- Member Since 23rd Mar, 2016
- offline last seen February 2nd
The Bricklayer
Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you want to be, before your time... -Vienna, The Stranger: Billy Joel. (Any Pronouns)
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Supporting Original Characters4,082 stories ·1,827 members
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Completed Story Compendium21,074 stories ·1,703 members
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Poor guy has weak taste in women.
10293071
And you have weak taste in manners.
10293082
And you have weak taste in fetishes.
Though more than anything, I don’t find war criminals enticing in the slightest. And neither should you.
10293082
Well, it could be worse. It could be a certain entitled asshat who 'commented' on my Gallibar piece.
10293071
Didn't your parents teach you about respecting the life-choices of others?
10293087
What I, or other people, like or don't like is none of your business.
Just because you don't like the story does not mean other people are not allowed to. If you don't like it, that's your choice.
Now kindly fuck off.
10293087
Okay, telling you to f off was a bit much, I apologize.
It bad. I would have liked to see more of their relationship but for a quick short story this wasn’t bad.
Great story!
Thanks for the great story! Finding out that buff ladies are hot has been an experience.
If the whole story was just 5k of this, I would have had precisely 0 complaints. This snippet, this is what Muscle Mania is all about! I feel like a lot of times, when writing stories about bigger women, people tend to be afraid to have the protag go for it like Nightingale here does. They tend to show that the woman was beautiful despite her build, whereas Tempest here is beautiful because of it. So far, this is one of the best uses of the theme I've seen.
It wouldn't be a proper LewdChapter judging if I didn't complain and nitpick, so here it goes; Your formatting and structuring was, at times, distracting. It feels like every line of dialogue opened with a set of ellipses, and it didn't really serve the interactions any. I also wish you would've dialed back on the full caps, because it just feels... phony, you know? Hammy, for want of a better word.
I also would have liked to have more interaction between Nightingale and Tempest before they started making whoopie. I was kinda joking, but a couple hundred more words of Nightingale kissing and licking her abs, maybe feeling her toned legs and arms, would have done wonders for this story.
Overall, though, I dig this one in a big way. Good job!
Thank you for your participation in Muscle Mania 2020! We here on the judge's council wish you the best of luck!
10326650
Yeah, what you just described, a woman being beautiful in spite of her build... yeah just no. I call bullshit. I'm of the other persuasion and I completely agree with you. They're beautiful because of their build. They worked to earn that muscle. I was trying to keep a fine line between toned and completely unrealistic like I know some fetish artists are known to do. I think you know what I'm talking about.
But the 5k words thing? I try to have some semblance of a story with the clop. I know some people aren't interested in that, but I like to develop the characters a bit more. It'd breathe a lot more life into the relationship, make the sex feel less mindless and more alive, romantic.
Eh, fair enough. But some women are screamers so... Also, what's wrong with chewing the scenery a bit?
Ooooooh, fair point. Crap, didn't think about him feeling her arms and legs. Like, craaaaaaapppppp... Also, making whoopie? I'm sorry, but that's the oldest term for sex I've ever heard.
Last time I think I heard that way of saying it, it was in a blues song.
10327234
For clarity, my 5k comment was mostly hyperbolic. The idea was less that it should've been just that and more like that's the stuff I really liked here.
I appreciate your desire for plot in your smut, but it's very easy for one to get in the way of the other. Your story doesn't quite reach that level, but it's getting there. If you want to focus on the relationship and give it more life, I would have suggested cutting out the conversation with the first friend (High Tide, I believe?) and replacing it was more non-lewd Tempest/Nightingale chit-chat. Maybe add another day in between breakfast and these two bumping uglies. Just a suggestion, to keep in mind for next time
10327285
I suppose, but I think the High Tides bit worked well for Nightingale, helped highlight his insecurities, and give him a character beyond 'Tempest's Husband'.
10327292
I'm sure you could have done that without him. In fact, I would argue that giving Nightingale more time to talk to Tempest would make his character stand out more.
I also did not like High Tide as a person, but that's just me
10327295
You're not meant to like him, he's meant to be that one employee everyone has to put up but just can get rid of due to nobody else seeming to want to get hired.
But yeah, I see your point. Some more exchanges between Tempest and Nightingale would have served the story well...