• Member Since 28th Jun, 2021
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

Moonlight0405


Writing Fanfics? Reading Good quality stories? Member of The New Lunar Republic? I don't know what your talking about....

T

David Schmidt is a retired military officer and a successful businessman, suddenly found himself in a different version of the Equestria that we know and love.

Join him as he discovered that this Equestria is much darker than you might think.

How can he survive? Find out more.
Please support my story by pressing that like button

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 26 )

I WILL TRY TO FOCUS ON THIS TO HAVE A ONE COMPLETE STORIES

great start mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

.Vladimare Lime stands in shocked silence, his gaze slowly falling to his chest, where a bullet hole oozes with a steady flow of crimson. He has no time to contemplate the gravity of his wound, as he crumples lifelessly to the ground. The gunfire erupts once more

His name feel so weird,
imagine a man name is “ vladfemale Lime”

11739171
well it's a made up name that I used to a brief character that was about to die so.......eh

No offense to your story but The story description is extremely misleading with the gender I usually hate when that happens but I'll give it a shot.
(I'm sorry in advance if that sounded rude)

great chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Interesting. Requires some suspension of disbelief. Setting seems like an Equestria at War. Shoving the mc right into the thick of things and everyone just rolling with it is a bit much. I would suggest tweaking your synopsis to include a bit more of what David became. I'll give it a few more chapters and see where this goes.

11739684
Yeah it's in the title 'Hastily Integration' I just make the characters a bit more desperate for a real leader because the revolting ponies are all the ones that survived the "Stalliongrad Massacre".

11739389
No worries I might make up my mind or compromise on the gender identification of David Schmidt

11739775
No, i'm not asking for the gender change i'm just pointing something out. Sorry if I made you think that but if you're going to do it then it's up to you.

11739833
No worries at all, What I can't make my mind choose is whether I want for our MC to be Male, Female or Both?

11739833
Maybe I should just have him be a Hermaphrodite and still be Identify as Man?

11739836
I can't speak for everyone but in my opinion, I prefer male characters but that's just my preference. Though my advice to you is pick whichever one you feel more comfortable writing.
(If you're going to pick both my advice is let them gain access to on ability to change their gender at will. Not like an illusion kind of thing like changelings usually do like actually changed there gender)

11739840
Hey I read something about Changeling Queen having the ability to impregnate anyone by using a male biology to insert a special egg that will feed on the love of the host then when birth the result will be a mixture of the two

11739843
I guess that's what's i'm suggesting but a little different like instead of being a hermaphrodite they're able to change Overall gender like she is able to turn male and vice versa. But, they're just suggestions at the end of the day. You're the one writing the story so you make the shots.
(Also I think making him an hermaphrodite would freak him out lol)

Eh, I feel like you should just keep it simple. He's a changeling queen now. Unless you are going to write in birthing changelings there is no reason to over complicate it.

Interesting premise. Thought this chapter pacing is a bit too fast and a bit too muc "tell not show"

nice chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

This, while a interesting concept and storyline. Is a bit hard to read through, as it isn't flowing well. It's very heavy exposition, telling us what they are doing and flying past it than showing us.
This chapter, with the loss content that could be used for charector growth could have given a few extra chapters. Let us see how they feel, how they interact with others.

And the "last time" is a tad unnecessary.

I'm going to keep tabs on this for now. It does have great potential.

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