Special thanks to the super-talented _Vidz_ for the adorable cover art! DeviantArt account here.
It's been a few weeks since Nocturne has come back from the Everfree Forest, but he's still used to handling things on his own. Problems, concerns, troubles--even with his new friends, Nocturne is still convinced he can take care of himself.
But when he suddenly comes down with a bug, Fluttershy insists that he's wrong.
Nocturne is a big boy, and he knows it. But Fluttershy wants to help, no matter what it takes. This will drive the self-sufficient Nocturne crazy, despite her best intentions. Talk about being "killed with kindness".
Takes place in the same universe as "The Gentle Dark" and "The Phantom Pony of Everfree", but not a part of the storyline. Just a cute, funny one-shot that doesn't really have a purpose except to entertain.
Hello there I am Fiction Critic, and from what my name implies, I will be critiquing your story. Now this is only for humorous purposes, but I will offer some advise at the end.
Here we go
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5599344 Thanks! And thanks for the follow, too!
Shit is about to go down!
So they love to troll the shit out of ponies.
Nocturne is a sneaky dick to Twilight and Fluttershy.
A steaming pile of whaa..?
Heh grooose
Wow, what a well composed gracious dick.
There ya go, be a man. Accepting help when you're sick is for wusses.
Okay I take that back. No male anything would say no to Fluttershy's bed.
Oh classic Fluttershy.
Sorry, gonna admit, I only paid attention to this sentence.
Shit, I'd be a baby just for Fluttershy to take care of me
Run out screaming, "LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ADORABLE PSYCHO BIIIITCH!!
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Take that you homewrecking ass.
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What the shit?!
Hey...hey...you see that pegasus. She's mine!
The moment he realized that Pinkie.....knows....all
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Missed it by thaaaat mush.
Every time me and my ex argue *smack* oooow, bitch*smack*
Leave it up to the fairer sex to suck the man out of you.
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When me and my ex broke up *smack* OW DAMNIT STOP! Fucking ass*punch*
I told you. She...knows....aaaaall!
You and me both bro.
Yeah, what is a Draconequus? Don't answer that.
Hilarious
Continue Please.
Start Time: 2:03 p.m.
Finish: 3:37 p.m.
That took a while but it was worth it. You should make a whole multi chapter feature with Nocturne. Honestly he is hilarious. Nothing technical really wrong so I guess I'm out.
5599455 I gotta be honest . . . I laughed all the way through this. I really actually enjoyed reading this review!
And that's saying a lot, considering you do a lot of things critics do that I can't stand.
I'm really glad you enjoyed this little exercise in cuteness. I actually have TWO multi-chapter stories with Nocturne as the main character. "Kind Light" was before he came back to Ponyville (so he's a radically different character then), and "The Gentle Dark" is his main story, after his return. Neither one was very well-received at first, but if you're interested, feel free to take a look.
If I may ask a tiny question--if you could put the last few quotes in spoiler tags, I'd appreciate it. Wouldn't want to give away the story for those who haven't read. Thank you very much.
Again, thanks for the review. Nocturne's place in the fanfic world has been slow-going and rocky, but I'm glad to know I'm improving on it so much. I really appreciate the words, and the LoLs.
So many LoLs. ALL the LoLs . . .
And thanks for the favorite as well!
5599518 Well that is a detailed and well thought out list of critic complaints. I guess I'm a quote master
5599568 Don't worry about it. Like I said, I enjoyed it in spite of all of my 'pet peeves' (for lack of a better phrase).
I'll be completely honest, I thought it was League Of Legends crossover, and found out it wasn't. I am severely disappointed :(
FalseAdvertisement/10
5599730 Did you not read the description. There isn't even a crossover tag.
5599935 I did, thats why I was confused at first, and then disappointed.
:(
5599344 Agreed!
liked and faved!
5600937 Why, thank you!
Flutterdunce at her best
5606512
You see what you did? ^You see that?^
How could you . . . . . ?
Cute I give it 9 ducks out of 8.
5627991 Quack.
I mean, thanks for that.
Finished reviewing your story: I'm accepting it in.
There were no huge problems in this story, and it was a nice little thing. Review is here.
5629432 Thanks a lot, and thanks for reading!
This was a fun read.
Kudos to you.
5648073 Thanks! And thanks for reading.
its so funny lol
also very good story
5658459 Thanks, and thanks for reading!
your welcome
Finished reviewing story for the Goodfic Bin. Accepting into the bin.
Details are here.
5864229 Ahh, I finally made it!
LoL, but seriously, thanks for the review.
Another like from me to you, Lightning! Though, and this is my personal opinion entirely, need more chaos
6737816 I'll remember that. Thanks for reading!
Hmm. So what is Nocturne's cutie mark?
7268660 This is it:
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7269013 Oh. Cool. I assume its meaning will be revealed in another story?
7269368 Indeed.
Glad to see this back. And glad to have enjoyed the story, too.
7417764 Thanks for favoriting.