• Published 18th Aug 2020
  • 1,478 Views, 92 Comments

Books, Bats, and Bad Mojo - Yuri Petrovitch



Desmond's luck has run out, but will he find it in a dusty old bookstore? And why does everyone who works there seem really into horse puns?

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Bounty Bouncing

It was roughly three in the morning when a pair of heavy boots climbed up a set of ancient wooden stairs, despite the weight of the shoes and their owner they barely any sound was made from the normally creaky boards. Dressed in a black suit the giant shadow stalked the halls of the cheap apartment until they reached their intended destination.

In front of the man was a door labeled "313", the room of one soon to be dead man unless he had his money ready.

Pulling a copied key from his pocket the enforcer unlocked the door, stepping inside the walk in closet of an apartment. There would be no room to run or hide this time...

However, nothing but a few old posters and an empty bed greeted the shadowy figure. Desmond wasn't here.

Flipping out a phone the man dialed up a number, sure it was late as it was, but he knew his boss never slept anyways. "Hey boss, it's Maul."

"...I take it you were unsuccessful in finding our little duckling?" The man on the other side sounded like he sucked on cigarettes made of sandpaper, that didn't stop the disappoint from his voice.

"No Sir, he's fled the coop."

There was a pause as the mob boss mulled something over, weighing up his options. "Find out where he flew off to, search every speck of dust until you've found something and report back."

The mountain dressed in a suit nodded even though he knew his boss couldn't see the motion, "Yes Sir."

"Good. Good, I know I can count on you Maul to find our missing fowl... Because when I see him again I will pluck every feather from his twitching corpse! Nobody can fuck me over and get away with it!"

Internally Maul groaned at his boss's theatrics, but he wisely kept it inside, if there was one thing the mob boss was it was that whatever he said he meant with absolute certainty. "Yes Sir, he'll be found in no time. He doesn't have any money or friends, so he couldn't have run far. You have my word."

The line was eerily quiet for a few moments, and Maul could have sworn that his boss was staring directly into his eyes at that moment. He involuntarily shivered at the thought.

"...I better."


"Well Mr.Mall Berry, you seem well enough to me." A graying unicorn doctor squinted through a pair of coke-bottle glasses as he read Desmond's medical charts.

The man turned mythical horse coughed into his khaki cream hoof, "Um, it's Mallory... Desmond Mallory."

Dr. Pallineightion briefly looked up, the movement causing his glasses to slide down his muzzle. "Oh? Pardon me Mr. Mallard! My eyes ain't what they used to be."

Internally groaning, yet deciding to let the matter slide, Desmond laid back in his hospital bed.

"According to Dr. Greenline and the rest of the nurses, aside from believing you're some bipedal ape creature and loosing your touch with your thuamatic energy you seem to be all healed up from that bump to your noggin."

Desmond had to take a minute to process what the good doctor just said before finding the proper response to eloquently summarize his understanding. "...Wat?"

The doctor calmly placed the clipboard down on the bedside table, glancing over his patient once more. "Well, as far as myself and everypony else can see you're a unicorn stallion. We did do some scans to check for any magical tampering, such as transformation or memory manipulation spells, but nothing of the like was cast upon you. We have some concerns with your inability to willingly preform magic, but that can sometimes happen to unicorns after sustaining a serious concussion."

Dr. Pallineightion reached into a pocket of his white coat and pulled out a soft red ball, which promptly began to glow with a grayish blue aurora. Desmond watched in fascination as the red ball floated in the air, it was his first experience watching magic up close and without sedatives fogging his mind.

It was all the more shocking then when the ball was flung right into his face. "Gah!" Shutting his eyes the man tried to duck, but it would be too late.

...Except there was no sudden impact, no feeling of pain, or even the sound of a cloth ball hitting anything. Instead there was a warm and ticklish feeling on Des's forehead.

Opening one of his eyes to squint Desmond saw the ball a mere inch from his face. It was covered in a lime green glow, held aloft and floating suspended in mid air by the magic that surrounded it. Glancing up at the constantly heated sensation on his forehead Des saw that a similar green glow was coming out of his horn.

In partial shock and amazement at the impossibility of breaking Newtons laws with his skull the stallion didn't notice that the glow on both the horn and ball ceased to be, causing the ball to fall to the sheets.

"See? You've still retained function of your traumatic energy, you've merely lost your ability to concentrate your mind through your horn, your reflexes are still intact. It's a temporary matter and should resolve itself in time." The doctor picked up the ball in his own energy once more and placed it back in his pocket.

Desmond didn't pay much attention to the rest of the doctor's synopsis of his physical condition, as his mind was latched onto one thought. "I can do magic?!?"


The day passed relatively normally after that, both Bloom and Tulip stopped by Desmond's room. Though they showed nothing but smiles, or in Tulip's case frowns, they didn't voice their opinions on how soon their mystery patient was leaving. There were only so many single bed rooms in the hospital and other more critical patients needed the space. Still, they made sure their patient could walk out of their ward at least all in one piece.

CRASH

"No no no!" Tulip shouted as she dove for the vase, that was knocked over in their patient's latest attempt to walk in a straight line. The pink mare had managed to make the saving dive on the ornamental flower pot, but her momentum had thrown her body into a wall, causing a sea side picture frame to come off it's hook and crash down on top of her.

"E-eh heheh... Sorry..." Desmond sheepishly rubbed his fetlock with a hoof, wincing in sympathy as he saw the goose egg sprout on Tulip's noggin. His attempts at locomotion hadn't progressed much from the "newborn foal" level.

"SON OF A WHO-" a teal hoof abruptly shot into her sister's mouth, cutting off the curse.

"Ap ap ap! There's foals in the next room over, keep the cursing to a minimum Tu." Jubilee admonished.

Tulip pushed away the frame and shot her fiercest glare yet at the stallion among them, to Desmond's shock she actually growled like a dog at him!

"I-I'm real sorry about that! Honest!"

Before the enraged Earth pony could strangle her patient and loose her nursing license Jubilee stepped in again. "Oh hush! He said he's sorry twice already. It's not his fault his horn isn't screwed on right, he's like a helpless foal right now."

Not sure if he should be thankful or insulted by his savior's words Des wisely chose to keep his trap shut, but he would remember to ask later on if horns could actually could be screwed on or not.

"Oh really? Since when is acting like a foal after taking one hit to the head a thing? He's clearly acting!"

The unicorn sister looked thoughtful for a moment "Well... What about Uncle Pearbottom?"

Tulip made a disgusted grimace and shook her head, "Bloom, that's because he's a creepy old pervert."

"Oh."

Not sure what to make of the scene Desmond instead returned his focus to his efforts in mobility. So... Just one hoof in front of the other... Just like an AT-AT walker. With that mantra repeating in his head the former human did a short lap around the room. Walking with an extra set of legs was highly disorientating though, as each step was a concentrated effort and it wasn't long until he crashed into the bed frame once again.

"Hmm, this might take a bit longer than an afternoon to remedy." Jubilee sighed, "We'll see about fitting you into some physiotherapy, can't let you leave if you'll just come back in through the ER with more injuries."

Desmond didn't complain with that... He felt more helpless than any point in his life, any chance of regaining some measure of control of his life was welcome... Even if it meant learning how to control the body of a magical alien four legged puppy horse.

Author's Note:

Wow! Two chapters in two days! Don't let lightning hit me, because I'm on a roll!
(Yuri was promtly struck with a thunderbolt and died)