Words have been written. Some of them by me. Those are here. Probably.
It’s the week before the Canterlot wedding and tensions are high, even more so for the changeling love collectors. With the results of the wedding, life is going to change drastically, regardless of the outcome.
For one co-owner of the Sweet Roast Cafe, wife to a loving stallion, and undercover changeling, Sweet Leaf can only hope this change is kind.
Edited by Cursori, Fade, and Lingo
Preread by 63.546.
Cover art by lilfunkman.
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Good stuff! The perspective of a changeling spy in Canterlot prior to the invasion prior to the invasion's an excellent one, especially with the network of relationships and contacts you've described for her. Good attention paid to scene-setting and characterisation, and definitely looking forward to the rest of this.
The premise is nice and you have a knack for descriptions. Let's see where this goes.
Come on, Firefly, we know you're lying to yourself... Damn, I hope all works out for them, but... sometimes things don't work out the way they ought to...
9798591
Thanks Cara! That perspective is about to get pretty shaken up, regardless of if it's wanted.
9798601
Thank you for the kind words! I hope I can keep you entertained until the end.
9798889
Growing up in the hive where everything has to be for the hive doesn't exactly allow taking something for oneself. Not to mention all the other stigmas related to what she's trying not to feel.
Classic FNG. Interested in seeing where this goes.
I'm loving this story so far, but I've noticed a few grammar or phrasing/punctuation issues. Is there any way I can help you with that? I want this story to be its best.
980239
Sure! If you want to throw those you've found in a PM, that would work great. My editors and I have tried to get all of those pesky problems worked out, but we obviously missed some.
Thanks and I'm glad you're finding it entertaining!
Spindle, for your own safety, change your disguise NOW. Doesn't matter what, anything but Bobby Pin, whom you've compromised.
9802449
It will take me a while, but I'll create a detailed write-up on my computer when I get the chance.
I'm hooked so far. Changelings before Thorax took over were so much more interesting.
Hold on, didn't she give away the sack to the other changeling in Chapter 1? Why would she be surprised to find it missing?
Great first chapter! And good job with making things seem normal but with lines that mean more than they seem when you know what's going on. Interesting idea with changelings having designated love collectors. It makes a lot of sense with how many there are. I did notice a mistake, which I'll PM you about.
"She figured he would want to help add by way of a tip." This is confusingly worded. Maybe "add help"?
I sense true love! But why couldn't Firefly tell that Fine Roast was speaking fondly/positively of her? She couldn't sense his hope for her?
9803761
You missed the part of this chapter where it said "In the past week since the collection she’d been able to make three crystals and they were all sitting under the floorboards in her closet."
9803859
9803761
I agree that I did mention it before, but I feel that dzamie has a point. This came up in editing and I don't remember if I added the line Dogman said after it came up or if I simply pointed the same out to my editor. Either way, since it's been addressed by multiple people, I decided to add a little blurb to remind the reader what happened.
9803792
Thanks for the comment and the find Sigma! I'm glad you're enjoying it.
9803889
Oh, you must have added that line after posting the chapter and Dzamie reading it, but before I got around to reading it.
9803891
Nope! The one you talked about was already there. I added another line right as she found the sack was missing.
9803905
What is your buffer at right now?
Aww, they make a sweet couple. Well done writing their interactions.
9803889
Thank you, that change is very helpful!
Even before this story had any ratings visible, and despite it being your first story, I knew to look into it when I noticed your sign-up date, coupled with a very sensibly written story-description not typically indicative of a first story.
It implies you've either been a writer before elsewhere, or you've read enough to have already developed a decent sense for writing, which reminds me of how, when I got into video editing back in the day, I realized I already had developed a sense of comedic timing just from watching tons of other people's flash cartoons.
("That's right, kids! Watch lots of cartoons and you will learn important life skills!"
)
So far, I am not disappointed, and find myself intrigued to see where this goes.
Also interesting to see Sweet Leaf's situation mirrored in Bobby Pin, I wonder if we'll hear from her again later.
Also nice to see a fic set in this era in general. I think it's rather telling that the most interesting changeling-fics these days are usually those that either ignore or sidestep the s6 finale, or that had already started well before then.
Pure bliss.
Well that was shorter than I was expecting. But great all the same. Guess I gotta follow you now.
sequelsequeqlsequelseque- *reads A/N* HECK YES
Ten outta ten.
9804912
For me, I've read enough to have a pretty decent understanding of how fiction works. I'll admit I have room for growth, but that just means I have to write more, like the sequel.
And you'll definitely see more of Bobby Pin.
9805332
That should explain not answering your buffer question. I'm glad you liked it all the way through though! I hope to deliver just as well, if not better, in the sequel.
9805565
Yes! Sequel! Soon™.
And I had a small bout of inspiration and deviousness when making that little snippit. I'll admit I'm rather proud of those three teeny words.
9805731
Fair enough. Then may I ask how much of a buffer you plan to have on the next story, per chapter? Like "I'm going to write X chapters before I post chapter 1, and I have a goal of X or Y chapters in the buffer as I go."
so nice. I want more!!!
9805773
To be completely honest, I'm not sure yet.
