• Member Since 9th Sep, 2014
  • offline last seen 10 hours ago

LightningSword


Me. Take it or leave it.

E

Now with an audio reading by AJ the Autistic Pony and friends!

Chapters ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, and SEVEN available now!

Applejack and the Apple family are prepared for a visit from their best-kept secret—Applejack's autistic younger brother, Calvados. "Cal" comes home from a special school in Fillydelphia, and during his visit, the Mane 6 must try to make him feel welcome in spite of his differences. With the Apple family's usual work and an upcoming celebration making the whole town busy, this will soon prove to be a difficult test of friendship and teamwork.

But not nearly as difficult for anypony as for Applejack.

Above all else, the Apple family makes time for, and takes pride in, family. Applejack struggles to keep this in mind, reminding herself that her decisions were for his benefit. However, even a pony as morally strong as Applejack can't keep hiding her guilt, and she resolves to fight back the shame of having a brother with autism. Meanwhile, Cal struggles to adjust to his stay in Ponyville, but if he can avoid the panic and stress—something no autistic colt can take lightly—AJ's little brother may just surprise her. And himself.

Gorgeous cover art courtesy of the amazing _Vidz_!

Chapters (12)
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Comments ( 391 )

This seems good so far, but be careful with this story. Autism is one of those things that you gotta treat right.

5878925 Don't worry. I grew up with two autistic brothers. This will be approached with caution and tact.

Thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

5878936 that was my main concern.
I am high-functioning autistic (Aspergers Syndrome), so I am a bit hesitant to read any story dealing with autism.

5879004 No need to worry. This comes from a dozen years of first-hand experience. I think I handled it fairly well. I hope you enjoy(ed) it. :pinkiesmile:

I have Aspergers Syndrome and I'm curious about this.

:unsuresweetie: Ohhh Ssssss. Treading a thin line here bro. I liked this first chapter but be cautious when writing this.

I have been waiting for a story like this :rainbowdetermined2:. This will either be really :pinkiehappy: or really :pinkiesick:. I have aspergers, so i have high hopes for this story, good luck!

5879681 Thank you, and thanks for reading! :twilightsmile:

I'm intrigued. Stories about autistic characters tend to be either very good or very bad, and this one seems like it'll be the former.

Having Asperger's Syndrome myself, I've learned that, while autism make take a lot away, it also tends to give back due our over-developed nervous systems. In an inherently magical race like ponies, I wouldn't be surprised if Calvados was actually sensitive to an entire electromagnetic spectrum of energy beyond his normal earth pony magic, and often "sees" things that others can't.

5880105 Interesting idea. I'll have to keep that in mind. :twilightsmile:

I appreciate you giving this story a chance, and I'm glad that you're interested so far. Thanks! :pinkiesmile:

VGI

Oh hey!

You published it at last!

Yeah!

“Hi, there!” Pinkie Pie squealed, getting close to Cal's face, “I'm Pinkie Pie! Welcome to Ponyville! Have you ever been here before? How long are you staying? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite candy? Do you like parties? I could throw you a great big 'Welcome to Ponyville' party!!”

Cal looked up at Pinkie Pie and began to whine. He looked at Applejack, stamped his hooves and reached forward with a hoof, pointing to the end of the road, “Nnnn . . . Enh! Enh! Enh!””

Honestly Cal probably handled that better than i would:twilightsheepish:. I like Pinkie Pie, but having her jump in my face asking 5 questions at once would make me lose it. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
Poor guy just wanted to go home and the crazy ponies wouldn't let him :pinkiesad2:

5881528 Yep. I'll keep it as regularly updated as I can. Thanks for reading, and thanks for tracking!


5882049 That's me, as well. In fact, Pinkie Pie is pretty much my polar opposite. :twilightsheepish:
Thanks again for reading! :twilightsmile:

A solid start to what looks like an interesting idea, I can't blame how cal reacted! Damn you Pinkie! Anyways Good job on the opening chapter and I shall be looking forward to where you go next with this.

-Frost :twilightsmile:

5882464 Thanks for reading. And thanks for the favorite, too! :twilightsmile:

I love your story and created an account JUST to comment! hope to see more soon! hellow to fellow autistic bronies! Is Big Mac Cals Big Brother Best Friend Forever?

