NEVER
Adventures never seemed to be about comfort, and that was something which still occasionally managed to surprise Rarity, with a much more frequent appearance of personal distress. Yes, she understood that bad things tended to happen in bad places, and so the majority of summons would place them in something less than ideal surroundings. But still, just based in the sheer number of adventures they'd had, raw cumulative odds -- it felt as if they were rather overdue to encounter The Strange Goings-On At The Five-Star Luxury Resort, or check out The Incident At The Exclusive Spa (Which Would Normally Have To Be Booked Six Moons In Advance, Plus We Can't Afford It Anyway). She was certain she had Rainbow's vote when it came to volunteering for any possible Mystery At The Mattress Testing Factory.
But it just hadn't happened. Adventures took place in dusty deserts, on muddy roads, deep in the most wild of forests -- or, in the case of their most recent outing, a swamp, with all of the heat, humidity, and outright muck which that not only implied, but happily manifested into reality. In this case, reality liked to manifest directly within Rarity's coat.
It had been three days (and two nights). Three days of trudging through knee-deep mud (which was all the worse when you had four knees), breathing air which had the consistency of hot tar, while learning that one tail wasn't enough to swat away ten thousand mosquitoes. And so when Rarity pushed the hanging, fur-staining greenery aside and became the first to see the bridge, she immediately found her second wind.
There was a pony on that hoofbridge, standing outside a small wooden hut. (The unicorn stallion looked to be wearing some form of full-body officer's uniform, and the fact that he was doing so without collapsing told her that weather control resumed at the base.) She could see buildings on the other side, ones which still had the gleam of recent construction. Buildings meant ponies, possibly restaurants, a good chance at a bed which wasn't moss, and at the very least, somepony there had to have heard of a shower.
Rarity surged forward, every bit of strength she had left pushing her towards civilization.
She got all of two body lengths before pinkish energy yanked her back under the cypress tree, hiding her behind the living drapery.
"Twilight!" It emerged as a hiss, and it was not a happy one. "Did you not see? We have found ponies! We can stop and rest! Enjoy a meal which has been composed from something other than cattails! We can --"
"I saw," Twilight cut her off, shifting forehooves within the muck. "I saw a village."
"Yes, that would rather be the point," Rarity irritably said. "And as our current assignment does not strictly involve ponies in any way, a pony village would be a perfect place to stop. Sun will be lowered fairly soon, and we are tired, Twilight, I believe I can safely say we are all tired --"
Pinkie reared up on her hind legs, somehow managing to balance a fairly large, heavily-creased piece of paper between the fore. Nopony questioned it, especially given all of the adhesion-assisting muck.
"A village," the baker declared, "which isn't on the map."
They all looked at her for a while.
Finally, Rainbow risked it. "You're looking at the back, Pinkie."
"I know! Because I already looked at it! So now I'm showing you! It isn't on the map! And when things aren't on the map..."
Five ponies winced.
"Long enough to clean up," Rarity persisted. "Long enough to eat. Please, Twilight --"
"-- Starlight," the alicorn calmly stated.
Six ponies automatically winced even harder.
"Yes, I understand," Rarity rushed, "but if we --"
"-- and then there was that one we found two moons ago," Twilight mused. "The one where all of the adults had sent off their children to summer camp at the same time. And for some reason, they'd become really upset about that."
"Well, strictly speaking," Rarity admitted, "there are only so many times one can pretend to care about receiving lanyards in the mail before going insane."
"There's only so many times," Rainbow muttered, "you can make lanyards before you go crazy." (Fluttershy, as the other pony who'd spent significant time at camp, buried her face under her own mane.)
"But they were taking potions to deal with it!" Twilight reminded her. "Over and over, every last one of them! And the things that was doing to them..."
She glanced back to where Pinkie was (somehow) refolding the map, then briefly dropped her volume into the basement.
"I'm still not sure we really got Pinkie off the Joy."
"I'm still not certain how we could tell," Rarity softly sighed -- followed by, at normal decibels, "It's just a quick stop. Overnight, and then we --"
"-- and do I really have to remind you about the ponies who had those really interesting things in their fireplaces? This village isn't on the map! We find hidden villages all the time! Sometimes we can't move for hidden villages! And none of them ever work out for us!"
Twilight put her hoof down. The force involved sunk it deeper into the muck, leaving her standing on something of a slant.
"This mission doesn't involve ponies," she said, although she was now doing so from a rather awkward head-tilting angle. "In any way. And that's a pony village. So it's not part of the mission, and the only thing it can be for us is bad."
Rarity stared at her. Raised her gaze, regarded the rest of the united front.
"By sheer odds," she decided in the angry face(s) of experience, "one of them has to be good for us."
"Wanna bet?" Rainbow shot back.
"Actually --"
"Don't." Twilight again. "Rarity, just don't --"
''-- Twilight... have you ever heard the saying 'third time pays for all?'"
"Ah've heard it," Applejack muttered. "Ah'm the one who taught it t' you."
"...I think," Fluttershy carefully submitted, "this is more like our fourteenth hidden village..."
