• Published 1st Apr 2019
  • 9,958 Views, 680 Comments

The Harem Noses [Old Edition] - Irrespective

An ancient law forces the common and multiple royals together, whether they like it or not.

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7. Wishes, Hopes, and Desires

* * * *

“Well, this is a fine mess our husband has inflicted on us, isn’t it?” Cadence fairly spat the fiery words at her Aunt Luna, although it would have felt better to really breathe fire at the old bat while she paced the length of Aunt Celestia's drawing room. “First you force me to marry him instead of Shining Armor, and now you’ve gotten him to dump an entire tribe of sex-crazed thestrals into the mix. At the rate we’re going, he’s going to be married to every female in Canterlot within a month, but hey, sharing is caring, right?”

“If I had known this was a possibility, I would have gone myself,” Luna snarled back. “These ‘rights of concubinage’ did not exist in my day.”

“Arguing will get us nowhere,” Celestia interjected, her wing stretching out to keep her sister and her niece apart. “Cadence, I know this is difficult, but—”

“Oh, would you please stop saying that!” Cadence fumed, her wings flaring up with a stomp of her hoof. “This whole situation has shot clean past difficult and gone straight into insane! Keeping my Shiny despite being married to Baked Bean was one thing, but do you really expect me to share with hundreds of batponies just because of some stupid laws?!”

“No, Cadence,” Celestia said calmly. “I do not.”

The answer caught Cadence off guard. “What?”

“I will not force you or Shining Armor to submit to the thestral demands. We are the Princesses of Equestria, and our word is law, not theirs. I promised that you and Shining would remain together, and I fully intend to fulfill that promise.”

“But how?” Cadence asked.

Celestia’s proud demeanor faltered ever-so-slightly. “I do not know, but I will find a way. I always do.”

Cadence’s wings slowly slid to her sides, and she studied Celestia’s face. She had known her aunt long enough to notice the cracks as they appeared in her facade, and underneath, she could see how the daytime diarch truly felt about the situation.

Beneath it all, her beloved aunt looked old, tired, and worn-out. This was an encumbrance on top of a hinderance, shaken, stirred, and served as a bitterly sour complication cocktail—complete with an olive of obnoxiousness hanging on the rim—and it was one she had created all on her own a thousand years ago just because she found herself in an uncomfortable situation. Once again, she was being called upon to solve this complex problem, and it was clear that the toll was quickly becoming more than Celestia could pay.

“Bean mentioned something about prize laws,” Cadence finally said, desperate to change the subject. “How does that work?”

“The prize laws were created to allow for fair distribution of the spoils of war to our soldiers back in my day,” Luna said. “However, the regulations were meant for use on things like gold or silver, not for concubines or slaves. Or husbands,” she added.

“It is strange that the Oberjahrl is trying to invoke those laws,” Celestia added, her stoicism quickly returning. “In fact, I am confused by her actions in general. Why did she not agree to return? As I recall, the Oath they swore was to serve and obey every command they were given.”

“And as our husband, Baked Bean’s word was to be treated as our own,” Luna added. “It is clear that this Pansy has some sort of plan in motion. We must determine what her motives are, and we must ensure that she understands her place.”

“Indeed,” Celestia said. “Come, let us speak with her and address this matter. Perhaps the way to move forward will be clearer once we have done so.”

* * * *

“Sister, when this is over, you and I will need to discuss the design for your new throne,” Celestia said as the alicorns strode into the seat of Equestria’s government. “I wanted to have a throne ready for your return, but I realized just how insensitive it would be to impose on your selection. Something like this should be yours and only yours, much like... um... well, discounting Bean, I suppose. He is a warm-hearted stallion who will make an excellent husband, although I don’t think I would have picked him without your... impetuous decision. There are some parallels, I suppose. Comfort, for one, and a certain color scheme that goes well with the draperies...”

While Celestia was nattering onward about trivialities, Luna took a sideways glance up to her sister and despite her best efforts to remain strict and royal, she allowed just the smallest of smiles to emerge. This Celestia was so different from the one she had fought against a thousand years ago, and it filled her heart with joy to see the concern and love in her sister’s eyes. Celestia truly was doing everything in her power to ensure that Luna received all that she was entitled to, but more importantly, Celestia’s love for her younger sibling was shining as brightly as the sun in the noonday sky.

It was a shame that Luna had done nothing to earn that love, but in that moment, she resolved to do anything and everything within her power to show her gratitude and loyalty to her far-too-forgiving sister. It was the least she could do after all of the pain and anguish she had caused, particularly in regard to an extremely compassionate sister and a soft-spoken stallion. In fact, by his simple predicament, Bean had drawn Celestia far closer to Luna than either of them expected. He was a good influence on the Royal Sisters, blunting their natural tendency to clash at every opportunity, and Luna held a sliver of fear in her heart that if some solution could be found to send him away, the Nightmare might return.

Then again, his presence vexed Princess Cadence in her pursuit of the handsome Shining Armor. Bean could not be considered any sort of addition to their obvious compatibility.... except he did convince Shining Armor to persevere in bringing back her loyal batponies, and he was making Cadence fight for her beloved. That had to be a first for the Princess of Love, and a little competition sharpened the wits, after all. It was certainly worth some thought.

