• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 minutes ago


On the Sliding Scale Of Cynicism Vs. Idealism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon, Ko-Fi.)


The Bearers have encountered more than a few mysterious hidden villages, and that just never works out. But when they come across one whose residents believe that ponies must have their bodies covered at all times, Rarity starts to wonder if she's finally found her ideal audience.

For the answer, please see 'just never works out.'

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 87 )

Eww what sort of sick perverted deviant wears clothes all the time?


Estee, I love you. I truly do. :D

1) "Next time we come across a town that isn't on the map, let's just napalm it and save ourselves the time."
"But, Twilight..."
"You didn't have to help Pinkie Pie out of that outfit."
"Yes, there is that, but how was I supposed to know that they were going to shave her first for it?"

2)Loved the "We Happy Few" reference. Probably the only good reference from that game at all.

3)Great story, and glad to see it.

In my headcanon, this as the mission that AnchorFoal!Fluttershy is on! ... Well, adjusted for Triptych, of course.

Wow. ... Yeah, maybe don't tell anypony about this, to preserve their belief in the sanity of the common pony.

Operation WWSHDTSITFP! Niice!

Also, those Avatar Refs! Like, I knew it from "Juudee", but that use of "Lake Laogai"! Inventive!

Also, also, We Happy Few!

Nice explanation for all those Unmapped Villages. Avoiding taxation is a great reason! ... Lol if the Palace makes a law for retroactive taxation from when a city is founded,

But then again, why pay the Palace when you're utterly off the grid as it were?



bodes > bodies

That was pretty hilarious.

Maybe going a little heavy on the blunt references, though, but that's mainly my taste.

"-- Starlight," the alicorn calmly stated.

I know this is a silly, non-Continuum story, but this still made me do a double take. Pretty sure this the first time you've ever written something that was explicitly Season 5.

"I'm still not sure we really got Pinkie off the Joy."

"I'm still not certain how we could tell," Rarity softly sighed

I'm not sure if it would have any effect.

Little Inferno, just for meeee...

"By sheer odds," she decided in the angry face(s) of experience, "one of them has to be good for us."

No one take this mare to Las Pegasus. It will not end well.

Wow. Not just clothist, Victorian clothist. No slatternly baring of the fetlocks here, no sir!

Because when you've recently founded a village in the middle of a swamp, you just have to expect guests.

I'm not sure if this is sarcasm of if I'm too sane to perceive a few links in her chain of logic.

No one tell Juudee "Princess of Friendship" is the handy, abbreviated title of "Royal Disposer of Uncanned Evil/Head of Diplomatic Corps/Head of Indoctrination/..."
Well, it's abbreviated for a reason.

We're hoping to become Equestria's foremost producer of rubber. After all, without more clothists, at least when it comes to exports, one cannot hope to live by fashion alone. And we have a certain local need for it.

I believe I see why. At all times.

"She," Juudee stepped in, beaming wider than ever, "made it herself. Minutes ago. On the bridge, from the hut, using scraps."

"Linen Mare" doesn't have quite the same ring to it, does it?

-- which was when the nature of the restroom finally began to register.

The restroom -- but not the things in it.

Are there three seashells?
Oh dear Lord, I wish it were just three seashells...

You know, that wasn't quite what I thought the rubber is for. And I'm honestly very glad I didn't think of whatever you did. I'm deliberately trying to keep my self from sussing out just what you had in mind there, actually.

In any case, bizarrely delightful all around. Remote villages just never end well.

9144446 And, of course, "...I recommend our Godet exhibit. We were waiting for it, and for a rather long time."


Estee #8 · Aug 31st, 2018 · · 2 ·


noun: godet; plural noun: godets

  1. a triangular piece of material inserted in a dress, shirt, or glove to make it flared or for ornamentation.

9144473 ...that's always on backorder.

The references. Sweet Celestia, the references. :pinkiehappy:

If there were a PG-13 version of MLP:FiM, this would most certainly be a Top 10 in the entire run of the series. Part of my brain wants to know how they have sex, but most of the rest of it echoes Rarity's last line.

Proper points for your portrayal of Juudee. I also enjoyed your callbacks to Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Iron Man.

Yep, we've all been to that one place we feel is perfect for us until we've stayed for a while and gazed at the ugliness behind the majesty.

You've truly fashioned a fabulous yarn and I must say that I didn't mind being strung along, even as the climax of the tale you spun loomed.

...I'll show myself out.

