- Member Since 6th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen April 23rd
Grave Walker
"I am the epitome of an overdose. Living with retradily amounts of happiness and barely mentally functioning."
Grave Walker
Joined 6th Dec, 2013 ·
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this is good, continue!
Ok, so where did that cover art come from? Cause it looks like someone combined medieval plate armor with Warhammer 40k Space marine and Adeptus Sororitas power armor. Not that I'm complaining mind you, it looks completely bad@$$, I'm just curious about it's origins and if there is any back story to it.
This is awesome.
Also, you might want check grammar because you have some agreement issues here and there.
Not quite sure what you were going for here, so all I can suggest is a revision of the sentence.
only the Queens were allowed to work on the spells for my creation.
sentient being.
insect (That made me laugh though)
bringing
Get rid of the repetitive "own" as the " 's " in jetpack's shows ownership.
With that in mind, I continued to walk, searching wearily for my next source of energy.
walk
This could be changed to "hoofsteps" as a play on footsteps, but it is entirely up to you
The doors opened to reveal a group of 4 heavily armored guards, 6 normal ones (They looked like the caretakers I saw at the forge.), and lastly what seemed to be their leader.
(This is a little nitpicky, the spacing is off.) my Queen. "The
Also I saw a couple other places where "my Queen" is "my queen" think of it like talking to Luna or Celestia "Yes Princess. It will be done Princess."
lowering
them
The other guard fared a similar fate as I crushed him under my boot, armor and all, like the bug he was.
makes
I spoke for the first time in thousands of years.
This needs a little love. (Cuz it's a changeling?- heh...)
I rasped into her ear as my Chainsword screeched to life. The effects were as immediate as they were dramatic. Blood began to spray from her back as pulped innards began to pile on the floor below her in a shower of neon green gore. I pulled my blade free and watched as her lower half joined the pile of entrails; her upper half collapsing to the stone floor a few feet away with wide empty eyes.
Delete the "But"
I would change this to "excess"
I eagerly await the next chapter.
awesome!
Just one thing.
Near the middle you spelt insect as incest...
7536464 I thank you for finding these. I have made the edits.
7536300
Google images. Look it up yourself.
It is just that! But works differently with magics and different metals. I'm just using it as a base as it completely matched my idea of what it looked like. I added Chainsword because why not?
Indeed it is Badass. Time will tale in the chapters to come.
7536652 But the real question is... Truly, how Awesome is it?
7536771 Fixed it. I feel like an idiot for making that mistake.
7537198 the answer? this awesome. 66.media.tumblr.com/449ace3d6f775f728d625ea5e705aa7e/tumblr_n9pe82qJWP1sw6z5vo1_400.gif
7537227 I don't get it.
7537236
don't worry
I am liking this story very much. Please do more and you will make a very happy dragon over here.
An interesting story yes, but the pace seems abit too fast in my opinion.
Good job
This is good so far. I really like the set up we have here. The only question I have is will the Golem hate ponies? I really hope not because he near invincible. Yes I know fighting chrsalis weakned him but he could recover.
7549397 Not really. While the Chaos Metal is (in a verities of ways) said to indestructible. Sure, it can take huge beatings that could kill demigods. But his best and most reliable ability is his most fatal flaw. While he can take direct magical attacks that could wipe out armies, that deadly magical energy is absorbed by the armor. Only thing that can be truly used in forging Chaos Metal is by blasting it over and over with demigod levels of magic. So by him taking too much magic, his armor is greatly weakening unless he can contain it within himself. So is his armor is weakened, he is very vulnerable to physical damages. If I'm not helping you understand, think of his weakness/flaw like math. Everybody loves mathematics!
I used this style in making Golem's power stats and meany other characters... So I hope this helps you understand or see how I view him.
7549480 Thank you very much! I really appreciate the chary as well. But you didn't answer the hatred of ponies question. (Unless the "Not really. Applied to both invicibility and haterd of ponies.)
7549522 You'll have to wait and read to find out. No hints here!
7549529 Okay. Thank you for clairifying. Already traking it!
7549772 NO!
7550347 Why don't you want me to track the story?
7550630 Oh... I thought you said: "already taking it" I misread it this morning... Sorry.
7551367
it's fine!
More please
7553798 Soon... Click here
When can we expect the next chapter?
7559524 I give you my answer! Click here
Wonderful chapter, can't wait for the next
That got real dark, real fast... I like dark.
Damn, sucks to be both the changelings for being destroyed by a lone being and the equestrians for their camp being annihilated by a debris from a collapsing mountain.
This, I like.
7565854 Good. My story has attracted more into my trap! I will soon steal your soul!
My reactions to all the deaths:
~ "Die! Die! Die!"
Make him the guardian of Sweetie Belle. It would be awesome.
7590960 That is very random... Why?
7591143 Having a cute filly like her telling him what he can do and what he can't, would be funny. Also, if others tried to take him or her away, he can pound them easily.
7592041 That is a very funny idea, but I'll have to decline. Sadly, my story will not go that way, for I have plans for Golem.
7593916 It's okay. Was just a suggestion. So is he going to attack the ponies or become their allies?
i love the bio but i need more chapters before i start reading
'Nother good chapter.
7602481 And another nearing completion!
i have the feeling you got some inspiration from war 40k
7616238 Maybe....
I personally think that whole "thousands of years of madness" was quite harsh, i mean, seriously! Thats fucking horrifying, just thinking about it makes me depressed, no one deserves something like THAT.
Simply making her feel all the pain she made others feel, before death would have been enough!
7701538 Golem know no forgiveness.
7701601 just, damn.
Even thinking of having to exist like that, floating around, with no one remembering you, seeing you, or anything else, until you go mad. I cant think of anything that would be worse for me!
a lovely chapter, i hate it when the ponies get more help since in the show they already have all the OP guys on their side but it is nice that he didn't just kill everything he sees, wonder how he will respond to discord, if i read the description right he was made by discord's kind
7706411 Indeed, you will find out... In in future chapters... No Spoilers for U!
7707309
spoilers are wasted on my simple mind, i can't make head's or tails out of hints, anyway happy to wait, a good story is a story made with time and dedication