• Member Since 9th Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen Apr 4th, 2023

The7thElement


Some brony who wishes to tell a tale or two. Whether you like them or not.

T

The7thElement

Chapters (31)
Comments ( 78 )

I hate to break it to you, but on Fimfic, "human in Equestria" fics are a dime a dozen. Each one has exactly the same formula

1.Human (sometimes a Brony) is transported to Equestria,
2.Human easily makes friends with the Mane 6,
3.Human has some special ability/attribute that will become essential later in the story
4. Human falls in love with Twilight/Mane 6

I have no reason to believe that your fic will be any different.

6973624 I have no doubt that the formula is accurate, but then again, what types of fics involving humans in Equestria (ofc as the main character) would actually be interesting without:

1. Interactions with the Mane 6 (or BG ponies)
2. Actually being essential to the story (why then would the story even exist if the MC was useless garbage)
3. Romance with the mane 6 (this here is entirely based on preference, friendship or whatever is good enough)
4. Being transported to Equestria.

I'm pretty sure you'll be able to post fics which are good and obviously don't follow the formula, but still, take into account these things:

First of all, tbh, those stories with "that" kind of formula are extremely common because that's kind of what majority of the people want. There are people who want to see a human adjusting to a "new world" that is Equestria, some who want to see how humans and ponies interact, and definitely some who actually want to see intimacy between the two species. And they don't get tired of it (for reasons stated below).

The reason the formula (in my opinion) sounds extremely accurate because its generalizing a certain genre of human x pony. Its like saying MLP is all about having a problem and in the end finding a solution using friendship to it (which is very accurate for the show).

What actually differentiates "humans in Equestria" fics are the types of dramas and events that take place in the story itself. Sure you can argue that a minority of these types of fics actually stray from the usual genre (like ponies going to Earth, or humans becoming rulers in Equestria, etc.) but then again, two fics that follow the EXACT formula in you mentioned can actually be very different from one another.

Take Disney for example, Tangled and Frozen both follow more or less a very common plot of "girl meets boy then romance occurs" and so does most of the young adult fictions where "Boy and girl share adventure then kiss." But what makes people enjoy both of them altogether is the different ways that the experiences of the people are expressed.

Don't forget that the content can also differ greatly. or great writers, they could fabricate a whole out-of-this-world conflict like a great war between the demons and ponies and the human was stuck in-between. Some could simply create a trend of suicidal ponies and the lone human actually has to save the last remaining pony per say. Same formula, but completely different stories.

Moreover, I think being transported to Equestria is very essential if you even want to have a COMPLETE story with a good plot because I would actually question how they even got there in the first place, and then critics would throw bullets like "Hey your fic sucked cause you didnt answer many questions like : 'how in the world did your OC get into Equestria?'" If you want a human in Equestria, you can't just magically whoosh him in unless you're expecting a oneshot with a very vague past.

Sure, interaction with the mane six is extremely cliche. Even with background ponies they can become a very common trend. But a major reason for that i guess is so people can actually relate. This is a fan fic so abolishing interaction with any of the actual characters of the show and just keeping the setting as the only part that's "Fanfiction" kind of turns some people off.

I have alot of other things to say but I don't want you to think I'm bashing you. No I'm not, im just pointing out some things you could have probably missed because I've read humans in Equestria fics that have the overall same plot but at the same time felt so different.

Again, no bash.

I happen to like HIE stories.

This is a good start. Will be waiting for more updates.

I'm in the process of writing my own HIE fic myself and I could use all the help I can get. And I think I can pick up a few things from this.

6975411

I think you could pick up a few better tips from this story.

You see, the problem with Human/Brony in Equestria isn't just the whole "center of attention" thing. I'll grant that you have a point. Most folks read fanfiction because they want to read about the characters that they're fans of. Having a human enter Equestria and interact with the Mane Six certainly permits one to do that.

The issue is that it's a bit reaching for the low hanging fruit. I mean, where's the real story then? Stories are, by their very definition, driven by conflict. A piece about a human going to Equestria and meeting Twilight and her friends is little more than a tourist's scrapbook of the cool things you did on a vacation to your favorite show. Simultaneously, creating a threat that only the human can defeat detracts from having Twilight and company involved in the story at all. I mean, what's the point of meeting them if it was all up to the human in the end anyway? And considering that the villain in this story is a split-personality of the hero, it's not hard to guess that it will go that way.

