• Member Since 26th May, 2019
  • offline last seen Sep 9th, 2020


How/Why am I still alive?


Rainbow Dash has been acting strange lately--and not the "I've been hanging around Pinkie for most of the week, she's just rubbing off on me" strange. After all, Pinkie Pie doesn't build sheds at random and strut around like a peacock.

After finally noticing this odd behavior, Twilight enlists the help of Rainbow's oldest friend, Fluttershy, for answers. What follows is not what she expects. At all.


Takes place between Seasons 4 & 5.

Profanity tag for Fluttershy swearing :rainbowlaugh:

Now with an Audio Reading!!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 51 )

That's actually kind of what I expect from Fluttershy, it's always the quiet ones that have strong internal dialogue.

"If you see Zephyr spreading his wings and screaming like a hawk in public, kick him in the balls immediately."

I'm just picturing Fluttershy, sweet, innocent Fluttershy, telling Twilight this in a deadpan monotone, and it made me so happy. Love this, very fun and sweet.

*Read a bucking romance novel, Twilight. Anypony can see that it's not about the flying.*

With how she loves to read, you think she'd read enough to pick up the signs that she might be getting hit on. Or, we found the kind of book that bookhorse doesn't read:rainbowlaugh:

In all, I had a good laugh reading this story!

"If you see Zephyr spreading his wings and screaming like a hawk in public, kick him in the balls immediately."

This is the best thing. Just the best.

For those that doubt that this would be how Fluttershy would think. I can guarantee you that as a quiet wallflower that is how we all think.

Also this story was hilarious

I have several questions but the biggest one is how is this not featured? This story is hilarious. Well done. Also, hi:heart:


Hi!! :twilightsmile:

I actually hit the feature list a little bit ago, just lower on the list. But thank you!!


Glad I got it right :rainbowlaugh: and glad you enjoyed!!


Glad someone else sees it!


You imagined it perfectly, my good dude (I use dude gender-nuetrally)
Glad you enjoyed!!


She had an aneurysm trying to read the obnoxiously cliché steamy novels and never read them again.

Also, I love you, so it means a lot that you read this!


It's for the benefit of all ponykind. And everyone else XD

10273462 Ah. I wish I had your luck. Still congrats:heart:


Heh, thank you. My first time, actually. Wishing you luck :heart:

Well now the story is on the feature list. Congrats again:heart:


I actually considered making this my entry, but decided against it in the end. I may write something else for it, though. Glad you liked it!!

Love the bit about Zephyr.

This was both cute and hilarious! Congratulations on getting featured by the way I think this would make an amazing entry but I look forward to seeing what you do enter, if this is any indication it’ll be awesome! :twilightsmile:

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again, this is a fantastic read. Great comedy! Love Fluttershy’s dialogue. :rainbowlaugh:

The concept here was hilarious, and actually quite new considering the amount of Twidash stuff I've read throughout the years. You got a good knack for writing humor, and I actually was wondering if this was for that shipping contest once I finished. With a bit of polishing this could have been one of the better entries if I was gonna guess.

Also Fluttershy being vulgar at heart is fantastic. :rainbowlaugh:

Nice job!

Yes, a personal headcannon of mine is that Fluttershy curses at everyone inside her head. I mean really, with the way she gets treated (especially in the early seasons), do you think she's all nice and kind inside her head?

I always thought that she is the secret string puller/spy master of ponyville.

Speaking with animals and them even following her loyally? Nobody can hide secret from her.

Has her own persoanal fortress villa outside ponyville with a security perimeter big garden filled with her soldiers animal fiends. And direct access to a getaway where in nobody can really track you the Everyfree Forest where her foreign contact zebra friend lives who is always willing to help her in a emergency. She doesn't fear the beasts inside the forest.

Also while she keeps her personal beliefs and goals to herself, she doesn't have any problems to talk about and council the rulers of her nation who so easily find a friend in her.

I could just go on...


Actually, I have a story that never made it to being written about Fluttershy secretly being the biggest mob boss in Equestria, so funny you'd bring that up

"One male in every seven females," Twilight affirmed.

Do you mean one male for every seven females? Because, you know... you can’t have a male in females... :twilightsheepish:

Also, the extreme dichotomy between Fluttershy’s words and thoughts is... is... extreme. :rainbowhuh::rainbowlaugh:

I do wonder if Fluttershy’s ever built a shed of her own. Hmm...


I'm pretty sure you can ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Thanks for pointing that out, though!

Probably because I got a draft somewhere on my old laptop too... Don't know if I ever activate that old writers account again but if I would write it today I probably go AU to spice things up.