“Cadence, I believe we should allow Luna to speak for us during this meeting,” Celestia continued as the three acended the stairs of the dias. “The thestrals swore the Oath Tripartite to her, and they will be under her direct command.”

“I will speak up if I feel like I need to,” Cadence cautioned.

“As will I,” Celestia said with a nod. “Are we ready to begin?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Cadence murmured, her wings unfurling once more.

Luna said nothing, because she was honestly at a loss for words at the moment, and did not see just exactly how to treat the situation. Was it diplomacy or warfare, after all? The differences were frequently difficult to determine until afterward.

“Sergeant Pepper, please bring in Anstasi Pansy Von Wünschenswert,” Celestia ordered, her wings also flaring upwards in perfect synchronization with her sister.

The Sergeant nodded, and a few short moments later, the Warleader of the thestrals entered the throne room, her head held high and her leathery wings unfurled to their full reach. Pansy’s ornate purple-black armor had been polished to a brilliant shine, and as she took the knee before her princesses, Luna noted the lack of weapons or helm.

The Warleader was presenting herself before the throne as one who had been conquered, but her smile betrayed her inner glee. She looked like a mare who was victorious, despite her defeat, and Luna didn’t like that one bit.

“Empress Selena Luna mond Gealach, Queen of the Night, Princess of Equestria, Mistress of the Moon, Defender of Dreams, and Baroness of the West Tartarean Estates,” Pansy humbly submitted, her head still bowed. “Empress Cielia Celestia na Grèine, Queen of the Day, Princess of Equestria, Sovereign of the Sun, Mare of the Morn, and Baroness of the East Tartarean Estates. Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. It is my great honor and humble privilege to stand before you this day.”

“Empress?” Cadence said, the confusion heavy in her words.

“You pick up a title or fifty over a thousand years,” Celestia said with a small sigh. “I’ll explain later.”

“I think you’re missing a duchy in there somewhere,” considered Luna.

“Five.” Celestia seemed to be counting under her breath. “Six countships, about fifty or sixty baronies, and I think technically we’re abbeyesses of the Church of Sun and Moon, although the last worshippers passed away three or four centuries ago.”

“Really?” Luna shook her head. “They had such delightful music for their services. Nopony could understand the words, of course. The old mare who established the church was mad as a hatter.” She pursed her lips in thought. “Not a premonition of my fate with Nightmare Moon, I hope.”

“Ex post facto predictions are too easy, my sister,” said Celestia with a warm nuzzle. “With a wide enough prediction base, you can turn anything into having a gift, much like stock fraudsters do every week.”

Luna shook her head and returned her attention to their ‘guest.’ “Anstasi Pansy Von Wünschenswert, Oberjarhrl and Warleader of the Thestral Tribes.” Luna’s voice held no mercy in it, and she glared at the prone pony before her. “You have been summoned to discuss why you have forced yourself upon Our husband, Prince Baked Bean.”

“I am most pleased to answer for myself today,” Pansy said as she stood and met Luna’s gaze directly. “The answer, Your Most Royal Majesty, is really quite simple. I want grandfoals.” The hint of a calculated thought crossed the mare’s face, and she added with just the slightest hopeful lilt to her voice, “And perhaps just one more foal of my own.”

There was a pause as Luna glanced between Celestia and Cadence. “You turned yourself and your tribe into concubines just for grandfoals? That seems to be a rather extreme solution to a problem that you shouldn’t have yet.”

“Your Majesty, I will not waste your time,” Pansy said in a confident tone. “I am sure that you know of what happened last night when your husband and his guards came to reclaim the thestrals for your guard. I am also sure he spared no detail from you, so you know that we are few in number. From the time of your fall until this present hour, we thestrals have carefully controlled how many foals were born, and to whom, so that we would be able to deny and deprive Nightmare Moon of our oath-bound services, should your redemption have failed to be.

“Since you have returned to us as Princess Luna, my tribe now wishes to rebuild and regain their former glory. I fear our control over the years has been far too restrictive. We are an endangered species, Your Majesty, and the only way we can escape total extinction is if the entire tribe rapidly reproduces.”

“But couldn’t you do that without becoming concubines?” Cadence asked.

“Perhaps.” Pansy shrugged. “When the Prince first told me of your summons, I fully intended to return, eventually. We are still oath-bound to serve the crown, but you could hardly begrudge us some indulgences.”

“It is not your place to determine such things,” Luna said, her anger rising. “We did not send the Prince and his entourage to satisfy your loins. We sent him to retrieve you, and you know that a summons from any Princess is to be answered immediately.”

“I am aware of that. However, Your Majesties must admit that there will be some… resistance, let’s say, among the populace of Equestria at our return. As concubines to the Prince, we will be afforded protections that would not have been open to us otherwise, and those who might have wished to harm us will be reluctant to act against the crown. I did what I did because I felt that it would offer my tribe the best possible future.

