• Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 15 minutes ago

David Silver


You can get your own story written or push a current story for more updates at his Patreon!

Comments ( 154 )

her eyes returned to the folder she held in her magic. "Trixie Lulamoon, sunk to involvement in crime. I've heard stranger things..."

:trixieshiftright: Obviously Doctor Fetlock didn't hear about Trixie's first return to Ponyville. Trixie joining the mob would probably be small fries to that. derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/1/169209__safe_trixie_magic+duel_derp.png

hehehe this is gona be good. Cant wait to see how this story goes :pinkiecrazy:

I see Fetlock is continuing her "You chose this, that means I'm doing a good thing" tradition.

Oh, you agreed not knowing what would happen? Then I started to change you and if would be terrible if you chose to stop, so you choose to keep going!

Consent isn't that complicated! If they said yes they said yes!

8776908
In her defense, he was told to put the hat on, not go cramming his arm up it in an odd display.

I hope by the end of this story Fetlock becomes a statue in Celestia's garden as she is just to dangerous to be left unattended. Hopefully our hero can break free and find meaningful employment, even if it is boring for him.

8776908
He said yes? After being explicitly told he'd be transformed into a pony? :rainbowhuh:

8777236
Well... I mean. He did.

And then, if for whatever reason he wanted to back out, he could not.

... I'm not a fan of Fetlock's thoughts about herself.

How many chapters long will this story be?

A mare? How offensive, and triggering! I don't like stories like that at all, oh no! Not me, no sir! :rainbowlaugh:

"The price we pay for staying in business.

AHAHAHA YES SHE IS STILL IN BUSINESS EAT IT AND WEEP TWALOT :pinkiecrazy:

8780100
I have an outline of the events, but I do not plan them by the chapter.

Huh. Wasn't expecting this. Such is the magic of commissions. After reacquainting myself with the previous story, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this one.

You won't! I mean, what do you want to do, be a magic unicorn, or help people stuff food in bags forever?

As i first heard in Saturday Night Slam Masters,

NO CONTEST!

"I am still me." She put a hoof at her chest, her footing becoming quite precarious with her still forming balance. "If I forget me, then there is no... purpose. I want to be a Trixie that knows how amazing it is tobeTrixie, not just one that's used to it."

"Curious... Don't let your employer hear you rambling about how nice it is to be Trixie."

It didn't even take a few minutes into "being Trixie" for something to happen that will be real troublesome down the road, did it?

I approve.

This chap was a bit saucy there :derpyderp2:

So we have our Trixie now. Kinda surprised that Dr Fetlock didnt blast her to another dimension when she disagreed with her. Then again I guess Fetlock learned that blasting ponies to other dimensions is a bad idea? :pinkiecrazy: Evil pony clones?

Anywho wonder how our Trixie will take it when she realizes just what kinda employer she's getting. :pinkiegasp:

8792949
She also isn't actually being paid for this job. That might be flavoring her outlook on things.

8792972
aha true, plus I'm guessing she didnt like the whole,

"Magic, what else?" He snorted with irritation. "She needs to be able to cast spells. You'd think that would be what all unicorns do, but nah, not most of 'em, so that's important."

,comment didn't sit well with her either.

Our seamstresses don't leave any typos in the stitches so you can look your absolute best.

🎵 Make her something perfect to inspire
Even though she hates formal attire
Gotta mind those intimate details
Even though she's more concerned with sales 🎵

Trixie lulamoon

cap the L

Your new

You're

throw out her hoove wide

hooves

The Don's words was enough to send one of his minion's advancing

words were, minions (no apostrophe)

8806412
Shameful typos... They're not allowed in Rarity's fine establishment!

Really enjoyed this chapter. :pinkiehappy:
There were too many things I liked so here's a few quick highlights:

Yeah, yeah, give me time with my new mare." He threw a leg over Trixie's withers, pulling her towards the exit. "We have plenty to discuss."

Well he's certainly the charmer :ajbemused: Wonder if this will come back to bite him some day :P

"Have a nice day," bid Gudrun without looking up from her work.

and with that I guess we're saying goodbye to Gudrun and Fetlock, at least for now :o wonder if they'll pop back up later in the story.

