"Hey fave sis!" Zephyr Breeze said, flashing his most winning grin as he stood in the open door of Fluttershy's bedroom. The door had been closed a moment earlier, as Fluttershy was doing her homework, listening to music, playing with her animals, watching cat videos, and texting with her friends—all of which required a degree of privacy—but Zephyr rarely paid attention to anyone's personal space or boundaries.
Fluttershy took a deep, bracing breath, turned, and tried to smile. "Yes?" she asked a bit tightly.
Zephyr sauntered in; Fluttershy noticed he'd abandoned his shimmery silk scarf and fedora, although he still cultivated what little stubble growth he could manage at the tender age of fifteen. He pushed Fluttershy's Angora cat, Fuzzle Wuzzles, off the bed and flopped down in a gross, spread-eagled relaxed pose. "So the chicks ain't goin' for the hipster thang," he said. "I'm lookin' for the next angle, thought I'd ask my wonderful big sis who is a totally hot chick what other hot chicks go for."
Fluttershy's lips thinned disapprovingly. "Uh-huh," she said.
"Yeah, I'm thinkin' of goin' vegan," Zephyr said airily. "Whaddya think? Think the whole vegan thing'll get me some pussy?"
Fluttershy's thin-lipped stare turned into a frown of disgust. "Get out of my room," she said.
"Aww, c'mon, sis!" Zephyr said, raising his hands placatingly. "I'm just tryin' to get laid here!" he whined. "There's so many hot chicks at school, there's gotta be at least what, a dozen who need a little Breeze between the knees?"
A red haze filled Fluttershy's vision. Her animals, sensing her mood, began glaring and hissing at Zephyr. She stood, clenching and flexing her hands into claws. "Get out!" she snapped.
Zephyr shot to his feet. "Okay, okay!" he said. "Damn, Sis! Can't your favorite little brother ask his favorite big sis for a little advice?" He picked up Fuzzle Wuzzles and gave her a light little toss across the room; Fluttershy deftly caught the startled, unhappy little cat, whose claws came out and dug into her arms.
*Oh no he didn't!*
As Zephyr turned to leave, a nasty thought entered Fluttershy's head, and a cold sneer graced her lovely face. "Zephyr Breeze? You're right. I should help you."
Zephyr turned around, smiling and rocking on his heels. "Knew you'd see it my way, sis!"
Fluttershy smiled placidly. "If you'll go wait in your room, I promise in just a few minutes, I'll make sure you get all the pussy you can handle."
Zephyr blinked. "Well alright!" he said. "That's what I'm talkin' about." With a jaunty wave, he headed to his room; she heard his door open, heard him jump onto his bed, heard the springs squeak.
She looked down at Fuzzle Wuzzles. "I need a huge favor," she said softly, scatching the cat behind one ear.
"Myaa?" Fuzzle Wuzzles mewed inquisitively.
"A whole can of salmon. Promise." Fluttershy headed to the bathroom, the cat in her arms relaxing and purring...
Three minutes later, Zephyr Breeze was screaming his head off as a hissing, spitting, soaking wet Angora cat was clawing his everything. Fluttershy didn't linger, choosing to leave her door open just enough so she could listen to the carnage.
* * * * *
Six girls stared, slack-jawed, at Fluttershy. "Shut up," Sunset Shimmer said in wonder.
Fluttershy favored her with a smug smile over the top of her bottle of milk tea.
"Well," Rarity said, coughing daintily, "I...I suppose he got what he deserved, after asking you such a horribly uncouth thing."
"I don't think I've ever wanted to pound that creep more in my life," Rainbow growled, punching a fist into an open palm.
Applejack scratched her head. "Shy? Your brother's an asshole," she said.
"He really is," Fluttershy said with a sigh. "And since Mom and Dad don't seem to know how to do any real parenting, I don't think he'll ever really change."
"You seem to have turned out alright," Twilight observed. "Well, apart from throwing a soaking wet cat at your brother. He could've lost an eye, you know!"
They all looked across the cafeteria. Zephyr Breeze was regaling the unamused-looking Crusaders with some fabricated tale of derring-do; much of his visible skin was covered in gauze and bandages.
"If he did he'd just try to pick up girls with the pirate look," Fluttershy said sourly.
"What even made him think it was okay to ask you something like that?" Sunset wondered.
