"Dohff you wff ny pffa?"
Twilight Sparkle giggled at the sight of Pinkie Pie with a slice of pizza hanging out of her mouth by the crust, then tossed the journal full of scribbles and failed attempts at writing a musical counterspell into a drawer of the bedside table and followed Pinkie Pie to the kitchen, where her friends were all gathered around three large, flat cardboard boxes spread out on the old, nicked kitchen table. Most of the girls were holding paper plates, on which Rarity was slowly placing hot, gooey wedges of pizza with a spatula. Rainbow Dash already had a half-eaten slice of pizza in one hand and was chewing enthusiastically. Fluttershy was gingerly picking jalapeƱos off a slice on her plate with a slight frown.
"Twilight! Grab a plate, I'll serve you just as soon as I'm done with Sunset's portion," Rarity said.
"Thanks," Twilight said, taking a paper plate off a stack on the counter. She eyed the pizzas in the box. One of them was loaded with mouthwatering vegetables: mushrooms, red onions, green and red bell peppers, black olives, and jalapeƱos. Another had nothing but pepperoni and bacon on one half, and sausage, onions, and mushrooms on the other. Still another had ham, onions, and pineapple on one half, with pepperoni, sausage, ham, bacon, and chicken on the other.
"Ah think yer gonna like this, Twilight," Applejack said with a grin as she grabbed a soda from the fridge. "Bet y'all ain't got nothin' like pizza back in magical pony world."
Sunset raised an eyebrow. "We do have pizza in Equestria, AJ," she said.
"Well, yes," Twilight said, "but I've never actually had it myself. It's really more of a Manehattan thing, and I've only been there once." She shrugged. "None of the restaurants in Ponyville make it, and Canterlot sort of..." She trailed off, glancing at Sunset.
Sunset rolled her eyes. "The snobs in Canterlot actively discourage 'pedestrian food' except for donuts and coffee," she finished.
"Oh," Applejack said, deflating a bit. "Well...you're still gonna like it." She took a bite of her own pizza and moaned in delight.
"It does look and smell pretty good," Twilight said.
"Umm...just be careful, some of these have meat," Fluttershy said quietly. "Most of them actually..."
"I can see that," Twilight said. "Ham, bacon, and I'm guessing anything I don't actually recognize is probably meat." She shrugged. "The ham and pineapple one looks pretty good, I think I'll try some of that."
"Oh, you'll love it," Sunset said.
Fluttershy blinked. "Wait. You're...you're going to eat meat?" She withdrew a step. "But...but you're aā"
"Pony? Yeah, but I'm not when I'm here, right? When in Roam!"
"That's the spirit!" Rainbow crowed, finishing off her first slice of the really meaty pizza.
"But it's just that, well..." Fluttershy glanced at Sunset.
Sunset grimaced. "I, umm...may have mentioned that cows talk where we come from."
"Oh," Twilight said. She shook her head. "Well, yeah, but ham comes from pigs, so it's okay."
This drew a shocked gasp from Fluttershy. "Y-you eat...y-you eat p-pigs? When they canā"
Twilight raised a hand and smiled gamely. "Nonono! Pigs don't talk back home," she said. "And, well..." She scratched the back of her left leg with the toe of her right slipper. "We...kinda...do eat ham and bacon and stuff in Equestria."
"But...y'all are horses," Applejack said slowly, pausing in her own enjoyment of her pizza. "An' horses can't..."
"It's not really good for us," Sunset said. "Kinda like how deep fried carnival foods aren't really good for humans, but every time I go to the county fair, I see dozens of people scarfing that crud down."
"Because it tastes so good oooooooh," Rainbow said slowly. "Yeah, I can see your point."
Rarity placed a slice of the ham and pineapple pizza on Twilight's plate, then a slice of the vegetable pizza. After she served herself and grabbed two napkins and a plastic fork, the girls all sat down in the living room. Twilight studied the pizza for a long moment, watching how the other girls ate it, then gingerly picked it up, adjusting her grip when the narrow end of the slice started to sag. She took a tentative bite. Her eyes widened.