"We have been in this swamp for two nights," Rarity stated. "The third night pays for all. Because the third night will be spent in a bed."
And with that, she turned, went through the hanging green curtain again and before Twilight could stop her, called out "Hello!"
The bridge guard automatically turned to see who was speaking. He thus got to also see who was groaning, as the other five (who knew it was too late) reluctantly emerged from cover. And then his eyes slammed shut.
"Oh," Rarity sighed. "Do we look that bad? I assure you that when we last camped for the night, we had no idea the swarm was --"
"-- approach slowly," the guard stated, with the skin and fur around his eyelids now scrunched into a relief map. "While planting your hooves. Make sure I can hear you."
They slowly squelched forward.
The swamp ends at the base of the bridge, Rarity realized. The exact base. There is solid ground...
"You're strangers," the guard said, still refusing to look at them. "I know. Because if you were in our village, you would already be breaking the law."
Six ponies, their spines suddenly pressed down by the weight of Too Much Experience, stopped moving.
"The law," Twilight tried, already looking for the best possible escape route.
"Yes," the guard blindly nodded. "But you're not in the village yet, so you're all right -- technically. And you can enter, once you're in compliance." A pause. "There are also forms."
"...what does being in compliance mean?" Fluttershy timidly risked.
The guard's jaw shifted around for a while, as if he was sorting out words with his tongue.
"This is a clothist colony," he finally said.
Rarity blinked.
"A... what?"
"The majority of ponies," the guard explained, "believe, for reasons known only to Moon, that it is perfectly suitable to go about in public covered by nothing more than their fur. This village is for ponies who don't feel that way. The residents have their bodies covered. At all times. And so if you want to enter our village, you will get dressed."
A clothist colony... Rarity's legs began to shift again, moving her forward all the faster. Ponies who are always clothed...
"We had to leave in a hurry!" Rainbow protested. "We didn't bring clothing!"
The guard's horn ignited. Dark blue energy blindly probed his immediate surroundings, and eventually made it into the little hut.
"Don't worry," he told them as the first cardboard box bumped its way out of the window frame. "We have loaners."
There was a small, fairly clear stream running under the bridge, and so they were able to clean themselves to the point where Rarity would allow the group to don clothing. However, it was also their first time dealing with loaner items which were being given out to help visitors meet a dress code, and so they quickly learned that such pieces had three purposes: to let the pony meet that code, to make it abundantly clear to everypony with working sight (which still didn't include the guard) that those ponies were wearing loaners, and to quickly humiliate said ponies into buying something which wasn't fluorescent yellow. Trying to create an attractive ensemble from the contents of the boxes was like going into a scrapyard and trying to craft a replacement cart wheel from rust -- and Rarity was still making it work.
Which was to say, she was making it work for her.
"And this scrap," she mused, "will make for a perfectly suitable tail wrap. The base only, of course. Now, if anypony happens to spot a touch of light grey --"
"What's this color?" Rainbow demanded.
"Puce."
"Puke."
"No, puce."
"Same difference," Rainbow irritably decided. "Why isn't any of this working for me?"
"There are only so many usable pieces," Rarity admitted. "These are mostly donations, I think. Things that ponies didn't want in their closets any more." Some of which would have corroded the hinges.
"...so why can't we each get one nice thing?" Fluttershy asked from somewhere beneath the giant rain hat.
"Coordination, of course! One nice thing each would simply drown in the sea of -- hmmm. That is salmon, I think. Faded salmon. Or deceased. Possibly from suicide..."
"All limbs covered," the self-blinded guard called down to them. "All limbs. You may elect to leave the bottom of your hooves exposed, as I don't have an anvil and forge here. But I think there were Wellingtons in one of the boxes."
"Wellingtons?" Twilight asked.
"The red shiny cylinders that go over your lower legs," the guard explained. "They're water-resistant."
"Why are they called that?"
"One of our residents became inspired after falling down a well. Are you almost done?"
"Very nearly," Rarity told him. "Just a few adjustments... there. Do we meet your standards now?"
He finally opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was the white unicorn. It meant those eyes got a lot wider.
"You," he slowly breathed, "are more than acceptable." (Rarity smiled.) "As for the rest of you -- yes, you're fine -- is that your own hat? Interesting choice. And -- well, it's hard to work with pink that bright, but you're covered. As for you --"
Stopped.
"-- I said," the guard tightly repeated, "all limbs. Including wings." He took a quick glance to the left, which meant he completely missed the fury flashing into Rainbow's face.
"Covered wings?" the pegasus shouted.
"There are wing sleeves in that box. The wingtips can be left uncovered."
"I thought those were weird tail drapes!" Which was when Applejack's teeth automatically, frantically clamped around Rainbow's tail, just in time to keep her from shouting directly into the guard's face. "I can't fly in wing sleeves! Nopony can! You don't get the airflow through the feathers! I'm not gonna --"
"-- all limbs," the guard steadily said, "or no entrance. All three of you."