“Now, if I must be punished, then I will gladly suffer whatever penalty Your Majesties deem worthy for my arrogance. I would only ask that you not punish my thestrals for what I have done. They are not responsible for me, or my decisions. Allow them to prosper, allow them to grow. Your Majesties know that we were once a mighty and fearsome tribe, and I only wish for us to regain that glory which we have lost.”

Luna hesitated for a moment. The logic behind Pansy’s actions was sound, if a bit convoluted, and she could see herself or Celestia doing the same, if they had been put into a similar position. “Are the thestrals prepared to submit themselves to our dominion?”

“Completely and totally,” Pansy answered proudly. “We are yours to command, Princess.”

“Even if we order you to stay away from those who have won the rights of concubinage over you?”

For the first time, Pansy frowned. “We will submit, but if you withhold your husband and the guards from us, we must seek out others. You know better than anypony else that the race of thestrals will not go quietly into the night, nor shall we vanish without a fight, Your Majesty.”

* * 📖 * *

“What is this thing that my sister has brought to us?” Luna asked, her eyes studying the black disc in her magic with a fervent intensity that Baked Bean had never seen before.

“It’s called a phonograph record,” Baked Bean answered, his gaze drifting slowly—very slowly—from Luna’s front to Luna’s rear with a number of detours to admire the ‘Of The’ accouterments she was wearing. Some of them looked quite painful, and he was suffering mixed feelings about offering to remove them for her.

“And what is the purpose of it?”

“Well, it…” Bean paused and took a moment to think of the best way to describe a record to somepony who had never heard of one before. “It has music on it. Do you see how that disc has a bunch of grooves in it? Okay, now do you see the needle at the end of the arm on the phonograph?”

“You mean this other odd contraption that was brought into my room?” Luna asked, the silver bells on the Bridle of the Newlywed Bride chiming slightly as she nodded to the phonograph next to her.

“Yeah. When that needle moves through those grooves, it vibrates, and those vibrations are then turned into music, or words, or whatever else got recorded.” Bean moved in a bit closer, took a deep breath in a failed attempt to calm his wildly beating heart, and glanced at the label. “The King Biscuit Flour Hour, interesting. Basically, this is a variety of new bands, all put together in one place. This’ll be a good way to learn about modern music.”

“So, you’re telling me that this dish-like… thing can capture music, hold it hostage, and then present it again on demand through this device?”

“More or less, yeah. Here, let me show you.” Bean gently took the record from Luna, placed it on the turntable, gave the crank several good turns, and then moved the needle to the lead-in.

Luna cocked her head to one side and stared at the cheerfully upbeat music that emanated from the horn of the device, but then she snorted. “Hmpf. Do ponies not enjoy watching live performances anymore?”

“Of course they do. Records were created so ponies could enjoy music whenever they wanted to, not just when a band performs.”

Luna said nothing to this, but even Bean could see the depression settling over his wife like a thick fog.

“So!” He moved back to the tray of food that had been delivered with the phonograph and looked over the offering. “How did the rest of the conversation go with Pansy?”

“It was very diplomatic and very boring,” Luna replied. “There wasn’t even any bloodshed. It did become a bit more lively when Cadence quite adamantly insisted that Shining Armor would not be receiving any concubines, no matter what the thestral laws decreed. It will take some time to determine how best to deal with this situation.”

“I really had no idea that—”

Luna held up a hoof and cut him off. “You have apologized enough, husband. In all honesty, I must admit that I do not see a problem with the Anstasi’s solution. I only wish she had returned first and presented her idea to Us; but I suppose her request to become your concubine would have been rejected. She wishes for the thestrals to repopulate, and by mating with royalty, the next generation will have protections that they would not have had otherwise.

“But I will hold my tongue on the matter,” she continued, her wings drooping as she glanced again to the phonograph. “Since I am a thousand years behind the times, my opinions are ancient, out-of-date, and offensive.”

“You’re not offensive,” Bean said, though he was careful to make sure the part about that applying to his eyes remained unspoken.

Luna scoffed. “If that were true, husband, then we would have consummated our marriage by now. You retreat and withdraw from me, since ponies today believe in things like ‘dating’ and ‘relationships.’ A thousand years ago, such concepts would have been derided as the fanciful wishes of a delusional mind. Love was a byproduct of marriage, not the other way around.

“No, I must keep my peace until I am educated on what is proper in modern society.” Luna’s bells chimed softly as her gaze dropped. “Though when I am left alone with my thoughts, I do wonder why the Elements did not destroy me. Did they not foresee how difficult it would be to adjust, or is this part of the punishment that I must endure for my betrayal?”

Bean hesitated. Luna’s words had pricked something deep inside him, and his heart hurt to see the Princess in the throes of depression like this. He wanted to help her overcome this, but what could he possibly do?

Other than loosen some of her accouterments. That could easily be taken wrong.

“Princess Luna has just returned from a thousand year banishment. She’s going to need help adjusting to the modern Equestria,” Bean murmured under his breath as he recalled Shining’s words. “Who better than the most common of commoners?”

Luna sniffled when Bean moved to her side, but she gave him a curious glance when he placed the tray of food down in front of her, and then laid down by her side. “Husband? What are you doing?”

