• Member Since 4th May, 2013
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago


On the Sliding Scale Of Idealism Vs. Cynicism, I like to think of myself as being idyllically cynical. (Patreon page.)


The appearance of heroines can lead to many things, and one of them is merchandising. So it makes perfect sense for a toy company to get the rights for the Bearers' images and produce action figures of them, right?

...well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages. (Due to minimal length, this story was a pledge freebie.))

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 65 )

Oh dear. :rainbowlaugh: It always looks so much easier in those movies with Santa's workshop.

Is it me, or is this your shortest story yet? Simple, to the point, and pretty darn amusing. More like this, please?

OUCH you really feel for the manufacturer... They really shouldve held out for the rights to Luna toys

My license acquisition expert turned out to be a changeling who was just trying to acquire information on the enemy. And it sort of mattered to the Guards that he was.

Snrk. Well played.

And that last bit... :rainbowlaugh: Hopefully this world doesn't contain a mirror portal.

9079572 I don't think something as ugly as a human would be marketable.

And for at least two of those three years, conventions were opening in Las Pegasus and Baltimare, where ponies sold hoof- and horn-crafted plushies. Lots and lots of adorable plushies.

"You're expecting kids to buy toys sight unseen. Without knowing ... is this a joke?"

You're expecting kids to buy the toys AFTER they've seen them. :twilightoops:
Who's the crazy one here?

"I hate to say it, boss. But we've got a bunch of defective 'Rainbow Dash.' For some reason the dyes didn't take. Except yellow. So the body turned out grey, while the mane, tail, and eyes are yellow. What do you want us to do with them?"

"Ship them, without a card. Its not like that is a likely colour combination for a pegasus. I doubt we'll get sued."

"-- they wouldn't give me that."

"I swear, you change Celestia's coat color for marketability once and they never let you forget it."

"At least no one's asking us to make toys of the Ponyville conspiracy nuts."
"Hmm... not a bad idea, actually! Not just them, of course; toys of random townsfolk!"

"Action figures"

I wonder just how crazy Rainbow Dash and Rarity actually drove them with their requests? I mean 20% cooler for Rainbow Dash and all the dresses for Rarity, then again that would be a selling part for her.

This is a perfect example I think of the things that go on behind the scenes with toy companies. Maybe not 100% like this, but close enough.

Though if this is Hasbro that's shown here, I wonder how their action figures do in Equestria.

Okay, yeah, but where's the kung-fu action grip?

I'm not buying anything without it :-P

I know this one is standalone, but now I'm wondering how much more variant the Mane 6's body types are in the Continuum than we see onscreen (I do recall Twilight is indeed pretty runty, but my mental picture probably overcorrects that somewhat).

That sense of approaching doom when they heard the chanting, though.:rainbowlaugh:

Look on the bright side, at least they weren't making a Golden Oak Library playset. It's a lot easier to glue plastic wings onto a toy than turning a model of a tree into a giant crystal castle.

Quite funny. I'd be interested in seeing the Mane Six's reactions and whatnot.

And I can just see Scootaloo spending all her money on blind bags to get RD models. :rainbowkiss:


Or, you can make it the Golden Oaks MEMORIAL Playset even easier.

Because they set fire to the production line while screaming incoherently.

So over the last six trips, exactly what have we learned here?"

"This is a weird town."


"And they like to post signs.


At least they gained permission to make changeling figures.
Great antagonists for the Bearers, plus every single one of them is solid-black except for the eyes.

They'll be so cheap to make!

"...the librarian is about two hoof-heights shorter than any of the others. The farmer is a trotting piledriver, the caretaker is a model, the weather coordinator practically has airflow when she's standing still, the baker needs to drop a tenth-bale, and the designer has more curves in her tail than the Las Pegasus Spiral."

That is a wonderful description. Doesn't fit what we've seen but if we think of the show as a ficitonalized telling of their adventures... :D

This was a fun read.
Too bad they have codes printed on the bags that people have figured out indicate what figure is in what bag. :raritywink:

...and that's how Derpy was made!

