- Member Since 7th Nov, 2017
- offline last seen 48 minutes ago
Darkdemonlucifer
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Darkdemonlucifer
Joined 7th Nov, 2017 ·
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You know... this isn't the worst story. It's gotta a dialogue and a story worth trying to bring forward. It reminds me of Headless_Rainbow`s work.You fix up the dialogue a bit and editing. It could be a great story. Nevermind those whom disliked it because of the gore or death tag, it can be polished.
9115010
dialogue has always been my weakest suit, I did not bother editing and checking it because I figure most people are only here for the porn. Headless Rainbow happens to be the person I look up to, and the dislikes don't bother me at all. I want fantasy novels to be liked, and just do this for money and fun. I simply added the story to it so that people can keep reading without dying of boredom.
I am considering focusing on a larger story at some point, which would be much more story and less porn, but I need to finish up my novels for this year before doing so.
I feel like the ad in the paper is somehow a metaphor for the people who read the description and then read the story anyway.
Any further updates?
9127810
Coming up soon. I had to pause to work on a novel
The best part about this story is simply chapters 1 and 5, and only then the conversion\brain death parts. Everything about this is simply too gross for me to really want to read. You may want to re-evaluate your audience a smidge, since people who are into body-horror Cronenberg scenarios generally aren't into willing conversion into brainless broodmares, and vice versa. Plus the violence is consistently overdone and over-focused on, making it seem more edgy than anything else, for the sake of being edgey.
If you enjoy writing this, then more power to you, but I personally would recommend deciding conclusively whether you want to write Austin Powers or The Thing. Switching between them like this just makes people lose interest, even in the parts they do like. And I'd give all five chapters another editing passthrough when you find time, they're a bit of a mess.
9135572
I am writing what the commissioner asked for and building up for a really epic final scene. I am sorry the editing is a mess, this chapter was pushed out on a mobile device and will be edited once I have time. I would go back and edit everything, but with my current pricing I have to push out the writing quickly with only a short editing process. The only time I have to edit is on my one day off, which I normally spend sleeping.
I do really like this story however, and I am planning to go over it once it is finished.
Edit: Also, I love mixing humor in with horrific horror. Austin Powers and The Thing sound amazing, although yes, The Thing did inspire this.
Is there anything wiling like Fluttershy past chapter 1? Really willing, not mind break or mind control.
9145939
Coming up in the next chapter luckily.
I'm curious as to what Celestia and Luna's fates will be.
But I'm assuming that will be covered in later chapters.
9167345
Yes! Hopefully it's interesting for you.
9167374
As long as they aren't just killed off it should be. I'd love to see Luna made into another broodmare though. Not enough art/stories of that out there.
HA This has nothing to do with your story besides its title... Seems my ad blocker is so sensitive to ads its closes your stories main page when opened in a new tab
9170571
It was originally meant to only be a 5'000 word commission. I should update the story description.
Lots of instances of "Rairty" this chapter. There's also a sentence fragment of "Chrysalis, who had vanished."
9171230
I should fix this. I will tomorrow.
9171247
While you're at it, what's with using "alicorn" to mean "changeling queen", did I miss something? It made the reference to Twilight as "the alicorn" in the scene with Celestia and Rarity confusing.
And as a note on the description, I would recommend organizing it with chapters arranged vertically and content overviews to the side (like Headless Rainbow does), instead of completely-vertical. It would at least make listing things feasible.
9172094
Alicorns are horses with wings and horns, so not at all. A bug horse with horns and wings is still an alicorn.
Thanks for the recommendation too. I think I'm just gonna give up with the list though XD.
9172157
I'm pretty sure that's your headcanon. I believe that most of us define "alicorn" to be "a pony with both a horn and wings". And no, a changeling isn't exactly a pony nor a horse.
But then again, that's just me; besides, this is your story and your headcanon. When it comes to other stories though…
9184874
Well most of us don't touch ourselves to ponies getting eggs laid in their brain, but here we are. If that one "incorrect" use of a word is your big issue with this story, then allow me to cackle madly. You did not need to waste my time once again pointing out an issue that I have already addressed, I choose to use the word alicorn because it is the closest description to what a changeling is besides a monster or a bug horse. Mixing up the words I chose to use adds interest to the story, and if people really have an issue with me using one word out of place, they are free to go and read another fifty thousand story based around Chrysails laying parasites into the brains of ponies.
By the way, as far as I am aware, this is the only such story on the site. My story, my rules. Don't like it? Throw money at me to create a story how you like it.
#Advertising
(I'm just grumpy because nobody is ever "How's your day? I liked the story!" It's always whining. I guess it is to be expected writing what I do, but it makes me grouchy)
9184902
I was just stating my opinion without any ill intent, and neither was I trying to force it on you. I get that some people are jerks about pedantic things like this, but I resent being seen as one of them, I'll have you know; I do my best to tone down aggressiveness.