“I think I know how you feel,” he said softly. “Or, at least I do a little bit, maybe. Both of us have been shoved into an unfamiliar world, and we’re trying to figure out what we’re supposed to do now that everything is different. So, maybe we can help each other figure out what to do together?”

“And how do you propose we do that?”

“Well, how about something like a trade?” he offered softly. “I can teach you about modern things like records and dating, and you can teach me about something.” Bean’s eyes drifted from her face to her neck, and a hoof reached out and gently touched the Consort’s Collar that she wore. “Like this. Why are you wearing all of this? Is it some sort of ancient standard or something?”

“Do you truly wish to know?” Luna asked, a spark of hope in her eyes.

“Yeah. I’ve always enjoyed learning about history, and who better to teach me about it than somepony who actually lived during the events?”

“You need to speak with my sister, then. I have been absent for much of Equestria’s history,” Luna said with a small grin. “But if you wish it, I can share what I know.”

“It wouldn’t have to be just history, either. Since it seems like I’m going to be stuck here, you can teach me how to be a royal, or maybe you can show me how you raise your moon, or even what I’m supposed to do with an entire harem of thestrals. But I think both of us will adjust to our new lives better if we try to work together.” He smiled, but then frowned and shrunk back. “Oh, but only if you want to, of course.”

Luna appeared to think the offer over, but then her wing reached out and wrapped over Bean. “I believe we can come to some sort of an agreement. It would be nice to have a trusted guide to help me understand this strange new world.”

* * * *

Princess Celestia drew in a deep breath as she tread the familiar path to her chambers. The day had been emotionally draining, and she was eager to forget her problems for a few hours while in the embrace of slumber.

Hopefully tonight would provide some actual rest, but she knew that wish would go unanswered. For the last year, her nights had grown increasingly restless as she contemplated and anticipated her sister’s return, and when she had sent her most faithful student to Ponyville, sleep had fled completely. The unexpected marriage to Baked Bean had only added fuel to the sleepless fire, and with this new batpony complication, it was likely that the insomnia would now be fanned into a roaring bonfire.

Her hooves stopped as she reached her sister’s bedroom, and she stared at the nocturnal themed door that was slightly ajar. Luna had again absconded with Baked Bean, but Celestia felt that having the two of them… do whatever it was they were doing would be the best way to help her sister adjust to modern life.

She would never tell Cadence or Luna, but Baked Bean’s forced marriage had actually saved Celestia from a larger problem that she had not wanted to deal with. Had Nightmare Moon not invoked the Oath Tripartite, Shining Armor would have been forced into a marriage with Luna, and her sister would have claimed her new husband with the same haste—and the same forcefulness—that she had with Baked Bean.

Celestia shuddered when she thought of what could have happened when Cadence would naturally refuse to share, just as she had refused to share with the batponies. Shining Armor was indeed one healthy hunk of hubba-hubba, but Celestia really did not want to know what would happen if Cadence were to travel the same path as Nightmare Moon. With Bean, Luna’s ancient notions of relationships and love could be satisfied while keeping Shining Armor firmly in the hooves of her beloved but possessive niece. Baked Bean was as easy to read as an open book, with large print and full color illustrations, and Celestia knew Bean would keep his relationship with the Princess of Love purely professional, thus allowing Shining and Cadence to have the relationship they would have had before in every way except in name.

Celestia couldn’t resist taking a peek into the room, and she smiled slightly when she saw her younger sister stretched out on a pile of pillows in the middle of her room, peacefully slumbering with the new prince by her side and under her wing. A pleased warmth spread outward from her chest at the sight, and in that moment, her gratitude for the meddlesome yellow stallion grew by several degrees. Shining Armor was a wonderful, faithful, and devoted stallion, but his personality would have clashed with Luna’s, since each were used to issuing orders without questions and receiving prompt results. Cadence was a mellowing agent to Shining, and Bean was proving to be the same for Luna.

The smile began to fade as Celestia’s mind traveled back to when Star Struck had been alive. Their first husband had been a calming influence on the brash and impetuous Luna as well, and the love he shared with the younger princess had been so strong that Celestia still felt guilty for inserting herself into their marriage.

She would never say it, but deep inside, Celestia had felt some jealousy over their relationship. A hoof slowly went to her lips as she contemplated for a moment what it would be like to have a special somepony in her own life, and for a brief moment, her entire demeanor sagged slightly in depression.

Despite all of the titles, honors, and accolades she had received through the years, it was again made clear that there were some things that the Grand Princess of Equestria would never possess.

Celestia fought back a tear and turned away from the room. There were far better things to concern herself with, and she obviously was not tending to them properly if she had time to pout over her fate. She quickly strode away, convinced that if puzzling out a solution to the batpony concubine problem didn’t take her mind off herself, a ream or two of paperwork certainly would do the trick.

Had her musings not distracted her, she might have noticed that there was one pony who was not as asleep as he appeared to be at a glance. She probably would have seen him watching her through one half-opened eye, and if she had taken one last look before walking away, she definitely would have seen the millstones beginning to grind in her new husband’s head.

