• Member Since 28th Aug, 2015
  • offline last seen Dec 18th, 2017

Rough Hooves


An average joe who loves nothing more than to express himself through his writing

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Having been turned down by Twilight, Flash finds comfort in an unlikely source, Crystal Prep's resident rocker girl, Lemon Zest.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )

I approve of this ship. Let Lemontry begin!

I only like Flash when he's being shipped with other characters for fun! I ship him with Sonata Dusk, Lyra, Sour Sweet...and I guess now with Lemon Zest! This was nice!

I will always only support Flash being with Twilight, but I admit this was a good story and nice to see Flash in a positive light. So overall good job.

I approve of this ship as well. And thank you for not Flash bashing, poor guy has had enough.

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Girls like Twilight or Sunset usually prefer smart cookies like themselves for long term romantic relationships (aka guys who don't space out when they are been talked about advanced maths ).
It makes far more sense for Flash to end with a girl with similar interests like music.

I like this ship. It makes sense, given the tiniest bit of character we are able to see from them.

The worst part is that this one actually makes sense.

Oh no, do you realize what you just done!? *Sees a big pile coming.* YOU'VE JUST UNLEASHED A FRESH WAVE OF...*Gets swept up by the pile.* ... SLASH FICTION!!!!!!! (I have no idea what slash fiction is.)

I really like how well written this was. The way your diction just flows out so melodically is something that a lot of writers on this website can't do.

Now, that being said, I saw some things that made me like this story a little bit less. I hope you can take these suggestions to heart, because I feel by implementing them, you can become a better writer.

First of all, it felt too rushed, and unresolved for that matter. Lemon Sentry sounds like a decent ship, but I just didn't get that. They met, they talked, she gave him her number, story's over. It doesn't give you a lot of time to really get a strong bond between the characters. Throw in some flirtation in there. Add some zest to their conversation to where getting her number means she reeeeally likes him, rather than "yeah, we should hang out." Then, expound on it! Don't let the story end there! Go into their dating life and make us love their love. Make it so cute that we don't need to be in a relationship as long as they love each other.

Second, it got a liiiittle bit cringy in some parts. You don't need to take popular songs and make them horse-related (unless the mods ask you to make it "more mlp-related"). Also, Lemon Zest's speech seemed a little forced at times, like everything she said needed to sound like an 80's rock star. Let her voice seem more natural and fluid than forcing a personality on her.

And...

Flash felt his face go hot at her last statement for although he knew full well that she meant a guitar lick, it could still be taken out of context very easily.

This made me cringe. Taking innocent things out of context to make them sexual is what horny teenage boys and Seth McFarland do, not romantic writers.

Overall, I want you to know that things like this DO HAVE POTENTIAL, and if you implement these suggestions as tools to make yourself a better writer, I'll read every ship you do. I didn't spend my time writing this for my ego. I hope to see more. :twilightsmile:

That was really cute. I especially love her giving him her number. ^-^

Comment posted by Rough Hooves deleted Oct 14th, 2015

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Hey Princess Cadence,

Thank you so very much for your feedback. I will definitely take your opinions into consideration in my future works. I also have to agree with you on how some of the situations and parts of the story seemed forced, particularly Lemon's speech and the song names.

Thanks again for your feedback

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Thank you all so much for your comments. Hopefully the ship takes flight

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Thanks for the comments all. Yeah, poor Flash gets it rough sometimes though.

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Hey XtremBoo,

Thanks for commenting, will be sure to check your story out when I can.

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Same sex romantic ship fiction.

Very nice...:moustache:

6523122 It's fun to pronounce Lemontry like Lemon Tree.

6526846 youre right, that IS fun! Lemon Tree. Lemontry.
LemmmoonnTREEEEEEE!
…idk anymore:unsuresweetie:

Makes a lot of sense!
The Master of Saikyou-Ryuu approves!
static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/1427/1109163-dan.jpg

6527911 I wonder how, and I wonder why :raritywink:

6528043 Dan is streetest fighter. Sucks how he lost to Hercule...

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I see that you are a fellow fan of the Dan Hibiki podcast, the source in all things Dan Hibiki, with charismatic host Dan Hibiki.

6528250 please tell me you'll write about the date:applecry:

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Um...I think you replied to the wrong comment.

6531923 wha… what the heck? I didn't even… :facehoof:
I wasn't replying to anyone! Just… gah!:facehoof:
Facehoof for days!:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

Wow...im 100 % flashlight but Lemon x Flash seems so...Interesting and it could totally work out so....Now i ha a new ship

Love this!! So excited to see where this goes!!!!!

So Awesome!!!! Congratulations Flash Sentry, you have a date!!! And it's Lemon Zest!!! Awesome story creator!!! :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Excellent ship fic, my friend! Admittedly, I half-expected Flash to shred a riff from Stains of Time.

“I’m a girl who appreciates a hot lick.”

media1.giphy.com/media/7nlbYoryJoV6o/200.gif

And... I'm officially supporting this pairing. :twilightsmile:

Is there any chance of a sequel with these two?

Or maybe I should just write about them myself...

I now love Lemon Zest. :rainbowderp:
The fact that I actually understood what she was saying was satisfying.
Great characterisation!

That goes for Flash too; really hope we get a bit more development for him in future.

Overall: an awesome fic. :twilightsmile:
That's an up-vote and a favourite.

Need to see one or two more stories of this ship, but I am intrigued.

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