- Member Since 17th Aug, 2016
- offline last seen 46 minutes ago
ChiefKitsune
Hello everypony and welcome. Hope you enjoy my stories.
ChiefKitsune
Joined 17th Aug, 2016 ·
Offline
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A bit rushed in places, and would be better if we knew exactlty WHAT this particular Fem-Shep was, but otherwise, not too bad.
10118295
Thanks for the feedback and I plan to have a second chapter up later today going into more detail about the MC.
While I wasn't completely expecting Fem-Shep to just get off, I kinda knew it since you said "blue fox" is what that for you to write this, little rushed, but pretty good, look forward to reading more
10118322
Hope it comes out before dark, I'm going camping today.
10118324
Thanks for the feedback and I hope you enjoyed it. Lots more planed.
10118327
You're welcome bud and I look forward to both camp and the new chapter
10118330
10118325
I'm hoping so too
Also enjoy your trip.
Great work keep it up
Hey mr. author. How do you blackout the content? driving me nuts how to figure it out
10118331
Hey remember there is no rush, take ya time when you write
10118355
You click on the Sp button for spoiler.
There has been no previous indication that they were aware of what world they were on for them to be this specifically excited.
That aside, the pacing was much better, and I have several suggestions for names.
The defaults for Commander Shepard are John and Jane, respectively, for male and female, so I would suggest something along the lines of Jo, which can be short for either Joseph or Joline, or Sam, for Samuel or Samatha.
You know, something both neutral and generic.
10118712
In the first chapter there is the MC thinking about how she's read stories like what happened to her and if that wasn't clear I'll go and fix that up later.
Great work keep it up
Dude, don't force it, and don't limit it.
If you give them both sets of equipment, then you don't get to give them only one love interest.
I really loved this, but don't force it please, and don't limit it, other then that, pretty good and I look forward to next chapter and how the mane six/seven react
10120347
10120404
I've decided that it's gonna be anime like in that it will be harem style but Spike is the first on the list since I feel he is left out too much. Also I'm not forcing anything I flew through writing the third chapter in less time than I thought I would need so I'm just going with the flow.
Also I'm releasing them as I finish them so you can get more story sooner or would you rather I wait and do planned releases?
- MLP: FiM
- Sad
- Slice of Life
Twilight notices that Spike is having nightmares about his parents. to stop his deep depression, she does what she wouldn't think about doing beforeI know it is difficult, but you are still wearing it with a Spike still in a baby dragon, you may have a problem because he is still a minor, so make him 18 years old with a body more for the transition from young puberty or adult , and Spike's sentinels have changed like that with the girls about him already wanting his protagonist who awakens the love that Spike and the girls feel for each other a bisexual or pansexual relationship, if you don't close the peak with other characters, If Spike doesn't want to have relationships with the other characters keep him sleeping in the basket (ridiculous puts in the basket that the series owes this idea ). Since you want to make a romance with sex you are here in this world I already understand your story but it is very incoherent of anthropological characters (with an appearance more than 50% or 70% humanoid) bipedal in all. better to review and edit or find an editor to help u. I'm sorry, your story has a potential, but it has a lot of incorient and confusing things.
10121016
Thank you for that detailed review/comment and indeed I need an editor. Also you have given me much to work with to improve my story, as is I sincerely hope you or someone like you will point out such things in the future with this or any of my stories. So I thank you for your time and effort to help me improve this story.
Not bad
Can't wait until see what happens next
Not bad, not bad of. Fight, especially for first time writing one, look forward to what happens next
I believe the common term is thicc.
... Small holes?
It's been a while, but I'm pretty sure that the weaponry from the Mass Effect games relied on the same technology as the ship-mounted weaponry, so anything that wasn't armoured to the eyeballs, protected with shielding, Krogan or colossal would take a bullet, even from a side-arm, with the same results as a watermelon that was launched from a trebuchet.
10123319
Nope, the entry wound would be small but inside the fleshy target is another story. You actually see this with modern small arms, small entry wound, nasty internal damage with a good possibility of nasty exit wound.
10123677
Yes, but with the level of technological advancement for the Mass Effect universe, it would still leave the limbs of Manticore as red paste and meat chunks.
