Apple *BEEP* Season
“So, the first episode that isn’t focused around Twilight is about me?” Applejack clarified, looking slightly confused.
“Yes, you are pony of focus,” the yak nodded.
“Hm. This will be interesting,” she mused. Her ear flicked slightly towards the door, and she looked up. There was a loud, thumping sound that seemed to become form outside the recording studio, and the actress frowned. “…do you hear that?”
“Yaiya hears pony’s grandmother coming, yes,” the yak replied again. This made the mare stare back, a look of absolute fear on her face.
“Please tell me your jo-“
SLAM!
“WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT GETTIN’ ME A NEW HIP?” Smith shouted, the door smacked so hard into the wall that the stone cracked. Orange eyes locked onto the actress.
Applejack gulped, starting a sprint. “Ah! I-I’m sorry! I swear I only said that because of the script, I don’t mean anything by it!” Her yelling grew fainter as she ran past the elderly mare and into the hallway.
“Don’t run from me, girly.” Smith followed after her. “Or a whoopin’ is the least of your worries tonight!”
“I’ll take a bite out of this job by day’s end!” Applejack smiled as she looked down at the orchard of apple trees. The stallion beside her didn’t share in her enthusiasm.
“Biting off more than you can chew, is just what I’m afraid of,” Macintosh retorted, keeping a deadpan stare.
She whipped her head around, glaring. “You sayin’ my mouth is makin’ promises I legs can’t keep?”
“Yep.”
Applejack huffed, offended. “This is your sister Applejack, remember?” Her voice raised as she pressed her noggin against the stallion actor’s. “The loyalest and the most dependable of ponies?”
Mac snorted. “Loyalest? I thought you were honesty!”
“Cut!” the director’s voice snapped.
A snort came from off set. “I told you they’d do that if we kept that part in the script. I expect ten dollars after we are done recording.
“How are we going to make cow stampede’s feel like an earthquake?” Twilight asked as the camera crew dissembled their equipment.
A black griffon rubbed the back of his neck. “The yaks will be stomping the ground.”
“Huh.” Twilight helped levitated the tripods and clapboards as they moved to their next location of recording. “How will that work?”
***
“Oh dear god!” Twilight stumbled as the quakes rumbled throughout town. Just standing was hard enough, but to try and run in all this chaos? Nuh-uh! No way! “How do you expect any of us to walk in this?”
The griffon chuckle from his place in the air. “You just gonna have to. Sorry.” He shrugged, though his face was anything but apologetic.
Though the ground was shaking, Twilight found the concentration to frowned. “Bitch.”
Pinkie giggled incoherently, bouncing in a way that was similar to a jackhammer. With a vibrating voice, she spoke. “Hey! This makes my voice sound silly!”
Twilight stumbled slightly as she ran into view of the camera. “Pinkie Pie, are you crazy?” Her tone was exasperated. “Run!”
As the camera cut the recording, Pinkie snorted. “Have you met my character, Twilight? I am crazy!”
“Yeah here that, Winona?” Applejack cooed, rubbing the dog’s head. “Your gonna be the first doggo—and probably our only but I didn’t check—on the show! Isn’t that exciting?”
Winona barked, wagging her tail side to side. She leaped from foot to foot, doing a little dance to express her excitement.
“Yes, it is a very special position your in! Your such a lucky girl, aren’t you?”
“Ahem,” someone spoke from behind the camera. “Terribly sorry to break up a sweet moment, but we are rolling?”
“So?” Applejack stuck her tongue out childishly. “Should that stop me from giving my dog some love?”
A moment of silence passed. Then, “No, I suppose not.”
Cheering, Applejack petted and scratched Winona’s ears. “Who’s a good girl?” she prompted.
Her dog wiggled, putting her paws onto the actress's shoulders excitedly “Ruff!”
“Applejack was just…just-!” Mayor struggled to find the correct words, biting her lip. It was then when Pinkie Pie came rolling it, suspended in mid-air by a green-screened wire.
“Appletastic!” she declared, smiling. Then the flimsy wire snapped, the actress tumbling to the floor. Her ‘Pinkness’ began to roll away, her eyes spinning.
Mayor stared for a few seconds, her mind blanking.
“…Exactly!”
The changeling and the hippogriff watched the scene closely as it played out on screen. The changeling tapped his hoof against the table, bobbing his head to and fro with a frown.
