Twilight Sparkle goes to a party at Vinyl Scratch's with her best friends: Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy. Unfortunately for her, she spots her ex among the crowd. So quickly, with her friends nowhere in sight, Twilight stupidly decides to pretend to be dating the nearest person she could find. Who by the way, happens to be a very attractive fiery-haired woman. Now with this mysterious girl gone, Twilight decides to do nothing but to track her down. It would've been easy. If she had got her number...
What happened next? Twilight surely didn't know.
Written For PRIDE Month!
Au, takes place in college, no magic, humans only.
Story tags and character tags will make more sense as the story goes on.
Original cover art, here.
Check out My Story Timeline, for more stories!
That's not a word...
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Thank you! That wasn't intentional, promise! There's always that first typo you miss.
Very interesting first chapter, i'll definitely be watching this!
Out of curiosity, are you going to write it as it comes or have some kind of plan? I'm wondering how long of a story it will be?
Sunlight forever!
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Thank you! As for the length, I think I'm just going with the flow. I do know however it's going to be 10+.
I like hope it long
That makeover sure happened fast. From the audience's perspective it looks like Rarity did nothing at all. I almost thought it was Rarity fooling around at first by stating that Twilight didn't need makeup, that there was nothing she could do to improve upon what was already there.
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I guess it may seem that way, yes. Next time, I'll try to be more descriptive. Intro's are really such a drag. Thank you for reading though!
If I was a girl, this would be me.
This is good!
On is the word you mean here. And I will say that even before I read this I could see Sci Twi pulling something like this.
THIS SHIP IS SO CUTTTTEEE
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xD, totally. Also, thanks! Can you point the sentence out for me?
I'm actually a TwiDash shipper but I read this because I was looking for pride month stories (fimfic doesn't have a lot, apparently). I think this was really well written and I'm glad somepony else thought of pride month
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Sure, it's this one.
RIIIIIP, so is there gonna be more chapters or what?
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Of course there’s going to be more chapters. The next is halfway through.
The premise is promising and the writing engaging, but please change this to its proper form ‘voilà’. If it were Applejack or Rainbow Dash, it could be excused as a parody or mock of Rarity’s mannerisms, but since it’s Rarity saying this, it comes off as being extremely immersion-breaking.
I was getting into the story very happily, and this just jumped out at me >.<
It's brace yourself actually.
This is a fair start, but you'll need someone to edit this for you. There are a bunch of places where the wording is clumsy.
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Thank you for the corrections! To be honest, "wah la," wasn't a mistake. It's actually something I didn't know was an actually word. So thank you!
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I do love how cringe worthy that whole set up was on Sci Twi's part. It played out exactly how it needed to for maximum comedic effect.
Also you have a very firm grasp of, if not an outright mastery of Sunset's sass. She totally owned Timber in that moment.
This was a very interesting first chapter.
I'm interested in the future chapters and I love how Sunset stood up for Twilight even though she barely knew her!
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Thanks! She’s a very empathetic person. We’ll find out more about why she saved Twilight in later chapters.
I'm loving this. Can't wait for the next chapter.
Beakinin-say-what-now? What does this strange arrangement of letters mean? Mighta been asked already but I didn't have the strength to comment surf (in before it's an answered question two comments down).
Also,
Did you mean she snapped out of her, "trance," or did I miss something?
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Thanks, and no, I meant "glance," not "trance."
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I still don't understand: what is "beakining"?
And I think I kind of get what you mean, after reading it back, by "glance".
Not to detract from the fact that this was an awesomely-heart-warming chapter! :D Do keep it up! Muchos appreciatos!
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Sorry, the typo is correct. I'll fix it. Also, thanks for reading. <3
I like how that Twiggles and Sunny Bun (and their respective group of friends) have no clue who each other are in this. Keep up the awesome job.
Right? I thought it would be kind of cool if I started them separate and sort of merge together later. Thank you!
Well, if you just traded phone numbers Sunny Buns, there wouldn't be as much potential for zany hijinks.
Oh, good. Rarity is appropriately nuts. At least its the fun kind.
And so the hunt for SunLight begins. I look forward to seeing where this goes.
Capitalize the word Do, and use possibly in place of possible.
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Dang it! I was sure it was perfectly edited this time. Thank you!
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Don't worry about it. We all miss these at times. Besides typos can be downright funny sometimes. Like When Jaydex the Shadowknight wrote potato fires instead of potato fries.
The word you're looking for here is, "Once." "Once we do that ... " I also think it should be a period after the word, "online," but that's just me.
I hate to only be useful for little gripes like that. Editors are like food critics to me; you know, those who can't do ... God did I just go there? Let's forget about that.
Gotta say I also really like these two having to meet, and I think this scene in which they each tell their friends about it is super important. After all, when Twilight tells her friends, it results in the segue into what's happening next and how it's happening -- stalking Sunset! I mean, finding ... finding Sunset.
Is that ... IS that ... It can't be ... IS THAT A SEMICOLON FOR THE FIX? And I said nothing! I love it!
My heart is melting; you're phenomenal and I love it and I can't forget so take a <3
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ty!
Rarity's search was… unexpectedly smooth. Guess its fate that Sunny and Twi are meant to be together or something.
So Sunny et. al. are YouTube celebs? That actually opens up some fun plot potential for later chapters, so… cool.
I see what you did there.
I like where this is going so far. Please keep this rolling.
You should change that to "The cover art came from here," or something like that. As it is now it sounds like you changed the cover art. Please respond to this comment.
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👍
Oh no, Sunny, you've been hit! Nobody survives getting hit by the love stick!
It's the dude pony! Yes!
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Indeed, right you are.
You could kinda shove all of Chapter 2 into a few paragraphs in this one, saying something like:
After telling her friends of the last 15 minutes that happened, twilight was offered a very peculiar choice by rarity
*explain raritys plan here*
Then jump to the start of this chapter. That's just my thoughts tho
WHY CAN'T I LIKE THIS MORE THAN ONCE?! IT'S NOT FAIR!
Twi, I know you're crushing on a certain mandarin-flavored girl, but that's kinda borderline stalking. Eh, zany schemes ahoy.
Also, poor Minuette. As hard as I ship SunLight, that still made me kinda sad for her. As you said, its all about time. A couple days earlier, and you might have had a shot. At least you tried, hon. At least you tried.
At first Twilight was worried she might be "stalking" a girl she only met once... Now she is hacking universities to her.
I wonder how she is going to explain that if Sunset find out one day.
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Me too. 🤔
Weren't is the word here, not wasn't.
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... Really? Huh...
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