- Member Since 13th May, 2016
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TheOneWithoutAName
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TheOneWithoutAName
Joined 13th May, 2016 ·
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Pinkie x OC, Stealth Sex
7598707
This didn't sound like you have read it, and I honestly hope you didn't dislike it, considering you obviously have an aversion to the tags. It would be pretty unfair to dislike a story without reading it because of something like that.
I personally think that it doesn't matter if the pony in this story is an OC or a pony directly from the show. The result is the same. I'm hoping for some honest critique here and not for people that simply insult my work because they have a problem with the tags. This is especially true considering that this was one of the longest time I have spent working on a chapter, and just to see a person insulting it because of tags...
Sorry. I'm normally not that aggressive. It just makes me furious in a way. Just imagine you put a lot of work into it and the first comment you receive is an insult. This just feels like all the work I put into it is not appreciated. This doesn't mean I will rant at anyone who says something negative about it. I just want real critique, and not some critique that simply says it is bad while it seemed like said critic hasn't even read the story.
7598727 you right i didn't read it and i did dislike it because of the tags so .... i went back read it and well... if i could hit the dislike button again i would because your story turned out exactly how i thought it would so yeah and no the results are not the same between a BGC and an OC.
the only saving grace of this story is your OC is not an alicorn and he is not black and red
7598727 Ignore the waifu white knight that is Commander Retard over there. His kind are the scum of the Earth, and natural selection will get rid of his plague-like people over time.
I'll read this as soon as I'm able to and give you a legitimate review on it. In the meantime, do yourself a favor and don't message Commander Autism. Don't delete his comments either, allow the world to see his grotesque grammar.
7599009
I thank you for actually wanting to give me an honest critique and I will eagerly await it!
I didn't think it would be quite that troublesome to get feedback for this story though. There seems interestingly enough little interest in this story, compared to many of my others. Not to mention Commander's comments. It kind of reminded me a bit of 'Fall of Equestria' comments in a way. I mean, disliking something just like that, while insulting it in the comments without reading it? I certainly wasn't prepared for that. It is kind of sad since I put in my opinion a lot of effort into it, and just wanted an honest opinion on it and my dialogue writing. But I'm rambling now again, aren't I? Anyway, I just wanted to mention again that I am thankful for every real critique I get at this point.
I would really like this to get a sequel, maybe making this a real story? I maybe prefer the normal types of realtionship, than the ganbang stuff you where talking about (at least in a real "big" story), but till now it just looks pretty good, Pinkie is acting like a pretty funny and nice fangirl and it would be interessting to see her acting all obsessed with him.
The relationship with his family seems alright too. I mean wasn't able to hate any character in that short amount of time.
Okay I stop here, I still have to read the second half and I'm actually reading at work/school (need to find the word for that), where I don't exactly have the time anymore.
I think it was a nice read, I liked it. the beginning was a little dull at first but it flicked up later on. I think the familial line with Soarin and Thunderlane doe the main character, which seems to be you own self insert in the story ruins a bit the of the sense of disbelief, but it wasn't too bad.
mhhmmmmeeeeee it didn't had to be that obvious.
This is pretty good, I don't know why, but sometimes I like it and sometimes I seems to hate the same stuff, but I totally liked it. Sometimes I don't like a to kinky Pinkie, but I guess you gave me a good reason to like it, it was well made.
If you do a sequel, please maybe start at the next Morning (with Thunderlane missing his brother, and maybe Mrs. Pie being shocked that Pinkie actually had a visitor over Night.
I just don't want a timeskip for a sequel which would take again a full amount on good scenes and funny introductions to her friends or something like that.
Long story short, please think about a sequel, and don't use a timeskip to let him skip any interessting situations that would only happen till this is still new.
7599126
I don't think that the colors of the OC are anything to worry about. I mean, how does color influence a story? It is not even my own OC, since this was a requested story and in no way a self-insert. My first story 'The Spreading Mare' is more of a self-insert or wish-fulfilment than this story.
This was also the reason why I didn't add anything more to his personality. I was working with what was given to me. In hindsight, it could have been more, but adding things wasn't something I wanted to do at this point.
That's an interesting view. I personally kept it short because I didn't think of this scene as all too important, but details might have been nice to it.
...What?
Average? I personally thought that it would be almost a crime not to use the silliness potential Pinkie inherits. Makes me wonder if I went a bit over the top with it now.
7599137
7599137
I'm glad you liked it that much!
However, this fic is not really high on my sequel list, considering there are other stories that personally interest me more and others find more interesting, considering the few views this story received. So I can't really make a promise to that. If someone however would want to continue it, they are welcome to do so in my opinion. Of course the requester would also have to approve in that case, since it is his OC. But that's just a really big IF.
