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Damaged


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Sequels1

Comments ( 125 )

I liked this, a lot. It pushes the right buttons to appeal to me in the right way. I'm so used to hypnosis stuff having the characters become stupid and lose all personality, but here Twilight seems to retain here own, as well as studies the concept of purposely creating a fracture, of an alternative personality that is conditioned over time while the original remains. And it's consensual to a degree, so that helps too.

I'm fairly surprised that no one else is around though. I'd expect Spike to be, or at least mention him not being there. It's not like Twilight was expecting Maud... was she?

I'd certainly like to read more of this, of Pet's growth and further evolution of this relationship, among other things.

7591566 Lucky for you the next chapter is already written and awaiting the right time to strike!

I was originally shooting for predicament bondage only, but then somepony slipped me the idea of Maud's voice being that perfect monotone of hypnotic suggestion, and it cascaded from there. The idea of the schism in self is not a hard one, they are both Twilight Sparkle, but one just doesn't know all the things that a Princess needs, she can relax and focus on exactly what she is told.

Maud is an old-hoof at this, or so you will discover. She has looked after pets before, she knows how to give them all the power over themselves but at the same time make them want to be exactly what her slow deliberate voice tells them. She is pure seduction, she owns ponies only with their consent, and that makes it all the sweeter to her.

As you will find in the next chapter, this cage has been carefully built around Twilight, it contains her just as much as she wants it to, and if things become a problem she can set her fun aside to do what is needed.

Sent shivers down my spine.

7591566 Yes, twi was more or less expecting her.

"if you want to be a good pet, invite me over and greet me by saying 'Hi Maud'." Twilight froze in place, the voice echoes had stopped. "I… but…"

And that she did. Thus, Maud was expectes

A story that starts with an unaware trigger, goes into consensual hypnosis with mind games, amd including reasonable failsafes, toys and creative applications of magic to show off the characters' competence and intelligence?

Is this heaven? Because it smells like FIMfiction. And maybe a bit like Twilight's bedroom.

Can't wait to see more of this.

No significant typos. :derpyderp1:

Having tried hypnosis on ocassion for relaxation and stress reduction, this story interests me. I'll be waiting to read and see what happens next. :twilightsmile:

I have no idea where those downvotes are coming from. :rainbowhuh:

7592348

Ooo... that reminds me.

Upvoted! :derpytongue2:

Very nice, and that's a promising list of subject matters under the spoiler tag. I never pictured Maud in this role, but now I wonder how I could have missed that.

Consensual mind control is just so :heart:. :twilightblush:

Daww, you are all being so awesome with the nice comments, here, have one on me...

7592603
This
Also
ALL OF MY YES:yay: :heart:

This is literally the best consensual hypno story i've read
And i've seen quite some :yay:

This is a...marvelous thing. Hooked!

ch1
The tail hiking is slightly worrisome but other than that I can see this as a calming exercise. What brought this about would be interesting to know?:rainbowhuh:

She had been planing to just drop her tail for the afternoon and squirm and cry around her need, but this.

planning
Here's one to mess with things, I ask myself, 'So Boulder are you getting a good eye full from that shelf?'

Oh my, Twilight's having quite the good time here, I think I envy her... :twilightblush::rainbowlaugh:

Nice work.
It's well-written, gets quick updates... but I'd wish for more explicit content, though. The very essence of the M-rated fic is given in very broad strokes which is kinda sad.

Four updates in two days? What is this sorcery?! :pinkiegasp:

7595862 I like to write. Fun fact, this isn't the only story I was writing for during those two days.

7595906

More hypnosis goodness? :pinkiesmile:

7595910 Nah, working on the "end" of my big "Given Shape" series. Over 500k words is going to take some slow, careful work to wind down.

"I went to Fluttershy's house and I couldn't stop looking at her plot until I had seen her and then Rainbow Dash arrived and I moved too fast and I told Dash that I couldn't look away from her but she thought I really like her rear and now I am staring at your plot and I can't stop please can I see your folds…"

liked

"Soft cheeks… I mean, thank you!" Twilight shook her head

What an awesome plot...err story plot that is?
pre11.deviantart.net/b3e0/th/pre/i/2012/259/2/3/sleeping_fluttershy_by_darkfrei-d5ewjr0.png

"Pancakes!" Twilight blinked. "I mean buttocks!" The alicorn started to tremble a little, her eyes were glued to Rainbow's rear and nothing she could do would pull them away.

