This story is a sequel to My Little Pony Friendship is Magic What If?: Volume 2
Are you ready for a third helping of that series that seeks to answer the faithful question "What if that episode had been written differently?", then let's go!
Now, a couple of Season 5 episodes are on the list, as well as a few episodes from Seasons 1-4 that could've been a little bit better. And we've even got a couple of bonus chapters, exploring what would happen if a different character or characters was made the foucs of an episode. But which episodes made the cut, and which ones were left out? You'll have to read to find out.
Remember that all the episodes included here are the result of personal opinion, so don't be upset if an episode you hate isn't on the list, or an episode you love is. I will glady respect your opinions, so please respect mine. If you don't like the episodes selected for rewritting, you are not obligated to read the resulting chapters.
And as always, I mean no disrespect to Hasbro, the DHX staff, or the people who like the episodes that appear here. The intent of this fic is for entertainment purposes only.
Curious as to what episodes have already been rewritten?: Check out volumes 1 and 2. Volume 1 can be found here, and Volume 2 can be found here.
Yay, more to read
6998184 Don't worry, more should be on the way soon. If all goes well, I should have a rewrite out each week.
Awesome chapter
Will power ponies be included in this one?
6998762 Yes, it's on the list.
6999067 yes!
Hey there. I have to admit I do like your picks for re-written episodes. I can definitely see and respect your reasoning thus far. Excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content, humor and wrap-up in all the right places of the re-written episodes. Just out of curiosity, though, will you eventually do any of the season openers or finales? It's perfectly all right if not; I'm just curious if it is some sort of unwritten rule of yours. At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
6999307 I have not ruled out any of the season premieres or finales, but I've already rewritten them to an extent in my "Stallion Six" series fanfic, and I make it a rule of mine to only rewrite episodes that I know I can do differently. I don't want a repeat of my rewrite of "It's About Time" where all I really changed was the ending.
6999921 Fair enough. Yeah, I can understand that.
7000114 If you haven't already, be sure to check out volumes 1 and 2.
Trolling ensues.
I'm feeling quite tricksy! 
rewrite twas good, lov'd it
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, wonderful job on the exchanges, emotional content and general wrap-up in all the right places. And good explanation FOR the re-write too. And, for the record, I HAVE read (or, at least skimmed) the first two volumes as well, even if I haven't commented on them. Now, just out of curiosity, are you going to just focus on the episodes you thought were bad, or will you also occasionally do episodes you thought were good, but could have been better too?
And, as for doing re-writes of certain IDW comic stories in the fourth volume, that could be a good idea too. At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration.
7015094 Well, "Hearthbreakers" will be the subject of a bonus chapter, even though I found it pretty good. Not the best of Season 5 or the show mind you, but still a good episode.
Awesome chapter, You fix a lot of things that people don't like about this episode
Awesome chapter
If I had to choose between the actual episode and your version, your's wins.
Keep up the good work.
You changed Zapp's name to Storm at some point in the comic.
Very interesting rewrite. I was wondering what you felt needed to change in this episode. After I read your Author's Note, I see your point. Great job.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, very good job on the exchanges, emotional content, action, humor and wrap-up in all the right places. And good points concerning the episode, as usual, too. To be honest, my biggest problems with Twilight's Kingdom is that it was so dependent on Plot Induced Stupidity AND it made Celestia look like a coward (making Twilight do the dirty work even after she no longer had the excuse of Twilight and her friends bearing the Elements of Harmony). Actually, "Twilight's Kingdom" could have been combined with "The Cutie Map" through the following:
1. Celestia and Luna actually accompany Discord themselves when he goes after Tirek, but provide Twilight with a letter of distress from Trixie coming from a place called "Our Town" as well as a map that would lead the Mane Six to "Our Town"
and 2. Part one involves the Royal Sisters and Discord dealing with Tirek while part two focuses on the Mane Six teaching the residents of "Our Town" about REAL friendship (while trying to find and rescue Trixie) and getting the final key THAT way.
Oh, well, this MIGHT be a good one for volume four, but I will respect your right to dislike the idea.
But I digress.
I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7042680 That's not a bad idea, but I feel like that would be too crowded, especially since it would give us two different antagonists for two different parts. That's a juggling act even I'm not sure I could pull off.
7042831 Point taken. Though, to be fair, if they thought to avert Plot Induced Stupidity (in this case, the aversion would be actually having Discord accompanied by somebody powerful enough to keep him reasonably in check, just in case), Tirek could have been easily recaptured in part one. As I said though, your point IS well taken.
I noticed a few DBZ abridged references in some parts of the remake mostly at the end...nice job
7047250 Thanks, I was on a huge DBZ Abridged clip binge watching at the time of writing.
Awesome chapter
This is my first time reading a Bonus Chapter so I didn't know what to expect. So this is actually an edition to the currently exist episode. I never even heard of Dizzy Twister, so I'll Google her. Nice job.