"We can't split up, Rainbow," Twilight frantically told her. "It's just for a little while --"
"-- it's diapers! It's wing diapers for foals having Surges, where the parents don't think they can keep up with babies! I'm not going to wear diapers! I'm --"
Ultimately, it took four of them to hold her down.
"I'll leave the forms here," the guard said, calmly stepping past the writhing body as Twilight tried to slide the first sleeve onto the wildly-flapping cyan limb. "It's just standard customs details. You should have them filled out by the time I come back."
Rarity risked a glance back, and nearly took a flailing hoof in the eye for her troubles. "Where are you going?"
"To get our Visitors' Liaison," he told them. "Where else?"
The pegasus mare was rather... birdlike.
Of course, that could be said for many pegasi: the simple act of preening would often make witnesses think of avians. But this mare was an extreme case. Her movements, even when accounting for what seemed to be at least two layers of clothing, were abrupt. Her head didn't turn so much as it manifested in new positions. The voice could be fairly described as 'chirpy,' and her black eyes gleamed with the extreme brightness normally found in either the highest flyers or the truly insane.
And in lieu of the plumage which the tailored wing sleeves had covered, she had Fashion. Beautiful, expertly-crafted fashion.
"Hello, hello, hello!" she chirped. "It's lovely to see you all today! And we've been expecting you for some time, or at least somepony like you. Because when you've recently founded a village in the middle of a swamp, you just have to expect guests. And -- oh my, aren't you lovely!" That had been directed at Rarity. "Such creative use of materials! I never would have thought to use a bretelles that way, and now everypony who sees you will be trying to figure out how you did it! And the rest of you -- are..." A longer, slower look. "...within compliance. For coverage. Although I do hope that if any of our residents happen to bring inspiration, you might choose to indulge." Back to Rarity, with the beaming smile flickering back into place. "Although it seems inspiration was already traveling with you."
"Thank you," Rarity softly said. "And I must tell you that you look lovely. But I simply tried to do my best."
"And succeeded," the mare declared. "Now, I am Juudee, and I am both your Liaison and your guide to our village. Everypony is safe here. And, if at all possible, fashionable. May I see your forms?"
Papers were passed over, and bright black eyes flicked from line to line.
"'Occupation'..." she read, and glanced up. "Whose form is this?"
Twilight, quick to spot her own fieldwriting, raised a covered wing.
"And for occupation," Juudee double-checked, "you put down...?"
"Princess of Friendship!" the alicorn proudly declared.
The awkward silence crossed the bridge ahead of them and began scouting the town.
"...right," the Liaison finally said. "I'll just put down 'no real job' and change your address to 'living in government housing.' Now, I see that for actual professions, we have a baker, a weather coordinator, a caretaker of some sort, a farmer, and --"
Her head lifted or, given the mare involved, semi-teleported.
"-- I hardly have to ask who the designer is." (Rarity blushed.) "It is a pleasure, Rarity, a true pleasure, and potentially an honor. Now, just to confirm: the purpose of your visit?"
"A bed," Rarity softly sighed, briefly glancing up at Sun as it continued to dip. "And a hot meal. We simply wish a place to recover and sleep in comfort for the evening. We can cover the expense, and we will --" regretfully "-- be leaving in the morning."
"Good, good!" Juudee chirped. "I'll just count you as our first tourists! And I'll be happy to lead you to the restaurant district. And the hotel. I am your guide! But before you cross the bridge..."
The light red smile became wider, which actually took some work.
"...you must agree to obey our little rule. This is a clothist colony, the very first one where ponies of matching morals have assembled to live in peace, without the pain of outside judgment. We understand that the rest of Equestria may feel differently, and can only dream of the day when they realize their error. But we are a clothist colony. And so while you are here, your bodies will remain covered. At all times. Do you agree?"
Rarity, the furthest forward on the bridge, took a breath of clean, cool, controlled air. Glanced back at her friends and in doing so, picked up on hot death, which was to say, a swamp. And also the furious glare which continued to come from a wing-covered Rainbow, but mostly the swamp.
"Fully," she spoke for the group, and ignored whoever had just facehoofed. "May we be the first to behold your settlement?"
"It would be my pleasure," Juudee beamed. "Welcome to Klòveshors. Allow me to Guide you..."
The buildings didn't make much of an impression, not for overall architectural style. They were wood, they were new, and some of them were only half-painted. Nopony seemed to be all that concerned about dressing up the buildings.
"You're not on the map," Twilight said to Juudee as they moved through what seemed to be the outskirts of the colony: residential homes, with a few gardens. "Why?"
"Well, we're a new settlement yet," the Liaison replied. "Rather new."
"So new," Twilight countered, "that you've finished your bridges. And the street lighting system. Plus I'm pretty sure that's the top of a museum over there."
"Our History Of Clothists," Juudee nodded. "It's the first in the world. If you have time, I recommend our Godet exhibit. We were waiting for it, and for a rather long time."
"New enough," said the pony who was still irritated about 'government housing', "for a museum."
Rarity wasn't completely paying attention. The buildings weren't dressed up, but...
