And?
“Prepare yourself, demon! For I, Princess Twilight Sparkle, will send you back from whence you came!”
“…Okay, but why?”
Just as the alicorn princess was about to blast me with an over the top spell from her horn, she paused for a moment as she stared at me with a puzzled expression.
“Why?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Because you’re a demon! Look at you!”
I looked down at myself as instructed. Average build, pale skin, clawed hands, and a pair of webbed wings on my back. I wore some pants, shirt, a jacket, and some nice boots.
“I am a demon, true, but so what?”
“So what?!” She shrieked. “What do you mean so what?! It’s exactly what it means! You’re an evil being who needs to be dealt with!” She powered up her magic again and prepared to fire.
“That’s kinda mean.”
Once again, she stopped and I could tell her eye was twitching.
“Excuse me?!”
“No, you’re not excused, actually,” I retorted. “Cause you’re kinda being a bitch.”
“BITCH?! HOW DARE YOU?!”
“I dare cause I wanna,” I said as I tucked my hands in my pockets. “And I was just minding my own business before you came outta nowhere with magic blazing from that little stick on your head.”
“This is my horn! I’m an alicorn! A princess!” The mare called Twilight snapped.
“And guess who’s got two curved horns and probably knows more about magic than you?” I asked rhetorically, pointing my thumbs at myself. “This guy.”
“Are you messing with me?!”
“Ladies and gentlemen, give the uptight mare an award,” I said sarcastically as I clapped my hands slowly.
“Stop that!”
“Stop what? Be smarter than you? Nah, can’t help you there, I just am.” Twilight stamped her hoof in irritation and I could see her cheeks turning bright red. “You trying to turn into a tomato?”
“I’m supposed to stop you! Why am I getting bullied?!”
“I haven’t even really done anything, except prove you wrong on multiple levels.”
“Yes you have! You’re a demon! You always do bad things!”
“Okay, that’s just completely biased of you,” I said, crossing my arms. “I mean, true, I am a demon, but so what?”
“You’re from the pits of Tartarus! That’s what! Anypony from Tartarus is bad!”
“And again with the biased attitude…” I shook my head. “Y’know, not all demons are as evil as you accuse us to be.”
“That’s a lie!”
“Is it? Since I’ve met you, have I done anything to provoke you?”
“You made fun of me!”
“Cause you deserved it,” I chortled. “Not my fault you’re easy to get a rise out of.”
“I am not easy!” Twilight stamped her hoof again.
“Uh huh, so why are you so mad? I’m not mad, I’m actually pretty chill.”
“Because you’re a demon! Demons are mean, evil, and hurt any they come across!”
“Oh, so now we’re playing the labeling card, huh?” I shot back. “Well ponies are whiney, stupid, kiss-ups who can’t do nothing on their own without an alicorn, like yourself, to wipe their asses for them so they can shit peacefully.”
“Your language is so vulgar!”
“And your voice is too fu-cking high-pitched. I was actually having a nice day before you showed up.”
“Doing what, hurting the innocent? Enslaving the weak?!”
“No, and no. I was seeing the sights of this realm.”
That seems to catch her off guard as she stared at me for a minute or two. “See…the sights?”
“Yep, Tartarus gets kinda boring after a while, so I decided to step out and see what’s what. And I gotta say, there’re some pretty nice places ya got here. Ever been to Mexicolt? Or perhaps go mountain climbing in Yakyakistan? I even took a trip to Seaquestria once, that was a sight to see.”
“B-But you-!”
“And before you say anything,” I held my finger up. “No, I didn’t hurt a soul. Not my style.”
“How do I know you’re not lying?!”
“Dude, I’m a demon, it’s not really in our nature to lie. Well…most of the time, but still.”
“Well…well maybe you cast a curse on everypony so that you’d make them be okay with you?!”
“Do I really look that diabolical to you?”
“Yes! You’re a spawn of pure evil and I’m not gonna let you spread your evil any longer!”
“Now look who’s being mean,” I rolled my eyes. “Let me ask you something before you banish me or something. Have I harmed you in any way?”
“Yes! You-!”
“Physically.”
She stopped her rambling and tried to say something. “Ye-well…no, but-!”
“Have I made any attempt to harm you since this conversation started?”
“N-no.”
“Have I made any indication through my words that I was gonna do anything along the lines of, what was it you said? Hurting the innocent? Enslave the weak?”
“No…”
“And for the cherry on top of this blatant misunderstanding, have you now come to your senses that I am not the threat that you presumed that I was?” Twilight fell silent as she twiddled her thumbs nervously but then nodded her head slightly. “Good, and to save you the trouble, I’m gonna head back to Tartarus.”
“A-Already?” She asked.
“Yep, no point in sticking around here, since you ruined my vacation,” I said, raising my hand and slashing it diagonally. A hole ripped open in midair that lead to Tartarus.
“W-Wait! I’m sorry! I-I didn’t mean to say all those things!” Twilight tried to plead to me as I stepped through the hole.
“If that were true, then you could’ve approached me in an entirely different way,” I said as I looked back at her. “Instead, you called me evil, you accused me of committing crimes, and labeled me as a villain when you’ve only known me for about…five and a half minutes. Honestly, I don’t really need that kind of negativity in my life so I’m just gonna head back. Not sure if I’ll return to this realm, which is a shame since I was kinda looking forward to bringing my buddies here to see the sights as well.”
“You can still do that!” Twilight pleaded again. “I realize my mistake! Please don’t go! I can make it up to you, I swear! I’m the Princess of Friendship! It’s my job to fix friendship problems and make new friends!”
“And yet, you just couldn’t see yourself being friends with a lowly, evil demon like me,” I sighed, making the weight of her guilt come crashing down on her like a tidal wave. “You should really learn not to judge a book by its cover, Twilight, maybe then you’d learn what it truly means to be friends with the most unlikely of beings.”
And with that, I waved my hand and closed the portal, ending my encounter with a very discouraged alicorn Princess. As I walked home, I wondered if maybe we’d be friends if she hadn’t come at me like that? Can’t really do anything about it now, since I have no plans to return to that realm any time soon.