Though I originally thought this was a post 'Crusaders of the Lost Mark' story.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter/episode up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, very good job on the exchanges, emotional content, humor and wrap-up in all the right places. And, Also some good future episode foreshadowing. Anyway, I have a possible one for Volume Four:
"Tanks For The Memory": For some reason I think this one might work better as a Entire Episode Flashback (since Rainbow, by that point, had probably had Tank for more than two years [including three winters if Rainbow got Tank in the summer or fall], so she would know, by then, that Tank hibernates during the winter). Perhaps Rainbow tucking Tank in and reading him a bed time story, before one of her friends comments that she is taking Tank's hibernation time A LOT better than she was three years ago, the first winter after she got Tank. Of course, you would have a good year to think of other possible alterations so that you're NOT altering the beginning only.
That is, of course, assuming you like the idea enough to use it when you get around to volume four. If not, I profusely apologize for wasting your time and still look forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7057311 That's not a bad idea, I'll consider it. I'll probably change it so that Rainbow Dash doesn't know as much about hibernation, and doesn't know that it's only temporary. I'lll also probably have her get caught when she tries to sabotage the weather factory, and learns that she cannot attempt to mess with nature.
7057380 Okay. Thanks very much. :-D
Awesome chapter
Tree sap? Twi's been hanging around the Cutie Mark Crusaders too long. :-D Sorry. Couldn't resist the joke.
Anyway, seriously, thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up in all the right places. I will definitely be looking forward to more of these as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Awesome rewrite
Hey there. Darn good re-write on this episode. Very good reasons for the rewrite. Plus the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up were all well done in all the right places. Again, definite much better job on the characterizations than the actual episode. I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Your version was pretty good, but I wish this episode was more like the goosebumps story, Attack of the mutant, where Mane-iac enters the real world and stalks Spike.
Excellent rewrite! Certainly more superior then the original!
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Indeed, this WAS a darn good rewrite of the episode. VERY good job on the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up in all the right places.
One little detail though; technically, Spike would be Cadance's NEPHEW-in-law (after all, he's TWILIGHT's son, which would make him Shiny's nephew).
And some possible ideas for Volume Four rewrites:
"Magic Duel": Well, okay, the only real changes I can think of would be a different beginning where Trixie is getting info on the nature and location of the Alicorn Amulet by a mysterious source (who will NOT be revealed until the FOURTH season finale [hint, hint]) and Twilight having a more clear Mama Bear moment when Trixie starts using her magic to pick on Spike, but I'm sure you can think of some other stuff given enough time.
"Rarity Investigates": 1. Rainbow is actually framed for a more serious crime (i.e. attempted murder against Spitfire) with actual (albeit cleverly planted) evidence against her. 2. A few more suspects (including possibly Lightning Dust [whose OBVIOUS motive would be revenge {though a pretty obvious Not Me This Time}]) and 3. The real culprit having a much less petty reason for the frame.
Then again, I will respect your right to not like either one of these ideas and I can certainly understand WHY you wouldn't. At any rate I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Awesome rewrite
7123162 I'll probably rewrite "Magic Duel" in the next installment, but "Rarity Investigates" was pretty good as it was, it just needed some fine tuning. Plus, attempted murder would be hard to write for an everyone audience, and I'm pretty sure no one would believe Rainbow Dash would be so desperate as to do something like that.
7123505 Yeah. That IS a good point. And that's cool.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, very good point outs and a very good job on the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up in all the right places in this re-write. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of the next chapter as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
Awesome job with nice twists with Flutterbat return too
Hello there. Thanks very much for getting the second-to-last chapter in this volume. I really appreciate you going to the effort. As usual, very good job on the exchanges, emotional content and wrap-up in all the right places. Also good reasons for the rewrite, as usual. Now, I DO have another possible idea for a couple of volume four rewrites:
1. For "Keep Calm and Flutter On": Stretch it out to a two-or-three-part story and maybe add some more legitimate reasons for Discord's semi-reform as well as a bit more detail on why Celestia might want Discord reformed.
2. For "Magical Mystery Cure": Stretch it out to a five-part story (hey, if "DuckTales" and "Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers" can have five-part adventures, so can this show) and add some elements of "Equestria Girls" (exactly two; namely, the main villain and the Mane Six venturing into another universe): Part one would depict Sunset Shimmer returning to Equestria and explain how she was able to get her info on Twilight. Plus part one also would depict Sunset finding Starswirl's unfinished spell and figuring on trying to figure it out so she can finally ascend while simultaneously getting the six ponies best qualified to stop her out of the way long enough for her to figure things out (in other words, she does on purpose what Twilight did by accident in the canon episode). Part two show the spell not just swapped the Mane Six's cutie marks (including Twilight's), but also gave each of the Mane Six half of the memories and personalities of one of the others, which gives Sunset the diversion she needs to steal all six of the Elements of Harmony. Part three would depict Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders working to help the Mane Six get back to normal and then the Mane Six finding out about Sunset and the stolen spell book. Part four would depict the Mane Six and Spike chasing Sunset into another universe to try to get the spell book AND Elements back. The fifth and last part would depict the Mane Six and Spike finally defeating Sunset and getting the spell book and Elements back, at which point Twilight uses inspiration she got during the adventure to fix the spell in order to prevent what happened to her and the others from happening again (this, of course, causes the Elements of Harmony to go haywire and ascend Twilight).
