• Member Since 14th Oct, 2015
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Unwhole Hole


Digging it deeper. Always deeper.

Sequels1


Comments ( 18 )

I fully recognize that this story will likely have difficulties with reception. I ask only that if you intend to press the "dislike" button, at least consider stopping a moment to comment and tell me why.

My lord. You made a sequel?! This is getting auto-faved and read as soon as I have time. Was a fan of the first one and I only have great expectations for this one!

I loved the first story because of the disturbing yet interesting way you put the pony civilizations in this setting and because the story of Starlight fighting for her freedom was engaging for me, but I can't help but get a funny feeling about the way your portrait quarians and humans in general, even with the "explanation" given by Garrus some chapters ago. Let's see how this goes from here.

Great story, but it leaves a bitter taste with how it all "ended". No complaints on the narrative from me, but as I said, some parts just left me a funny feeling in me and sincerely, the final scene? It seemed a bit too convoluted for my tastes. I almost said "Really?" out loud when I read that.
Any other than that, a story that I would read again sometime. Keep up the good work.

7752294 Thank you. When I was going over the plot of this with another guy as I was writing, he said something along the lines of "Seriously. Do not use that ending. DO NOT." I couldn't help myself. Xyuka's role had been set early on, but Bob's role was a later addition. It kind of gives Bob a reason to actually be there.

And again, thank you so much for your feedback.

Seriously...

WTF did the Alliance do?

Eh.

7753993 From a Council perspective, I figure that the Alliance must be very scary. In less than 2 centuries, humans went from being barely able to get to the moon to demanding a seat on the Council. And then, once they had that seat, their Councilor tried to sell them out to the Reapers while another human (the Illusive Man) thwarted every attempt at galactic defense.

In my interpretation, when humanity did not automatically get a new seat on the Council after the war they took it as a huge offense. That, and the Alliance found Council law too restrictive (hence the synths, which are basically a huge middle finger to the Council). Combined with inherent xenophobia, relations went down hill fast.

Not an ending I would've pictured but still great.

your pony universe reminds me a great deal of 40k. psykers (unicorn cores) being sacrificed to power FTL travel, general fear/hatred of psykers, god empresses of pony kind, vat raised servitors (farm raised pegasus).

This chapter is very hard to read. It seems that starlight is holding the idiot ball. She is strong enough to challenge the Harmony, take a blast from cadence, dive into a star, but not a kill a small swarm of mutants? Why did she not simply create a shield around all of them and just stroll through the city?

I'm gonna have to agree with
7752294
the ending with bob was out of place. reminded me of a sitcom plot from 'all my circuits'.
that said, I'm looking forward to where you take this.

Welp lets hope Rarity eats a bullet trought the brain, nah that would be to fast serve her in a banguet to the tartarans instead you know chained down and cut up into little bits to be grilled on a nearby barbegue since so far the only ponies that are worth the air they breath are ther ones on scoots ship

Aaaawh no dead Rarity higly disapointed, woud have been a fitting way for the bitch to go

This story made my eye twitch and left and old taste in my stomach. But still creative.

I bet it’s cerberus who are attacking the chrystall empire... galaxy? :rainbowhuh: what ever :twilightblush:
nice story so far
loved the first one, made me replay all the Mass Effect games

“Of course, Soy-chet.”

I see what you did there :trollestia:

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