"Oh wow," Twilight said after she swallowed. "This is good!"
The other girls watched with amusement as Twilight quickly scarfed down the rest of the slice, then licked her fingers clean, wiping sauce from her lips with her thumb and licking it off. Sunset snickered and passed her a napkin.
"Ah do believe th' princess here likes pizza," Applejack said with a grin.
Rarity delicately cut a bite of pizza with her fork, eyeing Twilight with a furrowed brow. "Twilight...darling..." She clicked her tongue disapprovingly. "Your table manners, really..."
"Oh, lay off, Rarity!" Rainbow said as she picked up some greasy meaty toppings that had fallen off her pizza with her fingers and popped them in her mouth.
"Rarity," Sunset said in a chiding tone, "Twilight still isn't really used to having hands, and unicorns usually use their magic instead of their hooves when they eat anyway. Cut her some slack, she can't help making a mess."
Twilight laughed sheepishly. "Eheh...riiiight...it's the whole hands and no magic thing, that's why I'm making a mess..." She carefully picked up the other slice of pizza and took a bite. "Oh. Oh, this is so..." She closed her eyes. "It's amazing. I've had every vegetable on this pizza before, a lot of them together even, but having them together like this, with the cheese and the sauce and the crust, it's so..."
Sunset laughed. "I know what you mean," she said. "It's just too bad we couldn't get the stuffed crust in extra large."
"Stuffed crust?" Twilight asked.
"They put melted cheese in the edge," Rainbow said. "It's awesome."
"Yeah, it's awesome until it cools off," Applejack added. "Then th' cheese gets all rubbery an' don't taste near as good."
Twilight shuddered. "I don't think I'd like that," she said. She looked down at her pizza. "I mean, this is almost more cheese than I can handle." She made a strange face. "I mean, it's okay with all the sauce and all the toppings, but if it was just cheese? Brrr."
Sunset raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with cheese?"
"N-nothing!" Twilight said hastily. "It's just...just..." She trailed off, picking a jalapeƱo off her pizza and chewing on it.
"It's just what?" Pinkie asked.
Twilight turned red. "Well...one time, I ate a quesadilla for lunch. Then that afternoon, I..."
"Yes?" the girls all asked, leaning in.
"I..."
"Yes?" the girls leaned in even closer.
Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and trembled. "I passed gas in Princess Celestia's face and it was terrible!"
The girls all blinked.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said softly.
Rainbow started laughing. Pinkie giggled. Applejack snickered.
Sunset let out one loud, short laugh. "You...you farted in Princess Celestia's face?" she cackled. "Oh my gosh!"
"I KNOW!" Twilight howled, throwing up her hands. "I was so embarrassed! I ran as fast as my hooves could carry me and wouldn't come out of my room for two days!" She shook her head. "Ever since then, I've been really careful about how much cheese I eat."
"Well, we don't care if you fart up the whole house, so go nuts!" Rainbow said, recovering from her laughing fit.
Sunset chuckled, then took a bite of her own pizza. "You know though," she said thoughtfully, "we really should've gone with the other place. I mean, this is good and all, but the other place's crust and sauce are so much better."
"Yeah, I know, but I had coupons for this place," Pinkie said. "I mean, even splitting the bill with you and Rarity, you know?"
"Yeah."
Twilight paused in mid-bite. "Wait. Is this...is this really expensive?"
Rainbow shrugged and made a 'so-so' motion with her hand. "Sometimes," she said.
"We ordered two half-'n'-halfs," Applejack said. "Kinda jacks up th' price cuz it's more toppins."
"So they charge by the topping?" Twilight asked.
"Well, you can order pre-selected combinations of toppings that have a flat price," Sunset explained. "But everybody likes their pizza different from everybody else. The whole point of ordering pizza from a pizza place is to get all the toppings you want and exactly what you want and none of what you don't want."
"And when you're splitting it up with several people, you end up ordering half-and-half pizzas," Rarity continued. "That way one half has the toppings some of your group agree on, the other half has the toppings others in your group agree on, and you can do one that everyone more or less agrees on."