5883185 Wow, thank you so much! :pinkiehappy: I'm really flattered to know you made your account just because of my story. I will be continuing this, so I hope you'll keep reading.

Big Mac has one or two touching moments with Cal in the next few chapters. Not much, but still pretty nice. :twilightsmile:

:eeyup: :eeyup: Big Mac approvez :D hope you post next chapters quickly

5883216 I'll try to update as regularly as possible. And thanks again! :pinkiesmile:

Considering the fact that I have a kid who has autism, I think you did a good job on that.

5883442 Thanks. As someone with two autistic brothers, staying true to the condition is one thing I strove for. Thanks for reading. :twilightsmile:

Hmm.
I'm lost for words with this story.
Certainly, I struggle to see how Applejack would feel shame about having an autistic family member, since family is something she takes quite a bit of pride in. That being said, I'm going to reserve judgement for now.

5886967 the edited part of the previous comment has been copy-pasted for your convenience: Certainly, I struggle to see how Applejack would feel shame about having an autistic family member, since family is something she takes quite a bit of pride in. That being said, I'm going to reserve judgement for now.

5886971 I understand your concerns. Believe me, I knew the risks going into this. But I knew that no one in the Mane 6 would struggle with a situation like this more than Applejack. In fact, a big part of the story is her struggle not to feel that way.

I do hope you'll continue to read, though, and I do thank you for starting it. I hope to change your mind very soon.

All right... *cracks knuckles* Let's do this.

stomptokyo.com/reelopinions/uploaded_images/R-science-4-722887.jpg

Let's face it. No one takes a review seriously if you're not wearing a bowtie.


First, the short description.

When Applejack's younger brother visits, she and her friends must learn more about him--and his condition--in order to make him feel welcome.

Hmm... nothing particularly drawing, but it does make me curious. Condition? And he has to be made to feel welcome? It makes me question it.

Just drawing enough to catch my eye.

Ah. No cover picture. That's a ding.

Applejack and the Apple family are prepared for a visit from their best-kept secret—Applejack's autistic younger brother, Calvados.

Ah... ah, jeez. Ah, Christ. Oh man. I just... oh, I need to...

I run a group for disgusting stories. That doesn't necessarily mean they're bad, only that some aspect of them is disgusting. My knee-jerk reaction to seeing the word "autistic" in relation to a story character is a) a self-insert, or b) specifically played to get a reaction out of the audience, which may be positive or negative depending on how straight-faced the author can play their cards.

The former, in regards to a self-insert autistic person... well, it's not the fact that the character is autistic, but a self-insert that's the issue. If I'm not mistaken, you're not autistic (please correct me if this is a false belief), so we can strike the self-insert theory from the books, but as far as methodology as to why this is a story idea, I like to give all my thoughts.

The latter, in regards to being played to get a reaction... well, that's another topic that falls under a "disgusting" category. It's known as Foal Feels, which refers to those ace in the hole cards that garner generic sympathy from the audience. Orphans, amputees, abusive parents... those are foal feels, regardless of whether the pony being discussed is a foal. It's that obvious "feel bad for this character because they have a disorder" reaction.

Now, these are knee-jerk reactions. My brain immediately jumped to these two conclusions upon seeing that word; that doesn't mean it's how you're running this story. We'll let the rest of the description do the talking.

"Cal" comes home from a special school in Fillydelphia,

Already, my reactions are being laid to rest. First, we have a shortening of the first name...

Wait a minute. What even is Calvados?

Calvados is an apple brandy

That's actually pretty clever.

Anyway... so a shortening of the mouthful of a first name we have to a short and friendly "Cal." It makes him feel more like he's down-to-earth, easy to be friends with... and, if this is done well, a right angle of story conflict. We'll see.

As far as his being included in a special school, it's a nice touch of detail. It adds to the realism somewhat of a hard fact of life: Being autistic does make many things more difficult. It's a simple detail that speaks volumes about Equestrian society in your story, and is important world-building for the skeptical reader.

and during his visit, the Mane 6 must try to make him feel welcome in spite of his differences.

This is a common trope. "New pony comes to Ponyville, Mane 6 become friends with him." It's Maud Pie all over again--she's bizarre, she's impregnable emotionally... and she's confusing. I think I'm going to be drawing a whole lot of parallels with Maud's episode here.

