Thanksgiving in Canterlot was two days gone. Now, on a cold, clear Saturday morning, seven girls met up at Canterlot Mall to take advantage of after-Black-Friday sales and talk about how their Thanksgiving went.
"Hey guys," Rainbow Dash said as she trudged up to the group, the last to arrive. She'd seen better days; there were bags under her eyes, her cheeks were puffy, her hair was mussed, and she had an overall poochy look about her.
"Whoa, what happened to you?" Sunset asked, blinking.
"You okay, sugarcube?" Applejack asked. "You look a mite peaked."
"Did you get trampled in the Black Friday holocaust?" Pinkie Pie asked.
"I hate Black Friday," Fluttershy said quietly.
Applejack turned to stare at her incredulously. "Yer shittin' me, right? We saw you at Blue Box yest—"
Fluttershy made a throat-slash gesture. Applejack quickly fell silent. Fluttershy turned to Rainbow Dash. "So, what's wrong, Rainbow? You can tell us."
"Yeah, we're your friends. We're here for you," Sunset offered with a smile.
Rainbow grimaced, her cheeks red from embarrassment rather than the cold. "Gas," she muttered.
Everyone blinked. "I beg your pardon?" Rarity asked.
Rainbow ducked her head, shuffling her feet. "We went to Aunt Firefly's for Thanksgiving," she said. "Aunt Firefly puts celery in everything. Celery gives me gas."
"Oh dear," Rarity said.
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on now, Rainbow. You're th' one always braggin' about havin' th' stinkiest farts, you're as bad as any boy. Ain't no way—"
"That's different," Rainbow said. "This was...this was the bad gas." Her eyes took on a faraway, haunted gaze. "All...all night, Thursday. I just...I couldn't sleep. I kept...I kept farting..." She shook her head. "You know that long, low creaking sound old wooden ships make? That came outta me at one in the morning."
"Yikes," Pinkie said. "Also, ew!"
"Far too much information, darling," Rarity said, rolling her eyes.
"Euch," Sunset opined.
Twilight grimaced. "That's exactly why my mother doesn't make cheese casserole anymore. Umm...my dad does that, if he eats too much cheese."
"Lactose intolerant?" Rarity asked.
"Actually, lactose intolerant people can usually eat cheese, since the aging process breaks down lactose," Twilight said. "It's more the microorganisms involved in making cheese that cause excess gas."
"Oh god, we're not gonna talk about mold now, are we?" Pinkie asked with a visible cringe. "I really hate our biology teacher for telling us blue cheese is made from the same stuff you find in foot fungus!"
"And now I need to throw up," Rarity said, her cheeks taking on a green tinge.
Sunset shook her head. "So you farted a whole bunch because celery," she said, turning back to Rainbow. "That still doesn't explain—"
"You don't understand," Rainbow said. "I've been gassed up since Thursday." She clutched her stomach. "I couldn't eat anything but bread all day yesterday. I can't get rid of this gas. Nothing works."
Twilight frowned. "That...sounds like more than just gas," she said.
Pinkie gasped. "Maybe you're pregnant!"
Everyone stared at her. Rainbow narrowed her eyes. "Yeah. No." Then she groaned, hunching over slightly. A horrible, groaning, creaking noise escaped from the general vicinity of her everything.
A stench of rotting celery, poultry, and grazing cattle filled the air. The girls backed away from Rainbow, holding their noses. Rarity quickly ran off to find a restroom.
"Ugh!" Sunset cried. "Yeah, you've definitely got gas," she grumbled. "Celestia's flank, that's horrible."
"That's been going on for two days," Rainbow said miserably. "I kinda hoped a little fresh air and exercise would help."
"Yeah, Ah can't imagine fresh air is in much supply at home if'n you been doin' that since Thanksgivin'," Applejack said. "Whut you need's a good organic smoothie with a lotta fiber in it. C'mon, let's go by where Ah work."
"That...might help," Rainbow said. "At this point, I'm willing to try anything."
"Oh! Oh!" Pinkie exclaimed. "You could shove the vacuum cleaner up your butt and suck it all out!"
Everyone stared at her.
"Anything except that or Fluttershy's brother," Rainbow said sourly.
As they headed for the smoothie bar, Rainbow asked, "So, what did you girls do for Thanksgiving and Black Friday? Tell me all about it, I need something to take my mind off it."
Applejack shrugged. "Pretty normal Sweet Apple Thanksgivin'," she said. "Had about fifteen folks out at th' farm, did up a couple turkeys an' a couple hams, lots'a dressin', casseroles, pies, stuff like that. Watched th' game." She frowned. "Went t' Blue Box with Big Mac yesterday, we needed a couple'a new TVs an' a new phone fer Apple Bloom. Made out alright, despite Fluttershy." She shot a glare at Fluttershy.
"What the heck did Fluttershy do?" Sunset wondered.
"Uhh...y'all wouldn't believe me," Applejack hedged.
"PINKIE! Tell us about YOUR Thanksgiving!" Fluttershy said quickly and with false cheer.