“What do you mean, ‘She’s bigger now than when she returned, she’s turned dark blue, and her mane is now like Princess Celestia’s, except that it’s shades of blue and has stars twinkling in it’”?

Fucking WHAT?
Also, author, do you mind if I steal your idea and make it much longer?

By all means. Take it and run with it. *cackles*
This will help you out.

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
I'm planning to collect every piece of FiM merchandise ever sold in any country at any time. Gonna be LOTS of eBay.

Especially considering wave 2 of the blind bags were "Europe only". And that the Luxury Lotus Spa playset never saw North American release (although some guy in the UK has a stockpile, don't know how. Be prepared for big bucks)

I just buy a sealed box from amazon, always able to get one of each figure that way.

Fab !

Twifright Starkill'? I lost it bad here.


I used to work at a toy store. In fact, I was the Action Figure Guy for all the collectors.

I can remember to this day the one which had every back saying "We are devoted oqualty(sic) products"

They weren't, not really.

I have that feeling this is what goes on behind the scenes at Hasbro.

I plan to become a neurosurgeon, so I'll have bucks to spend once I pay off the college debt I'll drown in.


Let me know how that goes. I'll ship you Ponyville Behind Glass at cost :P


That's why you make reality conform to your plans for the toy line, rather than the other way around.

9080889 I do perform brain surgery.

I'm not a neurosurgeon, however... this might explain the 100% mortality rate of my 'patients'... :pinkiecrazy:

9080421 But with Luna right there they might of gotten the toy out much sooner

Hoooly shit that is going to be a LOT of Styrofoam.
Also, I'm willing. Once I have the disposable cash, I'll hit you up.

9081327 *flips through a blood-stained notebook* Yes, they were in here last week... now they're out there... (points to 3 rather fresh mounds of earth in the creepy backyard in the NJ Pine Barrens... complete with glowing eyes peering from several bushes)


"Okay. Say that again, more slowly, and with extra words. Exactly what is 'Rainbow Power'?"

Don't worry about it. No one will like it and it will be forgotten before the next villain even shows up.


"No. She's a chase figure. She's one in every twenty cases! Now, to compensate, we'll be drowning the kids in Applejack --"

"-- get out."

Respect to the boss here.

"So here's the distribution. First, Pinkie. She's one in twenty."
"...I just said twenty-four."
"No. She's a chase figure. She's one in every twenty cases! Now, to compensate, we'll be drowning the kids in Applejack --"
"-- get out."

Interesting coincidence: just yesterday, I read a historical article in my newsfeed that described how that strategy massively backfired on McDonald's back in the '90s. The person in charge of the Monopoly contest stole all of the big winners for himself and his friends. The FBI eventually did track down everyone involved and the news was all abuzz about it... or they were about to be, but the day after the mastermind's trial started, some airplanes crashed into a pair of New York City skyscrapers, a five-sided building in D.C., and a Pennsylvania cornfield...

Yeah, people had more important issues on their minds after that. Thus, it's nearly forgotten.

This was totally fun. ^-^

Very enjoyable read, and funny. In their situation i almost would have wished for a Power Ponies liscense. I mean, no one ever changes comic book designs.

Twifright Starkill sounds like the name that got rejected for the protagonist of Star Horse.

I'm calling the police.
Or maybe the National Guard.

9082982 It's too late. I'm already... RIGHT BEHIND YOU, BLLAAAAAARG!!

(Pretty much how all creepypasta games work.)


You can't kill who's already dead!

9080700 That's actually close to legit. I've got a Soarin' that has a card identifying *her* as Spitfire, leader of the Wonderbolts. Some of those cards are wacked.

I wouldn't mind drowning in Applejack...

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me the new Princess went to this whole other world..."


"Where herself and the rest of the Bearers were..."


"And they sort of looked like they always do..."


"Except they were all sort-of hairless minotaurs, only more ape-like?"


"Hoof over that bottle of Applejack Daniels. Nope, don't need the glass."

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!