I believe a Human in Equestria story can be done well, but it has to be more. More than just an excuse to write a story where you (or whatever human you're sending if it's not a self-insert) interacts with Twilight and her friends and there's some evil force that needs the human to save the day (even if you dodge the cliche of making him a lost Element of Harmony). You have to take the story and really do something different with it. Explore different sides to the main cast, or the background cast. Show parts of their life that aren't reflected in the show. Make it stand out somehow! This one has that potential...

I mean, Discord (unreformed Discord at that) is the one that brought our human character to Equestria. Here's a good question: Why should the Mane Six trust him? Yes, Fluttershy would be sweet and probably be reluctant to just blast him with harmony magic. But just because Fluttershy is kind doesn't mean the others all have to agree with the sentiment. Imagine if this story was about a human on the run. He has no clue about why Discord brought him here, but he knows that's marked him as a potential threat to Equestria. The Elements of Harmony are dangerous to him, even with Fluttershy's determination to see the best in everyone, and so he has to hide and try to find a way home while Twilight and crew are staying wary, waiting for him to show himself so they can stop him from doing (what they think) is Discord's dirty work.

I mean, you could still have interactions with all the main characters, only now it's from a majorly opposite viewpoint. It's great being friends with Twilight and company, but what's it like to be their enemy? Now that might be a story worth reading! This one... just doesn't do anything new.

6976914 Thanks for the input, It's actually funny because I agree with the points you just made. HIE fics tend to have a very common pattern. And don't mistake me, I'm not defending the fic right here. It's more like I'm defending HIE fics which follow the exact same pattern stated by Flint-Lock, but instead of feeling like a self-insert, it feels more of like a real adventure with different aspects of both the characters and the plot revealed.

Conflict of course is what makes a story, every decent writer knows that. Even the shortest stories contain some sort of conflict to drive change within a static environment. But another reason why I said what I said was because the way the conflict is presented and dealt with is what makes the story (in this case, an HIE) different from each other regardless of any generalizing formula given. What I tried to explain was that just because two or more stories (again, in this case HIE's) followed a really general formula, it didn't mean that they were exactly the same (again, I'm not defending this fic, even I myself feel this fic is lacking in some aspects).

And, I agree with you that most HIE fics tend to be written because of the want to be a part of Equestria, that much is obvious, and in writing those, people tend to skip the tedious part such as creating a legit background or even building up proper character.

Actually, what you mentioned was a part of the other things that I wanted to elaborate on. You probably felt like I was defending this fic— but I'm not. I just felt like it was wrong to generalize a whole bunch of HIE fics following the same pattern as bland or cliche.

You could always make one of the Mane 6 defect from the...well, 6 because of a human. You can introduce and merge cultures between the two worlds. Hell, you can even create some sort of new monster or whatnot. But my main point was, same chocolate, different flavor.

hell, I don't even know why I replied to your comment. I didn't really have any qualms with it— maybe I just wanted to clarify a few things.

This is a great story. Why so many dislikes?

6989258 Thanks for that Stealth, always great to hear people say that.

Damn.... I was expecting a threesome:raritywink: but great chapter overall.

Author's Note:

Dear wonderful readers before you read this fic I would like to ask you to leave some criticism for me in the comment section as I am new to this little craze, so if you could do that it would be very appreciated.:pinkiehappy:

Criticism? No, I'm gonna try and keep it closer to critique. That's more my style. Anyway, is this your first fic? I'm not gonna pull any punches with this, I read the first parts of the first chapter and immediately suspect that properly portraying Dissociative Identity Disorder might be a bit out of your league as a writer. Don't worry, I think it's out of most people's leagues, so don't feel bad about that. It's certainly out of mine.

Have you seen the writing-faq on this very site? If you haven't, I would warmly recommend that you look into it. It's a good read.

6997805 Sorry to disappoint but no threesome between Lyra, Bon Bon and Ryan, I forgot to say as he walked away from the house he heard Bon Bon say that. Sorry to disappoint.

6997979 Thanks for that tip Busstop. I'll be sure to remember that.

6999512 I know.. I was just teasing man. But seriously, great story :pinkiesmile:.

HiE fics can be done well but only if they contain enough unconventional elements to strongly differentiate it from other HiE fics that, truth be told, are rather cookie-cutter in their execution. Basically, think outside the box and incorporate the resulting ideas and you'll be more successful than the average HiE guy for sure.

