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Desmond Mallory wasn't ever lucky, in fact he was quite the opposite. Misfortune and disaster always seemed be waiting around every corner. Tired of his "curse" he tries everything from Hoodoo to Holy water, with little to no effect.
Wispers and strange rumors of a peculiar bookstore that only opens after dark, where many odd tales of "magic" being preformed draws Demond's interest.
Can they cure his curse of misfortune? And why does everyone seem to be talking in horse puns?
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In Mr. Flemming's defense and the Minesweeper incident aside, he handled that firing fairly professionally and at least showed some sympathy--having been fired from a job myself once, that sympathy does help to take some of the edge off the sting.
To be fair, not all instances of jaundiced, yellowed, eyes are caused by a failing liver, as other bodily complications can result in the same symptom (if you can call it that) but still go on to live a fairly normal life. I myself have a genetic condition that can result in this (though my case is probably far milder than what described here) but otherwise live a normal life.
Gotta give ya credit--it didn't even occur to me who this guy might be until right about here, even though it seemed, in retrospect, like it should've been obvious. Normally I pick up on the describing clues pretty quick, but you managed to keep me off the trail from getting clued in too quickly, so props for that.
Famous last words, dude.
Should be "syllable". I generally try not to be the grammar nazi, but admittedly that's a catastrophic enough of a misspelling that I knew if I didn't point it out, somebody else would, and may not be so kind about it either.
Anyway, this seems interesting, so I'll bite and see where it goes next.
10391935
Thanks for the feedback! Haven't really been writing in years, and I hope to improve with more practice. Recently I've been reading some very well written fanfics and I guess I was trying to match their level of writing with this.
As for the firing, Desmond's was better than most, true, though it was more to just be an apathetic treatment to get him out the door. Still stings when you're let go with the feeling that you never were that welcome to begin with.
I'll also try and keep some mystery in the story, such as what each character's true motivation is, or how the "Big Picture" rolls out. Magic should be at least a bit mythic.
Should have a new chapter out soonish, just gotta fill the rest of the chapter out and edit. I hope I continue to entertain you and many others!
Liking This, So Far.
Those resumes were so good, they abruptly jumped from third person perspective to first person perspective!
Actually, there's a couple other little instances of that throughout the chapter, like it was originally written in first person, then hastily converted to third person after the fact and a few spots were missed in the process.
Well, he's right about the wings part...
See, you need to stop saying things like that, dude, you're only setting yourself up for a good jinxing that way.
10395249
Maybe because it was?
Hard to edit on a phone, so hopefully I can iron out any inconsistencies later. Glad you're liking it so far though! I've got another chapter in the works atm, but I'll have to see how fast I can get it edited and posted.
Nice beginning, well not for the protagonist but he seems to be used to it. Tracked.
Hum, looks like a promising HiE story, I hope he will turn into a pony, or could it be that this job is supposed to smuggle magic item form Equestria to The human world, which makes me wonder why Discord would be meddling in his life like this or even being involved in that operation, what would e gain from doing business in both words like this aside from the adrenaline rush and the satisfaction of spreading more chaos into this human world? Are there forces or organizations that try to step in and interfere discord new b business venture? This is a very intriguing story so far and I will be looking forward to see where it goes.
Also if you are interested in getting your own cover art for you story, and I am open for commissions at the moment. I have done a good number of work spread out here on Fim, and you can see my
Deviant Gallery here
and my
Youtube speedpaitning channel here
. I hope you like my work and and if you are ever interested, please PM when ever you have the chance.
And I wish good luck on your story.
Why don't you go all the way and give every part of our main character's name a name that starts with a b?
10399907
i.imgur.com/tbTa9Ag.png
Nice it's been a while sense I seen a hospital setup I wonder how he will manage to get out of the hospital and try to pass off as a native, or will he be in denial the entire time; could Discord somehow explain the situation for me and get him to nod along and play nice long enough to be discharged form the hospital? I wonder what that batpony involvement will be in all of this?
Nice chapter keep it up.
If his bad luck follows him he might be in for some harsh times.
10400118
Desmond's fortunes:
i.imgur.com/80XPddA.jpg
Ohhhhh, that's not going to a problem in the least bit, Doc.
Somehow missed the posting of the previous chapter, but after a bit of catch up, I can say things are still being interesting. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting the crossing over into Equestria to play out quite like this, but it does make things all the more interesting, especially as now Desmond's only contacts who could have any hope of clearing things up for him are a god of chaos that had deliberately set him up for this, and skittish bat pony that doesn't talk much.
Mental breakdown...
Sounds like he is adjusting pretty well all things considered, I wonder what else he did you get the staff so weary of him.
10400946
Copious ammouts of pain killers can do that.
Though I'd hardly say he's taking it 'well'.
10400946
The way ponies are, I think the one incident was quite enough. He is probably not many steps away from a slot next to screw loose.
10401068
can you list me the chems used on him, I would like to try them out.
10401102
I am sure they will make for great cell neighbors and pen-pals.
Well, at least he's being a little more level-headed about his situation, drugged up or not...he really could use some answers though. Not sure how many Melody will actually be able to give--she doesn't seem to be clear on all of the details either.
How would he know he is a miniature unicorn. He never had any ability to see the scale of things. For all he knows he could be gargantuan.
Oh and if he tried to feint with the books he might have done better. Faint memory.
