• Member Since 9th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Friday

LightningSword


Me. Take it or leave it.

E

Special thanks to the super-talented _Vidz_ for the adorable cover art! DeviantArt account here.

It's been a few weeks since Nocturne has come back from the Everfree Forest, but he's still used to handling things on his own. Problems, concerns, troubles--even with his new friends, Nocturne is still convinced he can take care of himself.

But when he suddenly comes down with a bug, Fluttershy insists that he's wrong.

Nocturne is a big boy, and he knows it. But Fluttershy wants to help, no matter what it takes. This will drive the self-sufficient Nocturne crazy, despite her best intentions. Talk about being "killed with kindness".

Takes place in the same universe as "The Gentle Dark" and "The Phantom Pony of Everfree", but not a part of the storyline. Just a cute, funny one-shot that doesn't really have a purpose except to entertain.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

Hello there I am Fiction Critic, and from what my name implies, I will be critiquing your story. Now this is only for humorous purposes, but I will offer some advise at the end.

:trixieshiftleft: Here we go

5599344 Thanks! And thanks for the follow, too! :raritywink:

It's been a few weeks since Nocturne has come back from the Everfree Forest, but he's still used to handling things on his own. Problems, concerns, troubles--even with his new friends, Nocturne is still convinced he can take care of himself.

But when he suddenly comes down with a bug, Fluttershy insists that he's wrong.

Nocturne is a big boy, and he knows it. But Fluttershy wants to help, no matter what it takes. This will drive the self-sufficient Nocturne crazy, despite her best intentions.

Talk about being "killed with kindness".

:rainbowderp: Shit is about to go down!

“It was awfully nice of Nocturne to finally agree to meet Discord,” the Unicorn said as the two sat at the edge of the Everfree Forest, waiting for their unexpected friend to appear, “It'll certainly be interesting to see them meet. I mean, two different creatures that you were the first to be able to befriend? They have so much in common already!”

So they love to troll the shit out of ponies.

Twilight was interrupted by a rustling in the foliage just beyond the border. Twilight jumped, slightly startled, and Fluttershy squeaked, but both calmed themselves when they realized who was making the noise. Stepping out from the cover of the trees was the familiar tall, thin, silvery-coated form of Nocturne.

Nocturne is a sneaky dick to Twilight and Fluttershy.

Nocturne sniffed before he replied, “Aside from feeling like a foul, steaming pile of offal, I'm peachy . . .” he trailed off as he tried to hold back a sneeze.

A steaming pile of whaa..?

The reflex was too strong, and he sneezed, blowing saliva and mucus onto the ground.

Heh grooose

Nocturne shook his head, “Thanks, but no thanks. You'll only slow me down. Besides, I can handle it on my own—”

“Thanks, but no thanks. You'll only slow me down.

You'll only slow me down.

Wow, what a well composed gracious dick.

“I don't need help.”

There ya go, be a man. Accepting help when you're sick is for wusses.

“You can have my bed until you're better,” Fluttershy urged him on, “I can roll out a blanket on the floor if I need to.”

“No.”

Okay I take that back. No male anything would say no to Fluttershy's bed.

“And I have a medicine for any ailment. My little animal friends always approve of the remedies I give them.”

“Fluttershy . . .”

“And I can get you some extra blankets . . .”

“. . . what are you doing . . . ?”

“. . . and I can make you an ice pack for your head . . .”

“Fluttershy . . .”

“. . . and of course, we'll need to take your temperature regularly . . .”

“. . . Staaahp . . . . . . . .”

Oh classic Fluttershy.

Fluttershy had given Nocturne the works. He was laid up in her bed, underneath three layers of covers, with a large ice pack drooping over his head, his white fedora resting on top of it (Nocturne had fought hard on this, but Fluttershy was unyielding). Hanging out of his mouth was a glass thermometer that was slowly growing redder. Resting on the bedside table was a box of tissues, a glass of orange juice and a jar of chest rub that, Nocturne admitted, cleared up his sinuses fairly effectively.

Fluttershy had given Nocturne the works.

Sorry, gonna admit, I only paid attention to this sentence.:twilightblush:

“Here you go, Nocturne,” she said as she slowly set the tray down in front of the ailing pony, “A piping hot bowl of carrot soup. Guaranteed to soothe an itchy throat, and achy head, and an icky tummy.”