Trixie held her food in her magic as she hurried to catch up, sneaking another bite to let to flavor explode in her mouth.

Trixie can already use her horn? didn't see that coming :derpyderp2:

We'll see, but I treat my mares right."

again, feel he's tempting karma :pinkiecrazy:

Shaking herself into focus, Trixie opened the door with her magic, a honk sounding from above.

And this is whats got me really looking forward to the next chapter. Really wondering who;s going to be working in the store. Did Rarity really keep all three of those ponies Rainbow hired? (talk about sudden budget inflation :rainbowderp: ) Is Vinyl still working her club in the store with rarity? Spoon pony :derpytongue2:.
and also, ooooo is Rarity going to be there? Didnt expect we'd run into the mane 6 in this one :raritywink:

ok... I'm done gushing now..... :twilightblush:

8819881
There is an advantage to taking on the role of an existing magically-able pony. All he has to do is give up what he is in order to have it all, at least the Trixie package.

Deez guise do ethical crime. Free range theft, ya know.

Is an Equestrian protection racket less violent than a human one?

... Is that the reason why they want to resort to stealing?

Caught back up. This should be very interesting indeed for our protagonist. Trixie isn't exactly a safecracker, and it's not clear whether her body came with teleportation capabilities.

8821435
Nopony getting hurt still allows for destruction of property. ("It's a nice store you've got here. Be a shame should something happen to it...")

OK! so theory time!
Think our Trixie is going to try to port in and use her magic like a stethoscope like this guy:

hope she wont be stuck there for 2 hours though :rainbowderp:

All she had to do was sneak into some secure place, grab a box, and get out. How hard could that be? She laughed a little to herself and clapped a hoof over her mouth as she realized how hysterical she sounded. "Okay okay, calm down. Let's review what we can do."

Well, she certainly has the Trixie casting method down: Light your horn, shout your spell, and hope for the best.

Still, Trixie may be a magic pony, but this is a magic world. Security may have put more thought into this than she realizes.

Found a slight scorch mark:

It didn't fit what she knew of the city reflection of the city, but it wasn't that city.

Pretty sure you don't want that first city.

8839989
Two cities, demolished. When will Trixie's rampage end?!

That pizza does sound stupidly delicious...

No typos spotted. Clearly they know better than to trouble the Great and Powerful Trixie.

Trixie blinked softly. An entire apartment to herself? Wait... She had one of those as a human. Still, at least she wasn't downgrading while gaining pony magic. She decided to take that as a positive. "Very generous of him." She turned the key in her magic. There was a 404 written on it. She cracked a smile. "Error 404, room not found."

orig00.deviantart.net/2e63/f/2012/225/5/1/mlp__404_lost_foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_by_salsasamuri-d5axmtw.jpg

Smiling awkwardly, she grabbed some plates from the kitchen, and a fork too. "Just because you can use magic, maybe it doesn't mean you should, all the time."

A very good lesson. :raritywink:

8853278
Where can I order one? All I'm asking.

8853417
A lesson even Twilight struggles with from time to time.

a key of a display - a key off a display
She follows him - She followed him
forth floor - fourth floor

8854436
Late noting it, but these were fixed, thanks!

It hasn't been established just what sort of convention this is. For all Not-Trixie knows it's a unicorn convention for professional security and detective services. Not that I think our author would be that unkind to a Trixie clone, but she hasn't done all of her homework.

On that note, while it's natural for us to want Not-Trixie to succeed and win thios little challenge, wouldn't the best outcome be for her to fail and be caught? In equestria being caught doing something bad isn't a guaranteed bad-ending, usually it's the complete opposite. And now she even has an opportunity to make a life for herself partially outside of the shadow of the Great and Powerful magician Trixie, she can be the Charming and Charismatic Storyteller of Legend, Trixie!

It's an odd feeling to suddenly be hoping that Not-Trixie is a failure as a criminal...


but she had a feeling - but she'd had a feeling
she said to herself, reminding. - she said to herself, a reminder.
fury of activity - flurry of activity
Trixie cashed down - Trixie crashed down
With a slow breath - With a slow exhalation
bold and magic - bold and magical
Humble and Differential - Humble and Defferential

8869968
Let us not forget that it was this storytelling specifically that the Mane 6 crashed down on and called it a terribad thing that needed to be stopped.

