Good start for the story

Its a good story and i really like the ending i just hope that if he brcomes umbra special some pony he is still allowed to see dimlight and gleam light

7666641
Thanks

It's very good to begin. I like it very much. Thank you zoddtheimmortalone!
Please keep going.

SOMBRA SOMBRA SOMBRA SOMBRA YES YES YES FUCKING YES

7666701

Thank you

"To another human named Teresa. I haven't seen her in five years and I got good advice from a worker I know that says I need to move on and find someone else. I just haven't met her yet."

I don't think I've ever heard someone talk about losing their whole life, and the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with, with as little emotion as that.

"Yeah, so I kinda lost everything, including the woman I loved. Kinda sucks dude."

"Bummer."

"Oh? Well perhaps I can be your special somepony?"
"I don't know who it- wait what?"

John.exe has crashed... Would you like to reboot?

It has potential but it feel rushed

Its an alright start, but you need to work on transitions and pacing. Its a pretty common problem and even I get yelled at for it occasionally.

7666854 I think you mean UMBRA UMBRA UMBRA UMBRA YES YES YES FUCKING YES!

Dude, twins mean they were both born on the same day. If they're five years apart, they're way past the meaning of the term. Either they're both the same age, or they're not twins. That needs to be fixed.

I am more than likely missing the point but; France? His first date with his eventual wife was a trip to France?

I hoped they lived on the border because that's the kind of thing that people do when they are married and have known each other for years.

....alright that's enough of my kvetching. Reading on.

7678274
I like the downvote on this. Like it would stop facts from being true.

twin

noun
plural noun: twins

either one of two babies that are born at the same time to the same mother

-Sees sign-
Hey Caboose ya put it the wrong damn way
Tucker did it!
Shut up bluetard

>>Sipioc: Two Americans meeting in France? I can relate to that.

The song used in videos featuring that "to be continued" sign is by a band called Yes, and the song is Roundabout. A good song.

It was good at the beginning until I reached the mid part of the story which look severely rushed and seemed to worsen overtime.

And not to forget, umbra act's far too OOC, and the crystal ponies don't seem to live in misery, but instead live a life similar to humans just a little harder and poorer.

8163619
Its also in jojo

Every brony: "i would love to be in the mlp universe". --- get send to ths universe --- ooo shhhiiittt...

Poor human. He lands in a mlp universe that seem to be worse than our world... Ouch...

Porque sempre e humano porque não cria um pony como um OC e sempre a mesma coisa isso já está ficando chato e bom da uma variada de veia incundo.