With the Apple family's usual work and an upcoming celebration making the whole town busy, this will soon prove to be a difficult test of friendship and teamwork.

I just glanced to make sure this isn't a one-shot. This sounds like a multi-chapter, and it would be contrite of you not to make it one.

Taking into account the issues with autism, and considering not only Twilight's incredibly likely knowledge of autism, but also Applejack's implied knowledge due to her having a brother with the disorder, I don't see them forcing him into situations that involve him having to be social or made to feel uncomfortable. This is largely dependent on how you force him into those situations; we'll see when we get there.

But not nearly as difficult for anypony as for Applejack.

Oddly enough, I can see this synching fairly well with Applejack's character. It reminds me of Rarity trying to hide who her friends were from the fancy ponies.

Above all else, the Apple family makes time for, and takes pride in, family. Applejack struggles to keep this in mind, reminding herself that her decisions were for his benefit. However, even a pony as morally strong as Applejack can't keep hiding her guilt, and she resolves to fight back the shame of having an autistic brother.

Shame of having an autistic brother... now, that will remain to be seen as well, because that's getting close to OOC. A whole lot of this hinges on how you portray it in the story. I still find myself very divided. Under normal circumstances, I'd abort mission here and take comfort in not knowing if this is good or bad.

But, well...

"Cal" comes home from a special school in Fillydelphia,

This line, for whatever reason, is holding me to this story. He feels so friendly and relatable, then you make the world so much more believable by giving us another familiar lens to put over it (handicap mindedness). I can't not read it because of that. So weird. :rainbowderp:

Cal struggles to adjust to his stay in Ponyville, but if he can avoid the panic and stress—something no autistic colt can take lightly—AJ's little brother may just surprise her. And himself.

This sounds... like promise. As with the other part of the description I liked, it doesn't sound like an obvious trope. It does still remind me of Maud, though...

All right, onward to the story proper!

fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/144/f/1/pinkie_pirate_wallpaper_by_dadio46-d50z2xw.jpg


“I can't wait to see 'im, Granny!” Apple Bloom jumped up and down excitedly.

Ah, boy. Babs Seed flashbacks.

Calvados ain't like the rest o' the Apple family, you see. He's quite a bit . . . . diff'rent.

Firstly, you're accenting the dialogue too heavily. I get that they're speaking in an accent; it doesn't need to be shoved in my face.

Secondly, this doesn't sound like Granny Smith dialogue.

He ain't got his mark yet, but he's quite a bit older than ya.

So Cal's cutie mark is going to be a part of the story. Got it. :raritywink:

He could join if'n he wanted ta, but I ain't sure he'd wanna. Cal ain't quite . . . comfy 'round crowds, ya see.

Uh, yeeeeaaaahhhh... the accent is kind of making my skin crawl. :twilightsheepish: I'm not sure how much more of this I can take before I just start skipping all Apple family dialogue. You should accent specific words that are iconic of the accent, but unless you want to give your readers an exercise in accent deciphering, you can greatly simplify this.

This may slow down our gettin' ready fer the Eclipse Celebration, an' all, but family comes first.

This is definitely good characterization. I can see Granny Smith saying that. :pinkiesmile: Better than her *ahem* choice wording earlier.

Fer now, all ya need to do is just mind yer manners, Apple Bloom. As I said, Cal ain't like anypony else in the family . . . matter of fact, Cal ain't quite like anypony you may've met . . .

As far as foreshadowing, I get it as a plot device, but this is out of character for sure. Granny Smith would just freaking tell AB so she knows what she's getting into, rather than her going on and on and having all these ideas and Granny just shooting them all down and saying, "You'll find out later." That's very much unlike her.

You could just have her whisper something into Apple Bloom's ear and not tell the audience what it is, then AB looks confused and says, "Really? That's it?" and Granny just says, "I think you'll understand quite soon enough." Keep it in character, mang.

Also, obligatory ongoing complaint about accent.

She'd been told about Calvados, but wasn't even sure what he looked like.

My greatest disappointment at this moment is that the tag is Everyone. :trollestia:

Ponies all over town were set to celebrate the Equestrian Eclipse, an event in which ponies regarded the upcoming solar eclipse as a symbol of unity between the two Princesses of Equestria.