"He doesn't think," Fluttershy said, blowing on her bangs in frustration. "He just says whatever he wants and does whatever he wants."
"Ugh," Rainbow muttered.
"Still, it could be worse," Sunset said. "Snips and Snails used to literally drool at my boobs."
"It took forever for those panty shots of me from the Friendship Games to go away," Twilight said softly, playing with her napkin.
"What IS it with boys?" Pinkie complained, throwing her hands up in the air. "I mean, is that really all they ever think about?"
Rarity gave her a flat stare. "We are talking about boys," she pointed out.
"Ah found one'a them Ogres an' Oubliettes books in mah brother's room th' other day," Applejack said. "Right on th' front there was this chick in a metal bikini an' her tits were bigger'n watermelons."
"Gah," Twilight said, pulling a face. "That sounds like those comic books my brother has boxes of in the attic."
"You know, I don't get why guys want girls whose boobs are bigger than their heads," Pinkie said. "I mean, that's just..." She gestured wildly. "Ridiculous!"
"Insulting," Rarity added. "It insinuates a girl's entire worth is in her chest."
"It shows how ignorant boys really are about girls," Fluttershy added with a mild frown.
"No kiddin'," Rainbow said, waving a hand at Sunset. "That right there's about as big as they ever need to be!"
Sunset's cheeks flushed slightly. "Hey!"
"Oh, come on, you're pretty much the queen of tits here," Rainbow said dismissively.
"Really though," Twilight said, "if these boys even found a girl whose breasts were that big, and, you know..." Her cheeks turned red. "Got to do things like that..."
Applejack snorted. "They'd probably hafta pay for it," she said, crossing her arms.
"...Well, yes, but that aside," Twilight said, "what then? I mean, you look at those grotesquely huge, fake-looking breasts, and it's like, what do you even do with that? Use both hands just on one?"
The other girls stared at her. Eyebrows went up. "You seem to have put a lot of thought into this, darling," Rarity commented with a small smile.
Twilight's cheeks flushed even more. "I...! It's just, I see things like that and I can't help but overthink it! Like the logistics, and the...well...back pain!"
Every girl at the table grimaced.
"Yeah," Pinkie said. "I don't get why women even want big titties like that. I mean, the ones who actually go out and get those things. Don't they know what they're getting themselves into?"
"That's pretty much one of the two things I hate most about this body," Sunset groused. "I can see wanting smaller boobs, but bigger ones?"
"Oh! You know what else bothers me?" Pinkie said suddenly. "That guys either want a girl to be bald down there or have a crotch 'fro!"
Rainbow frowned. "Uhh, Pinkie? You wax."
Pinkie rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, for me, not because it's what some boy wants."
Rarity grimaced. "Are we seriously talking about that now?"
"Ah agree," Applejack said. "This whole thing's gettin' way off track."
"Really? Because I'm pretty sure this whole thing started with pussy," Pinkie said.
"Then let's end it with pussy," Sunset said, pulling out her phone. Five seconds later, every phone at the table beeped.
"Is that...a cat...in a banana?" Rainbow asked, staring.
Seconds ticked by.
"This is ridiculously cute," Twilight said.
"Yes. Yes it is," Fluttershy agreed dreamily.
Zephyr's like a more annoying version of Johnny Bravo.
Okay, now we know how scary the human version of Fluttershy can be.
I am glad that I do not know anyone like that.
And besides, Applejack, the males on the cover of O&O were likely topless, all muscle and ruggishly handsome. A tad hypocritical?
Well played, Flutters. It's the quiet ones you have to keep one eye on . This coming from an introverted Scorpio, meaning I'm pure evil when pissed off.
If he's hanging with the crusaders he then he's a fair bit younger then his canon self, but still with the weird age stuff in Equestria Girls it can't really be helped.
Still, he's even less mature then in canon and that's saying something. At least here he was trying something, even if it was wildly inappropriate
I thought so wrong, I really did. Now excuse me while I go and stare at a wall and think about how screwed up my mind is.
I'm a highschooler who is appalled at the concept of people flaunting sexual achievements.
This version of him is most definitely worse than his equestrian counterpart. I mean, I'm sure part of it is that he is still a teen, but still, at least the pony version stayed loyal to Dash (even if she didn't want him to).
Flash awaits the day that Zephyr can appear in the movies and become the new target of hatred.
