provide that, but there are two things here. One he is using a SPECIFIC setting with standing "rules", characteristics, characterizations etc. Two is working SPECIFICALLY on the presumption that you have an unjustified prejudice on the demons. This gives the issues, you have a strongly out of character Twilight, with a "demon" who is frankly marysueish...
And the prejudice theme has already been addressed in MLP with Zecora so that specific theme is done.
Here you have the typical Bad Boy fascination and "shock" value of the "demon", it's like the whole fascination with Slytherin in Harry Potter... You want the "special dude from the evil group that is instead good" It was fresh thirty years ago with Drizzt. Today is a bit stale...
All that said, your point still does not address the incongruity of Twilight behaviour in this. It does not make sense how she behaves, it reinforce the stereotype of Good is dumb and you can get away with being a rude a$$ with the heroes because they are not going to retaliate for disrespect. It has ALL the hallmark of the Dark&Edgy story.
So... recapping funnish interaction, flat characterization,TONS of stereotyping, strawman message expounded in an anvilicious way.

Orrm #48 · June 16th · · 2 ·

Bruh Twiggles was gonna torch African-Woman-Stand-In's house, with the help of a mob, out of sheer superstition after the Mane 6ix9ine were dumb enough to bathe in unknown magical Discord plants.

If Mini-Red-Bow-Applejack wasn't not-racist, Horse-of-two-Colors would've gotten blasted out of the town.

Pones mad racist bro, attack the unknown kinda racist.

This is gorgeous

She was banishing a demon and she stopped to listen to what it had to say? I mean on any level if she has been trained to deal with a demon is must be the lesson number one being breached there.

Then again mythologies may vary.

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