Have I mentioned that you're doing a good job with world-building? No? Well, you're doing a good job with world-building.

The only time we've seen an eclipse in canon is when Luna turned into Nightmare Moon; your idea is actually some pretty great symbolism.

I'll also take this moment to mention that you're doing an excellent job with spelling/grammar/punctuation. I've found a few mistakes, but apart from the zealous accents, nothing detrimental. Give your editor a compliment from me.
i.imgur.com/7Z18dnC.gif

She'd been hoping that Cal wouldn't draw attention to himself in the way he'd been known to do, especially with the Equestrian Eclipse Celebration being so close at hoof. In fact, she'd been dreading this whole two-week-long stay since she'd first gotten word from Cal's teacher. But if she said it was good for him, there was nothing else to be said; the Apple family always made time for each other, no matter what the situation.

This little bit right here is a lot of great builder--and could be split into multiple paragraphs. Like this:

She only had fuzzy memories of Cal's last visit, but they definitely weren't good. The specific events themselves didn't stand out in her mind... but her feelings over the ordeal had stayed with her this whole time. To say she wasn't happy to see him was an understatement; she'd been outright dreading seeing him again. She didn't want to have to feel like that again.

Applejack knew that ponies eventually grew up, but, well, she didn't know about Cal. He was more confusing than Rarity talking about dresses. All that she knew was that Cal's teacher claimed a family visit would help him; if there was something the Apple family excelled at, it was looking out for their family. No matter what the season or the occasion, however busy it may be or what events had been planned around that time, family came first. It was how the Apple family had always been, and Cal was no exception.

You know, draw out the description. Make the reader feel her apprehension, but also her dedication. The way you have it written now is good, but brief; you want to give the reader a chance to understand why she's reacting like this, not just write the reader a blank check and vaguely instruct them, "Go buy school supplies with it." We need detail, specifics... otherwise it's nonsensical and out of character for AJ.

Pinkie looked downcast at Applejack's scolding, “Sorry, AJ . . .”

Hmm... wrong description here. It feels out of character and pops the balloon you were inflating, rather than deflating it. It's just... flat, insubstantial.

Everything leading up was great. It felt spot on. Then we hit this spot.

“Aww, he's shy,” Twilight smiled. “It's okay. Tell us your name. My name's Twilight.”

Nuh-uh. Nope. She'd be picking up on more than this. Cal isn't acting normal at this point. It's not shy, it's strictly anti-social behavior--and Twi's analytical instincts would have caught that. Of all the ponies, she'd be the first one to suspect. There was even the drop from AJ that he has a doctor. Twi wouldn't have missed this and would probably have worked to give him some space, rather than pushing up against his bubble even more.

“He's . . . . . . he's my . . . . younger brother.”

The surprise forced everypony into an awkward silence.

Eh?

“We heard that you were having family over, and we wanted to meet him here,” Twilight explained.

Why awkward silence? I don't think any of them would have felt awkward to know which family. I personally would have thought them to be questioning. "Why did you not tell us about your brother? Have we met him at a reunion?" Your biggest struggle so far has been with characterization, and I was noticing it from the long description. :derpytongue2:

after our parents died

i.imgur.com/xUDlIxr.png
Topkek.

There's a special school there for kids like him.

Kids? You mean foals?

Dr. Anna Lyze

mlpforums.com/uploads/post_images/img-3531743-1-pinkie_pie_doesn__t_want_by_daggetwithadagger-d568cqo.png
Doesn't sound like a pony name.

Well, maybe there's a lot of things y'all don't know about me, Rainbow! And maybe I'd rather keep it that way!

Huh... defending her honesty. This is in-character in a bizarre, "if this had actually happened" scenario. AJ is honest, but she makes a point of not putting others into the spotlight to the point that it would be a problem. I actually really like this dialogue. :rainbowdetermined2:

We just wanted to meet the little guy.

Too patronizing for Twilight.

Twilight sighed, “I . . . . . I don't know. But I think I can find out.” She paused before hesitantly adding, “At least, I hope I can . . .”

I'm pretty sure she'd already have a lot of ideas as to what the issue there was, and one of the first things she'd have considered probably would have been a disorder. Applejack dropped, like, eight lines for her to hook onto. She would have gotten it in the conversation, of that I'm pretty sure.


All right, that's all we've got so far. Time to analyze what I just read.

