• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen May 6th, 2023

Shadowmane PX-41

Just your average british lad. I write things for a living. It’s the strangest living you’ll ever find, second only to my inability to take myself off of the grid.


Octavia Melody. Despite her youth, she is a very well-behaved little girl with a passion for playing the cello. Her step-sister, Vinyl Scratch, is a very free-spirited, playful, and rambunctious little bundle of trouble.

Despite the vast differences between the two of them, they're still closer than step-sisters could ever be. Even now, when they are still in their early years at elementary school, these step-sisters have quite some stories to tell...

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 27 )

"Sure, you could go to CPA. If you had a few hundred thousand dollars in your bank account."

That and if you wanted any chance to be taught to be a soulless bitch who will be mean for no reason at all then sure, go ahead and go to CPA. I'm sure your children won't grow up to be bitter assholes at all.

"But CHS is still just as good—and more affordable.

Plus its very friendly and there's a chance you'll have more excitement when magic horses from another universe come in to live. :twilightsmile:

But being serious for a moment, this is an excellent start to the fic. I love to see what else continues from here. :twilightsmile:

*Looks at cover art*

Somehow, all those romance fics with 'Tavi and Vinyl seem awkward now.

Daww. I hope there is more. Although I have to wonder, where is Vinyl's mom? Looking forward to more.

The D'awww's are strong in this one.

We demand more or more the Derpy gets it

An Octavia and Vinyl Scratch story that ISN'T a romance tag? Sign me up. Seriously, these girls are friends in spite of their differences, not because of them. And given they divide their house right down the middle...

I see you decided NOT to go with Vinyl being mute. I can respect that. Step-sisters eh? That's a new twist.

needs more OctaSractch

Daw its so adorable! I love it. :twilightsmile:

Oh, to be a kid without a care in the world. Remember when life seemed a lot more simple? Good times.

Oh the bliss of childhood... I miss it so. When I was that age I wanted to be a grown-up so much, now as an adult I wish I could have that again... f### growing up. But as cute as the two are as stepsisters, what happened to Vinyl's mom?

This sounds really good so far. I can't wait to read more.

There's something strange and disconnecting about how these kids talk. They speak far too candidly and complexly to be in elementary school. For example:

Thank you, Vinyl, but I'm still a bit shaken up from that divorce." Octavia inhaled and exhaled through her nose as she turned to face her step-sister, sandwiching her hand as she looked into her eyes. "I know that you and Mr. Remix are going to try, but right now, I just need some time to think.

This strikes me as something more like a teenager would say, not a kid who's just learning about time. They're too mature and, frankly, expository. I feel like the first half of the story's dialogue exists solely to tell us things we could've easily learned if you simply left us clues and hints throughout the story. Instead of just telling us they're step-sisters, you could've had one of them say how happy they are to be sisters now. That would be a slightly more eloquent way, I think, of explaining the situation.

Also, I don't like that Octavia's mom tried to shut down the "sister" thing by reminding them that they're step-sisters. As someone who has three siblings that only share a mother with me, I would take massive offense if someone tried to insinuate that they're not my real brothers or sister. If Octi's mom wants this to work out, she should be embracing the idea of them being sisters. This, coupled with her instructions to not tell anyone about the divorce makes me seriously doubt her morals, which is something that typically shouldn't happen in a story like this.

Not to say I hated the story, but I feel like a bit of potential is squandered by... Let's not say poor writing, because it's fine... because of... awkward wording and strange choices.

I will, but right now, I'm bogged down as it is.

Okay. I understand. Take your time. I won't give you pressure.

That was 3 years already, hope the story isn't dead.

It’s not dead. I promise.

Maybe I can help with this.

Totally worth the wait.

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