I dont know if I like or don't like where this is going let's say about half and half on that answer

If there's non-con it should probably have the tag.

10225297
Added - I always forget that thing exists, thanks!

Yes.

My broodmare senses are tingling.

Oh yeah, that hits the spot

10225270
You probably will! It's a roller coaster of emotions.

Btw, this was an amazing experience, clops is such a great writer! Hope you people like the plot (yes there is some kind of plot, and not only delicious Starlight one) as it is not entirely non-con!

I tip my hat to you sir. You truly are a genius in clop writing. Such colorful and inventive uses of words and descriptions. They manage to make the pretty simple cunnilingus and tongue fucking scenario extremely interesting and captivating, so much so that I didn't skim or skip any line like I usually do with clop fics. I would definitely have to study this fic for my own future works.

The way you transition Chrysalis's feeling from hate to obsession to love is the icing on the cake, really smooth, cute and adorable, and definitely plays into my preference about character's emotional development in clops. Would love it if you can expand a little more of that aspect on Starlight's side as well.

One thing I would criticize though, is the frequent use of profanity for Starlight. It kind of breaks the readers out of the immersion and impression of an innocent mare being violated and subjugated.

10225678

One thing I would criticize though, is the frequent uses of profanity for Starlight. It kind of breaks the readers out of the impression and immersion of an innocent mare being violated and subjugated.

She's not an innocent mare though, she's a rival. Strong, willful and angry but ultimately subjugated by the Queen.

Light Non-Con ... Mind Break

These are contradictory. Mind Break is, like, the heaviest that Non-Con can get. The point of fetish tags is to give people a fair idea of what the story contains, and one of these is necessarily misleading (I can guess which one by the other comments, but that's not overly important here).

Her white whale.

Immediately thought Celestia despite the tags.

10225757

Immediately thought Celestia despite the tags.

Y u diss her like that lol

is this dead dove do not eat or is this just super weird

10225924
???

Happy sex endings are underrated.

10225969
dead dove do not eat is like extremely extreme stories

So, Starlight's so bad, Chrysalis spanks her pussy with her tongue?

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If that's what the author intended, then the profanity should have been used at the start but mellowing out toward the end.
This, however, kind of goes backward. She was rather polite at the start but spouting profanity non-stop at the end, it feels weird.

~Kailani Tides~

This was an adorable an well-written work of erotica. It spends a good portion of the story showing that Chryssy cares for Starlight; through concern for her well-being, the fact that she calls her 'Her Little Starlight', etc.

It keeps you on edge with suspense, wondering when Chryssy will finally give in to her emotions. You can tell that somewhere deep inside her she really wants to, but her hatred and grudge against the new changelings keeps her from actually giving in.

Her walls slowly crash down until the end when she gives up and let's the pleasure take her over.

Starlight is portrayed well, with the understandable anger and fear that comes with the sight of Chryssy. As the story progresses you can see her slowly giving in much like Chryssy, however the ending makes it clear she was aware of this from the beginning.

It's most likely the poorly hidden concern that Chryssy shows her that makes her decide to go through with it instead of defending herself.

Ending is cute, lovable and ties up the story in a neat little bow (with the exception of not getting to see Chryssy's love spoken through words but here it's mostly unessecary).

~Nitpicks~

The lines saying Chryssy took down four alicorns is technically false. All five alicorns were captured in her second invasion.

Granted, Flurry Heart is a baby and less than a year old at the time of the invasion, but it's still something to include.

~Signing Out~

10226241
Oh also very hot sex scenes, mmmm.

Cunnilingus has never been so good in my eyes.

What about an alternate side where Starlight makes Chrysalis into her personal C-Dump by continuously pump her while seal-knotted?

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It was meant to show a rising loss of self due to pleasure.... You're more likely to swear on the edge of orgasm than what the first kiss.

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Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad I was able to convey those themes!

You're also totally right... I shouldn't forget about her, but I totally did!

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Nah it's pretty vanilla, imo... Maybe a little fetish.

10226122
Yep! And more.

10226410
Yes, it would fit in case Starlight was quite familiar with sex and like talking dirty while having sex.

But in this one I was given the impression that you were going for a pretty innocent and new to sex Starlight. So when she started talking dirty, it didn't feel very fitting. Mares who are new to sex usually don't talk that way when they start to give in to the pleasure imo.

10226416
Yep, i checked it out and it was good, im just very wary of stories after reading alot of ohgodwhy stories

10226550
Maybe...

You're right that they're more likely to be quiet and shy.

But still, she could be one of those loud ones... Starlight's dad may have needed to knock on the door during Starlight's 'personal time' to get her to keep it down.

:)

10226744
Glad you enjoyed!

Mmm. Not a fan of forgiving rape and abuse.

Nice. But I wanted to see starlight getting filled with with eggs. Eggs made with love

10227755
Completely fair, fantasy clop is ten million years divorced from the horrific reality.

I don't blame you if you can't suspend that disbelief, thanks anyway!

10227850
Hehe, it was a close thing, if it had been one of my stories I'd definitely have done that.

This was a beautiful and heart warming ending place make a sequel of where there love grows and they have baby's.

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Squee

Daww that's actually kind of touching

Was kinda hoping for another chapter to finish up :D

So sweet, I'll have to read it twice

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Thanks!

10362840

More of a "Well written ponut penetration" fetish. Not very picky about what's getting shoved up there, just as long as there are things getting shoved up there. And your descriptions are godly which most certainly helps.

Kind of hope we someday get a sequel that shows Starlight being the one to fuck Chrysalis

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I hope this his a sequel like that to.

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T JUST END IT THERE YOU EXTREMELY TALENTED MONSTER

DON'T MAKE ME WRITE MY OWN SEQUEL

I'LL DO IT

I TURNED THE VAPOREON COPYPASTA INTO A CLOPFIC I'LL DO ANYTHING MAN

But on a less capslock note, I absolutely loved this story, this was one hell of a fun dynamic between chrysi and starlight :D

I do kinda feel like writing my own epilogue...

Nice