As you may have guessed, I have two major complaints: Characterization of canon characters and accents. I trust my detailing of such things was evident enough above. As far as characterization of non-canon, specifically Cal, you did fine with him. I mean, not trying to be offensive, but writing an autistic person is easier than writing obvious personality traits; you basically have a blank slate of a blank slate when writing an autistic OC. Messing him up would have been difficult.

A minor complaint is description of specific items. Some things weren't detailed enough, specifically; you did not have any issues with excessive detail.

As far as things I commend you on, pacing so far has been great. There's not much here, so I can't say much about what will come, but what's intact is fine. I also commend you on English language. Very little errors--still plenty of errors to someone who sees things like I do, but compared to the average story on this site, yours is exceptional in that respect. I think the prose was also fine; no excessive verbiage, but it wasn't written for boneheads either. You treat your reader as rational and mature, despite the storm a-brewin' from the subject content.

Oh, and get a freakin' cover picture. :trixieshiftright:

So, starting at a perfect 10, -1 point for no cover picture, -1 point for characterization issues, -1 point for over-accented dialogue. +1 point for exceptional English.

Total:
evbsport.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/8-out-of-10.png

I may be very satisfied with EVB Sports Briefs, but I don't find them very comfortable to wear. That means 10% of women surveyed are very satisfied with their product, but don't find it comfortable to wear. One in ten women! You are the 10%, LightningSword. :rainbowdetermined2:

5887223 I'm surprised you didn't have a problem with AJ being out of character when she dreaded Cal's coming.

5887223 I'll do my best to answer any concerns you might have. If I seem defensive, I apologize; I'm still working on taking criticism. Especially from a review this long and detailed. :applejackunsure:

Ah. No cover picture. That's a ding.

I'm working on that. :ajsleepy: I'm too poor to ask for commissions, and it's hard to keep finding different artists who'll do it for free. I don't really think it's fair to judge something that's beyond my control, but I can't change your mind. I'm sorry you feel this way.

If I'm not mistaken, you're not autistic (please correct me if this is a false belief)

As far as I know, I am not autistic. So no need to worry about the whole "self-insert" thing.

The latter, in regards to being played to get a reaction... well, that's another topic that falls under a "disgusting" category. It's known as Foal Feels, which refers to those ace in the hole cards that garner generic sympathy from the audience. Orphans, amputees, abusive parents... those are foal feels, regardless of whether the pony being discussed is a foal. It's that obvious "feel bad for this character because they have a disorder" reaction.

This wasn't necessarily what I was going for. I felt that autism was an important topic that needed to be approached with an important tone (like suicide in my other story, "One More Dance"). If people do react that way, it was not my intention. Although now, I'm not sure whether it would be a good thing or a bad thing if they do . . .

This is a common trope. "New pony comes to Ponyville, Mane 6 become friends with him." It's Maud Pie all over again--she's bizarre, she's impregnable emotionally... and she's confusing. I think I'm going to be drawing a whole lot of parallels with Maud's episode here.

Yeah, I guess you could say that. Again, I didn't really have that in mind when I started this. I'll keep that in mind and try to avoid it later.

I just glanced to make sure this isn't a one-shot. This sounds like a multi-chapter, and it would be contrite of you not to make it one.

There are three more chapters complete as of now, with more well on the way. I agree, this story can't have justice done to it in a single one-shot. And this is not "My Little Dashie"; I'm not nearly as skilled at stuffing a multi-chapter epic feels story into a one-shot as ROBCakeran53. :ajsleepy:

Taking into account the issues with autism, and considering not only Twilight's incredibly likely knowledge of autism, but also Applejack's implied knowledge due to her having a brother with the disorder, I don't see them forcing him into situations that involve him having to be social or made to feel uncomfortable.

Secondly, this doesn't sound like Granny Smith dialogue.

Granny Smith would just freaking tell AB so she knows what she's getting into

I know it seems like they should know more about autism. But bear in mind, "knowing" and "understanding" are two completely different things, especially in the case of autism. Take it from someone who's seen it firsthand. Granny Smith wouldn't outright tell Apple Bloom if she doesn't outright know. And since autism is a scant subject in Equestria (it hasn't been addressed in the show, so I have no examples to go on), Twilight wouldn't pick up on it as quickly as she should. But the fact that she intends to find out more about it is well in character, I thought.