"Wow," Twilight said. "That's...really complicated. I never imagined something as simple as ordering food could be so..." She shrugged and made a vague gesture with her hand. "So full of variables."
"Silly! Pizza isn't full of variables! It's full of vegetables!" Pinkie fell over laughing at her own joke.
"But seriously," Twilight continued, her own pizza forgotten as she warmed to the subject. "When I go out to eat, the menu is always fairly simple. There's several dishes, variations on the same dishāeven at Hayburger, there's only like, six different burgers they offer. I mean, you can ask them to hold the pickles or put ketchup but not mustard or whatever, but half the time they get it wrong, and..." She paused for a breath and a sip of her drink. "Just how complicated is this whole pizza thing?"
The Rainbooms looked at each other. Rainbow scratched her head. Applejack shrugged. Fluttershy made a little "dunno" noise. Rarity pursed her lips.
"It's just pizza, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said. "You just get what you're in the mood for."
Sunset wiped her mouth and her fingertips, then cleared her throat. "Girls, you've been eating pizza since you were little kids. You're used to it. Believe it or not, I totally get where Twilight's coming from here. Imagine if you'd never seen a pizza menu before." She looked at Pinkie. "You handled the orders, remember?"
"Yeah," Pinkie agreed. She frowned thoughtfully. "Now that you mention it, it did take five minutes just to do the whole menu thing and ooooooooh. Yeah, I get it now."
"Exactly. Think about how confusing the ordering menu for your typical pizza place would be to somebody who's never seen it before." Sunset smiled reassuringly at Twilight.
Rarity frowned. "Well when you put it that way..."
Twilight, for her part, wasn't reassured. In fact, she looked even more perplexed. "So, uhh...how complicated is it again?"
Sunset pursed her lips and thought for a minute. "Well, putting aside the whole issue of where you're ordering from and how many people you're feeding and whether you're ordering off the special deals or coupon menu..." At Twilight's lost look, she shook her head. "Okay, basically it's like this. First you pick a size, which will be medium, large, or extra large."
Twilight frowned. "What about small?"
"They don't make small," Applejack said.
Twilight tilted her head. "So doesn't that mean medium is small?"
"No, medium is medium," Sunset said.
"I'm confused."
"So am I," Fluttershy put in.
"If there's no small, how can there be a medium? Or a large? It doesn't make sense!"
"Actually, there is a small," Rarity said. "They just don't call it small. They call it a personal pizza."
"Oh yeah, those little square things in the five dollar box!" Rainbow said. "I forgot about those. Does anybody even order those?"
"Ah don't think Ah've ever ordered one," Applejack said.
"Me neither," Fluttershy agreed. "I mean, I'm not a big eater, and even I can finish off a medium by myself in one sitting. Umm...but then my tummy hurts and I regret it all night."
Sunset coughed. "ANYWAY," she said, "so you've got your basic sizes of medium, large, and extra large. After that, you have to pick a crust. Most places have thick crust or thin crust. Some places have what they call a 'pan' crust, which is really thick and really chewy and has a crispy edge. Then there's the ones that have the stuffed crust, like we were talking about earlier. There's other types of crust that are specialties of different places, but usually you're dealing with thin, thick, pan, or stuffed."
"Or deep dish," Rainbow said. "Man, deep dish is awesome."
"Then you've got sauces," Sunset continued. "You've got your basic pizza sauce, which is what we've got here, then you've got barbecue sauce or alfredo sauce. After that there's the cheese. You can get regular cheese, extra cheese, or no cheese. Then you get to the toppings, and that's where things get really complex."
"It wasn't already?" Twilight asked. She'd found a notepad somewhere and was furiously taking notes.
Sunset laughed. "Okay, first the meats. Different places have different meats, some places have meats others don't, but for the most part your basic meat selection is pepperoni, ham, bacon, sausage, spicy salami, ground beef, grilled chicken, and anchovies." She wrinkled her nose. "I wonder if anybody even eats those."
"Uck. Heck no," Rainbow said.
