• Published 3rd Jul 2016
  • 2,317 Views, 38 Comments

Today, I Might Murder My Wife - Jade Ring



It has been one year since Lyra and Bon Bon said "I do." One year since the happiest day of their lives. Today is their first anniversary as mare and wife... and it also might be their last.

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One Year Later...

Bon Bon yawned and stretched her tired muscles. The silky smoothness of the sheets rubbed against her fur as she ran a hoof through her sleep-tousled mane. She completed the stretch with a satisfied grunt and rolled over to face her wife.

Lyra loudly snored in her face, a steady stream of drool flowing down to her pillow.

Bon Bon stared at the less than elegant display for a few moments longer, asking herself why she felt so strongly for the unicorn beside her. Unable to take the noise any longer, Bon Bon reached out a hoof and gently prodded Lyra's chest. "Lyra?"

The only reply was another loud, long snore.

She poked her again, harder this time. "Lyra."

Lyra snorted and waved a hoof over her face like she was chasing off an imaginary bug. She started snoring again.

Bon Bon's eyes narrowed. She held her hoof over Lyra's nose and nudged her there this time. "Lyra, wake up."

Lyra's eye cracked open in irritation. "Go back to sleep, Bonnie."

"No. It's time to..." Her voice was cut off as Lyra's magic seized the blankets and forced them up and over her head. "Lyra!"

The unicorn's giggle managed to flip the anger switch in her mind to the OFF position like it always did.

Bon Bon pulled the blankets down and looked upon her grinning wife, her yellow eyes laughing at her and dancing with humor and love. Suddenly she remembered why she put up with the snoring.

It was worth it to wake up this mare's face every day.

Lyra yawned and scratched her belly. "Aren't we off today? Why are you waking me up?"

Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Because somepony was supposed to be bringing me breakfast in bed."

Lyra's eyes shot open. "Oh no! Is it your birthday already?!"

Bon Bon gave her wife the driest look she could muster.

"...what?"

"Lyra, what day is it?"

"...Sunday."

Strike one. "Okay, what's the date?"

"...the third." Lyra responded, a confused look on her face.

Strike two. "Alright. What's special about today?"

Lyra closed her eyes in concentration, willing her sleep-addled brain into action. "Today is..."

Bon Bon leaned forward in anticipation.

"Today is..."

Their muzzles were nearly touching now.

Lyra stared in the eyes of the mare she loved and gave her the biggest, warmest smile she could muster.

Bon Bon returned it. "I knew you wouldn't forg..."

"Colgate and I are going to Canterlot to see our old school friends today!" Lyra jumped out of bed after planting a kiss on Bon Bon's forehead. "Thanks for reminding me, babe."

Bon Bon's eye twitched as Lyra left their bedroom and headed for the bathroom down the hall. "...what?"

Lyra poked her head back into the room. "What was that? Whoa!" She ducked just in time to miss the pillow Bon Bon hurled at her face. "What was that forOOF!" The second pillow struck her straight in the face.

Bon Bon, now standing on the plush bed, trembled with rage. "I didn't think it was possible, but you actually forgot, didn't you?" She looked around, desperately hoping to find a heavier projectile to add to her arsenal.

"Forgot what?" Lyra demanded, tensed and ready to catch or dodge whatever Bon Bon decided to throw next.

"Ugh! You're so dumb sometimes, Lyra!"

"Hey, I'm not the one who fell for a little anniversary prank, am I?"

Bon Bon froze. Slowly, she turned to see Lyra smirking at her. "...what?"

Lyra sighed dramatically as she approached the bed. "Did you really think that I would forget the happiest day of my life?" Her magic flipped open a nearby jewelry box and pulled out a pair of scrolls wrapped in pink ribbon. "These are our tickets to tonight's special performance of Les Mareserables in Canterlot. Before we have to catch our train, we've got a special spa treatment lined up. After the show, we have reservations at La Bella Notte and will be spending the night at the Diamond Inn."

Bon Bon blushed hotly. "The Royal Suite?"

"Psh, what do I look like? A mare with plenty of favors to call in with her friends and family in the city she used to live in?" Lyra winked. "We're in the penthouse."

Bon Bon fell into the blankets and buried her face in them, suddenly desperate to commit embarrassment-induced suicide. "I'm an idiot."

"It can't always be me." Lyra laughed as she climbed back onto the bed and lay next to her love. "And I forgive you for not making me breakfast in bed."

Bon Bon cut eyes at her. "What are you talking about? It's your turn this year."

"Uh uh." Lyra shook her head. "We're married now. Dating anniversaries don't count anymore. The count has been reset."

Bon Bon smiled despite herself. "Clever girl."

"You know it." Lyra giggled as she put a foreleg around her wife and pulled her close. "Happy anniversary, Bonnie."

Bon Bon snuggled into her wife's embrace. "Happy anniversary." She snorted irritably. "And I'm sorry for freaking out on you."

"And?"

"...and for not making you breakfast in bed."

"Wow." Lyra smirked down at the earth pony. "Sounds like you've got quite a bit to be sorry for."

Catching her drift, Bon Bon began to plant small kisses along her wife's neck. "I really do. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

Lyra shivered at the familiar tone in Bon Bon's voice. "...I can think of a few things."