And with her centuries of experience, she would have easily noticed that he was trying to figure out what help he could possibly offer to her, since he was her husband, too.

* * * *

Comments ( 97 )

And again, make a herd.

It seems that by rejecting them, he'd insult them, and its not like Bean is really making any greater insult to Luna or Celestia by it. Its not like they have exclusive rights or even particular fondness.

And I know it sounds like just a excuse, but he would be contributing towards their species.

You know, for a comedy harem series, you've managed to put in an awful lot of heartfelt angst and a genuine desire to see all of the involved parties find some happiness once they wade through this miasma of misery.


Well the best harem stories always come with a huge raft of angst.

Im convinced this story is written entirely for people who read the main story and think Luna should slide on in there.

It's working if that is the goal.

And so it begins.

As for the batponies problem, just hear me out in this option "The bachelor" Equestria edition, just avoid the part of force themselves, and made a slight lie or two. And I'm sure stallions would be interested in dating one or two batponies

No matter the universe, Bean will love and cherish Celestia.

Bean's heart is always so huge.

Kinda want a chapter with Cadence, Shining, and Bean to where they sit down somewhere and try to work this out in some fashion. At this rate Mount Cadence will explode and it will not be pretty for anyone.

For some reason, my tired eyes read that as "Mount Cantdance" and it was so much funnier for it. :twilightsheepish:

Could be true still. Bookhorse learned to 'dance' from somewhere.

Well, if Celestia/Luna could interfere with sharing of spoils they always could handle majority of mares to Zecora (who participated, so technically she should have her own share). Good way of solving their problem with concubinage, royal bastards that such concubinage will produce and reminding Warleader what her real position is.

That argument may or may not come up later. :trixieshiftright:
Why thank you. :twilightsmile: Now, hopefully I don't send the story off a cliff or something.
The Bachelor: Batpony Edition. :yay:
That is a recurring problem with him. He should get that checked out. :yay:
I'm sure Celestia, Luna, and Cadence will have no problems with reminding Pansy of her position, either.

You know, I'm just throwing my hat here, but with how good of a job you did in the last chapter, and how Blueblood can be redeem, perhaps just perhaps, he could offer himself to take away all of Shining Armor, supposedly concubines. He IS still technically royalty too, and for what they need he could fit the bill.

Plus it could be 3 times cute and 4 time hilarious how actively deciding to help Shining Armor and Cadence. His reasoning? I imagine he having a smug smile and saying.

Why Cady, do you really thing a brute like the captain of the royal guard could be able to handle all those beautiful ladies like the madams they are? If they are to protect my dear aunty I say they deserve the very best when it comes to stallions gens. While you kept him all to yourself

And Shining head would be having a melt down thinking 'did he just insult me and save my relationship at the same time?'

Plus, with you 2 have enough problem as it is. I might as well fix this mess your coltfriend got himself into. Consider it, a favour Shining Armor, one I intend to collect in the future, and a warning in case you ever hurt my cousin. Remember, I now have an army of skill warriors~ Ending in a sing song manner before leaving

Something smug and pedantic, but well intentional and showing he actually care for his family in the end. I think it could be funny to watch.

Of course I do realize that one must take Bean's feelings into consideration of course, but that seems the best solution. Or loose them on the royal guard or the earth ponies or something because the last thing they need is their version of the Boston Tea Party

Verry good Chapter and I can only hope that Cadence will be able to open up a bit.

Bythe way, Thanks for the inspiration you always give me.

Okay this is just...so Cadance is just outright saying she’s a hypocrite? Shining just has to accept he needs to share Cadance because of a stupid law and she goes along with it, even tells him she’s gonna pretend to be happy about it, but if the situation is reversed suddenly it’s unacceptable?

Irrespective will we get a chapter at a point where Shining just calls the Princesses out on how awfully they treat him? It’s getting seriously depressing.

you sure it is not just gas? :P

“Ex post facto predictions are too easy, my sister,” said Celestia with a warm nuzzle. “With a wide enough prediction base, you can turn anything into having a gift, much like stock fraudsters do every week.”

Equestria had stock fraudsters for over a millennia and still stands? Those poor ponies…

Luna hesitated for a moment. The logic behind Pansy’s actions was sound,

Be that as it may. It still is a massive transgression and a prove of total lack of trust. What good is a servant that doesn’t trust you to make the right decisions?

Actually, you may have a point, if not the one you think.

Basically this story can be boiled down to "Luna tripped Celestia's FUCK UP." I'm not sure the comedy tag is even appropriate for this story. All because Celestia couldn't come up with a better solution than "Rape all the alicorns forever." Best exemplified by Celestia's moping about Star back in the past, how she regrets forcing herself into Luna's marriage, and seeing Luna happy and knowing she couldn't share in it because she had no choice in the matter.

Sure, No Nose she has no choice beyond Marry or Die, but it was still her and Bean's choice. Here, Luna managed to rape both Celestia and Cadance with a magical oath, that Cadance didn't even exist. I mean, ARE there any consequences to Celestia and Cadance just saying no? Will they lose their Magic, Cutie marks, Body parts? Their SOUL? ALL because CELESTIA was unwilling to marry someone way back in the past?

