- Member Since 20th Dec, 2013
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David Silver
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David Silver
Joined 20th Dec, 2013 ·
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hehehe this is gona be good. Cant wait to see how this story goes
I see Fetlock is continuing her "You chose this, that means I'm doing a good thing" tradition.
Oh, you agreed not knowing what would happen? Then I started to change you and if would be terrible if you chose to stop, so you choose to keep going!
Consent isn't that complicated! If they said yes they said yes!
8776908
In her defense, he was told to put the hat on, not go cramming his arm up it in an odd display.
I hope by the end of this story Fetlock becomes a statue in Celestia's garden as she is just to dangerous to be left unattended. Hopefully our hero can break free and find meaningful employment, even if it is boring for him.
8776908
He said yes? After being explicitly told he'd be transformed into a pony?
8777236
Well... I mean. He did.
And then, if for whatever reason he wanted to back out, he could not.
... I'm not a fan of Fetlock's thoughts about herself.
How many chapters long will this story be?
A mare? How offensive, and triggering! I don't like stories like that at all, oh no! Not me, no sir!
AHAHAHA YES SHE IS STILL IN BUSINESS EAT IT AND WEEP TWALOT
8780100
I have an outline of the events, but I do not plan them by the chapter.
Huh. Wasn't expecting this. Such is the magic of commissions. After reacquainting myself with the previous story, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this one.
As i first heard in Saturday Night Slam Masters,
It didn't even take a few minutes into "being Trixie" for something to happen that will be real troublesome down the road, did it?
I approve.
This chap was a bit saucy there
So we have our Trixie now. Kinda surprised that Dr Fetlock didnt blast her to another dimension when she disagreed with her. Then again I guess Fetlock learned that blasting ponies to other dimensions is a bad idea?
Evil pony clones?
Anywho wonder how our Trixie will take it when she realizes just what kinda employer she's getting.
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She also isn't actually being paid for this job. That might be flavoring her outlook on things.
8792972
aha true, plus I'm guessing she didnt like the whole,
,comment didn't sit well with her either.
🎵 Make her something perfect to inspire
Even though she hates formal attire
Gotta mind those intimate details
Even though she's more concerned with sales 🎵
cap the L
You're
hooves
words were, minions (no apostrophe)
8806412
Shameful typos... They're not allowed in Rarity's fine establishment!
Really enjoyed this chapter.
There were too many things I liked so here's a few quick highlights:
Well he's certainly the charmer
Wonder if this will come back to bite him some day :P
and with that I guess we're saying goodbye to Gudrun and Fetlock, at least for now :o wonder if they'll pop back up later in the story.
Trixie can already use her horn? didn't see that coming
again, feel he's tempting karma
And this is whats got me really looking forward to the next chapter. Really wondering who;s going to be working in the store. Did Rarity really keep all three of those ponies Rainbow hired? (talk about sudden budget inflation
) Is Vinyl still working her club in the store with rarity? Spoon pony 
.
and also, ooooo is Rarity going to be there? Didnt expect we'd run into the mane 6 in this one
ok... I'm done gushing now.....
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There is an advantage to taking on the role of an existing magically-able pony. All he has to do is give up what he is in order to have it all, at least the Trixie package.
Deez guise do ethical crime. Free range theft, ya know.
Is an Equestrian protection racket less violent than a human one?
... Is that the reason why they want to resort to stealing?
Caught back up. This should be very interesting indeed for our protagonist. Trixie isn't exactly a safecracker, and it's not clear whether her body came with teleportation capabilities.
8821435
Nopony getting hurt still allows for destruction of property. ("It's a nice store you've got here. Be a shame should something happen to it...")
OK! so theory time!
Think our Trixie is going to try to port in and use her magic like a stethoscope like this guy:
hope she wont be stuck there for 2 hours though
Well, she certainly has the Trixie casting method down: Light your horn, shout your spell, and hope for the best.
Still, Trixie may be a magic pony, but this is a magic world. Security may have put more thought into this than she realizes.
Found a slight scorch mark:
Pretty sure you don't want that first city.
8839989
Two cities, demolished. When will Trixie's rampage end?!
That pizza does sound stupidly delicious...
No typos spotted. Clearly they know better than to trouble the Great and Powerful Trixie.
orig00.deviantart.net/2e63/f/2012/225/5/1/mlp__404_lost_foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_by_salsasamuri-d5axmtw.jpg
A very good lesson.
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Where can I order one? All I'm asking.
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A lesson even Twilight struggles with from time to time.
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Starlight even more so. Also,
a key of a display - a key off a display
She follows him - She followed him
forth floor - fourth floor
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Late noting it, but these were fixed, thanks!
It hasn't been established just what sort of convention this is. For all Not-Trixie knows it's a unicorn convention for professional security and detective services. Not that I think our author would be that unkind to a Trixie clone, but she hasn't done all of her homework.
On that note, while it's natural for us to want Not-Trixie to succeed and win thios little challenge, wouldn't the best outcome be for her to fail and be caught? In equestria being caught doing something bad isn't a guaranteed bad-ending, usually it's the complete opposite. And now she even has an opportunity to make a life for herself partially outside of the shadow of the Great and Powerful magician Trixie, she can be the Charming and Charismatic Storyteller of Legend, Trixie!
It's an odd feeling to suddenly be hoping that Not-Trixie is a failure as a criminal...
but she had a feeling - but she'd had a feeling
she said to herself, reminding. - she said to herself, a reminder.
fury of activity - flurry of activity
Trixie cashed down - Trixie crashed down
With a slow breath - With a slow exhalation
bold and magic - bold and magical
Humble and Differential - Humble and Defferential
8869968
Let us not forget that it was this storytelling specifically that the Mane 6 crashed down on and called it a terribad thing that needed to be stopped.
Now that's interesting. Subtle mind magic, Wallflower Blush Syndrome, or just a stallion with memory problems?
As for Trixie, we've seen even in this chapter that her Trixieness threatens to completely consume her memories of humanity. Indulging in storytelling may only worsen that issue, and even if it doesn't, word of Trixie in Manehattan may reach Trixie in Ponyville.
8876791
)
Yeah I noticed that to
I wonder if its every time she pushes her magic it seems to chip away at her human memories
(one bad movie comes to mind when I think of this
I wonder what will happen if Trixie dose find out about NotTrixie. I bet it will end in either pain or hilarity.... probably both.
So... Trixie did most of the work, and is entirely paid. Is this a test with good pay, or is there more stuff going on here, where the Mobs agenda is forwarded by the money being missing?
Curious.
Also, for last chapter, yeah... Trixie really needed to admit it's just a story.
But, new Trixie is still Trixie, and apparently no good at learning from the show. Or at least still not good at figuring out when she's falling to the issues that real Trixie did.
This is interesting. I have no idea if this is intentional voicing or a typo.
In any case, Trixie doesn't seem to realize what a slippery slope she's on, nor how she's giddily sliding down it. This may have paid off in the short term, but all it takes is one time when her luck turns for it all to come crashing down.
loofah
Only when it's funny.
If Trixie were smart, she'd hightail it to the nearest train out of town. Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if there was more than one pegasus keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn't. In the meantime, she's going to have to keep a close watch on those memories. They won't all announce themselves like the language swap did.
Also:
Capitalization needed.
8896487
8896516
Fixed! So... how awful was my song?
8896526
Passable. I could hum to most of it.
8896526
Except for the two skips, not bad!
Guessing you meant "lot's of ponies doing things"?
8901319
That is a valuable lesson.
Oh, if you only knew.