Which brings me to . . .

Uh, yeeeeaaaahhhh... the accent is kind of making my skin crawl.

I tend to lay the accent on thick with Granny Smith. I find her accent more pronounced than the other Apples. It's just the way I hear it. I didn't think it would be that distracting. :applejackunsure:

Give your editor a compliment from me.

I actually self-edit. I ran this through pre-readers first, but all the proofreading was me. So, thank you. :trollestia:

I'll be sure to tell my pre-readers what you said, too, though.

The way you have it written now is good, but brief; you want to give the reader a chance to understand why she's reacting like this

It was left intentionally vague to add weight to a later scene. Maybe a little more description would help, but I couldn't risk over-describing it. Your way was okay, but a bit much.

Hmm... wrong description here. It feels out of character and pops the balloon you were inflating, rather than deflating it. It's just... flat, insubstantial.

Nuh-uh. Nope. She'd be picking up on more than this. Cal isn't acting normal at this point. It's not shy, it's strictly anti-social behavior--and Twi's analytical instincts would have caught that. Of all the ponies, she'd be the first one to suspect. There was even the drop from AJ that he has a doctor. Twi wouldn't have missed this and would probably have worked to give him some space, rather than pushing up against his bubble even more.

As I said, autism is never approached in the show. It's difficult to keep them in character in the face of a subject they've never seen before, and needs extra care at the time of confrontation.

Kids? You mean foals?

Same difference.

Dr. Anna Lyze

Doesn't sound like a pony name.

I do things like that sometimes. Little in-jokes and puns to keep the whole story from being overly depressing. :twilightsheepish:

Too patronizing for Twilight.

I didn't think it was that bad . . .

I also commend you on English language. Very little errors

Very few errors.

Sorry, couldn't help it. :trollestia:

Overall, I can understand what you're saying. What I haven't addressed, I will take into consideration. I hope this explains everything well enough. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but this was the way I wrote it, so there are reasons behind it.

Again, I'm working on the cover. I've contacted an artist, but as of right now, it's out of my hands.

I'll work on their characters next time. As I said, it's hard to keep them in character when confronting something like this. Although the situation is similar, Cal is not Maud, so the Mane 6 naturally shouldn't react the same exact way.

I may be very satisfied with EVB Sports Briefs, but I don't find them very comfortable to wear. That means 10% of women surveyed are very satisfied with their product, but don't find it comfortable to wear. One in ten women! You are the 10%, LightningSword.

:rainbowhuh:

Uhh . . . . . I . . . . . (*sigh* Just take the compliment . . .)

Thanks for the review. Again, I hope I didn't sound mean. I'm still working on handling criticism (I haven't had much good criticism, or many good reactions to it :ajsleepy:). I'll do my best to address the things you mentioned in later chapters. I hope you'll keep reading. :twilightsmile:

5887265
I envisioned it to be similar to my fear of clowns. A bad experience at a young age (which AJ would have been last time she saw Cal) can lead to a large amount of aversion long into the future, despite what one's character may dictate.

5887654
Thank you for the well-worded reply, and I am happy you did so. :twilightsmile:

I don't really think it's fair to judge something that's beyond my control, but I can't change your mind.

I totally understand. When it comes to assessing a fic in its entirety, I think the cover picture is very important in establishing a mood for the story. No picture means no mood.

I think a good cover picture would be the other Mane 5 looking excitedly behind AJ, AJ looking irritated, and poor Cal hiding behind her legs, his face turned away from us. It seems like it would fit the mood well and gives a good capturing of the iconic moment of the first chapter. :pinkiesmile:

Granny Smith wouldn't outright tell Apple Bloom if she doesn't outright know. And since autism is a scant subject in Equestria (it hasn't been addressed in the show, so I have no examples to go on), Twilight wouldn't pick up on it as quickly as she should. But the fact that she intends to find out more about it is well in character, I thought.

This, I actually hadn't considered. I think you'd have to expand on their reactions in that case, though. Granny Smith just sounded like a lecturer, which doesn't fit her in-show character very well (which is fairly goofy and prone to go off on tangents), and Twilight didn't seem very inquisitive, as is her nature. You can definitely write it more believably, I say; it's how Granny kind of just dismissed AB's questions without even really seeming to consider a completely blind situation with AB. It's setting her up like a domino because she's going to obviously botch her first meeting with him by getting in his space. Same with Twi, who may have definitely missed all of the cues, but I think she would have started to get uneasy about their interactions with Cal long before they went completely overboard.