So first of all, I see you saw Legend of Everfree.
Second of all, I love how you always interpret Fluttershy as a bit of a bitch, but still somehow herself. (Now I'm sad that Persona EG isn't out yet.)
Third of all, Zephyr Breeze is SUCH an ass. He got what he deserved.
I laughed far too hard at that scene with Fluttershy's wet pussy.
7598069 No, I haven't. As I stated in a blog post yesterday, I'm waiting until Saturday. And yes, bitch!Shy is best!Shy.
Zephyr might have been annoying in the show, but he's worse here. He's a pervert! Love how the snark pony Fluttershy has translates over to bitchy in your version of human Fluttershy, it makes her more interesting, but at the same time still kind.
I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.
Besides being younger and more hormonal, this version probably has gotten some Douchebag Reinforcement from the internet: "pickup artist" websites anyone?
I have so much to say and yet I don't know where to begin.....
I both love and fear your version of Fluttershy. Everything else I don't know how to properly state without sounding weird or questionable.
He is awful! Goog for Fluttershy!
I saw a picture of a mouse sleeping in a flower the other day. It was probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. (Not that this is really relevant to the point of the chapter or anything.)
I think the part I hate most about this Zephyr Breeze is that there are actually guys who act like this.
7598052 Eh, no, not really. There's a difference. Comic books and the like have an issue with objectifying women, but the men portrayed are a power fantasy. This comic explains what I'm talking about and is where I got this from.
Though I'm with you in being thankful that I don't know any people like that.
7598343 Literally one of my experiences during my junior year in high school was a freshman asking me to give them a blowjob. I was just heading to class
7598056 Blame the expectations society put in place
7598373
You've never looked at the cover of a romance novel, have you? Or looked at the actors, athletes and models who end up on "sexiest men" lists. They tend to have the same sort of tall, broad shouldered and muscular build that comic book heroes also tend towards. The comic book ones just have cartoonishly exaggerated proportions, just as much as the women do. That's because, being attractive to the opposite sex (or, for some, the same sex) is a power fantasy for both men AND women.
7598396
Yeesh...even putting past how disgusting such an action is, I'm even more baffled by the logic in play. Did...did he actually think that would work? I just...people confuse me.
What an idiot! Serves him right! I'm surprised that idiot never asked about Sunset Shimmer's cup size!
7598097 This makes perfect sense.
Shy's a really nice person; you have to put *effort* into pissing her off. If you manage it, you WILL know.
7598476 He was with a group a guys. Probably trying to show off or something A few weeks later he called me sexy as I was walking by. Flipped the bird at him and he straight up was confused, just said "You're pretty?" in an unsure matter. Don't know what he was playing at, but I wasn't gonna put up with it Thankfully, that was the last time he made those comments to me. It's been 5 years but I always just sigh in annoyance whenever I remember that guy
I doubt it. For one, you could shave. That may help.
Uh oh. You probably should not have said that.
Meep.
Exact Words are a bitch.
I forgot how delightful seeing Fluttershy's smug face is.
Agreed. He was funny a few times, but he needs a lot of attitude adjustment.
Not all of us.
That can't be fun.
That I don't get.
Agreed.
... You know, this leaves me with a dilemma, I have two youtube clips that are just PERFECT for this, and I'm not sure which one to use. Eh screw it, both. Luna?
Thank you. Scar?
Huh... guess I was raised right... or it might've been all the bullying I went through that kept my mind on something else back then...*shrugs*
I hope to see lots more Zephyr Bro!
Too bad this fic isn't Alternate Universe. I would have enjoyed the animal lover soaking a cat in water and throwing it at her own flesh and blood just because he said dirty things a lot more if it was.
And yes, I get the joke. Wet pussy, ha-ha. I'm sorry, but the setup doesn't work, so the joke is not funny.
Well deserved punishment for that asshole. Smug Fluttershy is the best.
Funny thing though is comparing guys like him as cave men is pretty accurate, since it's actually basic instinct that drive them to act like that.
The Girls may deny it but I think that, like a lot of teens, they may be guilty of wondering a bit too much about what boys want. I also defy them to say that they haven't spent a few moments drooling at pictures on male body beautiful lifestyle magazines!
