Twilight and Luna: two mares made for each other
Sad4,352 stories ·2,624 members
The Writers' Group56,449 stories ·9,299 members
Dark8,326 stories ·3,768 members
Luna Is The Best Pony4,635 stories ·7,267 members
Alicorn Twilight2,144 stories ·2,853 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,379 stories ·3,070 members
Twilight Sparkle12,290 stories ·4,755 members
It has been a twelve hundred years since my best friends died and one year since my royal adivisor died. One morning, I started to hear a voice similar to mine. This voice is the same as mine, but more malign, tyrannical. And the voice asks me to let my anger take control of me. And after what I'm feeling, I don't see why I shouldn't accept it. Because after all, I already lost those I loved...
Page generated in 0.136 seconds
Total duration
1,026 users online
1,821,631 hits today, 2,073,628 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A couple of spelling and grammer errors but good so far.
10228622
Sorry about the mistakes. I'll correct it
10228628
No problem.
10228632
I already correct them.
In moments of grief in which Twilight could not accept the fate bestowed upon her by destiny, it is easy for her to surrender her soul to give in into being Midnight Sparkle. It is an interesting read, and the advancement of the plot in terms of how Midnight Sparkle will enact this “revenge” against Celestia would make a promising fight/reformation scene...perhaps?
There’s still a few language errors to be corrected, but other than that, a nice start to the story.
What a coincidence I was thinking of making a story where Twilight turns into a dark alicorn myself. Though I have a different name in mind.
Does Sombra appear in this story?
10229044
Really? What name would that be?
10230751
I don't know. Since the plot of the story usually develops as I write the chapters. But I won't deny that I was thinking about it
You say it's two hundred thousand years since they retired here? So they seriously did not notice the bad stuff going on sooner?
10232199
It was that they were busy enjoying retirement and did not notice the changes
10232215
Seems way way WAY too long. I mean Celestia and Luna were close to Twilight. Immortals might have a different sense of time but they would have to be really ignorant to not notice something like that happening in Equestria for that long. We know they have newspapers in their world. Word would reach them much sooner I think. But hey, your story.
I want to see if you bring him back just like Discord dressed as Grogar, All great Queens need a King?
Where is Discord speaking of which, he is Immortal and would be floating around somewhere surely.
Another issue here is that it's only been a thousand years. Dragons are capable of living for thousands of years, or so people believe and it is shown that Embers dad was around a thousand years before the series. Spike would still be alive, unless he had a very short lifespan for a dragon. Also, you could explain why Twilight isnt considering suicide, she can still be killed by other means just as jumping off a balcony.
The Great King Sombra and Queen Midnight of Equestira. Soon the land of Crystals will shater and the Umbrum will rise. Once more Equesitra will go back into darkness!!!!!!!!
This will be good.
He may know if you are going to add in the comic lore of King Sombra
Where's Cadence and Flurry shouldn't they be alive?
Slight typo. Should be "what you feel."
Don't mean to nitpick, you can delete my comment once it's fixed. Also, keep it up.
10243023
Fixed it.
10230752
Teardrop Star. Sorry for late reply, dont recall getting a notification.
10243143
I have one question will Sombra free his people The Umbrum ( from IDW comics)
They need a army that can control fear
10245252
I am writing the next chapter, maybe I will write at the end of the chapter that they release the Umbrum
10245260
OK thanks
10245262
You're welcome
10237281
Spike should probably also be. Unless he was killed.
Well that was a good ending
Sombra is alive that is good. Maybe Sombra will marry Twilight
Not bad, at least Twilight has found love. Though if I go through with my dark alicorn story it wont end well.
10232997
It wouldnt surprise me if after Fluttershy died he stopped making chaos and faded away like in that Season 7 episode Discordant Harmony or whatever. But that didnt happen here.
Why is she repeatedly calling Spike her royal advisor and not her brother?
One title should be more important than the other.
10268551
She never really called him her brother in the show except for Season 9 in only 1 episode. Number one assistant was always dominant, now its royal advisor.
Taking another look and the very first sentence says thousand three hundred years. That makes no sense. Also Celestia is unaware of the elements of harmony being destroyed by King Sombra. That is RIDICULOUS Twilight would have reported the whole thing after defeating him. The Young Six were aware of it, it wasnt some secret.
This is good, but you should really fix your grammar. For example,
One, didn’t Twilight’s friends die first and then Spike? Two, Spike should be referred to as a brother. Three, “I can’t join my friends and Spike afterlife.“ should be “I can’t see them again in heaven.”
10410214
1-Yes, first it was Twilight's friends, then it was Spike
2- Yes, but remember that he became the royal advisor for Twilight
3- I will correct this sentence
10410227
Okay. Also, Midnight’s cutie mark has 8 points.
10410330
I gonna fix
I don’t like when villains state outright that they are evil and tyrannical. I would have Midnight Sparkle instead say that this is the beginning of an era of order and peace.
This story is almost entirely plot driven. Not a bad idea, but for more emotion more words. For something sweet and simple, this is great
The story is good but feels rushed, I think the difference between Luna and Celestia being immortal and ruling Equistria and Twilight being immortal and ruling Equestria is that Luna and Celestia has each other while Twilight was ruling alone.
I would like to see a sequel, wasn't the worst story I've ever seen.