Hey hey, no need to be that agressive.
9184929
It's all chill. I'm not really being aggressive. I'm just being grumpy.
Always find it strange that the majority of the time people write Celestia as easily broken and Luna as this unflappable badass but in the show Celestia has always been defiant to villains and the one time Luna has been in charge she bawled like a baby when things went south.
9185066
I see it like this because she got her ass kicked by chrysalis and totally ignored the warnings of Twilight, a very studious pony who she trusted more then almost anyone else, even though Twilight had no reason to lie. That was really, really stupid. We see an alt reality version where she does stuff, but that is an alt reality, so gong off this realities version of Celestia, we see her do a few things:
Stop a Lord of chaos using a super weapon when he was not expecting it.
Banish her sister to the moon for just wanting to be treated as an equal.
Get her ass kicked by the Lord of Chaos when she got the weapon took off her, and rather then sending in guards to get them, she sends in her best student and some of her friends, who she barely knows.
Get her ass kicked by a changeling queen the student she trusts so much tried to warn her about.
Send her student into a stupid amount of danger in the Crystal Empire.
I won't list everything, but yeah, you can see why a lot of people think she sucks.
Now for Luna:
Turns into Nightmare Moon
Was banished for 1000 years to the moon, came back and did not hold a grudge against her sister, even though her sister did not even bother to tell her nobody uses the Canterlot voice.
Creates a monster that almost escapes into the real world and wipes out all of pony kind.
I don't see her as stronger then her sister, but she almost certainly has a stronger will because she did not go mad or hold a grudge after a thousand years on the moon. In this story she was put out on the front lines because I decided not to use Batponies, and I felt that Luna would not want to sit around doing nothing while her sister ordered around the royal guard and managed everything. Without her own army to command, that left Luna with the only remaining option of getting her hooves dirty.
I hope you enjoyed the stupid amount of thought I put into a clopfic.
9185246
Not saying Celestia has the best plans just saying that when she is faced against things stronger than she is she doesn’t show fear and is defiant. ie she is someone of a strong will.
Ive always seen the fact that Luna turned into NMM in the first place a sign of a weak mind, instead of voicing her complaints and doing something about not being as popular as her sister she let it fester until her jealousy reached a boiling point. To me it is like saying a school shooter/spree killer has a strong will. Then she again displayed a weak will when she lost control of the tantabus and immediately gave up all hope. If losing against something of your own creation in the domain you control is not a sign of a weak mind I don’t know what is.
When Celestia lost to Chrysalis she didn’t start bawling her eyes out, she immediately tried to come up with another plan however hopeless it may have been. Celestia’s problems in the show have always been her affinity towards non-violence, we’ve seen that when there is no other option she will resort to it however. In pretty much all the other timelines we saw where there was no main6 she had to have stopped NMM without the elements, and that she was willing to fight in the front lines when there was not a non-violent option.
9185317
Well she didn't show fear. She got her ass kicked though. Luna kept some of her personality because....
Because
i.gifer.com/NmpX.gif
9184951
Well, misunderstanding resolved, I guess. While I want to say a few more things, I'll keep those to myself.
Woooo, so glad to see another chapter of this!~
9270496
Back to working at full speed now!
https://youtu.be/avYBuijHPBI
9297467
Somebody got my reference! I was honestly not expecting that. Lmao
Thanks for the update! Spotted some minor errors:
Chrysalis'
Applejack's
9313172
Cheers. I'll patch it up when I get the chance.
Moonlight? Do you mean Moondancer?
Oh Pinkie.
9335363
Yes I did.
And yes. Pinkie has a high blood sugar level.
9336595
Lol only pinkie can kill a changling parasite with too much sugar
"carpecekicked" should be "carapace kicked"
I think you meant "chef" and not "chief".
9391570
I meant chief cook, I just used the shorthand for it. The word use is a little weird, but it is still valid. I did not use cook because the word looks weird in my head, and my brain does not like it XD. I don't get on with words of french origin for some reason.
OK, I'm morbidly curious... What's "Adsorption Vore"?
9394951
If you don't know, don't read this.
9394951
It's when ads on your screen have a virus that absorbs your computer and links you to more porn while they steal your credit card number.
9419201
Okay, PPF, we should probably actually hang out more. Seems we meet each other in the same creepy, shady, and even funfunfun places here on FimFic. :B
9452122
LOL XD My dark secrets have been found out!
9452321
Was never truly a secret if you think about it. ;P
9452846
9452122
This place is funfunfun for sure. It all depends on what kind of fun you're looking for.
9453987
Alas! The ending portion is what I'm super duper into... at least its a... hey. "Happier" ending for her. I wonder what's planned for AJ... hm... su9er strong super determined.... hah. Stupid idea in my head.
How toes progress on the next chapter? The anxiousness I have for the next chapter is quite hard to contain.
9539899
I'll try to get it out for this week! No promises however.