He pressed a remote that laid out in front of him, pausing the episode.
The hippogriff sighed. “What is it now, Tarsus?”
“Look at the banner.” He pointed to the yellow banner that Rarity had put up. It had a red apple insignia on it, decorated with green vines. “The apple is two inches off-center. The episode is literally unwatchable now!”
The hippogriff sighed, cupping his break. “Only you would ever point that out…”
“Twilight, what are you doing?” Spike asked as he approached the unicorn actress. She was writing onto the index card props, very concentrated. “The scene is about to start.”
“I know,” she muttered, not fully paying attention. “I just need to finish writing my script onto the cards.”
“You didn’t rehearse?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Spike frowned. “So you didn’t rehearse.”
Twilight went silent. Then, “Nope.”
Spike facepalmed.
Twilight pressed her cards neatly in a deck, turning to address the crowd of ponies gathered around her. “Welcome, everypony. Today, we are here to honor a pony we can always count on to help in matters great and small.” She moved the first index card to the bottom of the deck. “A pony whose contribution to—“
Rainbow came flying in, pushing Twilight’s cards off the podium. “Did you see Applejack’s slick moves out there? What an athlete!” she exclaimed, pushing the unicorn out of her way and speaking out of turn. Twilight had her jaw open, checking behind the podium to see if this was in the script.
It wasn’t.
“This week, she’s gonna help me with my new flying trick, and I know it’s gonna be so awesome!”
Twilight frowned as she pushed the pegasus out of camera range. “Exactly. And—“
“This week, I get to run Sugar Cube Corner for the first time!” Pinkie piped in, completely blocking Twilight’s view.
“What does that have to do with Applejack?” the unicorn asked, not liking at her speech was being interrupted.
Pinkie blinked. “Oh! Applejack, one of the best bakers ever, is gonna help me. Applejack makes everything great so free samples for everypony!”
“Sounds fake but okay,” Twilight mumbled to herself, making sure that it wouldn’t be picked up by the camera. Pushing the pink pony, she retook her place on the podium again. “Okay, that’s great,” she said through clenched teeth. “Now, If I could make a point without being inter—“
Fluttershy stepped up onto the platform, speaking softly. “Twilight?”
“—rupted…” The unicorn frown deepened.
“Twilight, I’m really sorry,” Fluttershy apologized, “but I just wanted to mention that Applejack is also helping me this week with the official bunny census, where we count up all the new baby bunnies that were born this season. She’s gonna help gather them using her wonderful herding skills.”
Twilight was on the verge of exploding. “Anyone else?” She watched as the pegasus quietly slipped off stage. “Anyone?”
Everything was quiet.
“No?” Twilight made sure. She sighed. “Well then, as I was trying to say—“ she stopped as Mayor looked at her expectantly. Twilight felt her brain short-circuit. “UGH! Never mind.” she trotted off stage with a sour expression.
From behind the camera, a mare looked at the director. “Nothing about that was in the script…should we start over?”
The director tapped his chin. “Nah, let’s keep it in.”
“—Ponyville’s most capable and dependable friend.” Mayor paused for dramatic effect. “Applejack!”
The camera panned over a spot covered by curtains. Off-screen, a yak yanked a string, drawing the curtains open. Revealed behind it was a whole a heaping of nothing.
A loud gasp resonated throughout the crowd.
Spike's voice was louder than the rest of them. “Ah shit. Was she captured by Nightmare Moon too?”
As Applejack dragged the trophy away, Twilight began to speak up. “Was it just me or did Applejack seem a little…”
“Tired?” Rainbow responded.
“Dizzy?” Fluttershy suggested.
“Messy.” Rarity described.
Pinkie hopped in. “She seemed fine to me.” Then she began to imitate the tired mare. “Whooo! Whooo!”
“Oh Pinkie, why is your character so tactless?” Rainbow mumbled. “And how do you say any of your lines with a straight face?”
“Negotiations with a five-year-old have prepared me for this.”
“See that contraption?” Rainbow pointed to what looked liked a ladder and a catapult.
Applejack blinked tiredly. “Uh…yeah?”
“Well, I’m gonna stand on one end. Then you’re going to jump from that platform, launching me into the air faster than I can take off on my own. Once I’m there, I'm going to do some amazing flips and spins that are sure to impress the Wonderbolts!” Rainbow puffed out her chest confidently.