7037986 Thanks for the advice metroid. Although I might be incorporating a few meta things here and there. But nevertheless thanks for the advice.

Awesome job man! Few errors aside, this is STILL an amazing story.

7078080 Thanks for the encouragement stealth. Believe me when I say it helps.:pinkiehappy:

i my name is Ryan I'm a human and as the title says this fic is about a human in Equestria, big surprise eh well anyway sit down grab some popcorn and enjoy my story.

Honestly I love human in Equestria stories but with a lazy ass description like that I have absolutely no reason to read this one, I know for a fact most of the dislikes are coming from people that are reading just the description and nothing more. If you are not willing to spend 5 seconds on the description then that dose not bode well for the rest of the story.
If you want anyone to actually take this seriously you will re write the description and make it so it actually describes what happens.

7081862 Thanks for the advice my friend. I'll be sure to change the description.

Another great chapter. I thought it was an April Fools joke. :pinkiesmile:

7086384 No it isn't sorry. But how would you have thought it as an April fools joke if I may ask? Also thanks for saying that mate.

7087153 Because I have read a lot of my favorite stories today with April Fools Jokes.:rainbowlaugh:

7087372 Well thanks for thinking of this story as one of your favourite stories. Also sorry for no April Fools chapters as I can't come up with any jokes to save my life.

Another great chapter. Everything was perfect. Your getting a lot better. :raritywink:

7097134 Thanks for that. Also I'm back so hopefully I'll have another chapter done before Sunday.

(Chuckling) Yes...... slowly building it up I see.:rainbowdetermined2:

I see what you did there:ajsmug:. Not messing with the time line of the show, because it will affect the balance. Nicely done. Have a stache :moustache:.

7132111 Thanks for the stache, I'll wear it proudly.:moustache:

But yeah I'm trying my best not to screw with the timeline, although I may or may not be screwing with the time line down the road.

I'm liking this story. Will keep reading to see how it goes. keep it up!

Poor Shining Armor. ........ Awesome chapter man:pinkiehappy:

7142923 Thanks for the likes Shadow. Also next chapter you will get more of an explanation as to why Shining is being put through training.


7132319 Thanks for the likes trenton, also hope you enjoy future updates.

I have to say, I am impressed. Slowly easing in... :ajsmug: Thanks again for adding me into your story.

7190454 Least I could do for the one who has given me quite a bit of support.

The way you described me in this story is genius. I might have to redesign my OC. :duck:

I am not kidding you, dude.

Link

Read this story and really, really think about what you're writing.

I'll admit I haven't read the whole story, but still...

7222058 Well my story may be similar to the story you linked me. I am not copying from that story. Yes a few things may be similar but I am not copying off of that story. If you think I am I'm sorry for that. I do recommend that you finish reading what I have written so far before you go making these connections without context.

Sincerely The7thElement

7222793

I don't think you're copying from the story, I'm trying to point out that you're hitting so many of the cliches that story makes fun of.

7223224 Well thank you for clarifying my good sir. Also I can't help it if I copy those cliches as almost every HIE is always filling out the cliches of the genre. Hope you like what I have done so far as well as what I will do in the future.

Sincerely The7thElement

7143210 his herd will be Trixie, Moonlight and..... who???? :rainbowhuh:

7228729 You'll have to wait and see my friend. No spoilers. Also you forgot to mention dear Luna.

7286282 Next chapter is coming out after the next chapter of Paladin Anon.

Sorry for the long wait but I've had writer's block concerning Another Human In Equestria. So I have been focusing on Paladin Anon to relive myself of this block. Thankfully that has worked and I have an idea for the next chapter.

*whispers* It may or may not involve the CMC

Awww, he has teh crush.

7416436 Sorry but I can't confirm nor deny that. You'll have to wait for the next chapter.

7416579 I didn't ask you to confirm or deny it, I just stated what I thought, though to be quite honest, it does seem that he has a crush on teh bug queen. Or maybe he was embarrassed about what Orion said. All I know is what I think.:pinkiesmile:

7417377 Well it's good to know that. Also Ryan's relationship with Chrysalis will be solidified in a few chapters time. As with my previous comment I forgot that the next chapter won't be involving the Queen that much so don't be expecting anything much about their relationship. Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting that.

Also he may have a crush on the Queen or he may be embarrassed over what Orion said all will be revealed in a couple of chapters.

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