How do you pronounce Klòveshors

Estee #13 · Aug 31st, 2018 · · 1 ·


Clothes Horse.

Rubber - sex...
Full body condoms?
That would explain the lack of children.

9144546 One would presume since the objective is children, that they would be almost full-body condoms. Hopefully, allowing the eyes to show, or the fertile couple could be greatly embarrassed by the resulting randomness of the act, so to say.

"Bob? Oh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were Mary."

That took me about three quarters of the story to get. I really enjoyed this :)

This was amazing.

Heh. A fun read, it was.

I did wonder about that bit but I suppose this answers it.

But still, just based in the sheer number of adventures they'd had, raw cumulative odds -- it felt as if they were rather overdue to encounter The Strange Goings-On At The Five-Star Luxury Resort, or check out The Incident At The Exclusive Spa (Which Would Normally Have To Be Booked Six Moons In Advance, Plus We Can't Afford It Anyway).

It's a bit of a running joke that, someday, we're going to have a war someplace nice. Like, I know we've been to France before, but maybe with wifi and the high-speed trains working. Or one of the nice Caribbean islands.

But until then, a colony unmapped is a colony which doesn't have to worry about paying taxes just yet, I always say.

If nothing else, Twilight will be making sure THAT changes once this is over. :ajsmug:

...Still debating if I really want to know what Juudee's answer was to Rarity's question...probably not. :rainbowderp:

Unfortunately, it seems my brain won't let me not make any theories... :ajbemused:

I see I wasn't the only one who caught that. :rainbowlaugh:

"I believe," the designer replied, "it is finally time to initiate Operation WWSHDTSITFP."

A long pause. Their tails were starting to collide.

"What We Should Have Done To Starlight In The First Place?"


Twilight's horn ignited.

"About bucking time," the alicorn said, and took out most of a wall.

this made me think of a fan-comic i saw...but i can't find it again!
i'll have to settle for a description:

after Starlight takes away their Cutie-Marks, Twilight PUNCHES Starlight in the face, and says, "i still have my hooves, smart-flank."
Twilight's friends stare in shock...
Twilight says something like, "what are you staring at? let's just take back our cutie-marks!"

there's actually a sequel, where Starlight punches Twilight and says, "that's for calling me a smart-flank."


Ah yes, Waiting For Godot. The relevance to the story was a bit less, I guess that's why it slipped my mind.

Thanks for the reminder.


The only one I didn't catch was the "Body Snatchers" ref.

if juudee was talking about Lake Laogai then that town was more starlight like then they thought. (Avatar the last airbender ref)

Heh. Very nice.

Founded by a pony sufferer from Never Nude?

Joy is actually a moderate depressant for Pinkie Pie.

the ponies who had those really interesting things in their fireplaces?

A Story of the Blanks reference? :pinkiegasp:

Curiously, "How did she breathe through all that?"

"Actually," Juudee sighed, "that turned out to be the problem."

The fact that they give the statue a place of pride really should have been enough of a clue for them to turn around and leave at that point.

I was thinking they'd have to bathe while wearing robes, like some strict Catholic nuns. My imagination was feeble.

Poor Rarity: life is one long series of frustrations for her, isn't it? :raritydespair:

From the moment Juudee appeared, I knew this story was going to make me happy. And it did. :moustache:


I always appreciate good Godot reference. I still love how the Boring Company named their first digger Godot.

This was interesting story I wished there were more stories with all time clothed pony in them.

Comment posted by Sweetolebob18 deleted Sep 1st, 2018

The Canterlot Bugle

The Palace budget has taken hit, as another previously unknown village makes a claim for disaster relief.

Details of the actual disaster are sketchy, as relief workers have not been permitted entry until they “cover up.” Attempts to float rain-bearing clouds into the area have been unsuccessful, as the local weather team is apparently grounded.

Rumours that the Element-Bearers were in the area are, as yet, unconfirmed. The Palace has listed their current mission as classified.

Asked if they would be visiting the village to inspect the damage, Princess Celestia replied, “Not until the weather cools down,” while Princess Luna said, “The sacrifices I made to earn these wings mean that I shall never voluntarily cover them.”

When asked how they were going to pay for this latest round of disaster relief, the Treasurer replied, “No hablo Equestrian. Parlez-vous Prench? Nessun ulteriore commento.”

"I'm still not sure we really got Pinkie off the Joy"

As bouncy as she was, I don't think she got to dose number five. Much less number thirty.

Joy-Smoke. *shudders*

I see they don't condome any sort of unclothed activity.