Because I have a rather demanding full time job and other life commitments, I may not have the luxury of having a buffer like Kris Overstreet or other daily release authors out there. The sequel will not be released daily like this one was, unfortunately. This fic was finished before release because I wanted to get the readers something they could fully sink their teeth into without having to wait long periods of time between chapters. The sequel will not be able to do this.
9805814
I'd be okay with weekly updates.
In the author's notes for The Maretian, Kris was always describing how ragged and spread-thin he was with all the other non-writing stuff he had to do, so don't sweat it.
And don't worry; I have a job too, so I know how it is.
Good chapter. I wonder what role these other changelings will play in the future.
Also somehow missed that this didn't take place in Canterlot until now >_>
9802396
Common practice is to send a PM pointing out the problems.
9805856
I did.
Also, I was under the initial impression this took place in Canterlot, as well. It's a little bit more difficult to imagine what Hoofington looks like.
There's a mistake here. You used the character's name before he was introduced.
I've read loads of stories just like this, but they never seem to get old. This is yet another good one.
9805906
Whoops! Thanks for pointing that out and I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
Pretty good. Nothing ground-breaking, but solid execution.
If there's one thing I think this story is missing, it's a view of the day-to-day relationship between "Sweet Leaf" and Fine Roast before things get complicated. We get a brief glimpse, but it quickly gets overshadowed by the plot, which leaves their relationship almost as something to be taken for granted. Which I guess is just another way of saying I wanted more.
I love stories like this. Well done
Now for a sequel that gets them to the Season 6 finale and the trials they will need to face until that day.
Great story! Saw this fic purely by chance when it first popped up in the New Stories section, and I'm really glad I checked it out. I loved the characterizations of Sweet and Roast and the writing felt natural throughout.
9804912 I didn't notice the sign up date at first so I'll admit I was rather pleasantly surprised at how well written it was
Finished reading. Excellent stuff. You've done an excellent job showing the relationships Sweet Leaf built up and the divided loyalties that left her with. Good work evoking the tension amongst the infiltrators leading up to the invasion, as well as the flurry of fear and paranoia that followed it.
Finally finished this. Good job on this story! I usually don't like OC-based stories, but you did well making me care about the characters. I notice a hint of Mistborn with the discussion of how emotion sensing and manipulation is something everyone does in some sense.
Azure Notion hasn't shared it on this site yet, so I guess I will. I commissioned artwork of Sweet Leaf and Fine Roast:
https://derpibooru.org/2145437
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/9/16/2145437.png
Maybe he'll make a blog post about it.
Finally some good fuckin changeling fics.
Seriously, I havn't read something this good with this much properly thought-out headcanon and lore since Phoenix_Dragon, please keep up the amazing work, I loved almost everything about it and it's good to have something that doesn't take the "all changelings steal love because they're evil" route for once.
Loved it, keep up the amazing work, now I have to follow you for the sequel!
This looks like two sentences collided and each lost a few words. I get the general meaning, but this might need a do-over.
Charming... mostly.
Well, I'm glad I decided to follow up on this after seeing it on EQD. :)
I absolutely love this and I cannot wait for more! Bring on that sequel!!
It's a great story that basically ends on a cliffhanger but still has a satisfying end.
BUT WHY DOES HE TAKE SO LONG IN THE SHOWER HMMMMM. KELPIE?!?!
I just realized that this is the first story you have published here on fimfiction. You have certainly hit the ground running with this tale here. It's an interesting idea that the love a changeling gathers will somehow be more nourishing and tasty if the pony truly loves the changeling himself or herself, rather than simply the disguised form that pony sees. You'd think that would be something Queen Chrysalis would be able to embrace but if the past is anything to go by, she would not handle this news well at all and that could spell trouble for Firefly and Roast. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and look forward to the sequel (now that I know there is one in the works based on the comments).
9801765
What does FNG stand for? Nothing is coming to mind when I try to interpret that.
Heh. "Blending".
Well, she sure has gone native, heh.
This is an interesting start! Let's see where it all leads.
Onwards!
Remarks and corrections:
> back and forth in the air then arched his back
I believe there's a comma missing there, before "then".
> a little longer than Skirrax’s
Kind of peculiar to mention that name here, before you introduce him.
> “I’ve spent far too long being Sweet Leaf that I’m afraid I’ll never forget how to make espresso.”
That sentence doesn't make sense... that should either be something like "I’ve spent far too long being Sweet Leaf [to ever] forget how to make espresso", or "I’ve spent [so] long being Sweet Leaf that I’m afraid I’ll never forget how to make espresso." But as it is, it doesn't work.
It's his business. In more ways than one
...and cleaning up the blood stain where a certain thrown-out pegasus hit the ground too hard with his nose
Heh. Not surprising that her love crystals are stronger than normal.
Hah! He knows her too well.
Very nice, so far. It's interesting to see this kind of story with an actual infiltrator as main character.
Sparkly dragons, hah. I see what you did there.
Hee. Like a changeling Fluttershy.
pff. Plenty of lovin'.
No. Really?
Small correction:
> didn’t used to be this way
Double conjugation. Should be "didn’t [use] to be"
Heh. He totally knows.
Saw that coming. He didn't tell a soul.
Wow, she's dense. He just literally said he hoped she'd come back soon
Say something, you idiot. Let her know she can just come back!
Really?