I'm not sure if I can continue reading, because I start seeing more and more unpleasant implications with the whole premise, that just don't jive with the attempt at comedy.

You know better than anypony else that the race of thestrals will not go quietly into the night, nor shall we vanish without a fight,

I like that movie


A very, VERY good Servant. The Uptimum of Folly is to trust ones Ruler and never question them or their actions.

so? shiny was surprised and rattled by news that the love of his life is now married to a stranger and that she intends to go along with it and even said she's gonna pretend to be happy about it. i don't see how that's better. also shiny also kept his emotions in check after one, single, outburst. cady, by contrast, we're told that even after he starts explaining, shiny literally says that she's going to hold a grudge about this. if she can hold a grudge over this why can't shiny hold a grudge over her being willing to go along with marrying bean? cady is the one getting angry, insisting it's unacceptable, the story explicitly telling us she's going to bear a grudge against shiny over this...and in the narrative shiny actually ditches it, he isn't keeping a harem at all, at all, so he literally has done nothing to their relationship.

but then by contrast cady actively is still part of bean's harem, trying to make it work, and shiny isn't allowed to bear a grudge? and got scolded for having a single emotional outburst? it's just an unfair double standard i feel.

Wheels within wheels I see. Only problem I could see would be from the genetic side of things. While I have no idea if ponies magical or otherwise need to worry about the 50/500 rule I’m sure they need more than one or two stallions.

Perhaps you might be overthinking this slightly? There are certain suspensions of disbelief one must make when reading a story with such a purposely absurd premise such as this, and if I know anything about Irrespective's writing style it is that the answers shall all be revealed in time. Some of which are likely to be similar to the answers already provided in the original story but there are certainly differences for the sake of the story. And yes the law was poorly thought out but it was for all intents and purposes supposed to be a one off solution based around culture dated a millennia in the past for a situation that neither could fathom would ever arise again or even take affect, especially when one of them was missing from the picture entirely, possibly dead as far as anyone knew, to the point the one who went the long way through time sincerely just forgot it existed?

And Rape is an awfully strong word for fictional accidental magical entanglement, given how nobody is shoving Cadence and Bean into a bed together and are now actively searching for a way out of this it should be quite clear that they are not morally bankrupt monsters and the humour is derived primarily from the sheer absurdity of the situation in addition to the actual emotional struggle which is just as much a part of the story. Please feel free to say Rape when it is Rape, but patching that term on something so ridiculous as this just disrespectfully cheapens the atrocious real life experiences of men and women across the world.

Shining doesn't need to share Cadance because she has absolutely no intention of being shared. Her marriage to Bean is just a formality. Unless there are some obscure law that demands that she needs to jump into his bed/have a foal from him. Even if there are such law, what exactly preventing her from abdication and following divorce? Or, if we look into the future, assuming control of Crystal Empire and voiding her marriage to Bean on the ground of "My country, my rules"?

For the first time, Pansy frowned. “We will submit, but if you withhold your husband and the guards from us, we must seek out others. You know better than anypony else that the race of thestrals will not go quietly into the night, nor shall we vanish without a fight, Your Majesty.”

I see what you did there.

Guess Epiphany will be getting a sibling down the line, eh?

Bean just wants to help!
Surely pairing up with the guards may offer similar protections!

Thank god!! Such a wonderful chapter!!!! I cannot wait for more!!

No Nose had a 3 day deadline before Celestia lost her magic or worse. there has been no such urgency here, but just as unfortunately there is no such easy way out as divorce either.

And Celestia FINALLY addressed the elephant in the room regarding Shining and Cadance, namely that Cadance would have to share, at the VERY least the first night. So, tell me again how being forced to have sex with someone you don't want to isn't rape? Is it the simple fact they haven't beeen forced to yet?

And the legend of Baked Bean continues to grow! :rainbowlaugh:

"Did you hear about that new Prince? Baked Bean?"
"I heard he toys with the hearts of Mares like a cat with mice!"
"I heard he has even the Princesses wrapped around his hooves!"
"Did you hear that he made the entire Thestral Tribe into his concubines?"
"They say once a Mare's tasted his food her heart belongs to him for life!!!!"

Also loved this bit, glad to see Candybutt getting into the spirit of things:

"At the rate we’re going, he’s going to be married to every female in Canterlot within a month, but hey, sharing is caring, right?”

It certainly is when Bean's concerned Cadence! Your husband just has a lot of love to give :pinkiehappy:

Very much looking forward to whatever comes next Irrespective!

All caught up. Well, at least Pansy doesn't have any nefarious intentions. I can understand her logic. I can't begrudge her wanting to rebuild the tribe with the best circumstances and opportunities available. Actually has me thinking of a side story or two involving Hokey's and Clover's concubines cum herds.

Watching Luna and Bean go from remorseful strangers to reluctant acquaintances to friends with genuine interest in each other has been a delight. I'm also happy to see Bean has caught on that Celestia needs him too. I'm glad Bean has taken Shinny's advice to heart. Good stuff as always. I look forward to reading the next update.