He blinked as the carts went past. Wasn't he talking to somepony? There was no one there anymore... He closed the extra door and sat down, ready to do his job.

Now that's interesting. Subtle mind magic, Wallflower Blush Syndrome, or just a stallion with memory problems?

As for Trixie, we've seen even in this chapter that her Trixieness threatens to completely consume her memories of humanity. Indulging in storytelling may only worsen that issue, and even if it doesn't, word of Trixie in Manehattan may reach Trixie in Ponyville.

8876791
Yeah I noticed that to :derpyderp2:
I wonder if its every time she pushes her magic it seems to chip away at her human memories
(one bad movie comes to mind when I think of this :moustache: )

I wonder what will happen if Trixie dose find out about NotTrixie. I bet it will end in either pain or hilarity.... probably both.

So... Trixie did most of the work, and is entirely paid. Is this a test with good pay, or is there more stuff going on here, where the Mobs agenda is forwarded by the money being missing?

Curious.

Also, for last chapter, yeah... Trixie really needed to admit it's just a story.

But, new Trixie is still Trixie, and apparently no good at learning from the show. Or at least still not good at figuring out when she's falling to the issues that real Trixie did.

They have no idea who did done it,

This is interesting. I have no idea if this is intentional voicing or a typo.

In any case, Trixie doesn't seem to realize what a slippery slope she's on, nor how she's giddily sliding down it. This may have paid off in the short term, but all it takes is one time when her luck turns for it all to come crashing down.

She trotted to the bathroom and began the ritual of greeting the day. The shower worked and was large enough for her to stand in four-leggedly, but standing up was much nicer, allowing the water to cascade down her blue form as she cleaned herself with a magic-held loufa. "Day off," she sang as she turned. "I could do anything at all. Just have to avoid the curve ball."

loofah

"I'm walkin' here!" complained the stallion she'd crashed into. "Watch where yer goin'." With a snort of indignation, he accelerated away from Trixie.

She blushed at her miss-step, could ponies mess up the songs forced on them?

Only when it's funny.

If Trixie were smart, she'd hightail it to the nearest train out of town. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if there was more than one pegasus keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn't. In the meantime, she's going to have to keep a close watch on those memories. They won't all announce themselves like the language swap did.

Also:

When trixie shook her head, Bell only grinned wider.

Capitalization needed.

8896487

8896516
Fixed! So... how awful was my song? :twilightsmile:

"Ya like nature? Central Park's an easy bet." Bell turned to point in a different direction. "Nice and big, lots of people doing things, snacks to enjoy. Sometimes there are shows, and there are shops around it, ya know, take the load off that bit purse of yours."

Guessing you meant "lot's of ponies doing things"?

8901319

Rainbow Dash: [voiceover] Most people thought that the sonic rainboom was just an old mare's tale. But that day... The day I discovered racing... I proved that the legends were true. I made the impossible happen!

Twilight Sparkle: She sure has a way of sneaking up on people.

Trixie Lulamoon: You're not really into other people, huh?

"Trixie does not get it..."

"I love this," came the dulcet tones of one Tree Hugger, a smile on her face, eyes half-lidded at best. "It's a statement."

Trixie jumped in surprise, having not notice Tree before then. "Oh, what is it saying?"

"Like, it shows that even the little lumps in life can have meaning, and you shouldn't, you know, get bent out of shape trying to fix them all." Tree Hugger walked up beside Trixie and raised a hoof, setting it down on the lump. "When you try..." She pressed down firmly, and the lump collapsed in the middle, only to expand out the sides, taking up more room than it had to start with. "You only make things more awkward."

Trixie watched as the lump returned to its original shape. "Huh... That is a good message, Trixie supposes."

That is a valuable lesson.:pinkiesmile:

"Your vibes are... fascinating. It's, like, out of this world..."

Oh, if you only knew. :ajsmug:

Login or register to comment