"I knew you could." Her trek upwards ended with a lick on her wife's cheek. "How long until we have to be at the spa?"

"Thirty minutes."

Bon Bon pouted. "That's not nearly enough time."

Lyra surprised her wife by turning and catching her lips in a kiss. "It's a start."

Bon Bon cooed as their lips brushed again. "Well, we do have the penthouse tonight, don't we?"

Lyra nodded and kissed Bon Bon again. Her magic grabbed the blanket's edge and started to pull it over them. "Happy anniversary, darling."

"Happy anniversary." Bon Bon giggled. She grabbed her wife by the shoulders and rolled onto her back, pulling the unicorn on top of her. "Now come and get your present."

Lyra buried her face in Bon Bon's neck as she finished pulling the blanket on top of them. "What, no breakfast?"

"That would require me getting up. Would you be alright with candy for breakfast?"

"...Yes. I am very okay with that."

The ensuing laughter soon faded into the familiar and dulcet tones of love's sweet song as Lyra and Bon Bon Heartstrings marked their first year as mare and wife.

The first of many, as most would agree.

Comments ( 38 )

Alright, that was adorable. xD

:rainbowlaugh::pinkiesmile:

Clever girl indeed.

I saw your picture, and I saw the title and I thought you meant YOU wanted to murder YOUR wife and I had a moment of panic "JADE! NO! You can't type that! It'll be evidence! Oh wait its a new story! Oh.... that makes a lot more sense"

What the hell man!? They literally just got married yesterday! Jesus Christ!

On a pogo stick!

While riding a bicycle somehow!

7363892 well, you're talking about jesus, so he could do that on water too.

7365802 And he died for YOUR sins too.

Very bad brony. Go to the corner and no party cake for you.

You are a terrible person.

Absolutely, inexcusably terrible.

Are you- and I ask this as a heterosexual male to whom I assume is a fellow male- single?

7365812 *takes cake and goes to corner* SCREW THE RULES, I HAVE GREEN HAIR!!!

7365910 Envy. Pride. Green. Willpower.

GO GREEN LANTERN CORE

7366081 Get back here! Earth needs you!

7365813 Happily married for five years, actually.

7366459 You bloody hero...

7367143 Ever thought of appearing in a video, Hal Jordan?

7367191 The suit was animated. it was terrible.

7367143
7367191 Chaps, I'll politely ask you to keep the comment section story focused, say thank-ya.

7367908
7367349

No problem, Jade Ring.

So, Hal Jordan, what did you think of Lyra and Bon Bon in this story? Do you think their wedding ring was a Jade Ring or a Green Lantern ring? Also, I thought the idea of Bon Bon wanting to murder Lyra was as hilarious as Hal Jordan's animated suit in the movie.

7368451 Why yes, it was! Quite the prank, I say!

7369403 I liked the first story where Lyra and Bon Bon got married. I think this was a dark twist of a sequel to continue from that nice story.

Also, I liked the part where Hal Jordan got his Green Lantern ring from that dying alien. That was pretty cool too and I think the author wrote that part of the story really well. (knowing wink to you)

7369478 Well, I for one can get behind a good story like that.

7369697 No no no, you are doing it wrong. See, you have to say something about his story, and THEN you can talk to me, alright? You have to disguise your comment as a comment on Jade Ring's story before you can slip in a conversational comment towards me. That's how you trick these writers. At least until they lose interest in their stories or fall into the trap and start writing clopfics.

Which I hope Jade Ring never does because if he does I will hunt him down and murder him in his sleep. We don't need another porn writer in this fandom.

But I know he won't so I shall support his work. But you need to disguise your comments properly.

Speaking of which, I really enjoyed the second and third and fourth paragraphs of this tale. Really nicely written.

7369792

Which I hope Jade Ring never does because if he does I will hunt him down and murder him in his sleep. We don't need another porn writer in this fandom.

(Nervous chuckling as I nudge highest rated Equestria Girls clopfic on FIMFiction under the rug.)

7369874 Oh, you f**ker! How stupid are you to go and say that after I followed you, you idiot!?

7369879 Because I'm not ashamed of anything I've written. I'm a Jack of all trades, boyo. Comedy, romance, horror, erotica... I write 'em all.

7369909 Well...at the very least I admire your honesty.

You can keep the Follow and your life. For now.

I enjoyed the follow-up. Thanks for writing!

For some reason when I saw the title I was imagining a story akin to Mr. and Mrs. Smith where you had two married secret agents/assassins trying to kill each other until they start making out.

7363892 actually, since it´s their annyversary, they´ve been married for a year.
and since they ARE married, they can do whatever they want as long as they don´t hurt each other.

this is basically me and my boyfriend. and I´m okay with that.

7652792 True, true, true.

...

I give them a week before kitchen knives come out.

Cute, but I wouldn't have minded seeing the possible shenanigans to arise from the other activities Lyra mentioned. Feels like it's done, but... it could be MORE done.

7652809
Can't be too healthy, in the long run, aye?:rainbowderp:

Oh the life of married couples

7652792
Unless one of them is into that. In which case, they totally can live out their dominatrix fantasies now that they are married. I REGRET NOTHING!

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