10123795
You wouldn't know it until the battle was over though. I have seen all sorts of the calculations for Mass Effect guns and the most common is 'modern-day weapons with more penetration' due to the extremely low mass.
10123795
10124395
In the game mass effect, they explain that the weapons use element zero cores to accelerate slivers of metal shaved from a solid block of ammunition inside the weapon. The penetration factor is unknown, we are also dealing with a magical tank of a beast in the manticore. And who's to say that the hide of the beast isn't magically altered to be as strong as armor since it has to compete with beasts such as the hydra after all.
10120404
10120347
I should mention that I have Aspergers as well as some other mental health issues including borderline bipolar so I sometimes have manic episodes that leave me awake for most the night with nothing to do and an urge to write. You can actually see in my older stories how these episodes when untreated affected my writing, making it feel all over the place or jumpy, fast, and etc... This story I feel is different, not only because my chapter size has doubled or tripled from my old stories but because of a gut feeling, I have that I haven't had with other stories.
"Are you sure it's just not tummy rumblies ms. Author?
Yes, Pinkie I'm sure of it.
10125985
I used to be part of Spacebattles, and it is Spacebattle's thing to analyze the hell out of everything, hence why the most common calcs put mass accelerators to be the equiv of modern firearms but with vastly superior penetration characteristics.
10126746
Oh that is rather interesting I didn't know that. But another fact is that the M-8 Avenger is one of lower damage assault rifles in ME3 so wouldn't that affect the stopping power it has as well?
can't wait for the next chapter
10131667
Well you don't have to wait anymore.
Wherever is the Medi-Gel when you need it?
Great work keep it up
10131542
Most of the assault rifles tend to be along the lines of 5.56NATO or equivalent unless you count the Matchlock which is more akin to a battle rifle and the Revenant which is more akin to a GPMG/very light HMG, just with simply ludicrous penetration.
One, why didn't Twilight teleport commander to the hospital, two
well here comes Twilight taking away the MC's stuff probably try to keep them but we won't know until next chapter or so, and now three, I say you probably could edit this, but if others want rewrite it, uh..oh and bud you may want to keep chapters about 1500-2000 right now, i would say 2k+ but that be later when you can write better n all
Anyways, Great to see you're still going and all, I look forward to next chapter and more from ya.
Oh and if you need a pre reader/proof reader I be happy to help, and probably some others
10132044
I'd be more concerned with the guards refusing to return them, than Twilight.
From what this fic has said so far, the firearms in Equestria aeem to be exclusive to the military, and as such, they may try to refuse to return them.
10132078
Oh boy, you're very correct and if they do refuse to hand over commander's armor and weapons that could (probably would) end very badly
10131869
One the girls don't know what that is, and two the venom is special which I will explain in the next chapter part.
10131978
That's what I assumed they based the assault rifles on.
10132044
Well I will explain why Twi didn't teleport the MC to the hospital in the next chapter parts as well,
10132078
And in those regards, you'll just have to stay tuned and find out.
10136886
Oh you cheeky bugger, I really want to read more of this now
10136904
What you think an author is going to spoil the story?
I think stores great can't wait for the next chapter 2 come out
10131542
The biggest problem with Mass Effect weaponry is that, canonically, their bullets are the size of grains of sand, and therefore have little stopping power. The bullets, due to the fact that they travel at hyper-sonic velocities, would likely just go through the target you're aiming at, unless they have armor on, and even then, it would still be likely to penetrate both ends of the armor, leaving minimal overall damage. I won't pretend to be an expert, but from what I understand, the weapons of ME have less overall stopping power than modern-day rifles, but make up for it in sheer volume of fire.
I can't say for the weapons in games 2 &3, but I would assume they work on similar, if not identical, principals, so I would imagine it's hard to say for absolute certain if any single weapon is better than another without genuine articles for scientists to research.
If Spike hit on her, Rarity will be very cross.
This chapter is in need of editing. Spike sounded like a baby dragon at the beginning but thought like an adolescent teenage at the end.
I kinda expect the dragon scale to be a lot tougher than this, but well, this would mean dragon in this world is not a juggernaut.
any idea when we can expect an update and new chapter?
Yes a new chapter
Short but interesting 👌