The Rainbooms and the Shadowbolts conspired, early during winter break, to throw the biggest interscholastic New Year's Eve party Canterlot City had ever seen. After the ball dropped, an ever-expanding group of friends sat around a pair of pushed-together tables littered with the wreckage of massive snackage, taking a break from all the dancing and laughing and general commotion.
"Man, this was a blast!" Lemon Zest said cheerfully, rocking back and forth in the cheap plastic chair she was straddling backwards.
"You said it," Rainbow Dash said, letting out a tremendous belch as she patted her ballooning belly.
"So, what are everyone's New Year's resolutions?" Rarity asked as she examined her fingernails.
"Pssh, why bother makin' 'em?" Indigo Zap scoffed. "It's not like anybody ever keeps those."
"The entire point of a New Year's resolution is to acknowledge your awareness of a personal shortcoming," Sugarcoat said as she refilled her empty soda cup. "It doesn't matter whether you keep it or not, it's about admitting you're aware of something about yourself that needs improvement."
"Wow, that's really profound," Juniper Montage said.
"But then if you're aware you've got shortcomings you need to work on, then you make a resolution to do that, and then you never do...then what's the point?" Twilight Sparkle wondered. "I mean, it's like you're saying you're okay with being flawed."
"Well...yeah," Sunset Shimmer said, toying with a paper napkin. "I mean, our flaws are part of who we are. Sure, you can work on things that maybe aren't so great about yourself, but...people aren't meant to be perfect. That's why we have friends. Our friends make up for our flaws, and we make up for theirs!" She gestured at Fluttershy. "Take Fluttershy, for example. She's painfully shy and self-conscious, has trouble speaking up for herself. But she's friends with Rainbow Dash, who's loud, outgoing, and has an out of control ego."
"HEY!" Rainbow Dash cried.
"I see what you're saying," Wallflower Blush said. "They balance each other out!"
"Something like that, yeah," Sunset said.
Fluttershy blinked. "I...never thought of it like that," she said softly.
"Still," Sunny Flare put in, "if you know you could stand to improve certain things about yourself, shouldn't you make the effort? Simply accepting your faults and doing nothing to correct them seems indifferent and lazy."
"So what would you change?" Applejack challenged.
Sunny Flare blinked, caught off-guard. "W-well," she stammered. "I mean, I..." She cast about lamely, looking into the expectant sea of faces around her. Coughing, she said, "I...well...I suppose I'd resolve to finally have a certain...a certain mole removed."
The others stared at her flatly.
"A mole," Rarity said in a tone as dry as the desert.
"Yes," Sunny Flare said, lifting her chin defiantly. "A mole."
"Your big New Year's resolution is to have a mole removed," Sunset Shimmer said.
"Well—it is a flaw!" Sunny Flare defended hotly.
"Uh-huh," Sunset said, folding her arms. "And just where is this alleged mole?"
Sunny Flare's face turned beet red, and she looked away. "Umm."
Lemon Zest grinned. "Oh, you mean that mole!"
"LEMON ZEST!"
"Oh, now I gotta know," Rainbow Dash said, leaning forward and grinning.
"Lemon Zest, so help me—"
"It's on her PUSSY!" Lemon Zest declared boldly, tipping her chair over backward and giggling. Sunny Flare let out a banshee wail of fury and tackled her; both girls went down with a crash, with Lemon's shrieking laughter exploding from under the table.
"It really is," Sugarcoat said idly, one cheek propped against an open hand as she twirled her straw around in her cup. "Directly on her labia."
"Yikes," Sunset said.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said, beet red, covering her face with her hands. Then she started giggling. "Oh, s-sorry, but...that's actually...kinda funny..."
"It kind of is, yeah," Indigo Zap agreed, sniggering.
Sunny emerged, flouncing her hair and straightening her clothing, and resumed her seat with as prim and unruffled an air as she could manage. "Well then, Indigo, perhaps you could tell us your resolution?" she said stiffly.
Indigo shrugged. "Get my grades up," she said.
"Yeah, I hear ya there," Rainbow said. "I mean, my grades aren't bad, but they could be better, y'know? Besides, I wanna get good scholarships an' the best ones want you to have good grades on top of good skills." She poked Fluttershy in the side. "How 'bout you, Shy? Same as usual?"
"Huh? Oh...hmm." Fluttershy frowned pensively. "Actually? I think this year I'll resolve to put in a little more time exercising." She looked down at her tummy. "I'm getting a little chubby."
The others gawked at her. "Bullshit," Indigo said. "You've got a bikini model body if I've ever seen one!"
Fluttershy blushed. "W-well, maybe," she said, "but I do eat an ice cream sundae every day and lately I haven't been, well...active enough to burn it off. It's not much, but I've gained some weight."
"In your tits, maybe," Rainbow said. She shook her head. "Anyone else?"
Wallflower shifted in her seat. "I, umm...I resolve to try harder to stand out and be noticed," she said hesitantly. "To, umm...actually make more of an effort to make friends and get involved with other people."