7599508
To me the OC was simply another character to write. A character I found the clop idea interesting. So it was not a self-insert. At least not from my side, considering I don't even own said OC. This was a requested story and the requester owns the OC. I added this in the Author's note in the chapter too, since many seem to overlook the connection between the requester and this story. I guess that is something I have to remember for the next OC request.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your crititque! The beginning really seemed dull, considering I simply glossed over it. I just wasn't sure it would do any good for the story at that moment.
7599694 Well okay, I don't say that I don't like more kinky stuff or whatever you prefer to, but I just happen to prefer something like this.
....sorry, I feel like my sentences are messed up lately, It probably sounds weird.
Long story short it's okay, but still thanks.
Good and funny
I feel like you left it on a cliffhanger that easy not needed. I wanted more to this story. Is it possible to make more chapters for this?
7599126 Most of the stiffs, left for new fandoms, along with the hypsters and trolls. Those left behind are moderates, and die hards, who all have their opinions and simple reasons for staying. I love the fandom, because there are still people producing content for it, and I have some vested interest in it, also it is close enough to the furry community that I get my fix of both.
Also, Stealth sex is fun, exciting, and has very light concequences compared to other fetishes, also I like how the author did this. so Have a like and fave.
Haven't read it yet, since I see the 7k words and don't have time to read it in one sitting now, but reading the description piqued my interest.
The hell is a 'Boker'?
7602709
That's a good question. I even wrote the name Booker the first time I started the fic. It is not my OC, so I don't know the meaning behind it...though I probably could have asked the requester about it. My bad.
7601295
Well, it wouldn't be a clopshot if I added chapters. I was also thinking for a while on the ending. I wasn't sure if they should immediately continue with their activities or if they should wait until after the party, or for the next days to come.#
In any case, I wouldn't call it a cliffhanger, since everyone knows what happens next. More clop. Maybe it is a cliffhanger if you think about how they are going to continue this. I personally was thinking of them as a nice perverted couple in a way.
Oh! And like I said to Texus before, I currently have enough on my platter, and IF (and that is a pretty big if) I continue this, it won't be for quite some time. I have enough other stories that are much more popular than this one where people want a sequel. If someone other would want to continue it though, I wouldn't mind.
7601481
Glad you liked it!
7602832 So, just to be clear, it isn't a pony name in any form or shape?
I know what you said, but I'm still interessted for a sequel, maybe you change your mind someday.
Since I take some stuff more serious if I try to....uhh like a main char and since I believe in different things, I didn't liked everything I have seen in other storys lately.
That again is the reason, that after I saw this story again, that I really wanted a sequel...again.
If you should do a sequel sometimes, then I only ask for one thing right now.
Please don't make a huge timeskip giving them a complete different life and situation. I would maybe think a week would be okay if Boker was busy working since he has to talk to the others, then maybe Pinkie suddenly visiting and happily announcing that she would be pregnant.
I don't know which personality you meant to give Thunderlane, but I actually hope that this would manage to honestly suprise and maybe shock him for a time, since he maybe wouldn't expect his brother to be that fast or that he would get one of the main six.
Long story short, I'm asking for a more serious story if you are up to it, a longer one where you try to show more emotions and the sex being something that takes a more smaller part of the story, maybe being in the end of a chapter or every second chapter. Like I already said, I really liked their personality and even if many tried to make Pinkie act like this, this is one of the only times it actually worked for me.
7906027
Serious stories are of course always harder to write. I'm not sure how to start best with their relationship. Pregnancy mention at the beginning might also be too early.
I'm only sure about a silly clop scene I would use in a sequel. This scene being Boker working hard on a book that he is already delaying, so that he has to neglect Pinkie. She would then sneak under his desk to go for his shaft while he works and distract him much to his chagrin and pleasure.
But if there will be a sequel I will need of course a more completed idea, not to mention the motivation to write it. For now I have other projects that I will need to concentrate on for now.
7906064 well okay, but I somehow enjoy the idea of him shocking his brother, they seems to have a healthy relationship, but Thunderlane seems to be that kind of sibling, that is either liked more by others or always making fun of his other brothers.
8074320
That's neat!
Though if I had known that sooner I would have asked my Editor to edit this before he read it.
You use the word 'rather' way too much.
8483494
Thanks. That's good to know. I know that I'm using 'all too' too much, so I'm keeping an eye on that. But I will try to keep an eye on 'rather now too. I also hope this story was to your liking.
8483905
Yeah, it was otherwise not too bad. ^.^
8484213
That is good to hear, albeit the 'not too bad' doesn't sound that euphoric.
Oh, well. I am an aspiring writer, so I look positive into the future and am working to improve. I have enough other stuff I need to write and continue, so I better get back to work. 