Yeah, coming from a species that doesn't really have much in the way of visible sexual organs for females, having a primate's dangly structures probably is a source of vexation for Sunset!
That said, yeah Zephyr is a creep, a horndog and, quite frankly, needs to learn to put his brain instead of his gonads in charge of his mouth. I, for one, wouldn't let him close to the Crusaders if it wasn't for the fact that I know they've now got Diamond Tiara on their side to verbally castrate him!
Zephyr, careful what you wish for, Fluttershy will make sure you get it. Just not in the way you expect
Also, I agree with the girls in this chapter about boobs, and I'm a guy. Ones too big are just... ugh. And fake ones are even more ugh. The back pain is always my primary argument against anyone who talks about boobs too big
So, this was a fun and funny story when it was just about girls talking, but all the recent chapters have been you (pushing an agenda)[That was poorly phrased on my part, I mean...they're always some sort...morality lesson, I guess?]. And not particularly fun or funny.
More edit: And maybe it's not even as bad as I thought, as I looked back at recent chapters. But, like, what was the point of this chapter? What was the point of the Pinkie Porn chapter? They're not particularly funny or interesting, There's nothing unique or valuable to them. They feel like you have a popular story and you're wanting to share opinions through your characters. And that's not a super bad thing. Your running out of pages critique was quite humorous. So maybe i'm just worried that it's going to become a trend. That's all. Like, you'll lose sight of what this used to be, story-wise, and start using it as a means to broadcast your opinions about various topics.
7598729
...thats....not a feminist....
that sounds a bit like a misandrist...
Mythril, I love you, but I'm not gonna lie. I skimmed the beginning...Fluttershy brother portion.
I just can't stand him even in thought. I imagine his voice and feel a brief pulse of head pain, bordering on wanting to punch something. If I hear his voice again, what or whoever is near is at risk of a punch.
And I've only seen the episode once. I don't care how great Fluttershy was, it is really REALLY not worth it for me.
Thankfully the rest of the chapter helped me to basically forget he was even there. Once the subject of big tits and waxing came in, I was good.......wait...
Oh crap, I see where this is going.
The Sunlight is tickling my nose here.
Also, is there a typo in the chapter title or is the "I" a Roman numeral? Will there be more?
Bananya!
7598547 Sounds like the kind of guy who grew up with the wrong role models in life (ie: Fox News, Donald Trump)
7598809 It's a Roman numeral because, like the bras thing, I can see myself revisiting this topic at some point.
Wow. You made human Zephyr even more of a douchenozzle than I did. I'm not sure if I should be more repulsed or impressed.
And while the comments do make seemingly good points about female sexual fantasies potentially being as ludicrous and unrealistic as male ones—I assume, never having been a woman, hence the "seemingly"—that assumes that any of these girls are straight. And extrapolating from the multiverse established by fanfiction, there's about, oh, a thirty percent chance of that being true here.
This Fluttershy scares me.
I wanna see the guy's side of things- have some more sensible male EQG characters (yes, that mean's Flash Sentry- face it everybody, he's a nice guy, even though he's kinda bland) have a similar conversation about girls and their habits. You know, for balance's sake? Just so we could all have the same end point:
"We're all perverts. And that's okay."
I have mixed feelings about this one (because part of it is simply too true). I will fully agree there are guys like this, and unfortunately they're the ones who most often are seen, but as a guy who tries not to be one of these, and most of whose friends are females, having girls immediately think of me so negatively during a first interaction simply because I'm a guy sometimes makes me wonder if it's worth the effort.
7598463 I have actually. And I rarely see the type of build that comic books give men. Muscular, sure, but not to that point.
7598770 That's not feminism, as that kind of people believe women are superior to men, while actual feminism is about equality.
However, those morons do exist, and they call themselves feminists. It seems to me that those crazies are actually misogynists pretending to be feminists, and sound insane because of it.
7599286 It's not really misandry if they put down both men and women. They make out men to be violent, sexist, evil beings, and then claim that women need to be protected and placed upon a pedestal so they aren't harmed. That's advanced sexism right there.
I do hope this wasn't Sugarcube Corner they were talking in. Mrs Cake wasn't happy about them talking about Sunset.
7599323 They're also the kind of people who will yell at a guy for not opening a door for them. Their double standards mean men can never win in their eyes, which is what they want.
7599352
Which, you know. At least no one there's younger than high school age.