3. "Amending Fences": Basically told as a Whole Episode Flashback (the real main story taking place after Nightmare Moon's defeat, but before "the Ticket Master"), namely Spike and Twilight both recalling how, after Twilight finally realizied how good it feels to have friends and decided to move to Ponyville, returned to Canterlot long enough to pack her prized belongings and break the news to her parents and Shining Armor, only to realize how badly she unintentionally hurt Moondancer by snubbing her party (mind you, this episode is actually pretty good as is, but the rewrite merely eliminates the Fridge Logic of Twilight waiting more than four years to clean up one of her messes).
and, for comic book stuff:
1. "The Good, the Bad and the Ponies": The story is told in A SINGLE issue (i.e. chapter) and also has the alteration of Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow concentrating on taking care of Longhorn and his gang while Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie focus on finding Applejack's missing relative (thus, justifying even a single issue instead of being wrapped up in half an issue)
2. "Siege of the Crystal Empire": 1. The story is SIX issues (i.e. chapters) instead of four. 2. Iron Will is explained as being under mind control to justify his role in the Siege and actively helps the good guys once he's free of it. 3. Radiant Hope is ALSO under mind control and the real mastermind is somebody else entirely (and Radiant Hope, like Iron Will in this rewrite, ALSO works very hard to help the heroes once she is free of the mind control) and, well, I'm sure you can think of some other stuff by the time you get around to Volume Four of your rewrite series.
Of course, if you don't like the ideas, then I will profusely apologize for wasting your time. At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7165509 Those are some good ideas, I might look into stretching "Keep Calm and Flutter On" into a two parter, but linking "Magical Mystery Cure" to "Equestria Girls" would be a huge problem. As for "Amending Fences", while it might make a little bit more sense to have that happen earlier on in the series (maybe if they had cut "The Cutie Pox" back in Season 2 and "A Bird in The Hoof" back in Season 1), the episode is really good and I don't usually tend to touch episodes like that. Chances are I'll have to include a rewrite of "No Second Prances" no matter how it turns out (and I'm hoping it defies my expectations and isn't a "What About Discord?" rehash), since it will inevitably be at odds with Trixie's fate in this rewrite series.
As for the comics, I don't entirely mind the idea of spltting the group in two, but I think the story would work better if Twilight and Rarity were removed all together. The reason they were nerfed, is because they would be able to easily resolve the conflict. At the least if they were removed, everything else that happens would make sense (though they could solve the cattle rustlers problem at the end of one issue and search for Applejack's missing relative in the next). A rewrite of "Siege of The Crystal Empire" would remove Iron Will since he is not an anatagonist, and probably Flim and Flam and Lightning Dust since the former care about their reputation above all and would certainly not commit treason so as to not lose their audience, while the latter may harbor a grudge against Rainbow Dash and possibly be reckless, she wouldn't be able to follow the plan properly. Radiant Hope would change, she does not enlist Chrysalis' help and brings back Sombra secretly, only for Sombra to betray her and Radiant Hope must accept that the pony she loved is now a monster and cannot love her back, but Hope wants to believe there's still some of the old kind hearted Sombra in there that she can free. The end of the arc would have Sombra die, but hint that he could be reincarnated as a true pony someday.
7166038 That's cool. Thanks for the response back.
Now this is what Princess Celestia should've done. If she had explained about her pet phoenix to Fluttershy, then the pointless gross out humour would've been avoided.
Happy to see the third instalment, guess I have a lot of catching up to do.
I would agree, playing the song at the beginning was far too soon for the episode. Having it at the end makes it so much better and this rewrite touched on the moral more effectively.
Well I have to say, thank you for writing this one. I had issues watching this, like Applejack going back to her stubbornness from "Applebuck Season" and poor Apple Bloom and Babs Seed not getting a chance to talk.
Also, to see this rewrite with AJ's parents being highlighted along with a few nods from previous episodes, makes this an instant add to faves.
Now that's more like it, Spike gets to be the brave and courageous dragon, I loved this action packed rewrite.
Ah yes, I remember this one. Pinkie's rap was the funniest part of the episode.
I agree that this works even better when Scootaloo is the one going through the nerves towards preparing for a test.
I would agree about the episode being a rehashed plot of another episode (The writing team needs to stop doing that!), so this made it much more enjoyable to read, I'm happy that some of the parts I liked were in this one too.