Nocturne frowned, “'Icky tummy'? What am I, six?”

Shit, I'd be a baby just for Fluttershy to take care of me

Nocturne was beginning to grow irate at Fluttershy laboring under the delusion that he was a child. This is embarrassing! he thought, his frown worsening, Ugh, she's lucky she's so cute, or I'd have to . . .

Run out screaming, "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ADORABLE PSYCHO BIIIITCH!!

Angel stared back at Nocturne with narrowed eyes and a frown. He pointed a stubby paw at Nocturne's bowl, as if indignantly asking why he had a bowl of Angel's favorite soup.

cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/im-about-to-whoop-somebodys-ass-c72a6.png

Angel merely stared back, his resentment remaining, until he jumped up onto the tray and kicked the bowl off, sending steaming liquid falling to the floor.

Nocturne glanced, shocked, at where the bowl landed, then stared daggers at the little fluffy troublemaker, “You know, I was gonna eat that!”

img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130218233923/villains/images/b/be/Angel_vector_by_404compliant-d4mffi4.png
Take that you homewrecking ass.

It ended when a sneeze took Nocturne by surprise, spewing mucus all over Angel's soft fur and knocking him off the bed. Nocturne sniffed as the blinking red lights in his eyes subsided, “I would say I'm sorry, Angel, but I'm really not . . .”

ronehotspotatl2.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/hell-naw_o_299771.jpg?w=291&h=300

Nocturne scoffed, “Do I have a choice?”

“That's the spirit!”

What the shit?!

Nocturne sneezed again, waited for his eyes to stop blinking, then looked down at the floor and saw Angel staring up at him with a judgmental look. Nocturne stared back, offended, “Oh no, you don't, rabbit! You do not get to be that guy! You just knocked over my lunch, you do not get to look at me like that!” Angel merely continued staring, stubby paws crossed in front of him.

Hey...hey...you see that pegasus. She's mine!

Nocturne then sat up in bed, tossing away the ice pack, “I have to get out of here.”

The moment he realized that Pinkie.....knows....all
asset-9.soup.io/asset/1972/4835_95e5.gif

The bed was empty, and hanging halfway out the side window was a flailing, struggling Nocturne. His large wings had inhibited his progress out the window, and as a result, his entire back end dangled from the window, his back hooves pushing against the wood paneling.

Missed it by thaaaat mush.

By this time, Nocturne's eyes were glowing an intense red, but Fluttershy just glared back, her eyes wide and still. Nocturne was familiar with Fluttershy's rare forceful moments; it was, after all, how she'd appealed to him and finally set him on a better path. But something was different this time. Fluttershy was putting one-hundred percent effort into simply staring him down. Nocturne vaguely recalled, in one of Fluttershy's stories of her adventures with her friends, her use of what they tended to refer to as “The Stare”. This could possibly be it; she could be using the same mental tactic she used to stare down a cockatrice to hold her own against Nocturne's intimidation.

Every time me and my ex argue *smack* oooow, bitch*smack*

Nocturne felt his heart melt when he looked back at her. He hated it when she did that. “'Difficult'?” he asked, still grumbling, “After what you just saw, you say I'm just 'difficult'? Geez, do you know me or what?”

Leave it up to the fairer sex to suck the man out of you.

“Hi, Nocturne! Fancy seeing you . . . . oh!” She seemed to realize that she may have interrupted something she was not meant to be a part of, “Oh, my . . .”

reactiongifs.com/r/2013/09/oh-my-takei.gif

“I'll stay. I promise.”

Fluttershy eyed him steadily, “Pinkie-Promise?”

“I'm not doing it.”

“Come on, Nocturne, just one little Pinkie-Promise?”

“No.”

“Pretty pleeeeeeeease?”

When me and my ex broke up *smack* OW DAMNIT STOP! Fucking ass*punch*

PLUNK! went a sound coming from the back window, and both ponies turned to see Pinkie Pie pressing her face against the glass. Her face spread to cover the width of the window as she yelled out, “EVEEEEEEEEEEEEERR!!!”

I told you. She...knows....aaaaall!

Nocturne held back a shudder, “She genuinely scares me . . .”

You and me both bro.