Sunset reached over and pulled her into a hug. "You're already well on your way," she said. She let Wallflower go, then brushed her fingers through her hair. "Umm...right, I guess I might as well make a resolution." She thought about it for a minute before a guilty expression slipped onto her face. "I guess...the most important thing I can resolve to do is make another trip to Equestria to visit Mom and Dad," she said. "I...haven't seen them in ages." She ducked her head, shamefaced. "Gosh, I don't even know if they'll want to see me..."
A pall of heavy silence fell over the table at that.
"Think Ah'm gonna resolve t' spend more time with Grand Pear," Applejack said. "Ah mean, he did move back t' Canterlot t' get t' know his grandkids an' all."
"I should maybe go up to Holder's Boulder and visit Granny Pie soon," Pinkie Pie said, her usual cheer diminished. "I mean, she's really really old, y'know? I haven't seen her since I was a twinky-winky Pinkie."
"How come?" Twilight asked.
Pinkie sighed. "She doesn't get along with Mom and Dad so much," she said. "She's more like, well...me." She smiled gamely.
"Oh," Twilight said. "Sorry. Ah! Not that...I mean—"
"I know what you mean," Pinkie said. "It's all good." She smiled brightly. "What about you, Twilight? What's your resolution?"
Twilight twiddled her fingers. "W-well..." She ducked her head. "I guess...maybe getting more of a handle on emoji-speak," she said. "I still don't know what half the texts and comments I get from my friends are even saying. It's a little embarrassing and frustrating."
"I resolve to find a proper boyfriend this year," Rarity said. "It simply won't do that the most fabulous girl at CHS is the most notoriously undated girl at CHS."
Everyone looked at Juniper Montage, who blinked. "Huh? Oh, umm..." She toyed nervously with her pigtails. "I...guess I resolve to work to rebuild my uncle's trust in me so I can get my old job back," she said.
"We'll help you however we can," Sunset said with a smile. She looked around the table. "Hmm...who hasn't gone yet?"
"Me, Sour Sweet, and Lemon Zest," Sugarcoat said. "I don't have a New Year's resolution. I'm comfortable with everything about myself."
"Fair enough," Sunset said. "Lemon?"
Lemon Zest tipped her head back in thought. "Hmm..." She shrugged. "Yeah, same as Sugarcoat," she decided. "I mean, we already fixed the main thing we needed to work on, or we wouldn't all be here now, am I right?" She turned to Sour Sweet. "Looks like you're up last."
Sour Sweet wrinkled her nose. "Oh, I just love being put on the spot," she said. She sighed. "I guess...I'm with Rarity," she decided. "Guys just don't want anything to do with me for some weird reason. It'd be nice to have one boyfriend before I graduate." She grimaced. "One that isn't plastic and runs on batteries, anyway."
"WAY too much information, darling," Rarity said.
* * * * *
"So, Sister, what is your New Year's resolution?"
A bleary-eyed Celestia peered into her coffee cup. "Either to cut back on the coffee or to finally actually get myself up to speed on all the magical weirdness at school," she said. She drained the dregs of her coffee, then stood to refill the cup. "There's a portal to another dimension fifty yards from my office. You'd think I'd make it a point to do my homework and finally understand all this crap Sunset Shimmer dragged over here from her world. Yet, every time some new magical weirdness happens, I'm left standing around confused and useless."
"Hmm. Indeed," Luna said with a nod. "I must confess, I've stopped even asking questions and decided it's Sunset Shimmer's problem." She looked into her own coffee cup with a frown. "Between the Friendship Games and Camp Everfree, it's clear that Sunset and her friends don't especially need our help to deal with any magical situations that arise, so the best thing for us to do is stay out of their way when an incident arises."
Celestia sighed. "True," she admitted, "but it still would be nice to at least understand the strange things happening around us." She shrugged. "Anyway, what's your resolution?"
Luna grimaced sourly. "To do something about my abysmal lack of a love life," she said. "I can't even remember the last time I went on a date, let alone the last time I had sex. I swear I'm growing cobwebs down there."
Celestia laughed ruefully. "I know what you mean. You'd think two attractive women our age would have no trouble whatsoever getting laid," she lamented. "Especially since we run a freaking high school with hundreds of hormonal teenage boys!"
Luna shot her a scathing look. "Alright, two things. One: Nobody has forgotten that time you had a gentleman caller in your office."
Celestia winced.
"Two," Luna continued, "you just suggested something highly illegal and inappropriate."
Celestia made a 'pssh' sound and waved a hand airily. "Oh come on!" she cried. "I mean, when it's a teenage boy getting it on with a hot older teacher, that's not a crime, it's...it's bragging rights!"
Luna folded her arms and gave Celestia a glare that could cut steel.
"It's a victimless crime!" Celestia ranted, throwing up her arms. "Besides, it's not like you've never thought about it!"
Luna coughed and shuffled awkwardly, tugging at the hem of her blouse, studiously avoiding Celestia's eyes. Celestia smirked.
HA!!!!!
That comment about New Years Resolutions was actually a good point.
Principal Celestia and Vice Principal Luna should really consider a vacation somewhere, preferably where there's lots of attractive men (or women).
I mean, high school seniors can be 18, so not necessarily illegal. But still.