In general I agree that them categorizing it as rape is a touch to far, at least for what we've seen so far, but something they did bring up, and your reaction to it does leave me thinking:

A consistent problem which crops up is the Cadence/Shining subplot and it's inclusion into this. I think the issue is that it clashes with the sort of core tone of the story. As you say the tone and theme of the story is largely to be an absurd comedy, a raunchy comedy, focused on Bean and his harem and, for the likes of Celestia, Luna and the Thestrals, for example, this works. Scenes with them tend to be entertaining, fun, in absurd, sometimes suggestive, ways. But, the consistent sticking point is Cadance because, well, it isn't funny when it comes to her, it's probably why she's largely been out-of-focus so much compare to Luna or Celestia.

Cadance and Shining's situation just sort of constantly undercuts the comical tone because it forces us to constantly have to remember; this isn't really a harmless joke, it ruined an important part of two Ponies' lives and is going to be a constant source of pain for them because it denies them something they both want badly, deeply, as an expression of their love for each other. This is why I honestly thought Shining would get shuffled out of the story early on, to diminish this, because as it stands Cadance and Shining sort of keep undermining the humorous tone of the story because there isn't anything funny about their situation, it's just miserable for them.

So, personally, I do think that's why it's the most reoccurring discussion in these comments. For many people Cadance and Shining's involvement role is sort of a constant thorn that stops any of the comedy or the humour from hitting home and tinges it a bit with uncomfortable implications at points.

This is not to say it's necessarily bad, per say, I don't mean this as a critique of Irrespective's writing, this is more just me formulating what I think, after analysis, is the reason for why Cadance remains so contentious, her role, her and Shining's role, sort of feels thematically at odds and not reconciled with the overall tone or genre of the story.

Baked Bean will do grate things for all of the princess in time.
if he lives threw the first heat week that is.:facehoof:

Again, Celestia makes it clear in the latest chapter, 7, that Cadance and Shining would have had a crowded wedding night. She also muses that this whole situation is for the BEST as Luna and Shining would not have gotten along, as both are headstrong and used to giving, not taking orders.

What HASN'T been made clear is just what the situation IS:
1) No one witnessed Luna's oath to Baked Bean, so NO ONE is married yet. A big part of No Nose was that Luna married Celestia and Baked Bean in an office with Raven and a stallion as witnesses, which is required for marriages to have any legality.
2) No mention of what saying no will do, at least that I remember. Cadance loses her throne? Horn? Mind? Cutie Mark? Soul? LIFE?
3) Why isn't the simple solution to banish Luna and Baked Bean from Equestria until he dies??? Or to kill Luna long enough to break the contract and then revive her?

4) I only really know of the Fae from 2 series. Kudzu's Nightmare's Nightmare series, in which a request for help had Luna stabled, raped, and maybe worse; and Airstream's saga, in which Lusty (Wendigo?) Cadance gave a Fae run of her home, which ended with a servant eaten by plants. But even so, I'm not sure if a Fae bargain holds if you have no authority over another. IE A mother might bargain for her son's soul, but a random person can't point at another person and say "Take his soul for X!"

I just don't like the idea of a magical oath, spoken by another, binding ME. One could argue, I guess, that since Nightmare Moon claimed to be Queen, and Queen > Princess, but...

But Cadance didn’t need to share Shining with the Thestrals either, there was just an obscure law mandating that some be given to him as a formality. But with her we see her say it’s okay if she has a formal marriage to bean and keeps Shining as a side piece, but she says it’s absolutely unacceptable it Shining does something similar. That just seems like she’s being a hypocrite to me.

Not arguing that. If I was in Celestia's place I would have stripped Luna of her position as Princess the moment she tells me about the marriage. Because Princess thinks first and acts last. Luna, on the other hand, threw a temper tantrum, spend thousand years on the moon and when she returned by one stupid decision she forced me into marriage I don't want, and into conflict with another alicorn which could end with another fucking civil war. It wouldn't even be that hard to do, because Luna has absolutely no real power and no supporters in Equestria.

Anyway, Cadance can get out of that situation in several different ways. She forced into marriage by stupid ancient law. Unlike Luna she isn't bound by magical oath. So, she could do three things.
1)Abdicate. It is that simple. As Princess she is obligated to marry Bean. If she is no longer a Princess she could ask Celestia ti stuff her idiotic laws where sun doesn't shine, refuse to marry Bean when the time comes, and marry whoever she wants. If some other law is preventing that she could leave Equestria behind for the country with normal laws. I doubt that any sane ruler would object to alicorn who wants their citizenship.
2)Force Celestia to abolish law. That is not as simple as first, but Cadance is the Princess. She does have at least some sort of power. If she can leverage that power she can make important people to demand something from Celestia. It could even escalate into protests of common ponies if she does everything right. If nobility demands that Celestia abolished that law, if buisneaponies do the same and even common ponies support that? She will have choice between doing as they want or saying 'no' and angering her subjects.
3)Force Celestia to strip Luna of her position. Same as 2) only instead of opposing unjust law she needs to unite ponies against brilliant idea of installing Nightmare Moon into the government as it's diarch.

