• Member Since 13th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 21 minutes ago


Avatar from the amazing Red-X-Bacon

Comments ( 36 )

Author's Notes, because I figure it's better than a separate chapter or a blog post:

Written for Arcainum's not-a-contest. I was actually trying to write some other things beforehand, but I realized I never had much fun writing narration, so I tried a dialogue-only piece. I just kind of pressed forward over the course of a few hours until I hit a thousand words. I was about three quarters of the way through before figured out what kind of ending to give it. Partial credit to a recent thirty minute ponies prompt for inspiration there.

I tried pretty hard to write the relationship between Bon Bon and Lyra as ambiguous, which was a bit of challenge in both keeping to things both kinds of girlfriends could say to each other, and keeping myself from making them say everything corny and romantic.

I had to cut a joke because it didn't fit the format (but also because it was awful). In the gdocs draft, there's a footnote after "Any pegasus can fly." saying "Somewhere far away, a small orange filly began to cry."

Any resemblances between alternate universes and other fanfiction is purely coincidental and opinions expressed do not reflect on their quality. That thing about it being a ridiculous idea to give Lyra and Bon Bon superpowers stands, though.

Anyway, it was pretty fun writing, I should do more later.

Lyra and Bon Bon with superpowers? Where would you come up with such a crazy idea as that? :raritywink:

For a first outing, it was quite amusing. Lyra just has a way of getting a few lols around, no matter the situation. Which begs the question; if they are stuck in cocoons, how are they going to make out? :rainbowhuh:

Anyway, a nice, quick story!

Entertaining. Would love to see more.

Nice, pretty funny too,
may comment more later -tired

Also Chrysalis's(?) thoughts: dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/lolface_Queen_Chrysalis.png

That was pretty funny. I like it :pinkiehappy:
Great job!

That was pretty funny. I like it :pinkiehappy:
Great job!

Lyra and Bon-bon with super powers? I do think I have heard that before. Somewhere...:pinkiehappy:

Looooove the ending!

I did not see that ending coming...but that was actually pretty awesome! :twilightsmile:




Excellence, sir. Have a yay: :yay:

Sir, I would track this, but 502Fiction.net is not letting me :trixieshiftright:

So instead, have a smiley! Good job! :pinkiehappy:

That was good. I liked it!

Excellent work, truly. Good work with the surprise ending.

That was more than amusing (and very in-tune with personal canon). Well played.
Also, when Lyra said "we could make out", I thought of this:

Plenty casual, as anyone/anypony would be when trapped in a cacoon.

Not only was this adorably in-character and engrossing despite being 100% dialogue, the end made me lol. Hard. Though it had a disappointing lack of Lyrabon smooches. img59.imageshack.us/img59/765/lyrabonheadssm.png

I commend thee :moustache:

It was simple and amusing, I enjoyed reading it.

A minimalistic style of storytelling while still providing depth to the characters. Well done. :twilightsmile:

:eeyup: A tastefully done ship with an interesting ending. Gotta love it!

Loved it. You did well with keeping if they were friends or dating up in the air, I think. I took it as them being together, but then, I love them together.

Hmmm...I'm surprised practical Bon Bon didn't say super strength when asked what power she'd want. Would be handy in that situation. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Nicely written if a bit hard to keep track of who's talking at some points. Silly and a little sweet, just how I like my comedy one-shots.

This had me smiling the whole way through, and the characterization was excellent. Even if you didn't already know you were reading about our favourite human obsessed unicorn and her house-mate, their voices are distinct enough that you'd be able to tell them apart anyway with no confusion at all -- their different personalities really shine through.

Oh yeah, and the ending caught me completely off-guard. In a good way, I mean. I laughed :rainbowlaugh:

Most amusing. You definitely earned the contest win.

That was very amusing. Great job with the characterization, and the dialogue felt very natural. Not to mention the punchline. Definitely made me laugh. :pinkiehappy:

This was amazing:twilightsmile:. My only question is, why isn't there a "Comedy" tag on this:raritywink:?

That twist ending.

That ending made the story. It was perfect!

This is very realistic, reminds me of the conversations I have.

I reviewed this story in Read It Later Reviews #41.

My review can be found here.

I'm amazed that this doesn't have more views.

I read this, like, a year ago, and loved it. Not sure why I left it in my RIL list.

Other than that the speaker REALLY needs to be identified sometimes this tory is very good.

Login or register to comment