• Published 28th Jun 2016
  • 1,520 Views, 63 Comments

Mass Core - Unwhole Hole



A Mass Effect crossover. A crew of salvagers discovers a damaged spacecraft with only one pony survivor. And the ponies want her back.

Comments ( 24 )

That was a roller coaster of a ride, but quite an enjoyable one :D

Well that was intresting only problem was that you gave pony society no redeeming sides at all as it stands their entire society needs a hard kick to the head and liberal application of nuclear fire to cull the herd alongside a complete moral and ethics rewrite via rebellion, preferably led by Scootaloo from the inside and Lyra and Glimmer from the outside. If that cant be done becouse reasons well I hope they get weakend enough to let the crystals bomb the shit out of them couse that society needs to be broken and destroyed, and their current line of magitech scrapped and turned into forbidden tech never to be used again for any reason

BTW I am hoping for a continuation of the story since it was wery well written


Better to die a hero then live as a monster.

I read this instead of working! That was a good story and I would love to see where it leads in your universe

7406569

a complete moral and ethics rewrite via rebellion, preferably led by Scootaloo from the inside and Lyra and Glimmer from the outside.

And they do it to the tune of this song!

7448351 wery fitting I must say

Funny, well written, intriguing story, well manufactured universe and overall a great and thoroughly underrated story. Good job.

I have to ask... What the hell did the Alliance do in this universe is we're considered as bad as the Quarians were?

Also, awesome story, hope to see a sequel where the Equestrian Empire gets ass raped by the Reapers (You did kinda say they're still around).

Eh.

I really liked the story. A few notes that I think would help:
remove gore and sex tags and change rating to teen and add dark tag. The gore, sex, and Mature combination can be a big turn off to some people and they really don't apply here. there were a few casual references to sex, not sex scenes. And i don't remember and true gore scenes, there were some arms torn off, but not vivid descriptions of the process. I do think that the dark tag applies though.
Some turn off in the first few chapters were misspelled and misused words such as site/sight and bear/bare. That is a huge turn off for me and make it really difficult to continue especially if i don't like other more minor things.
The intro was really weird, especially scoots and the rest of the pony crew. I was not sure what to make of it. And the mass effect crew was a bit confusing as well, it took a while to figure out the species.
you do a great job on writing though. the characters come off well and I like the premise.
Derpy is a bit jarring though. Your writing has an odd blend of taking itself seriously and then not. This is really only visible when you are referencing something to the readers such as catch phrases. this opinion might be biased because I am more of a fan of serious.

7781450 Thank you for your comment. Sorry about the problem with spelling errors, it's a problem I'm still trying to shake. As for the ratings, this site is a little weird. I'm pretty sure it is British, so their cultural tolerance for violence is super, super low. I can't get stuff like this past moderation with a teen rating.

7753908 I like to know that also

7920812 I always figured that humanity must be terrifying to the Council. Humans went from killing each other with matchlock muskets to having the largest military fleet in the galaxy in the time the asari likely needed to decide on the color of the Density Ascension's upholstery (if I recall, the quarian exodus was in the 1800s).

Then humans used this weight to leverage a position onto the Council. Less than two years later, they sell the Council out to the Reapers while Cerberus (a representation of humanity's natural xenophobia) tries to actively ensure a Reaper victory. And that was all in the game.

In the Mass Core universe, this (as well as humanity's rejection of the Benefactor's will) led to a breakdown of relations between the Alliance and Council, which was further exacerbated by the Alliance's use of AI beings to replenish their decimated population. That eventually leads to an all-out schism and strong galactic anti-human (and especially anti-synth) sentiment.

After good start, went badly and fully ooc with zero reason...

8074173 I'm afraid I don't know what that means.

8104508 I have actually not heard of that. It's a neat idea, though. Probably terrible for that poor sap's sense of identity, but it seems like a very Cerberus thing to do.

8170926 To me, their behavior and attitudes are a product of having been corrupted by the world that they live in. The world itself needs to be dark to provide the impetus for the plot. If Equestria were not a largely unpleasant place, there would be no reason for Starlight to resist getting taken back to it.

What is this, I don't even....
I am still reading it. Am at least enjoying it.

So, I started hoping that it was a story with A magic using (not psionics/Biotics/whatever) space-based civilization, which is horrifically rare in real stories, and uncommon in fanfiction. The description certainly implied as such. I was not disappointed, exactly.
My first impression was that it was a crackfic. Hard to take that crew seriously at all.
The introduction of Starlight Glimmer/The Core, was interesting. I initially just assumed it was the Pilot, with a direct connection to the ship or something. Not exactly unheard of. As further details piled up, it was pretty clear something went horrible wrong and.... Well, Dystopian.

Powered by a Forsaken child technology. Blatent racism (which is kinda a plus, great source of conflict for a story) and initially trying to determine what kind of power level the Pony's starships had available was interesting enough.