10404380
Right, I noticed a few other things that I didn't like about the chapter, I'll post it again soon with the edits. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Odd the chapter seemed to have disappear the day before and still wasn't yesterday. Oh well. I wonder how he will manage to get some shelter when he is discharged? I would have though he would be happy to manage get away from the claws of the Mafia.
10408101
Yeeeaaaah, that's cause I took it down to edit and change a few things. Didn't like the way it was going. Next chapter should get him released into the public pony life.
And I've got a system in place, it'll all come together soon. Soon.
10408160
Hum, I wonder if he will had to go see a mandatory psychiatrist every so often so make sure he doesn't think he is a hairless ape like when he first waked up again? Seeing that Equestria doesn't have that strict tracking of it citizens I wonder what he will have to do to get a job ASAP to better settle him in?
Desmond, why do you keep tempting fate like this?
Context, Melody, context, or Desmond here is going to get the wrong interpretations out of that.
10408160
About that, I've noticed FIMFiction tends to be a bit finicky about that, often not resending a notification when a chapter is uploaded, then taken down, then put back up in fairly rapid succession like that, and it can make it hard for readers to know for certain whether there's a new chapter or not. I'd advise in the future when you do that to try and put out some kind of notification for all of us readers to let us know there's definitely a new chapter up, just in case.
10411996
Desmond's whole existence is just to see how deep a hole he can dig himself into.
Speaking of, here's some spoilers for the next chapter:
static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/Buttersafe_Tempting_Fate_8090.PNG
I'll also see about sending out a msg next time I need to upload a chapter.
Aw man, I'm caught up, guess I have to play the waiting game for the next chapter now.
I hope those bluebells aren’t for eating. They’re toxic to both humans and horses!
Need more!
10853262
Don't worry, the only things Des is allowed to eat are hospital menu approved.
11034708
Nice to see an update on your story again, I was worried that it had just stopped. So we seem to be in a Herd base Equestria or is it just a shared custody type of thing?
11035116
Thanks, it's been quite the year since I last updated I'd say.
I'll try and keep to a semi-regular schedule; however, since loosing my job, going back to an older crappy one to pay bills, starting a new career, only to be called back to the first job again so now I'm working two jobs! And, on top of all that I've got exams to finish... I'd say there's no garentee when the next few chapters will come out.
As for the "herding", I'm not entirely sure myself if I want to go down that route. This isn't an RGRE fic, but I'd say in this world the act of herding would be practiced as more of an Orthodox tradition, mainly found in rural communities and older generations. This is mostly due to city life and modernization of Equestria; hard to have a family of 3 or more mares and a stallion all living together inside an apartment with their kids. Plus there would be some other societal changes since, and I'll be going over some of them in upcoming chapters.
You're alive?
11035432
No, this is Patrick
Oh yeah, I sort of forgot that was what got the ball roling for all of this too, it's been long enough.
But nice to see a new chapter regardless--I was starting to think I might need to write off the fic as dead, so always good to see when that's not actually the case.
11035679
H-Ha ha haaa... Yeah this ain't dead... Yet...
Got the next few chapters planned out, just need to finish and edit them. So maaaaaaybe we have another before the end of the year?
Nice to see more of your work so soon after the other, I wonder what the mod want with him and how they will really come into play in the story and if discord will have a claw in it.
11036997
The mob is ran by Mr. Big
static.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/8/85/Profile_-_Mr._Big.jpeg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/516?cb=20190312051710
Holy shit, updates!
Sweet, right?
I also seem to recall an AT-AT walker effectively face-planting when stumbling, so...
11037076
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/d1993d1b-0052-42d1-9830-f3f05ee2a7a6/d98simz-b2694f4c-d750-4c76-97a6-d8cb5a5e1a2a.png/v1/fill/w_800,h_518,q_80,strp/macmac_walker_going_down_by_sky_railroad_d98simz-fullview.jpg?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcL2QxOTkzZDFiLTAwNTItNDJkMS05ODMwLWYzZjA1ZWUyYTdhNlwvZDk4c2ltei1iMjY5NGY0Yy1kNzUwLTRjNzYtOTdhNi1kOGNiNWE1ZTFhMmEucG5nIiwiaGVpZ2h0IjoiPD01MTgiLCJ3aWR0aCI6Ijw9ODAwIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmltYWdlLndhdGVybWFyayJdLCJ3bWsiOnsicGF0aCI6Ilwvd21cL2QxOTkzZDFiLTAwNTItNDJkMS05ODMwLWYzZjA1ZWUyYTdhNlwvc2t5LXJhaWxyb2FkLTQucG5nIiwib3BhY2l0eSI6OTUsInByb3BvcnRpb25zIjowLjQ1LCJncmF2aXR5IjoiY2VudGVyIn19.NeLS54u0LvTYwILT0_pRmGlS8B_VGSMnu3BCWeWD82k
Don't you mean Desmond?
Well this is surprising this decent story isn't dead. Have a track for that
Glad to see new chapters of this story!
Isn't the correct term from the show "horseapples"?
That should probably be "her".
This isn't really my business, but I'm going to ask anyway. Do you have someone helping you with your spelling and grammar? If not, I'd be willing to help out.
11037482
Thanks for the heads up about mistake. As for "Ponyapples"... Whorses are a thing in this universe, so it's like a level 1 swear verses a level 3.
11037038
Of course. Everything is run by rodents. ;P
11037755
static.wikia.nocookie.net/jerma-lore/images/a/af/Tumblr_npafhiNeI21rz4wvoo1_1280.png/revision/latest?cb=20160621060725