Loved the concept, and the little cutaways were a lot of fun (particularly the eagle screech. That actually made me giggle) but what kills the story for me is Fluttershy's inner monologue. It's awkward, and the profanity-but-not-really-profanity is honestly a bit cringy. I mean, centaurshit? Really?

It just really drags down what for the most part is a very cute and humorous little story.

Nice story always love to see twidash!

"I always knew my friends were idiots, but this is a new high, for sure. I mean, even Pinkie knew what I wanted when I puffed my feathers up for her and built her that balloon dispenser."

I for one actually enjoy the idea of this ship.

But for some reason, this statement bloody terrifies me, and I don't know why...

I mostly enjoyed this story, but didn't really care for the 'Fluttershy is secretly a jerk in her thoughts' bit. About halfway through the story I started skipping the yellow text sections.

Oh good to know to skip this then

awww, that was sweet. That Fluttershy was Brilliant, too.

Profanity tag for Fluttershy swearing :rainbowlaugh:

*Does a double take* Okay, this is gonna be good. I mean, Fluttershy swearing? That's basically the cheat code to making a comedy fic.

"I always knew my friends were idiots, but this is a new high, for sure. I mean, even Pinkie knew what I wanted when I puffed my feathers up for her and built her that balloon dispenser."

And there's a side ship here. Which means... any thoughts of making a sequel? Also, yes, both ponies and people can be "quite" dumb when it comes to things like these... I mean, I've been there myself... :facehoof:


I considered making a sequel, but I'm not entirely sure how I would do it. I know that I'll definitely be referencing this story in future stories, but a direct sequel is still up in the air. Glad you enjoyed, though!

This can easily be classified as one heck of a masterpiece man! This had humor in all the right places, the dialogue in a way seems like something they'd all say or think (especially Flutters!), and the enjoyability of reading this is so friggin high! Awesome work on this! Hope ya didn't mind, but I made a reading on this fic!

Audio Linkey!: https://youtu.be/Lvl8U0XvjwE

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment!)



Duuuuuuude thank you so much!! I set my YouTube Reminder, can't wait to hear it!!

(My YouTube has my real name, unfortunately--the whole name changing process is really complicated and confusing and I'm hesitant to change my gmail name. So I'll be commenting as Ariel Clyburn.)

Tell me, what is the connection between reading gratuitous Flutterswears and the need to smile??


Tell me, how does the image of innocent, sweet Fluttershy screaming "FUCK" make you feel?

Is there such a thing as too much TwiDash? No, no there isn't. This is definitely one of the wierder ones I've read. Pegasus mating rituals, a novelty to me — interesting.

This was so funny! I loved it!

fully showing off both sets of her privates.

Took me a moment to parse that.

It only took me, like, a week to build, but I finally finished it!!

So did Twilight never notice the hammering or hauling materials behind the castle? I suppose in its labyrinthine depths, it's hard to tell where "behind" even is.

I do love the concept, both the avian courtship behavior and Fluttershy's incredibly vulgar internal monologue. The technique could use some refinement—you dip a bit much into Lavender Unicorn Syndrome, and you tend to overuse line breaks between dialogue and its attribution—but all told, this was quite fun. Thank you for it.

This is my favorite version of Fluttershy.


Thank you so much!! You're one of my favorite authors on this site, so it means a lot that you actually read this!! The constructive criticism is much appreciated as well.


Thank you! :rainbowlaugh:

<3 birdpone mating rituals <3

Very cute. And you gotta give Dashie credit for creating anything, much less an attractive nesting shed for a potential companion. You know there's room for two in there...

It's a little strange to see an entire story composed of one-line paragraphs, but there's a lot of talking so the formatting just felt quick and fleeting to look at. The more "adult" stream of thought from Fluttershy was a little off-putting, thinking her friends are morons for not "getting" each other. It's kinda mean of her, really. Like, she's a real b***h under her cute exterior. That was the only flaw I found in the whole thing.

The "family mating dance" must be a very serious tradition indeed, if it's passed from parent to child, usually the males, in such a female-centric society. It's interesting to think about as a block of world-building.

"If you see Zephyr spreading his wings and screaming like a hawk in public, kick him in the balls immediately."

:fluttershyouch: in fact do so if you see him at all.

Balloon dispenser is love, balloon dispenser is life.

I don't suppose there's a story showing Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie getting together anywhere in the works? It would make a good prequel and with Fluttershy being my favorite pony you caught my attention.

Sassy shy is best shy

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