"Well," Juudee eventually admitted, speaking in the subtle tones of a mare who was A. taking others into her confidence and B. had no idea she was technically speaking to palace employees, "technically speaking, it's often best for a village not to announce itself to the crowns for a while. Not until it becomes necessary."
"And exactly when is that?"
"The first disaster," Juudee told them. "After all, you can't apply for relief from the government's fund unless you admit you're part of the government! But until then, a colony unmapped is a colony which doesn't have to worry about paying taxes just yet, I always say. And we've been lucky so far. Now, as we approach the business part of town, please pause to both observe and honor our first statue, and what it represents."
They all stopped, gazed up the plinth until they found a double-sized pony, one made entirely from brass. At least, they assumed it was a pony. It was definitely a quadruped of some sort, but beyond that, the typical equine outline had been somewhat -- layered.
"'In Loving Memory'," Pinkie read aloud, "'Of Our Extreme Clothists.' What's an extreme clothist?"
"Well," Juudee explained from the midst of the low curtsy which had been made to the statue, "our current population simply believes that modesty requires covering one's body, meaning the complete length of torso and every limb. At all times. However, we originally had a small number of ponies who decided that such was not enough. They spent some time speaking with each other, made their plans, and became our extreme clothists, choosing as a group to both test and publicly unveil their chosen look all at the same time. Quite comprehensive, is it not?"
Pinkie kept looking.
"That's his head, right?"
"Yes. Although you're looking at a mare."
"And that's scarves and mufflers wrapped around the snout?"
"Naturally. Multiple layers."
Curiously, "How did she breathe through all that?"
"Actually," Juudee sighed, "that turned out to be the problem."
Fluttershy had just sniffed the air: her snout compulsively wrinkled. "...is something burning?"
Juudee straightened. "Oh. Yes. My apologies. Our pegasi are still working out the weather patterns --"
"-- which would be a lot easier if they had access to their feathers," Rainbow not-quite-muttered.
"-- and that means we're still getting the occasional drift breeze from the industrial district."
"...industrial?" Fluttershy carefully asked.
"We're hoping to become Equestria's foremost producer of rubber. After all, without more clothists, at least when it comes to exports, one cannot hope to live by fashion alone. And we have a certain local need for it."
But Rarity's attention had been lost again. Because the buildings weren't dressed, and the smell of rubber manufacture was rather unpleasant, but the ponies...
Their group was being stared at, of course: every adult did that. (Every native they'd seen had been an adult.) It was only natural: they were strangers in town, the first visitors which the colony had ever seen. The unfamiliar would always draw notice, and quite a bit of that attention desperately skidded over the puce/puke and glow-in-the-dark (because not even dark would serve as protection) worn by her friends. But most of it focused on Rarity. Mares smiled when they saw her outfit. Stallions openly nodded with congratulatory pleasure.
And they were dressed.
They were all dressed.
For work. For an evening out. For the fun of it.
Every color coordinated. Every style worked. There wasn't a stitch out of place. Every crease was meant to be there...
"That," Rarity softly said to a passing mare, "is the finest tail wrap I have ever seen."
"Thank you!" the mare gasped. "I thought it worked for me!" A brief, reluctant glance at the rest of the group. "Your yellow friend might want to try one!" Hesitated. "In a much larger size. A much, much --"
Fluttershy hid behind her own mane, and also the statue.
"Anyway, thank you!" the mare gushed. "And you look lovely! Is that an original? I haven't seen it in any of our shops!"
Shops.
Plural.
"She," Juudee stepped in, beaming wider than ever, "made it herself. Minutes ago. On the bridge, from the hut, using scraps."
The mare's jaw dropped.
"May I know your name?" she eventually managed.
Proudly, "Rarity."
"The designer Rarity," Juudee corrected.
The mare genuflected.
"Is... is she staying?"
A regretful head shake. "She's only here for the night. Unless, of course, she favors us with her return. After all, there's still plenty of room in the Fashion District."
District.
The mare smiled.
"Please do," she said. "Please come back..."
She trotted away, and Rarity watched. She watched all of them.
Because the buildings weren't anything special. But whenever ponies moved, there was Fashion on parade. Work fashion, casual fashion, evening fashion. Fashion breathed. Fashion trotted (but not flew: wing sleeves again). Fashion lived.
"They are dressed," she softly said, "at all times."
I see saddlebags.
So many full saddlebags.
All coming from one direction.
"Yes," Juudee softly confirmed. "We are."
"And ponies who are dressed every day," Rarity went on, feeling her tail beginning to vibrate, "need to have enough clothing for every day. And so they must purchase accordingly."
Their Liaison gently nodded.
"You have a Fashion District," Rarity breathed as Sun slowly set. "How many shops...?"
Juudee smiled.
"They're open late," the guide said. "All of them, every night. Why don't you go see?"
And in the end, her friends wound up dragging her out of the twenty-eighth shop by the tail.
Eventually, they reached the hotel. A colony which wasn't on the map and had never hosted visitors before quite naturally had a hotel: after all, when the first disaster relief team inevitably arrived, they would have to stay somewhere. And they'd been put into six separate rooms, because this was the hotel's first chance at hosting guests and therefore the owners wanted to test as much of the facility as possible.