Lemon Zest I kind of expected, but I did not anticipate Sugarcoat knowing about that mole.
"It's not like we have some kind of vast, fathomless power to influence this sort of thing."
"Strange. For some reason, I feel insulted."
Here's to 2019. May it be better for everyone.
"Who are you again?"
Highlight of the fic:
9380100
I'm surprised they didn't crack a joke about changing her look or doing something crazy.
Haaaahahahahaha! That ending is perfect.
Good show.
This was lots of fun.
And good Lord, the Principals need a vacation
Yeah the Celestia / Luna bit made the chapter
Also from Celestia's comments... so she made a pass and the recipient missed it?
Why do I see some years later some poor SOB go HOLY SHIT SHE WANTED ME AND I MISSED IT
9380217
27 trillion.......... faints like Rarity in “a canterlot wedding” xD, wow.
How the hell did Celestia manage to keep her job after the intercom incident?
9380323
By not overthinking things that happen in a fanfic.
9380167
It would be Flash Sentry. He has a habit of stumbling into older waifus. Sunset and Twilght were probably adults that passed for teens, but he'd have to turn down Celestia because she looks like an adult. He likely said "Raincheck on that until you won't be arrested?" Since he seems to be destined for a meteorology career. He's the weatherman for a reason.
He can feel when a storm is brewing. He's popular enough to earn the envy of his classmates. He's sensed the fan hatred since Twilight showed up. Having commited serial Grand Theft Waifu, shitstorms now count as a familiar hazard.
Come to think of it, Flash the Royal guard doesn't have it better.
Equestrian Flash probably gets his unique, gold armor because Celestia needs to find her chosen stud when she's down for a roll in the hay. The guards hate him and reassigned him to the Crystal Empire, then the library when that led him to another princess. You'd think him lucky, but Celestia has broken stallions before Flash. Though he endures, he endures Celestia and Luna's collective 2000 years of kinky bedroom ideas from boredom, dream walking, and finding books Twilight hasn't read.
Both Flash Sentries have been booted from therapy for humble bragging.
Sorry...the Ritalin kicked in at a weird time.
To Mythril Moth,
I loved this chapter. It really lends to the advantages prose can have over visual media. I easily feel this is how the cast would behave if it were accurate to the crass nature of teenagers and how grown authority figures would react when they can't just pull rank and adult a problem into submission. The crudeness is more than just funny, it humanized the characters amazingly.
I feel like this chapter should've been in Just Girls Talking Dirty.
9380073
So when's "Just Two Administrators Getting Laid" coming out? :P
9380433
Eh, it was kind of split. Some of it could have been, but most of the resolutions were pretty standard.
Considering this Celestia and Luna are two ordinary people dealing with magical girls, friendship lasers and schoolsplosions, they probably don't just deserve a vacation, but a tropical one with lots of hot poolboys, grape-feeders, and scenes out of romantic soft-porn movies. For, like, the entire summer.
Resolve to write this for New Year's, MythrilMoth. Only you can save them from a fate worse than death...or the dry spell will last FOREVER.
If you're in a position of power over someone, you should not be Involved with them beyond the expectations of your jobs. You're there to Get Something Done, not Get Yourself Done.
My new year resolution is get up to date with all the Equestria Girls content. And get me some Equestria Girls mini figures.
9380433
It did tend to run that way didn't it.
I have to agree with Celestia. It's unfair, it's sexist, it's a lot of things.
But when it's a teen age boy scoring with a hot older female, it's bragging rights.
When I was sixteen, I'd have done almost anything to get a hot older teacher to doink me. Hormones, amiright? 'S why Hot For Teacher was written.
9406342
Damn straight!
9406342
Totally with you. Like with a lot of sex/relationship stuff, I don't get why people get so up in arms for it. I get that there's plenty of bad people out there in positions, like a teacher, who do have messed kinds of relationships with those under their influence, male or female on either side, but when that isn't the case I see no problem with it. Consent and fun are all that's important in my book.
9418496
Yeah. There was a real life case that was turned into a movie, about a kid who actually married his teacher. Two versions were made, one that was mostly true to fact, and one that was fictionalized into a comedy titled "Loverboy", starting Patrick Dempsey.
The real life one... Hmm, lemme Google here a minute.
Yeah. Ellsworth "Sonny" Wisecarver, who eloped with his 21 year old teacher when he was only 13. Then a year later, he did it again with a 25 year old mother of two. Los Angeles papers called him the "Woo-woo Kid." :)
HE seduced THEM, there was plenty of evidence of that.
Now THAT'S sexual liberation!
9419436
Kid must've been swinging like an elephant's trunk, man...damn.
9432611
That is slightly disturbing and not something I knew until now.
I guess you could say that it's ed
I'm not sorry
How did they know where the mole was?
9443637
Ever hear of locker rooms? Gym class showers?
It is bloody well not, it's statutory rape.
9558691
It's a nebulous subject. On one side if the teacher initiate the relation yes it's a abuse of the trust they are given and they are in the wrong. But if they accept advences a student worked up the courage to make... It all depend on the type of relation and the maintenance of the schism of buisness and pleasure. The teacher still risk their job tho, as their objectivity is comprised.