• Member Since 8th May, 2015
  • offline last seen Apr 9th, 2020

Oldtakufanboy


Original username Zoddtheimmortalone. I'm a fan of anime, but I enjoy the classics more. As for My Little Pony, I may not watch it as much, but I do like the show and I also love EG

Comments ( 76 )

Good start for the story:ajsmug:

Its a good story and i really like the ending i just hope that if he brcomes umbra special some pony he is still allowed to see dimlight and gleam light

It's very good to begin. I like it very much. Thank you zoddtheimmortalone!
Please keep going.

SOMBRA SOMBRA SOMBRA SOMBRA YES YES YES FUCKING YES

"To another human named Teresa. I haven't seen her in five years and I got good advice from a worker I know that says I need to move on and find someone else. I just haven't met her yet."

I don't think I've ever heard someone talk about losing their whole life, and the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with, with as little emotion as that.

"Yeah, so I kinda lost everything, including the woman I loved. Kinda sucks dude."

"Bummer."

"Oh? Well perhaps I can be your special somepony?"
"I don't know who it- wait what?"

John.exe has crashed... Would you like to reboot?

It has potential but it feel rushed

Its an alright start, but you need to work on transitions and pacing. Its a pretty common problem and even I get yelled at for it occasionally.

Comment posted by XxadvengerxX25 deleted Oct 27th, 2016

Stop playing with my emotions!....I'm kidding, build up is good.

Mate im gonna be waiting for the next chapter like how plankton waites for the krabby patty formula

7674579 you mean impatiently while attempting various failed hijinks to attempt to swipe the next chapter? lol

7666854 I think you mean UMBRA UMBRA UMBRA UMBRA YES YES YES FUCKING YES!

7677101 good thing I have the code for the safe. Now only if I could find it...

Dude, twins mean they were both born on the same day. If they're five years apart, they're way past the meaning of the term. Either they're both the same age, or they're not twins. That needs to be fixed.

7678274

WTF are you talking about? They aren't related; they're a married couple

This story goes hard like my penis. Keep going as I read this with my hot laptop on my sweaty thighs.

We need more umbra stories.
Needs more cum but thats my fetish

My only question is what happened to the princesses in the dungeon

Excellent! But I thought it was little bigger story.
Anyway, thank you zoddtheimmortalone for your work. :pinkiehappy:

Hakuna matata? A disney reference? You, sir, are an evil genius. Great story, really gets the blood flowing if you know what I mean.

Mate great story and characters and a really good "clop" scene at the end there i only wish that it could have been longer
P.s the king approves

Comment posted by Oldtakufanboy deleted Oct 30th, 2016

I am more than likely missing the point but; France? His first date with his eventual wife was a trip to France?

I hoped they lived on the border because that's the kind of thing that people do when they are married and have known each other for years.

....alright that's enough of my kvetching. Reading on.

7682262
Aww, I was picturing Umbra using them as her advisors since she might need help being a good ruler after only having experience as a dictator.

7682448

You know, that sounds like a good idea. I'm gonna go and change that. Will work on that in a while

UPDATE: I added your request. also added a little more to the ending :raritywink:

There should be a sequel with Umbella in it.

Btw good work on the story. Thumbs up to you! :D

7682767
Thank you. Sequel may or may not happen. I'll think about it.

'Umbrella'

Perfect name, amiright?
;)
Wether or not that was sarcastic, you can pick.

Ummmm.... So did Umbra free Celestia, Luna and Cadence?

A sequel would be cool but it's up to you. Also great job with this thumbs up

Comment posted by Admiral_Gravleos deleted Dec 13th, 2017

Bravo bravo very well story but you should add a epilogue that is like based like 3 years in the future:twilightsmile:

7683555

She did. I edited it because someone gave me an idea that Cadance, Celestia, and Luna become Umbra's advisors.

7684296

I was originally going to, but I bailed on the idea

Is Suzan nicknamed "Big Boob Jude"?

7685010 Terribly sorry about that, I happened to misread it and didn't think to go back over it.

My apologies.

Eh, I thought this felt rushed, like really rushed. I honestly though this was gonna go longer and the character developments would progress at a reasonable, realistic pace. This was like forcing 3-6 months of that development into one day, under those three chapters. From the looks of the comments, I could also see why the last part looked more jammed in this story into one run-on paragraph.

The story had good potential and an interesting plotline, but the execution was almost saddening to read for how quickly things progressed. Since I'm so off put in this, I'll leave neither [dis]like and will just rate this 6/10.

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