Geyol, a half pony, and half dragon are also known as a Kirin, is the foster daughter of Nessonth and his mate Ymi. Along with her uncle, she learned draconic magic alongside her cousin Spike Scaleborn. She also gains a friend with Amber, the daughter of the Dragon Highlord, while she grew up.
Now she’s grown up she is tasked by the Highlord to be the bodyguard of Princess Amber as she travels to across the sea to the land of Equestria to sign a peace treaty between kingdoms. Along with Spike, an apprentice mage of his father, and Amber, the three travels to Canterlot to take part of the biggest event in Equestria (At the moment); the Marriage of Shining Armor and the Princess of Love Mi Amore Cadenza.
This is a Rewrite of Twilight, The Dragon Sorceress. If anyone wants to read that story here’s a Link to that story.
Hope you enjoy!
Read the first version of this story and like. So I'm hoping this one will be even better.
8773229
I hope so too
Why a rewrite?
8773236
The first one started off good but I lost heart in it. A lot of questions weren’t answered and I think I could do better.
Kirin are not half dragon and half pony. Why do people still do this?
Good job with this rewrite. You did a good job adding wanted details. Great job. I can't wait to read what happens next I hope we can learn a bit more about Twilght's filly days. That and her meeting her new cousin, when he hatches.
oooh, I look foward to this
yesssss
I like the feel of this one. I hope you keep interested in it. Perhaps new fan art will come.
welp they're doomed
8773278 If dragon-pony hybrids aren’t called kirin, what CAN we call ‘em?
8773405
8773278
A Kirin is a Chinese half-dragon, half-horse creature. They don’t have wings since it’s a mixture of a Chinese dragon, but you can say that this is a western take of a Kirin with wings
well.. next 15 years aught to be a real riot then xD
was wondering when you were starting on the rewrite by the way, liking it so far.
Very nice. I like the depth of information we get this time as opposed to a time skip right after the kidnapping.
8773554
I believe most of the issues of the last story was due to the time skip. This one will have a time skip but it won’t be as big as the last story
8773559
Good to know. Looking forward to future chapters.
8773413 8773405
The Longma is literally a half dragon half horse. Lauren Faust even made one for Thems Fightin Herds, though it's a species there. In the myths they are actual hybrids of a horse and dragon.
So if you're going to give these hybrids an eastern name, why not Longma?
It feel like a good start.
8773670 I’m guessing you know about TFH being out on Steam?
I was pleasantly surprised when I saw this on the featured page. I look forward to this second take on your story. Though there seem to be lots of small grammatical and spelling mistakes. Maybe get a proofreader? Either way, I look forward to more.
I'll offer some honesty. I tried to read the first one, but couldn't make it past chapter one. Your grammar was awful. For this rewrite, it's better; I made it to the end. That said, you still need work. Enough people seem to like your story, I'm sure someone out there would be able to beta read for you if you put a request out.
8773799
When you mean on the feature page, do you mean the old version or this one?
8773876
Both. It was a good idea and I am looking forward to more of it.
wait is this a rewrite or is this a rip off from another story?
8774019
it’s a rewrite, why?
8774021
Ok was just thrown when I saw this on the featured with the changes and had to ask,
8774022
Ah... wait this got featured? And I missed it!?!?!
My reaction to reading the summary:
files.explosm.net/comics/guest6/CRW_jay_a_reaction.png
8773278
Eh, MLP fans keep calling bat ponies "thestrals", so I can't really see complaining about pony-dragon hybrids being "kirin".
Hmm, why do have the sneaking suspition that a certain time traveling unicorn was involved in this kidnapping.
8776269
Thestrals were invented by J.K. Rowling for the Harry Potter series, they are not a major cultural symbol like the kirin/qilin is in Japan and China.
A qilin, also known by several other names depending on the exact country of origin, is the cultural equivalent to the western unicorn. A creature of pure good, a guardian of nature, and which a sighting of was seen as a great blessing from the gods.
A Longma on the other hand is literally a half dragon half horse hybrid.
Great to see another attempt at this story!
I liked the old story and I love this one.... I think thats an improvement.
8776498
Oh, granted, "longma" would probably be much closer to the idea being expressed. But, fandoms do what they do, I suppose. Maybe someday I'll get people to stop using "werepony"...
8777869
For me, this is what I believe in:
Kirins are Half-Dragon Half Unicorn
Longmas are Half-Dragon Half Pegasus
and for Half-Dragon and Half Earth Pony... err, don’t know yet.
I enjoyed the first version of the story and had high hopes for this rewrite. Unfortunately I find this first chapter to be unreadable. The bad grammar and sentence structure is just too jarring. I couldn't make it throught even a quarter of it. Please find an editor or co-writer.
8777966
Hmm, question: did you read Molten Fox? One of my other stories that I’m working on? That one has a Co-writer and wonder if it’s a bit better?
8777976
I haven't read it but I'll take a look when I get a chance.
8777869
Werepony is technically what happens when they pony-up in Equestria Girls.
8777966
...I'm pretty sure the original had worse grammar and sentence structure than this version.
next chapter please thank you
How much does this rewrite follow the original? I quite liked it and want to know if it may ruin my initial reading experience (e.g: Twilight Sparkle died during the foalnapping in this version)
8785793
Who said Two is died?
8783070
I found this one more difficult to follow but YMMV.
8786287
Fair enough.
8785807
Example! Does it change that much...?
8786896
Hmmmm
Still waiting the next chapter
Love the start of it so far. The grammar and structure are definately better then the original but could still use some work. I'd Definately recommend finding a couple native english speaking proofreaders to read over each chapter before it's published to the website. That would eleviate a lot of the complaints of the grammar. Though even with the mistakes in this chapter i could still easily follow the story and understand what you meant since most of the mistakes i found were just confused homophones.
I liked the new begining and hope to see new chapters on a regular basis. Nothing is more of a turn off on a story for me then when I get invested in a story with a great concept and the story is good but updates twice a year. Cheers!
You killed two dragons who are members of the bucking and dragon high council and expect to get away with that shit, are kidding me? These diamond dogs are dumb.