Pinkie shrugged. "Not much to tell. We had rock soup. We always have rock soup. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, National Booger Picking Day, it's always rock soup. Oh, and two hours of sermons. Oh, and I had to help Marble dig a pebble out of her butt. Like, it was waaaay up in there." She shuddered. "We both almost got the strap for that, Mama thought we were doing something...sinful."
Rarity had rejoined the group at just that moment. She turned very red and ran off again.
"Uhh...gross," Rainbow said. "Also, your family is messed up."
"I know..." Pinkie shrugged. "You know what they say. You can pick your friends, your nose, and your butt, but you can't pick your family." She paused, tilting her head and tapping her chin. "Although I guess you kinda can pick your family since I spent half an hour picking my sister's—"
"AHEM," Applejack coughed loudly. "So, Twilight! How about you?"
"Well, we have a pretty small Thanksgiving at home," Twilight said. "I invited Sunset Shimmer, so we had five instead of four for the first time in like, ever." She frowned. "Well, six I guess, if you count Spike." She shrugged. "I mean, we just had the usual. A turkey, stuffing out of a box, potatoes out of a box, frozen pies, canned green beans. Mom doesn't...doesn't really like to cook big meals."
"It was great, though," Sunset said. "The food was good enough, and sharing it with friends was the important part." She smiled warmly at Twilight.
"Of course, yesterday my dad and my brother went out to do all the Christmas shopping," Twilight said. "They had to go to a bunch of different stores to get the stuff they wanted. Apparently there was some kind of riot at Blue Box, they heard about it on Twitface and kinda...steered clear."
"Gee, Ah wonder whut that was," Applejack said, glaring at Fluttershy.
"Okay, that's enough," Rainbow said, stopping in her tracks and turning to face Applejack and Fluttershy. Rarity walked back up to the group, a hestitant look on her face. "You keep talking about somethin' goin' down at Blue Box and you keep blamin' it on Fluttershy. What. The hell. Happened?"
Applejack turned to Fluttershy, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow. Fluttershy ducked behind her hair, a sullen pout on her face...
* * * * *
"Over there! She's over there!"
"Where the hell are the staff? Aren't they supposed to be, y'know, dealing with this?"
"OW! Dammit, are those paintballs?!"
"STOP! Don't run THAT way! All the big-screen TVs are over there!"
"It's not paint...I think it's rubber bullets! You know, riot rounds!"
The store was in complete chaos. Three people had lashed two carts together side-by-side. Fluttershy's red-haired, bespectacled mother and Zephyr Breeze were pushing the carts through the aisles at insane speeds, using the extreme width of their Frankencart to block the aisles and push other shoppers out of the way as they grabbed discounted electronics and tossed them in. Fluttershy, dressed in thermal camo hunting gear, stood astride the carts, her hair tied back; she laughed maniacally as she sprayed rubber bullets from a minigun into the crowd of Black Friday dealseekers.
* * * * *
Rainbow stared at Fluttershy in wide-eyed disbelief. A sound like a balloon slowly deflating emanated from her butt.
Followed by a foul, unholy stench.
"I think...that scared the shit outta me," Rainbow said in a strangled voice, before activating her geode and running away.
... Wat?
... ... ... nothing at all happened in my Thanksgiving, and you know what? I think that’s pretty great!
(Also maybe not going to Blue Box today. Seems unnecessarily... dangerous.)
Sometimes I wonder if the EG Fluttershy is a psycho more than just bitchy. This doesn’t help her case.
Meanwhile, Fluttershy's father went for the stealth approach, grabbing desirable products out of other carts as everyone boggled at his daughter. CQC, active camouflage, and Fulton recovery balloons may or may not have been involved.
This was foul, uncouth, disgusting,and an abomination...
I FARKING LOVE IT!!!
Thanks for the laugh Moth, I needed it!
Other than our beagle and my sister's pig getting vocal at one another, Thanksgiving was for the most part tame.
Pinkie's future spouse:
31.media.tumblr.com/8480f13603e1d5bfed6716427933793d/tumblr_nmepp4v5141sifkp1o4_250.gif
RD, that may be an allergy you should get checked out. Fluttershy, you may have a personality disorder, please go far away from everyone. You're a danger to society.
Kind of figured Flutters when crazy. And yea despite Aj's doubt I can buy that Flutters still doesn't like black friday, it's her nam man. I am curious if Equestria has a Thanksgiving, it's actually super generic holiday you technically can celebrate when ever, the US and Canada use different days for example.
8569987
I love a cute, sexy psychopath.
8570039
Spaniard here. The way most people describe Black Friday sounds almost like the real life version of The Purge.
Is really that bad?
8570020
Considering Hearthswarming celebrates the successful migration to Equestria I think we kinda already know the answer.
8570046
Short answer: YES
You wrote this just so you could put this last joke in, didn't you?
8570046
Depending on where you go, it's worse.
The more expensive the product, the bigger the discount, and lower the stock the crazier people get. An 80-inch tv for $70 might be a good deal but you pay for that discount with physical and mental trauma. I just don't consider it worth it anymore myself.