"Ah don't think people ever ate 'em," Applejack said with a grimace.
"What's an anchovy?" Twilight asked.
"A slimy, salty, stinky fish," Pinkie said. "Just looking at one makes me sick."
"Well, there must be someone eating them, or else they wouldn't still offer them as a selection," Rarity said.
"Good point," Rainbow admitted. "Still, gross."
Twilight's pencil scratched furiously. "Okay, and?"
Sunset tapped her plate idly with her finger. "Then you've got veggies," she said. "Onions, mushrooms, red bell peppers, green bell peppers, banana peppers, sun-ripened tomatoes, jalapeƱos, black olives, pineappleā"
"That's a fruit," Twilight pointed out.
"Well, yes, but it's on the veggie menu because it's not meat." Sunset stuck her tongue out at Twilight.
"Okay, this is makin' me hungry again," Applejack said, standing up. "Anybody else want another slice?" Most of the girls joined her in traipsing back to the kitchen.
"Anyway, that's the basics," Sunset said. "Again, different places offer more choices or fewer choices, there are some things only one place has...oh! That reminds me. There's one place where you can pick an extra sauce that they drizzle over the pizza and a seasoning they put on the edge of the crust. There's like, seven or eight different types of each of those you can choose."
Twilight's eyes were so wide they were nearly popping out of her head. "Oh my gosh," she said, her pencil scratching furiously. "And...and how many toppings can you have at a time?"
Sunset shrugged. "As many as you want, I guess. I think they usually try to limit you to six toppings per pizza, though."
"Yeah, piling too much stuff on the pizza makes it harder to bake evenly and makes the crust all limp," Pinkie said as she returned with more pizza. "Me and my sisters found that out the hard way when we tried to get a six-meat, six-veggies, extra-cheese one time. They told us that was a bad idea, we didn't listen, they caved in and took the order..." She shuddered. "It was a real mess."
Twilight pursed her lips. "Okay, so...between one and six toppings, and you can get pizzas that are half one thing and half another..."
As the other Rainbooms returned, they watched as Twilight began making furious strings of calculations, her pizza and soda long forgotten. Her brow furrowed, her lips twitched, her eyes rapidly scanned back and forth, and her pencil blurred on the page. After almost ten minutes of this, Twilight let out a squealing gasp and threw the notepad and pencil to the floor. "It's...it's too much!" she cried. "The combinations, the variables, the vegetables!" She threw her head back and screamed.
"PIZZA BROKE MATH!"
Rainbow Dash shoved a slice of pepperoni and bacon pizza in Twilight's open mouth. Twilight's eyes bugged out. She chewed comically on the pizza for a minute.
"Thff iff gbbd," she mumbled around the pizza.
I now have a greater love for pizza.
Feelings towards math are the same
Maybe they can talk about their pets.
Pie Five is like Subway, but pizza instead of sandwiches. They have a pulled pork pizza. Mmm...
Another consideration for Twilight is oven-cooked vs. wood-fired. Wood-fired is better, IMO (and it's a lot faster to cook), but it doesn't work as well with a bunch of toppings.
There's also dessert pizzas to think about.
Then you can get the off-the-wall specialty pizzas, often common in another country and almost unheard of in your own. Like a banana curry pizza.
Makes sense, why else would they raise non-sapient pigs.
So many pizza choices, so little time...
And money.
4 sizes
4 types of crust
3 types of sauce
3 levels of cheese
8 types of meat
9 types of veggies
(17 total toppings)
6 toppings max
4 times 4 times 3 times 3 times (17!/11!), times however many people you're ordering for. That doesn't break math.
Overall funny chapter. I just disagree with Twilight's conclusion.
And unlike in Equestria, the animals here are not sentient, no guilt.
Ah, so in small quantities it won't kill you, but don't make a diet out of it.
Oh my.
This is absolutely hysterical.
HEY! Anchovies are perfectly fine with Pizza...
"Even though ponies do not eat meat, Lauren Faust explains the reason why pigs are raised is because the pigs "needed a place to stay" and might be used for finding truffles." that sound pretty sapient to me...