At this point, well, The sheer amount of psycological what the fuckness that all the characters are showing is.... Yea.... I don't even.

Honestly, It would probably make more sense as an original fiction, given how massively everything changed on both sides of the crossover.

The lack of a language barrier is fine, even if a universal translator could have been used, but the responses to what would be direct translations of names has gotten old a long time ago, especially since it is so unrealistic. Direct translation of names results in pony-like names a lot of the time. Jack means strong, Anderson means son of Ander, etc. And any sane translation effect would end up with direct names like that. My RL name could probably translate to Ravenheart, albiet loosely. /Rant. I just get irritated by the constant thoughts that meaningful names are unusual, when pretty much everyone has them.

Hey Unwhole, how accessible would this story be to someone who has little knowledge of the Mass Effect universe?

9168650
That is a good question that I never thought about before. I suppose that the story could still be enjoyed with little knowledge of the Mass-Effect universe, but it would be more confusing. I think most of it should be pretty self-explanatory, though. It would probably help to have the Mass-Effect wiki available just to check what the various species look like. Also, if you intend the play the games, my opinions and prejudices may impact how you view the world in various strange ways.

I decided to go ahead and take the leap anyways, reading this story with only my extremely limited prior knowledge of Mass Effect (like I wasn't sure if Jack was an OC until it was completely confirmed--the only one I already knew from the series was Garrus). Despite that, I found this story to be really fun and engaging, just like your other sci-fi stories. I like the way this story seamlessly switches between comedy and drama/horror/tragedy without feeling out of place, probably a result of the insane and memorable characters. Furthermore I love that this story, like Elrod, refuses to pull its punches. If you're going to have a space opera dystopia, then you may as well go all the way with the brutality. Most significantly, I love that I can never accurately predict what's going to happen in this (and your other) stories--they're always a wild ride and I'm usually pleasantly surprised.

Im a big fan of mass effect!and a proud brony(lul)! But this have been an amazing read!I love gore and dark stories(not sure if i should be proud) and this fimfic truly surprised me!!I love the characters,the back stories and the universe itself fits perfectly! Thx for the good read!

Well with that done maybe they don't all have to burn but all the ones in control might. The story says Celestia and Luna aren't cores so I wonder how they're going to treat Twilight's decisions. The fact they just let all this happen with zero oversight on the situation doesn't speak well for their abilities to rule.

As for Rainbow Dash I don't understand how someone like her could have ever become friends with the rest of the mane six or Twilight at all. I know Fluttershy is different and AJ is hinted to be less of a good person too but RD is so much more evil and selfish than her Canon counterpart.

Didn't hear what happened to Rarity or in this story maybe it'll come up in the sequels. A never ending party planet was mentioned at one point so that's Pinkie.

I gotta say this is nothing close to what I expected. I thought it was gonna be a symbiotic thing with the Celestia and Luna becoming the living engines of a massive ship to evacuate the planet or something and then centuries later the pony survivors happening across the galactic community maybe with other ships with like noninvasive unicorn cores where they sit down and meditate to power the ships. The sense of wrongness at this morally black Equestria was not something I was prepared for. Lol

What a ride this read was :heart:
First let me commend on your description. It might sound strange, but it's really well done, it pulled me in with a relatively normal sounding "ponies in space" plot, the ominous "but at a terrible cost" part aside and then slowly it dawned on my that this isn't a normal story.
And speaking about that, the way the reader learns about the horrors of ponykind parallel to Starlight deeply impressed me.
That combined with the gripping story makes for an incredibly compelling narrative. I was also pleasantly surprised that my complete lack of Mass Effect knowledge didn't hinder my enjoyment at all.
The way you chose to portray ponies was also really interesting, and thanks to some hints regarding the Equestrian backstory combined with the very clear AU setting I was able to get fascinated by these new versions of Rainbow, Derpy, Lyra and co without getting an OOC feeling from them.
Overall everything was very well paced, a lot of characters do a lot of things in a whole lot of space and I still never felt exhausted or like I've missed or not understood something properly. All plot points and twists felt logical and very well thought out, something that is extremely satisfying to me as a reader when a lot of the HiE content on this site is of very questionable quality.
The final war especially had serious high-budget sci-fi movie vibes, I just hope some of the characters Trixie that seemingly left at the ending will make a return in the sequels, which I'll read very soon.

What a story. Phew, and there are still two sequels. But that was one hell of a ride. While I can't say too much on how I enjoyed it personally as it went against some of my personal perferences as it'd be biased based on my personal preference, objectively I'd have to say this was a pretty damn good story.

the ponies are in interesting because of their diversity in belief, values, and personality. dial that down away and you will get a shitty interpretation of humanity.

turned them into monotone bad guys is worst thing you can do.

changlings has hivemind, reapers are hard coded program, ceberus operates secretly in plain sight
they're interesting by concept
pony isn't

Login or register to comment