Applejack squinted. “That seems dangerous and impractical.”
A voice behind the camera spoke up. “I definitely have a degree in physics, and I can tell you, it’s all shit.”
Rainbow stepped down from her fence post, walking over to the prop contraption. “Can’t wait to risk my life for you lot.”
Twilight looked up from her book, staring at the pegasus with a concerned expression. “Can I help you?”
Rainbow perched awkwardly on the Library balcony’s railing. “I think my bowel ruptured,” she said in deadpan.
“Because you’re working too hard and you need help!” Twilight practically shouted. The earth pony gave her a funny look.
“What? Kelp?” Applejack shouted back. She furrowed her brows. “I don’t need kelp. I don’t even like seaweed!”
“HELP. YOU NEED HELP,” Twilight clarified, her face dangerously close to the other actress’.
“Help? Like with work or therapy?” AJ snickered.
“At the rate this episode is going, preferably both!” the unicorn exclaimed, though she didn’t seem to be talking about the earth pony anymore.
As Applejack put the live worms into the mixing bowl, a sudden urge came over her as she turned to look at the camera. “No worms were harmed in the making of this.”
The camera crew chuckled.
Pinkie piped into camera view. “All worms were harmed in the making of this, don’t let Miss Honesty fool you.”
The laugh became a little louder.
“That pony is as stubborn as a mule!” Twilight gritted her teeth, before stopping to think. “That sounds racist…”
As the shooting continued, Twilight found herself mauling over the line. As the group sat down for their lunch, the unicorn actress face-planted into the table.
“Oh god, that was racist!” she groaned, much to the confusion of her friends.
Fluttershy sighed. “You brought a dog to round up bunnies?” she asked, her brow shooting up.
“Yes…” AJ frowned.
The pegasus looked up to the sky. “I’m not mad, just disappointed.”
Reading over the script once again, Applejack muttered to herself. “I’ll be surprised if I don’t get a concussion after this, with all this head-bonking against stuff.”
“Dear Princess Celestia. Today has been shit, mostly because of Applejack. I would like to cut off my ties to this group and move back to Canterlot. I don’t think my introverted personality can handle these crazy bitches anymore. I understand you have these big and important plans for me, but just…find somepony else. Please. Your student, Twilight Sparkle.”
A round of claps echoed throughout the air. “You tell ‘em, Twilight!” Spike cheered, throwing a half-popped popcorn kernel into his mouth. “Stick it to world leaders!”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “All this apple-bucking has made me hungry!”
“I got the perfect snack!” Spike smiled as he pulled out a batch of half-eaten, moldy-green muffins that look disgusting, even as a prop.
Pinkie grimaced. “Eww, Spike I threw all of them away! Where did you even get them?”
Spike smiled deviously. “From the trash!”
Gagging and complaints of ‘gross’ resonated from the table. Spike took a bite out of the prop-still-edible muffins.
“What? Trash muffins for trash characterization.”
Applejack flopped onto the couch, looking across the lounge. “Fellow actors and actresses alike, I purpose that we all die right here and right now.”
“Sounds fun.”
“Finally!”
“Woo!”
“I’ve been waiting my entire life for this.”
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Priceless.
*Laughing head off* Perfect!
...
t herself over the railing? 
...
...
...did she s
This is so flipp'n good!
Is Pinkie a Mom “IRL” and her kid guest stars as Lil Cheese in the finale?
now that's a burn, XDD
10990915
That... actually makes sense.
Pretty sure you don't need that to be silly.
Floof pupper!
Good answer.
Sometimes adlibs are funnier than what was in the script.
... Fair enough.
Both?
WOW!
Mood.
10990818
Watch what you say.
Please get the next update up sooner.
It’s good to know Twilight’s actress has a coping mechanism...
10990837
That would be a bowel movement. A ruptured bowel is an internal injury, usually the result of severe blunt-force trauma, and considering the usual contents of one's bowel it's probably the sort of injury that carries a high mortality rate without prompt medical attention.
All that being said, if you just misread the line or were making a joke, please say so.
10990950
If it's 110% true, does that make the burn more severe or less?
10992214
well it was true, untill season 5 or 7,
Glad this isn’t dead.
10990818
Racist barn racist barn 1 2 3 4
:(
That was a very fun, clever story. A good editor could turn it into a great one. I'm tracking this, just in case you ever get back to it.