“Will you knock it off!” Nocturne shooed Discord away with his hooves, “Like I said, I've been getting enough of that from Fluttershy today. If it's enough from a pony, it's too much from . . . .” he paused, searching for the right word, “. . . . whatever it is you are.”

Yeah, what is a Draconequus? Don't answer that.

Oh, Discord. Nocturne,” she greeted them with a hoarse, stuffy voice, “Nice to see you today. I'm sorry I couldn't answer the do—” she stopped when another squealy sneeze interrupted her, “Achoo! Excuse me . . .”
Nocturne and Discord glanced at each other worriedly, and Nocturne continued, “Are you okay?”

“Oh, of course,” Fluttershy assured with a sniff, “No need to worry about me. I don't want to be a bother to either of you. Just—achoo!” Another squeal of a sneeze cut her off, and she sniffed and blushed, “Excuse me.”

Nocturne glanced up at Discord again, but this time, the latter wore a mischievous look on his face, “Well, you did want to be able to thank her for her kindness. No time like the present, eh, Nocturne?”

Nocturne rolled his eyes and pulled up a tissue to wipe Fluttershy's nose, “Just shut up and make some more soup, Discord.”

Hilarious

I have a few more ideas for one-shots featuring Nocturne. If you like this one, I might just go ahead with them. Thanks for reading!

Continue Please.

Start Time: 2:03 p.m.
Finish: 3:37 p.m.

That took a while but it was worth it. You should make a whole multi chapter feature with Nocturne. Honestly he is hilarious. Nothing technical really wrong so I guess I'm out.

5599455 I gotta be honest . . . I laughed all the way through this. I really actually enjoyed reading this review! :twilightsmile:

And that's saying a lot, considering you do a lot of things critics do that I can't stand.

I'm really glad you enjoyed this little exercise in cuteness. I actually have TWO multi-chapter stories with Nocturne as the main character. "Kind Light" was before he came back to Ponyville (so he's a radically different character then), and "The Gentle Dark" is his main story, after his return. Neither one was very well-received at first, but if you're interested, feel free to take a look.

If I may ask a tiny question--if you could put the last few quotes in spoiler tags, I'd appreciate it. Wouldn't want to give away the story for those who haven't read. Thank you very much. :yay:

Again, thanks for the review. Nocturne's place in the fanfic world has been slow-going and rocky, but I'm glad to know I'm improving on it so much. I really appreciate the words, and the LoLs.

So many LoLs. ALL the LoLs . . . :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

And thanks for the favorite as well! :pinkiehappy:

5599518 Well that is a detailed and well thought out list of critic complaints. I guess I'm a quote master :twilightsheepish:

5599568 Don't worry about it. Like I said, I enjoyed it in spite of all of my 'pet peeves' (for lack of a better phrase). :pinkiesmile:

I'll be completely honest, I thought it was League Of Legends crossover, and found out it wasn't. I am severely disappointed :(

FalseAdvertisement/10

5599730 :facehoof: Did you not read the description. There isn't even a crossover tag.

5599935 I did, thats why I was confused at first, and then disappointed.

:(

5599344 Agreed!
liked and faved!

Flutterdunce at her best

5606512

:fluttershysad:

:fluttercry:

:fluttershbad:

You see what you did? ^You see that?^

How could you . . . . . ?

Cute:twilightsmile: I give it 9 ducks out of 8.

5627991 Quack. :trollestia:

I mean, thanks for that. :twilightsmile:

Finished reviewing your story: I'm accepting it in.

There were no huge problems in this story, and it was a nice little thing. Review is here.

5629432 Thanks a lot, and thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

This was a fun read.
Kudos to you.

5648073 Thanks! And thanks for reading. :pinkiesmile:

its so funny lol

also very good story

5658459 Thanks, and thanks for reading! :pinkiehappy:

Finished reviewing story for the Goodfic Bin. Accepting into the bin.

Details are here.

5864229 Ahh, I finally made it! :pinkiehappy:

LoL, but seriously, thanks for the review. :twilightsmile:

Another like from me to you, Lightning! Though, and this is my personal opinion entirely, need more chaos :moustache:

6737816 I'll remember that. Thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

Hmm. So what is Nocturne's cutie mark?

7269013 Oh. Cool. I assume its meaning will be revealed in another story?

Glad to see this back. And glad to have enjoyed the story, too.

7417764 Thanks for favoriting.

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