You missed a golden opportunity to have Rarity eating a fancy salad with Blue cheese dressing ...
Anyway, another good addition to the "girls talking " series.
Black Friday had me and then it lost me and then it had me again. I used to like the deals because my Dad would drive me and we'd get some good cheap stuff. Now I live alone without a car and I didn't like that Black Friday is bleeding into Thanksgiving so I stopped caring. But now you can actually get Black Friday deals online, which is perfectly unobtrusive on Thanksgiving Day.
In short, I ordered a Playstation 4 Slim for 200 dollars yesterday.
8570074
That's... both horrific and pathetic.
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Seriously, I cannot understand the frenzy considering most of the "deals" involve cheap brand items which you wouldn't normaly buy and that the shops want to get rid from anyway.
8570046
A lot of exaggeration goes on, but Black Friday crowds do have a tendency to get unruly and there have been injuries and tramplings and fistfights during Black Friday events, especially when some Hot New Thing is out.
8570072
Actually, that joke was an afterthought. This whole thing came about because my aunt's dressing (which I love) has gassed me up something fierce. Write what you know, and all that.
8570101
The worst part is that Black Friday has overshadowed Thanksgiving to such a ridiculous degree that a lot of places now start Black Friday at 6pm on Thanksgiving Day.
It's always the quiet ones...
Lmfaoooo, that was epic Fucking Flutters was hardcore, hehehe.
Good show!
8570105
On... Some stores are starting BEFORE Thanksgiving. Pretty soon it will be the first week of November.
An additional factor is if some celebrity talks up some gift as perfect. People went nuts for Tickle Me Elmo because Rosie O Donnel said it was the perfect present for young children. Turned out most of the kids it was appropriate for didn't even want one, and people fought over them. It's sad most "it" gifts are only wanted before Christmas after the recipient couldn't care less.
I live in Australia and we don't have Thanks giving or Black Friday so I cant say from experience but I'm getting the impression that shopping on those days is hell.
In Europe Black Friday is held during Thursday, though I don't think it goes as crazy as some stories I'm reading so far.
Geez, I wish my family was this functional when it comes to shopping.
8570123 Shopping on Black Friday isn't nearly as bad as working at any type of retail store on Black Friday. I know from personal experience and that's why I work in a factory now.
Unleashing your inner psychopath is a beautiful thing.
It's......It's al....al-al-always the.....the quiet ones.....isn't it. o______o
My reaction to what Fluttershy did
...yeah, I think Twilight's Thanksgiving was the closest to mine.
8570103 Glad I'm not the only one who hates how overblown Black Friday has become. Never in all my life will I be caught dead shopping on that day, it's just not worth the unruly crowds, long lines, and at least half a dozen other things that always happen on that day.
As a former retail worker I found opening the store the best, back when the stores where opening at 5 am on Black Friday. The only thing that detracts from this chapter was the stuff about Pinkie’s family that is child neglect right there possibly child abuse. Somebody needs to call child services on her parents fast as even the food sounds bad.
This year was the first Black Friday since 2001 that my Mom did not have to be awake at 4am to go to work, as she retired back in April.
She worked at Wal*Mart as a cashier.
Best line of the entire chapter!
Forget apples winning the war, butterflies would slaughter them.
I would be surprised if Solid Snake turned out to be Fluttershy's dad.
8570257
I worked a retail store on Black Friday this year, and it was horrible!
Nothing huge happened for six straight hours, then I went home.
It helps when your store is open, but doesn't run Black Friday sales.
8570039
So.....Fluttershy is likely going to be a heck of a lot more "confident" in your stories isn't she.
Honestly, with the amount of Black Friday horror stories I hear coming out of the States, I wouldn't be surprised if someone did rock up with a paintball gun and took out five peoples' eyes within the next three years.
8570359
I mean, I kind of get the feeling that was actually Pony Pinkie Pie having swapped with EG Pinkie Pie again. Rock soup at the Pony Pie Rock Farm is basically the standard fare as far as the series has shown us.
8570997
I got a massive head cold and wasn't able to come to work... While I do work retail it isn't in a department(meat/seafood) that gets a lot of business on Black Friday...
Now the two days before are very busy.
Pro tip: Check to see if you can order your turkey/ham ahead of time and do that if you can. You will have to be very lucky to get a turkey of decent size if you wait until the day before.
8571535
You're right, the days leading up to Thanksgiving and Black Friday were intense. Kind of glad it's done...
The Ladybug ch and this Thanksgiving one were awesome! Black Friday Fluttershy scares me too Dash.
8570276
Ditto!
Nobody ever counts Spike
I am Heavy Weapons 'Shy, and this is my weapon.
Well, all of that accumulated stress of Fluttershy had to be released somehow - at least it was in a relatively non-lethal way.
Funny though, I half-expected her to be shooting at her brother and everyone else being unexpectedly caught in the crossfire
Okay......
I have no idea what the BUCK I just read here. I'm just going to back away slowly and go bleach my brain.
8571193 Well, there was a story a few years ago about a woman who pepper-sprayed everyone in her way during Black Friday sales.