• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

Unwhole Hole

Digging it deeper. Always deeper.


Comments ( 34 )

That was a roller coaster of a ride, but quite an enjoyable one :D

wow just wow im laughing so hard i fell out of my chair. gotta love dizty doo and those space carrots wow what a trip

Well that was intresting only problem was that you gave pony society no redeeming sides at all as it stands their entire society needs a hard kick to the head and liberal application of nuclear fire to cull the herd alongside a complete moral and ethics rewrite via rebellion, preferably led by Scootaloo from the inside and Lyra and Glimmer from the outside. If that cant be done becouse reasons well I hope they get weakend enough to let the crystals bomb the shit out of them couse that society needs to be broken and destroyed, and their current line of magitech scrapped and turned into forbidden tech never to be used again for any reason

BTW I am hoping for a continuation of the story since it was wery well written

Better to die a hero then live as a monster.

I read this instead of working! That was a good story and I would love to see where it leads in your universe


a complete moral and ethics rewrite via rebellion, preferably led by Scootaloo from the inside and Lyra and Glimmer from the outside.

And they do it to the tune of this song!

7448351 wery fitting I must say

Funny, well written, intriguing story, well manufactured universe and overall a great and thoroughly underrated story. Good job.

I have to ask... What the hell did the Alliance do in this universe is we're considered as bad as the Quarians were?

Also, awesome story, hope to see a sequel where the Equestrian Empire gets ass raped by the Reapers (You did kinda say they're still around).


I really liked the story. A few notes that I think would help:
remove gore and sex tags and change rating to teen and add dark tag. The gore, sex, and Mature combination can be a big turn off to some people and they really don't apply here. there were a few casual references to sex, not sex scenes. And i don't remember and true gore scenes, there were some arms torn off, but not vivid descriptions of the process. I do think that the dark tag applies though.
Some turn off in the first few chapters were misspelled and misused words such as site/sight and bear/bare. That is a huge turn off for me and make it really difficult to continue especially if i don't like other more minor things.
The intro was really weird, especially scoots and the rest of the pony crew. I was not sure what to make of it. And the mass effect crew was a bit confusing as well, it took a while to figure out the species.
you do a great job on writing though. the characters come off well and I like the premise.
Derpy is a bit jarring though. Your writing has an odd blend of taking itself seriously and then not. This is really only visible when you are referencing something to the readers such as catch phrases. this opinion might be biased because I am more of a fan of serious.

7781450 Thank you for your comment. Sorry about the problem with spelling errors, it's a problem I'm still trying to shake. As for the ratings, this site is a little weird. I'm pretty sure it is British, so their cultural tolerance for violence is super, super low. I can't get stuff like this past moderation with a teen rating.

Not sure if this is a multi crossover or not but it's really interesting. God job!

7920812 I always figured that humanity must be terrifying to the Council. Humans went from killing each other with matchlock muskets to having the largest military fleet in the galaxy in the time the asari likely needed to decide on the color of the Density Ascension's upholstery (if I recall, the quarian exodus was in the 1800s).

Then humans used this weight to leverage a position onto the Council. Less than two years later, they sell the Council out to the Reapers while Cerberus (a representation of humanity's natural xenophobia) tries to actively ensure a Reaper victory. And that was all in the game.

In the Mass Core universe, this (as well as humanity's rejection of the Benefactor's will) led to a breakdown of relations between the Alliance and Council, which was further exacerbated by the Alliance's use of AI beings to replenish their decimated population. That eventually leads to an all-out schism and strong galactic anti-human (and especially anti-synth) sentiment.

After good start, went badly and fully ooc with zero reason...

8074173 I'm afraid I don't know what that means.

There is a picture on Deviantart named Cerberus Asari, describing human biotic male altered to look like an asari, is that your OC?
Anyway good one!

8104508 I have actually not heard of that. It's a neat idea, though. Probably terrible for that poor sap's sense of identity, but it seems like a very Cerberus thing to do.

Huh, Trixie is a core, and Lyra is awfully mean... wonder what happened...

Jesus that's dark. What the fuck happened to make Cadence a warmonger. Or for the ponies to treat unicorns like things?

Wait... the fuck? Why are the ponies so cruel? What the fuck happened in their past?

8170926 To me, their behavior and attitudes are a product of having been corrupted by the world that they live in. The world itself needs to be dark to provide the impetus for the plot. If Equestria were not a largely unpleasant place, there would be no reason for Starlight to resist getting taken back to it.

What is this, I don't even....
I am still reading it. Am at least enjoying it.

So, I started hoping that it was a story with A magic using (not psionics/Biotics/whatever) space-based civilization, which is horrifically rare in real stories, and uncommon in fanfiction. The description certainly implied as such. I was not disappointed, exactly.
My first impression was that it was a crackfic. Hard to take that crew seriously at all.
The introduction of Starlight Glimmer/The Core, was interesting. I initially just assumed it was the Pilot, with a direct connection to the ship or something. Not exactly unheard of. As further details piled up, it was pretty clear something went horrible wrong and.... Well, Dystopian.

Powered by a Forsaken child technology. Blatent racism (which is kinda a plus, great source of conflict for a story) and initially trying to determine what kind of power level the Pony's starships had available was interesting enough.

At this point, well, The sheer amount of psycological what the fuckness that all the characters are showing is.... Yea.... I don't even.

Honestly, It would probably make more sense as an original fiction, given how massively everything changed on both sides of the crossover.

The lack of a language barrier is fine, even if a universal translator could have been used, but the responses to what would be direct translations of names has gotten old a long time ago, especially since it is so unrealistic. Direct translation of names results in pony-like names a lot of the time. Jack means strong, Anderson means son of Ander, etc. And any sane translation effect would end up with direct names like that. My RL name could probably translate to Ravenheart, albiet loosely. /Rant. I just get irritated by the constant thoughts that meaningful names are unusual, when pretty much everyone has them.

Gee This fic is great.

“Because when you go onto the Citadel, you have to go in threes. I can’t take Armchair, and I can’t take Arachne. So you two, on me, now.”

The rule of three is so intense in the future.

“You don’t understand,” said the pony, blocking Garrus’s exit. “Pony technology and magic is far more advanced than ANYTHING you’ve ever even seen.”

Magic? Yes. Technology? From what I've read so far, it seems to be 99% Magic.

This is quite funny. I wish I noticed this when it was new

Well that escalated a little bit. At least an inch.

Scootaloo is going through some tough shit

Never thought that having her get shot to death would be a good result of a story I'd read but I suppose it is.

So, I'm guessing you went with the Shepard gets everyone killed choices because I'm sure if it was after the Reaper War that the Geth would be somewhat...nicer to organics. Also Quarians would be there too and we'd have the Council involved now.

Hey Unwhole, how accessible would this story be to someone who has little knowledge of the Mass Effect universe?

That is a good question that I never thought about before. I suppose that the story could still be enjoyed with little knowledge of the Mass-Effect universe, but it would be more confusing. I think most of it should be pretty self-explanatory, though. It would probably help to have the Mass-Effect wiki available just to check what the various species look like. Also, if you intend the play the games, my opinions and prejudices may impact how you view the world in various strange ways.

Login or register to comment