• Member Since 24th Jun, 2017
  • offline last seen July 26th

Bronyxy


Pony fan inspired by great writers such as Pen Stroke and Conner Cogwork

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Rarity is in full creative flow designing her new season’s portfolio when a visitor arrives at Carousel Boutique.

Dr Stable has not come on a social call, moreover he has to break some frightening news that will turn the beautiful fashionista's world upside down.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 8 )

Great job! Though, this feels like a prologue to a longer story. :twilightsmile:

People are downvoting this story because it is unpleasant and hurts.

The story hurts, yes.
But downvoting a story because it brings bad news to a good pony isn't quite what the voting system is for.

As a story, it is good.
I hate it, but I upvoted.

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Well, this story has certainly polarised the readers. It is categorised as sad, tragedy and drama, and I think it meets those criteria, but I guess the subject matter was just too near the knuckle.

Thank you for your words of support, but there are no plans for a sequel.

Pretty good, I agree with Midnight, this could have a continuation.

Huk

It is an interesting idea for some kind of a longer story IMHO.

However, to be honest the narration feels too long and out of place at times, and not moving the story forward. For example, after the:

“Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, home to the sophisticated and the chic. How may I be of assistance?” she said tossing her mane expertly over her shoulder as she made a grand entrance from between some carefully placed mannequins.

We get three paragraphs describing how Rarity feels about and sees her customers, her own desires etc. How is all that relevant to the particular story? For me it felt more like a filler text really.

So, the idea is sound, but the execution could be better. Of course that’s just my opinion :twilightsmile:

People need to make their own judgement call on Rarity's character most of you have automatically assumed the worst where I feel the writing of this situation reflects reality. (Knowing Rarity she will be fully protected to fight another day!)

Geez....this story hurts. Its got me all emotional now......:fluttercry:

Sequel, please?:pinkiehappy:

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Thanks for your support.
I don't intend to progress this story further because it seems to have polarised readers so dramatically. I do have a number of other ideas I'm working on, and hope you enjoy those too.
Hope you can drop by again soon!

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