They would sleep in separate rooms -- but they weren't asleep yet. Rarity was too excited to sleep, and suspected that state would maintain for hours.
"-- and a pants shop! Can you imagine, Twilight! -- well, you don't have to, it was right there. But still! A pants shop! The rarest clothing item in all of Equestria, something you barely find with a single rack to itself in the largest stores, and it had a whole shop! Which was in competition with the other three! Twilight, it was a wonder! And the dresses! The hats! The lingerie!"
"I don't understand," Twilight yawned as she made her third (failed) attempt to get past Rarity and reach the bed, "why you had to see that one section of lingerie. Go to bed, Rarity. Go to your room."
"Because it was beautiful, if only from a design standpoint. And if you appreciate lace trim, which I --"
"You don't wear that kind of lingerie. Nopony does, or can --"
Just a little defensively, "-- they were displaying their future export goods and minotaurs exist. I was curious. And Sun and Moon, Twilight, they have a booming business in pocket squares! You know about some of the times I've tried to get stallions into the Boutique, if only for accessories! And the clearance sales which followed. But here... stallions purchase fashion. Freely. Happily. And they acknowledged me, they respected me..."
"Rarity, you've been talking about this for hours. I just want to sleep." Paused. "Actually, the restroom first. And then sleep. I don't think anypony's gone for hours." Twilight sighed. "It'll be a proper restroom, at least. For that, I'm glad we stopped."
The designer hadn't really been listening. "I want to be here."
Twilight's sleepy gaze instantly turned into focused alertness, and the frantic tones were right behind it. "No. Rarity, you can't move here! We need you in Ponyville, we all need you --"
"-- not full-time!" Rarity quickly clarified. "I just want to come back. See about setting up a new branch of the Boutique. There's a place for me here, Twilight, you know that. A place among those who love clothing. I could talk to some of those shop owners for hours..."
"You already did," Twilight sighed. "Rarity, I understand, I really do. But I also know you. I know you could get lost here. We have a mission, and as soon as Sun is raised, that's what'll be important again. So after breakfast tomorrow, we have to leave. You can come back. But you can't stay, not right now." And with head and eyes slightly dipped, "...please?"
Rarity looked down at her friend. Briefly closed her own eyes, took a slow breath, and sighed.
"I understand, Twilight. I will -- prioritize. Properly. But... I hope you understand my excitement. For me, it's like coming into a town full of devoted researchers. Those who are advancing the cause every moon. Only for fashion instead of magic. You would come back to those who shared your dreams, and I will return here." And, gently nuzzling against Twilight's fabric-covered left shoulder while doing her best to ignore the color, "At the right time."
Twilight smiled. "Thank you. So -- can I use the restroom now?"
Rarity winced. "Yes, of course." A portion of her anatomy twinged. "In fact, I should do the same. In my own quarters, of course. Good night, Twilight."
"Good night, Rarity."
Only it wasn't.
Her bed was visibly nicer than Twilight's, and so was everything else about the room.
Being a designer, Rarity decided, has its privileges. With a smile, Here, anyway.
She would return. She would become some small part of this, if only part-time. She might even conquer. But first, she really had to use the facilities.
Rarity's horn ignited. Soft blue prodded the door open. And, starting to feel the length of the day for the first time, she stepped into the restroom, directly into the radiance of Juudee's smile.
The designer jumped roughly a full body length, and most of it was straight back.
"I -- I -- what? What are you doing in --"
"Assisting, assisting!" the Liaison chirped. "All of our guests have assistance tonight, but theirs was provided by the hotel. I wanted to assist you personally."
Rarity found a smile. "Your duties," she told the local, "were both comprehensive and conclusive. Thank you for your service, Juudee, but I feel I can --"
-- which was when the nature of the restroom finally began to register.
The restroom -- but not the things in it.
...what?
The Liaison had seen her expression. "And that's why I'm here!" she declared. "Because it's your first night. The first of many, I hope." Smiling, "I saw your eyes in the District, Rarity. I saw your love as it bloomed. I know you'll come back --"
"-- what," Rarity slowly said, pointing a shaking (and elegantly-draped foreleg) "is that?"
"The washing area! See, I knew you would all need help!"
Rarity kept looking at it.
"It is," she said, "a bubble. An opaque, oversized, pony-shaped bubble."
Juudee nodded.
"Yes. You step within --"
"-- why?"
"Because," Juudee calmly explained, "a pony must remained covered at all times. All of them. Now, once you're in the bubble, you can remove your current outfit. Oh, and I'd love it if you explained your choices while you were doing so! I could never do that with a donated pannier!"
Rarity's neck involuntarily twisted to the left.
"I am now assuming," Rarity slowly said, "that I am looking at the toilet."
Juudee nodded again.
"Which takes the form of a hole. In the wall. Shaped like a pony's hindquarters."
"Of course! You back in, and then you're wearing the wall!" A brief pause. "And also what's inside it."
"Because," Rarity hollowly observed, "one's body must remain covered at all times."