Another great chapter here.
(This is about Sunset in general, more than only this quote)
Since you said this chapter is set during Rainbow Rocks I think you're writing Sunset too assertive here. Unti the movie climax she's much more defensive. If this was a sleepover after Friendship Games it'd be ok.
6909012
We use pigs to find truffles, doesn't make them sentient though, and if they are humans just don't care.
I can't help but marvel at the difference half a country makes when it comes to pizza. The very idea of alfredo sauce on a pizza is honestly kind of nauseating, and I personally enjoy a few anchovies on a slice. Also, Hawaiian pizza is an abomination second only to the stuff that comes out of Japanese vending machines.
Mind you, this is coming from someone in central New Jersey. I live in a pizza paradise. There are two Italian-owned and -operated pizzerias within fifteen minutes of my house. I suppose I can theoretically see the appeal of experimentation, but some of these ideas... Ugh.
On a less snobbish note, I'm going to have to echo 6908997 (though their combination calculations need to take into account half-and-half pizzas.) Pizza didn't break math, it just broke Twilight. And given how much stress she was putting on herself at the time, it wasn't exactly hard. Poor girl.
Also, pork does make sense as an unhealthy luxury in Equestria.
Welp. im going to pizza hut.
PIZZA BROKE MATH!!
Good thing we're planning Italian tonight, because now I have a hankering for something cheesy.
6909100 I think I ate spinach alfredo pizza once. It wasn't bad, but I prefer regular marinara sauce any day of the week. BBQ sauce when I'm feeling peckish. As to Hawaiian style: I like it once in a while, but while I like the combination of ham and pineapple, I disagree with calling that specific combination "Hawaiian style" (which is what ALL the pizza places call it) just because it has pineapple. To be a true "Hawaiian style" pizza, it has to have seasoned grilled pork (Pizza Hut has it, don't think PJ/Dominos do), pineapple, and BBQ sauce.
I just wish the big chains would offer Chicago style deep dish.
6909173 He's a troll. Just ignore him. He's one of those people too sad and lonely to try having a life. (That "nobody likes fanfiction" guy, I mean.)
Thank you for the math problem I'll be going over in my head whilst at work.
Specifically, the 'No more than 6 toppings' bit.
See, normally, it'd just be 2^(Toppings), but that could still result in a pizza with all the toppings...
A real slice of life chapter, this one.
Honestly, I wasn't lost as fast as Twilight, and I know how many possible pizza combinations there are: Infinity. There can always be more over-the top additions for pizza like Caesar Salad and blue cheese.
So the one thing Math can't solve... is pizza.
Huh, who would have thought? *slowly picks up a slice of pizza and eats it*
edit: Also, very interesting explanation for her fear of Quesadillas. I'd be mortified too.
Ha!
Yeah getting Pizza has never been an issue for me. I always either go Cheese, Extra Cheese or Pepperoni. Of course Twilight also didn't take into consideration the different places to choose from, that's the big one.
Sometimes it's debating between places like Little Caesar's, Domino's, Papa Johns, Pizza Hut or going to one of the small chains that you have nearby your house. Typically the smaller ones have the better tasting pizza but again that still depends on what you want and preference. Really is too many options to calculate.
The first time I ordered pizza in a nutshell.
That'll do it.
well I was actually considering ordering pizza tonight and this basically convinces now I just need to figure out the toppings. So many choices, and such riches aplenty
Twilight, you're losing it. That or earth's mathematicians have figured out more of the rules of statistics than Equestria's.
Crap! Now I want to order pizza, but the local Papa Johns doesn't open until 10:00!
Poor Twilight's going to barf once she realizes that pepperoni has beef in it.
What? It does!
6909394 I doubt anybody's going to tell her. Especially since most people don't even think about what's actually in pepperoni.
For good reason.
Ah, Pizza. Personally, the only thing I've ever put on it is pepperoni, but I know some people like all kinds of different things on them.
6909336 There's even a few chains that bake the pizzas in a brick oven. They seem to be quite rare in my state, but don't quote me on that.