Rear....Errr We're crack'in the gags today down udder...err under!?!
derpicdn.net/img/2014/2/21/558385/full.jpeg

A stone sat, alone on the stage. After some minutes passed, Maud trotted out. "Boulder, that is enough." Her monotone voice belies the mare's mirth at the little game.

What? I didn say nuthin I didn mean ta say! I was just explaining mah viewpoint.
static1.e621.net/data/88/4d/884d1c183d5d8d15b5e90b447d466bc9.png :rainbowlaugh:

7596042

'So Boulder are you getting a good eye full from that shelf?'

7596055 And everywhere else!
(I remember asking, just playing to it:scootangel:)

(PS typo report in previous comment added at last minute, you might have missed it)

7595770 I have to disagree. I like the 'no actual sex' rule. It's refreshingly different.

7596342
Well, I didn't mean sex. But the in-depth description of feeling and emotion in a less factual manner and with more... descriptive wordage would move this story from "pretty good" to "awesome" in my mind.

7596347 Oh, I see. Yes, I suppose you're right.

7596347 Hrmm, I will attempt to grow myself as a writer and get a little more descriptive with it. Prepare for a new chapter soon that I will try and delve deeper into what is felt. Thank you for the criticism. :twilightsmile:

So, when does Twilight go "Too Deep"? Because this
Doesn't feel like a Hypno fic anymore.....

7599015 You are right, I think I should probably put Romance on this guy and just sigh at one of the more odd ships I have done.

7599026 in all honesty, perhaps take a dark turn?

7599056 I don't do "dark" well. It either gets far too dark to be palatable or I just never get to dark at all. This, as it stands, is nowhere near dark. Twilight is exploring things she had never even dreamed existed, she is being led to them by Maud, sure, but she walks this path on her own hooves.

7599060
Well, Given Shape certainly starts plenty dark... :unsuresweetie:

Either way, this was just adorable. Maud really does know what she's doing and how to make being uncomfortable enjoyable for Twilight.

Also, this was just funny-weird.

Her eyes were like iron and that white, diamond-studded plot was a magnet.

I wanted to bright it to the point where it was puffy… but it passed.

'bright' it? Is this something new to me or a typo?:rainbowhuh:

So Pet, are you jealous of Twi in any way and do you love the colour pink?

7599259 Ahh that's where that avatar is from?
67.media.tumblr.com/70e08a604ce28491657430860c03b426/tumblr_mm8sxkZ2nG1rj4ht7o7_1280.png
Ahhhh...now you got me reading Ask King Sombra story Tumblr!

Who's going to cave?

This was a sweet chapter; I love how all along we've been hearing about what Twilight gets out of this and why she loves it, but in this chapter Maud talked a little about why she loves this. And at the end there, she's just as eager as Twilight.

I find it kind of neat how their relationship up to this point has been sexual but hasn't actually involved sex (and my god Twi must be pent up by now, wearing that thing... :rainbowlaugh:).

The lines are really blurring between Twilight and Pet ... if they were really there to begin with. She's taking that relaxed state into her everyday life, even when Maud's not there. I really liked the end of their scene; orgasm denial and musk are quite nice together. It's just, it was over so fast. Would you mind taking your time a little more in the next chapter?

And Spike wants to cosplay as the Mane-iac. Okay, cool, good to know he's an open-minded kid.

7601462 *bows*

Your command is my wish.

I will play a little more with musk and denial with the next one... hrmm, might even write it up tonight.

7601497

Your command is my wish.

I was about to correct your phrasing, but then I got it. :moustache:

Not to be that guy, but will we ever find out how this got started?

I mean, don't get me wrong. This fic hits all the right buttons. I just kind of want to know more about the setting so I can enjoy it even more.

7601577 If you search back to the first episode (of the show) where Twilight met Maud, they had a long conversation about rocks in the library. It was at this point (as my story hinted) that Maud put the first suggestion into Twilight, waiting until Twi was so distracted by talks of rocks that she didn't notice Maud talking about something else. Her subconscious (as was hinted, again) was given the choice to invite Maud over and "play", or to just let it go.

Twilight had something deep inside that really wanted to play, and the intriguing and complex mare who offered the games pressed all the right buttons for her.

Wonder what Cadence thinks of this?

Maud's pet began licking nearly immediately.

Is that licking with her magic or did Maud remove the 'bit'?:rainbowwild:

7601777 The bit is part of the bridle, it doesn't come off unless the bridle does. As in the previous chapter, she was licking with magic.

7601777 Reworded to clarify. Pets can be trained. :twilightblush:

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