Juudee beamed, proudly nodded at her attentive student.
Rarity just barely managed to breathe. It felt as if her ribs could barely shift the weight of her ensemble. A collection of fabric which now seemed to mass several bale-tons.
"Juudee," she carefully said, "I have what may be a rather... personal question to ask you. But it is something I must know about, if I am ever to return."
The Guide patiently, even eagerly waited.
"I can understand the washing area, I think," Rarity slowly continued. "A suit of sorts, connected to tubes. Water sprays me from within. Does a helmet come down from the ceiling?"
"You're practically a native," Juudee beamed. "You're going to do so well...!"
"And the -- other section... well, I imagine there is space to move my hind legs. And -- more water. But... among your populace today... all I saw were adults."
"No children yet," Juudee nodded. "Most ponies don't really think about becoming clothists until puberty. But we'll raise ours right."
Rarity swallowed.
"Juudee... if a pony's body must remain covered at all times... how do you have sex?"
The Guide smiled, and told her.
The first pony Rarity encountered in the hotel's hallway during her headlong screaming attempt to escape was Rainbow.
"They tried to put me in pajamas!" the pegasus yelled. "I sleep nude! And this time of year, on top of the sheets! Who are they to tell me how to sleep?"
Rarity just barely registered the pegasus' restored fabric-free state: she was just glad to have one sane pony back. "Go get the others, as fast as you can! I'll fetch Twilight --"
-- who came around the corner, slender features still half-frozen with horror.
"The toilet," Twilight gasped. "Don't use it!"
Which was when they all heard the scream.
"Pinkie!" Rarity gasped. "She's being --"
"-- she used it," Twilight desperately broke in. "Rarity, we have to --"
-- which was when the first of their assistants showed up.
"You're out of your clothes," the mare softly told Rainbow. "You're out of your clothes."
Another assistant appeared. This one was chasing Fluttershy, whose tail had become entangled in something which Rarity truly wished to be a towel, and wasn't.
"You're out of your clothes." With two of them, it had become a chant. "You're out of your clothes..."
Pinkie, hysterically sobbing and giggling at the same time, came barreling around the corner. Applejack was right behind her.
"Rarity?" the farmer said as she joined the group, one which was steadily backing in on itself as assistants closed from all sides, "Y'know all those times Ah've said that being obsessed with dresses might've made you a little nuts?"
"Distinctly."
"Sorry."
"I accept your apology."
"Ah mean, sorry only by comparison. But sorry."
More ponies were arriving, as if summoned by the chant. One mare jabbed a foreleg towards Rainbow and wordlessly screeched.
"Twilight?" Rarity asked.
"What is it?" the desperate alicorn said.
"I believe," the designer replied, "it is finally time to initiate Operation WWSHDTSITFP."
A long pause. Their tails were starting to collide.
"What We Should Have Done To Starlight In The First Place?"
"Precisely."
Twilight's horn ignited.
"About bucking time," the alicorn said, and took out most of a wall.
Somewhere behind them, the fire was still blazing. But Rarity was confident it would be out soon, because the colony was not only advanced enough to have a proper fire department, it was also surrounded by swamp water. However, the weather control still wasn't quite perfect, and so some of the scents from that conflagration had followed them into their slowly-advancing position within the muck.
"...that's a lot of smoke," Fluttershy decided.
"Because," Rainbow huffed, "they're still not using their wings enough." With a snort of disgust, "Sleeves..."
They all pressed on, mud and swamp water soaking into exposed fur.
"Well, the palace will know they're here now," Twilight eventually observed. "Since they've had a disaster. Plus I was going to tell the Princess anyway."
"I already added it to the map," Pinkie proudly told them, and unfurled the paper to let them all see.
"Ah think," Applejack eventually offered, "it's spelled -- Klòveshors?"
"But 'Stay Away Because They're All Crazytown' is more descriptive!"
Moon shone down upon their bare backs, along with a fair amount of distant firelight.
"Rarity," Twilight asked, "I heard Juudee scream something at you, just before I hit the police squad with the statue. But I couldn't make out what it was. Did you hear her?"
With a sigh, "It was an invitation to Lake Laogai."
"I don't --"
"Their annual fashion conference. On the edge of the swamp lake. It's probably a great honor."
Curiously, "Are you going?"
"No. It's a full-week event. And fashion is... part-time. So. We find a patch of moss upon which to rest, and resume the mission in the morning?"
"Or afternoon," Twilight sighed. "It could take a while before we can safely sleep. They might have a search radius."
The uncontrolled breeze drifted across them again. Six snouts wrinkled.
"...there's a lot of rubber burning," Fluttershy observed.
"Yes," Rarity sighed. "Those factories did catch rather thoroughly." She shuddered. "Well, with all the necessary reconstruction, I doubt anypony would have been having sex for a while anyway."
"...sex?"
"Don't ask."
"...but..."
"Don't."
And chased by wind-lofted ash and drifting scraps of scorched fabric, the nude procession shuffled on.
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Eww what sort of sick perverted deviant wears clothes all the time?
Gross.