6909404 considering nobody want to know how sausage is made / made of I don't blame anyone.
The was bucking great! Good chapter...
This made me crack up.
...
Now I want pizza but I don't have time before work to get anything good... Or money for that matter.
Maybe it's because I'm European, but I don't get it. I will order the pizza that best suits my taste out of the offered options, no way am I gonna pay extra for this or that topping. Or even worse tell them to not add a certain topping, because I'll be getting my money's worth, dammit! And half and half? Who does that? Just order one pizza per person, sheesh.
6909233 There's a place here where I live called Goodfellas, which does Chicago-style pizza. The slices are huge, and I believe you can request deep-dish.
Your Twilight is malfunctioning. Please reboot with pizza.
Awesome chapter! That line by itself was worth an extra thumbs-up!
6909528 I think it's more "Pizza Broke Twilight's Indecision Factor And She Blamed It On Math", myself.
6908997 So that would be 1,283,143,680 different combinations. And that's just regular pizza!
6908997
Though 17 choose 6 is a pretty big number.
And that's before the rest of the variables.
6909493 Ordering off the menu is fine if you don't really know what you want or aren't particular so long as it's "close enough" or if you just want to try a specialty pizza (which every pizza restaurant has and rotates regularly, and there's always something new-ish on the menu you want to try), but really, the best way to make sure you get what you want exactly and don't pay out the nose for it is to check the "Deals" or "Online Coupons" for the place you're ordering from. There's usually a flat-price "any toppings" or "three toppings" or "five toppings" or whatever offer, which is the best way to get an as-you-like-it pizza.
As to the "order one pizza for everybody", that isn't always practical. The reality is that the minimum you're going to pay per pizza, even with a $5.99 carryout special, is $7.50, and a medium feeds 2-3 people (or so they claim). If you're feeding a large group, that adds up quickly and leads to lots of leftover pizza that clogs up the fridge. The best way to handle feeding a crowd without too many leftovers and without emptying your wallet is to go with half-and-half pizzas and use coupons/online deals to cut the cost.
Just as an example: my "perfect" pizza is $13 with Pizza Hut's $11 Any online deal (they charge extra for stuffed crust). If I ordered the same pizza at menu price, it's around $19.50. If I dropped the stuffed crust and got a medium instead of a large (you can't get medium stuffed crust), it'd still be $12 or $13 off the menu. And that's not including tax, tips, delivery fees. Good pizza isn't cheap unless it's good frozen pizza (which DOES exist.)
6909493 I'm American...and I agree with this...
I can see that happening
ChillOut
6909493 half and half is cheaper if you're working with a budget and have to cover a bunch of people's likes and dislikes.
As for ordering their pre selected pizzas. My favorite toppings (mushroom bacon ham) are not one of them so I have to order a three topping pizza.
some places work with you though Little Caesar's meat lovers deal is actually just a large three topping deal. So that means it's about $11 for a medium 3 topping pizza for me but like $10 for a large three topping.
Huh, the pizza place I usually order from has sizes ranging from small to extra-large.
And that bit about anchovies kinda seemed weird. Plenty of people do like anchovies, I've never tried it because I don't like to eat fish, but they don't like any foods most people don't like? Really? Not one kind? They only eat what others tell them is good?
6908989 Waste-disposal, some kind of labor, maybe pigs can't survive in the wild and farms are paid to keep pigs healthy?
6851605 I suppose that explains the plot hole.
Bacon is a universal balm.
6909900
This chapter could have been a short story all by itself.
Because it's about pizza. And pizza's that good.
(Dammit, now I want a bacon cheesburger thin crust.)
6909635 Menu Paralysis is a real thing.
Oh yeah, the elephant in the room. That the show seems to have a strange fixation on being vegan friendly, and tip toes around the fact that in the human world, meat eating is not only normal, but encouraged. (Not to mention griffins are carnivores.)
6910030
Yeah you know with all the eggs and milk and cheese and stuff. Yeah.
I can't decide if this chapter is cute or funny.