"Juudee... if a pony's body must remain covered at all times... how do you have sex?"

The Guide smiled, and told her.

I don't want to know, I don't want to know, I don't want to know... BUT I NEED TO KNOW!!!

"I believe," the designer replied, "it is finally time to initiate Operation WWSHDTSITFP."

A long pause. Their tails were starting to collide.

"What We Should Have Done To Starlight In The First Place?"


Twilight's horn ignited.

"About bucking time," the alicorn said, and took out most of a wall.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate this nugget of literary gold? Also, what's the Continuum status of Starlight?

With a sigh, "It was an invitation to Lake Laogai."

Estee, you cheeky bastard.

This one was chasing Fluttershy, whose tail had become entangled in something which Rarity truly wished to be a towel, and wasn't.

Do we want to know what this not-towel is?

"The toilet," Twilight gasped. "Don't use it!"

Which was when they all heard the scream.

"Pinkie!" Rarity gasped. "She's being --"

So... the toilets are Glory Holes? I'm guessing... I was imagining an butt-shaped alcove. A hole would mean that their bodies aren't "covered at all times"

Someone explain this whole thing to me so I don't feel like I just wasted 20 minutes of my life.

Operation WWSHDTSITFP is good.

I rather suspect a Continuum Twilight would react rather differently than the canon one has as far as students and schools. Redemption isn't effortless, especially as I suspect Starlight's little party comes after Triptych itself, and she is well aware that she has better things to do with her time.

One particular campaign in D&D we played, the DM had gotten it from online and the writers had spent an in-ordinate amount of time detailing every last little village and everything in it. Which we then made him read out to us, every time[1]. One particular village seemed to have a surfiet of furnature shops.

With twenty-eight (at least) fashion shops in a presumably relatively small settlement, I was forcibly reminded of that.

[1]Once, the whole party spend the night in the brothel, because it was cheaper than any of the inns[2]. Which was a unique... achievement...?

[2]And because that seemed really funny.


”Next time we come across a town that isn’t on the map, let's just napalm it and save ourselves the time."

I'd think that having a mark talent that let her do things like move cutie marks around and alter the past would put her at Discord-tier for needing to be brought to Equestria's side before she ends up breaking things. Or at least, before she starts breaking things ponies care about. If she wants to, say, break all of Changelingkind, that would be perfectly fine.


"Which takes the form of a hole. In the wall. Shaped like a pony's hindquarters."

Judging from the hindquarters shape of the hole, I'd say you're right.


I've been arguing all along that Starlight's talent, plus her continued refusal to stop using mind control any time something doesn't go her way, merits banishment or imprisonment for the safety of those around her, not being placed in close proximity to Bearers she has shown no remorse about manipulating at will.

Mark Of Appeal and Triptych both make that point even stronger in this 'verse, as manipulating marks is strait up body horror in this setting.

I... am not sure how many of those bathroom appliances work, and I am equally uncertain that I want to know. How is hindquarter-shaped hole in the wall as a toilet so terrifying it made Pinkie Pie scream? What did Juudee tell Rarity? I just don't know!

I must say, however, when I saw the name Juudee - I knew this would be a good story. (And she invited Rarity to Lake Laogai! Don't go, Rarity! Save your soul!)

All in all, an Estee story. So, amazing. Yay!

And, Twilight Sparkle can do that these days!

oh, i just remembered a really old short story by Piers Anthony, called "up Schist Crick":
the protagonist stumbles on a small town where someone had invented a super-flexible material that all the inhabitants liked to wear UNDER their regular clothes. he gets hold of one, smuggles it out-by wearing it...
then he goes to a bathroom...
and has poop inside the suit...
then sees an appropriate piece of graffiti: without a paddle

oh, brother...look what JUST popped up on my "recommended for you" on Youtube:

"Our History Of Clothists," Juudee nodded. "It's the first in the world. If you have time, I recommend our Godet exhibit. We were waiting for it, and for a rather long time."

And all they had in the meantime was a pair of his boots.

Oh boy pet theory time
Her mark is a comet (a symbol of big changes), she's a dry run for Starswirl when he shows up personality wise, and she pulls off magical shenanigans previously thought impossible or improbable with zip for training and living in BFE for years.
Starswirl is remembered a thousand years later not because he was absurdly powerful, but because he recodified unicorn workings and generally beat magic with a stick until it did what he said (even if that was previously impossible).
Starlight is a continuation of this, and will probably end up revolutionising workings again.

Login or register to comment