Estee, I love you. I truly do. :D
1) "Next time we come across a town that isn't on the map, let's just napalm it and save ourselves the time."
"But, Twilight..."
"You didn't have to help Pinkie Pie out of that outfit."
"Yes, there is that, but how was I supposed to know that they were going to shave her first for it?"
2)Loved the "We Happy Few" reference. Probably the only good reference from that game at all.
3)Great story, and glad to see it.
In my headcanon, this as the mission that AnchorFoal!Fluttershy is on! ... Well, adjusted for Triptych, of course.
Wow. ... Yeah, maybe don't tell anypony about this, to preserve their belief in the sanity of the common pony.
Operation WWSHDTSITFP! Niice!
Also, those Avatar Refs! Like, I knew it from "Juudee", but that use of "Lake Laogai"! Inventive!
Also, also, We Happy Few!
Nice explanation for all those Unmapped Villages. Avoiding taxation is a great reason! ... Lol if the Palace makes a law for retroactive taxation from when a city is founded,
But then again, why pay the Palace when you're utterly off the grid as it were?
----
Typo:
bodes > bodies
That was pretty hilarious.
Maybe going a little heavy on the blunt references, though, but that's mainly my taste.
I know this is a silly, non-Continuum story, but this still made me do a double take. Pretty sure this the first time you've ever written something that was explicitly Season 5.
I'm not sure if it would have any effect.
Little Inferno, just for meeee...
No one take this mare to Las Pegasus. It will not end well.
Wow. Not just clothist, Victorian clothist. No slatternly baring of the fetlocks here, no sir!
I'm not sure if this is sarcasm of if I'm too sane to perceive a few links in her chain of logic.
No one tell Juudee "Princess of Friendship" is the handy, abbreviated title of "Royal Disposer of Uncanned Evil/Head of Diplomatic Corps/Head of Indoctrination/..."
Well, it's abbreviated for a reason.
I believe I see why. At all times.
"Linen Mare" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?
Are there three seashells?
...
Oh dear Lord, I wish it were just three seashells...
You know, that wasn't quite what I thought the rubber is for. And I'm honestly very glad I didn't think of whatever you did. I'm deliberately trying to keep my self from sussing out just what you had in mind there, actually.
In any case, bizarrely delightful all around. Remote villages just never end well.
9144446 And, of course, "...I recommend our Godet exhibit. We were waiting for it, and for a rather long time."
Sigh.
9144469
9144473 ...that's always on backorder.
The references. Sweet Celestia, the references.
If there were a PG-13 version of MLP:FiM, this would most certainly be a Top 10 in the entire run of the series. Part of my brain wants to know how they have sex, but most of the rest of it echoes Rarity's last line.
Proper points for your portrayal of Juudee. I also enjoyed your callbacks to Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Iron Man.
Yep, we've all been to that one place we feel is perfect for us until we've stayed for a while and gazed at the ugliness behind the majesty.
You've truly fashioned a fabulous yarn and I must say that I didn't mind being strung along, even as the climax of the tale you spun loomed.
...I'll show myself out.
How do you pronounce Klòveshors
9144519
Clothes Horse.
Rubber - sex...
Full body condoms?
That would explain the lack of children.
9144546 One would presume since the objective is children, that they would be almost full-body condoms. Hopefully, allowing the eyes to show, or the fertile couple could be greatly embarrassed by the resulting randomness of the act, so to say.
"Bob? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Mary."
9144523
That took me about three quarters of the story to get. I really enjoyed this :)
This was amazing.
Heh. A fun read, it was.
9144546
I did wonder about that bit but I suppose this answers it.
9144559
It's a bit of a running joke that, someday, we're going to have a war someplace nice. Like, I know we've been to France before, but maybe with wifi and the high-speed trains working. Or one of the nice Caribbean islands.
If nothing else, Twilight will be making sure THAT changes once this is over.
...Still debating if I really want to know what Juudee's answer was to Rarity's question...probably not.
Unfortunately, it seems my brain won't let me not make any theories...
9144469
I see I wasn't the only one who caught that.
this made me think of a fan-comic i saw...but i can't find it again!
i'll have to settle for a description:
after Starlight takes away their Cutie-Marks, Twilight PUNCHES Starlight in the face, and says, "i still have my hooves, smart-flank."
Twilight's friends stare in shock...
Twilight says something like, "what are you staring at? let's just take back our cutie-marks!"
there's actually a sequel, where Starlight punches Twilight and says, "that's for calling me a smart-flank."
9144469
Ah yes, Waiting For Godot. The relevance to the story was a bit less, I guess that's why it slipped my mind.
Thanks for the reminder.
----
The only one I didn't catch was the "Body Snatchers" ref.
if juudee was talking about Lake Laogai then that town was more starlight like then they thought. (Avatar the last airbender ref)
9144523
Heh. Very nice.
Founded by a pony sufferer from Never Nude?
Joy is actually a moderate depressant for Pinkie Pie.
A Story of the Blanks reference?
The fact that they give the statue a place of pride really should have been enough of a clue for them to turn around and leave at that point.