That being said, considering what you've told me, I think all that's missing then is description that links the characterization we know with the new traits provided in the story.:raritywink:

I didn't think it would be that distracting.

I'm really sensitive to every tiny syllable and bit of punctuation; I like talking about the esoteric sentence "flow," which is improved by putting the proper words and punctuation in their place--and that most people can't feel, because it's like music that plays in my head when I read, sort of. The accents are a wonderful part of that symphony, but too much accent is like someone brought in a friggin' vuvuzela and it's drowning out all the other instruments.

I'm pretty sure the average person would be totally cool with it, but every time I read Granny, it screwed with the sentence flow to me because of how thick it was. I totally understand making hers thicker as you interpret it from the show, but accents stop being strictly observable like that when they start to obstruct ease of reading in the sentence.

I hope you'll keep reading.

I fully intend to. You write autism quite believably, my personal gripes aside (and hoping they disappear altogether in later chapters). I don't think you understand how good an 8/10 in a serious review is for me. :twistnerd:

5887915

I don't think you understand how good an 8/10 in a serious review is for me.

Not that I'm complaining. I would have been happy with a 5/10 if it meant you had anything nice to say at all, and that I could actually learn from your review instead of just getting pissed off at it. Thankfully, that didn't happen here, so I'm rather proud of myself.

A bad experience at a young age (which AJ would have been last time she saw Cal) can lead to a large amount of aversion long into the future, despite what one's character may dictate.

That's actually pretty spot-on. I can't say what will happen in the future, but that is indeed a big part of it.

I'm glad you showed interest in my story, and I hope you continue to. Thanks again. :twilightsmile:

Brief, with some minor characterization issues (Seriously, Twilight?), strong syntax and free of any spelling or grammatical errors, as I've seen.
Hmm, this has me intrigued. I'll be tracking this to see where it goes.

5903215 I wasn't sure at first how to make Twilight react. Autism isn't seen at all in Equestria (at least on the show). :applejackunsure:

Thanks a lot for reading. Hopefully, I'll get around to correcting a few things in the next chapter. :twilightsmile:

I waited sooo long....now i want more.....:pinkiecrazy:

If only there were mp3 players in equestria! I couldn't live without mine :rainbowlaugh:

5905516 There will be more. Trust me. :raritywink:
5905556 When it comes to writing pony fics, we do our best with what we have. *shrug* :twilightsmile:

As someone with borderline autism, This story intrigues me. I'm also reminded of the Rainman a little. :trixieshiftright:

5907212 Thanks for taking a look at it. I hope it continues to intrigue you. :twilightsmile:

Try not to take everything Scootareader listed as overall valid points off on the story, a good bit of that was just personal perception and pet peeves even though they forgot to list it as such.

5907431 I figured as much. Still, doesn't hurt to take another point of view into consideration. Scootareader was actually pretty helpful.

Personally, I think they handled the situation with the record wrong. What they should have done was just let Cal have his tantrum until he tired himself out.

5915386 That's the general response for any autistic "meltdown", I think. But trust me, you'll know soon enough why they did it this way.

5915413
Weak heart? Does he get violent? Does he break stuff?

5931713 You'll have to wait and see . . . . :ajsmug:

As someone who has a little brother that has Autism, it brings a smile to my face to see that someone is treating Autism not as a joke, but as a serious condition. Thank you, and have a Like and Favorite.

5932322 I have autistic brothers, too. So I figured this was a story that needed to be told, and a message that needed to be spread. Thanks for reading, and for the favorite. I'm glad you liked it. :twilightsmile:

Very nice so far! fc03.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/363/1/e/clapping_pony_icon___twilight_sparkle_by_taritoons-d5pkpl8.gif

It always irritates me when someone just watches some cable news special or reads an article in a magazine and thinks they are an expert,:ajbemused:

I am glad Twilight actually did some research. Though I really shouldn't be surprised! :rainbowlaugh:

5932404 I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. Thanks for the feedback, and for the fave! :twilightsmile:

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