I like how everything's going so far in the story get me figure out what happens next

will not go quietly into the night, nor shall we vanish without a fight

Quoting "Independence Day" while you're professing your loyalty to the crowns is a bit of an odd juxtaposition, Pansy. :ajbemused:

I find the fact that Celestia looks a Shining and thinks "Hubba Hubba" far more amusing then I probably should

as a princess of equestria luna, and by extension nightmare moon's word is technicly law...if she says someone is her husband hes her husband...period, and becausee of this other magicly set law her mate, is the mate to all other alicorns in equestria.

violating the oath would strip her of all her magic, and heres a fun bit, she also promised that bean would not be harmed till he had sired an heir off of her at least...which means that if baked bean comes to any physical harm...she will have by inaction, violated her oath...so thus if baked bean is killed or dies of anything other then natural causes, she still has broken her oath and still looses all her powers and ceases to be a princess.

pansy was put into a bit of a tough situation, as a thestral she is required to serve lunas will, but as a leader of her people she is also required to ensure 100 percent there survival and prosperity.

pansy has never met luna, she was born long long after luna was banishe dthus even though luna was redeamed and is good again pansy has no ability to judge how luna will act and if those actions would be in her peoples best interests

so as a leader she made a choice that she knew by the terms of her peoples oath was wrong, but would help to en sure her peoples survival overall...and was willing to accept the consiquences for that choice so long as they did not reflect on her people as a whole

Interesting so far. Wonder what will happen if this goes on long enough to reach the Twilicorn stage. :rainbowwild:

Haha! Love that new cover art: Prince Bean gets all the Princesses, professional Princess-magnet, if you will :trollestia:

Sorry Shining, Cady’s got a new stud now! :rainbowlaugh:

so with that coverart then this is beanxcadance. can you please just make that clear then, because it's kinda tough to tell, some of your comments say that it's still shining/cadence but the fic and now that art differs

I have to admit that at this stage I am beginning to feel some misgivings as well. The concept of the fanfiction is fun, the execution mostly good but, Shining just feels like a constant drag on the story, a thorn in it's tone. Normally when a fanfiction breaks up Cadance and Shining it either turns Shining into a monster or the tone is just unrepentant in it's cruelty from the start. Here, though, we're being told Shining and Cadance are still a serious couple...but a lot of the writing, the tone, and then also additional material surrounding it just reinforces how depressing his situation is.

It becomes a bit hard to ignore and I really have to question, is there a reason you didn't just have Shining not in the story, or not dating Cadance, at the start? The story's already an AU in several significant ways, so removing the Shining/Cadance aspect wouldn't be a dramatic shift compared to other changes you've established, and Shining's presence in the story just seems to constantly be a downer because he's just been put in a terrible situation and, now that it's the status quo, we know it won't get better. From the looks of the tone we're turning too, and the art as well, if anything it's going to get worse for Shining.

It's getting a bit hard to handle. I enjoy the humour of quite a bit of the story but...knowing Cadance is still supposed to, vaguely, care for Shining, and Shining still loves her, makes a lot of the humour not land well, makes it seem mean-spirited and as if the narrative's consistently bullying Shining exclusively.

Is this the intention of it?

i actually just want shiny to leave now. things are just gonna keep getting worse and worse for him and it looks like none of the princesses are actually gonna try and find a way to let him marry cady and cady to stop being in bean's harem. i just want shiny to leave and get away from this so he can try and find someplace where people stop just hurting him and then forcing him to endure it. i want him to find someone he can be with who won't just be in some other pony's harem.

Wait, Cadence? What about Armor?

The switch in the cover art isn't necessarily an indication of what will happen in the story. It's simply there to bring in readers, kinda like one of those fancy fishing lures with flashy spinners and powerbait on the hooks. The previous cover art that sipioc provided, while still being awesome, also didn't indicate what would happen in the story, since NMM was defeated in the first chapter.
The cover art for my stories The Princess' New Clothes, Principal Noses and Ancient Roses, With Celestia as My Witness, and The Black Sheep also don't have a corresponding scene in the story proper.

Having said that, things are not always as they seem. Let me offer a few possibilities as to how this scene could come to be.

1. Cadence, having been taught and trained by Celestia to maintain a good P.R. front, believes that she needs to outwardly show that she does care for Bean. If ponies see her fighting with him, it could present problems when she tries to help them with their own love problems.

2. They say you should keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. Though she detests Bean, she could be teasing him to keep him in a place where she can control him and manipulate him to serve her own ends.

3. Love Poison. The CMC visit Canterlot one day, see that Cadence doesn't love Bean, and decide to help and also get their Matchmaker cutie marks. Things go slightly awry, thus leaving Bean in this awkward position.

There are other possible scenarios, but I'll keep it to just those three.

Is there a reason you didn't just have Shining not in the story, or not dating Cadance, at the start?

Mostly because I figured everyone would ask why he's not in the story. As for the dating, I decided to follow the generally accepted backstory that he and Cadence met in High School.

Is this the intention of it?

No. The idea is not to bully Shining Armor. I really do like him, and I don't plan on making his life miserable. :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Ducktalker deleted Dec 18th, 2019
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