I was thinking they'd have to bathe while wearing robes, like some strict Catholic nuns. My imagination was feeble.
Poor Rarity: life is one long series of frustrations for her, isn't it?
From the moment Juudee appeared, I knew this story was going to make me happy. And it did.
9144469
9144665
I always appreciate good Godot reference. I still love how the Boring Company named their first digger Godot.
This was interesting story I wished there were more stories with all time clothed pony in them.
The Canterlot Bugle
The Palace budget has taken hit, as another previously unknown village makes a claim for disaster relief.
Details of the actual disaster are sketchy, as relief workers have not been permitted entry until they “cover up.” Attempts to float rain-bearing clouds into the area have been unsuccessful, as the local weather team is apparently grounded.
Rumours that the Element-Bearers were in the area are, as yet, unconfirmed. The Palace has listed their current mission as classified.
Asked if they would be visiting the village to inspect the damage, Princess Celestia replied, “Not until the weather cools down,” while Princess Luna said, “The sacrifices I made to earn these wings mean that I shall never voluntarily cover them.”
When asked how they were going to pay for this latest round of disaster relief, the Treasurer replied, “No hablo Equestrian. Parlez-vous Prench? Nessun ulteriore commento.”
"I'm still not sure we really got Pinkie off the Joy"
As bouncy as she was, I don't think she got to dose number five. Much less number thirty.
Joy-Smoke. *shudders*
9144637
This one? https://derpibooru.org/865379
I see they don't condome any sort of unclothed activity.
I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I don't want to know... BUT I NEED TO KNOW!!!
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate this nugget of literary gold? Also, what's the Continuum status of Starlight?
Estee, you cheeky bastard.
Do we want to know what this not-towel is?
So... the toilets are Glory Holes? I'm guessing... I was imagining an butt-shaped alcove. A hole would mean that their bodies aren't "covered at all times"
Someone explain this whole thing to me so I don't feel like I just wasted 20 minutes of my life.
Operation WWSHDTSITFP is good.
I rather suspect a Continuum Twilight would react rather differently than the canon one has as far as students and schools. Redemption isn't effortless, especially as I suspect Starlight's little party comes after Triptych itself, and she is well aware that she has better things to do with her time.
One particular campaign in D&D we played, the DM had gotten it from online and the writers had spent an in-ordinate amount of time detailing every last little village and everything in it. Which we then made him read out to us, every time[1]. One particular village seemed to have a surfiet of furnature shops.
With twenty-eight (at least) fashion shops in a presumably relatively small settlement, I was forcibly reminded of that.
[1]Once, the whole party spend the night in the brothel, because it was cheaper than any of the inns[2]. Which was a unique... achievement...?
[2]And because that seemed really funny.
9144436
9145392
I'd think that having a mark talent that let her do things like move cutie marks around and alter the past would put her at Discord-tier for needing to be brought to Equestria's side before she ends up breaking things. Or at least, before she starts breaking things ponies care about. If she wants to, say, break all of Changelingkind, that would be perfectly fine.
9145332
Judging from the hindquarters shape of the hole, I'd say you're right.
9145423
I've been arguing all along that Starlight's talent, plus her continued refusal to stop using mind control any time something doesn't go her way, merits banishment or imprisonment for the safety of those around her, not being placed in close proximity to Bearers she has shown no remorse about manipulating at will.
Mark Of Appeal and Triptych both make that point even stronger in this 'verse, as manipulating marks is strait up body horror in this setting.
I... am not sure how many of those bathroom appliances work, and I am equally uncertain that I want to know. How is hindquarter-shaped hole in the wall as a toilet so terrifying it made Pinkie Pie scream? What did Juudee tell Rarity? I just don't know!
I must say, however, when I saw the name Juudee - I knew this would be a good story. (And she invited Rarity to Lake Laogai! Don't go, Rarity! Save your soul!)
All in all, an Estee story. So, amazing. Yay!
9145394
And, Twilight Sparkle can do that these days!
9144997
yup! that's the one!
and here's the sequel:
https://www.deviantart.com/pandramodo/art/Choosing-the-easy-way-again-576024418
oh, i just remembered a really old short story by Piers Anthony, called "up Schist Crick":
the protagonist stumbles on a small town where someone had invented a super-flexible material that all the inhabitants liked to wear UNDER their regular clothes. he gets hold of one, smuggles it out-by wearing it...
then he goes to a bathroom...
and has poop inside the suit...
then sees an appropriate piece of graffiti: without a paddle
oh, brother...look what JUST popped up on my "recommended for you" on Youtube:
And all they had in the meantime was a pair of his boots.
9145423
Oh boy pet theory time
Her mark is a comet (a symbol of big changes), she's a dry run for Starswirl when he shows up personality wise, and she pulls off magical shenanigans previously thought impossible or improbable with zip for training and living in BFE for years.
Starswirl is remembered a thousand years later not because he was absurdly powerful, but because he recodified unicorn workings and generally beat magic with a stick until it did what he said (even if that was previously impossible).
Starlight is a continuation of this, and will probably end up revolutionising workings again.